"If I were rain, that joins sky and earth that otherwise never touch, could I join two hearts as well?" – Bleach (Memories in the Rain)
Hi all, Jazzy needs to vent some more. Except this time, it shall be humor. (Big grin)
Once again, poor Miroku. I suppose I just find it fun to torment him when I'm pissed off. Hee. This has probably been done before, but oh well.
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Of Course I Will!
(Morning)
Miroku felt that today would be a good day. The sun was shining, the frequently-dark clouds were nonexistent, and Sango's ass was as tempting as ever. Yes, a good day indeed! Quickly coming up behind the unsuspecting woman, the monk used a tad bit of self-control and didn't grope her; instead, he stopped in front of her and turned around, beaming widely.
"Oh my dearest, most beauteous Sango, you are looking so very gorgeous today!" Use a compliment to reel her in and then go for the kill: that was Miroku's motto!
Before she could blink, the bemused demon-slayer found her hand firmly clasped between Miroku's own. He gracefully kneeled before her, grinning stupidly, and questioned once again in that exceedingly-dramatic voice of his, "Would you bare my children?"
The worst part was that he said it with a completely straight face.
A smack echoed through the morning air (startling a few butterflies from the surrounding flowers), and was closely followed by a bellowed, "NO!"
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(Afternoon)
Sango eased back into the hot spring, sighing contentedly as the newly-made bruises and scrapes of the day were soothed by the warm water. Nothing was better than relaxing in a bath with no worries of a spying monk around! She couldn't help but smile as she closed her doe eyes, recounting an earlier fight with a bear demon. Miroku could certainly swing that long, hard staff of his skillfully…
Trying to ignore the blush that rose on her cheeks at the suggestion, she nearly missed the sound of a twig snapping behind her. Swiftly standing and spinning around, she came face-to-face with the very embodiment of her earlier thoughts. "M-Miroku?" she stuttered as an angry flush replaced her previous one. The peeking bastard, how dare he!
At least he had the smarts to appear guilty (even as his eyes wandered over her naked form). "Err, hello there, Sango," he waved, sweat dropping nervously. "I-I thought I heard a noise, you see and I came to, umm, investigate! Yes, investigate!" By this point, sweat drops had covered the back of his head. Oh boy, he was going to get it this time. Might as well allow his grave to be dug a bit deeper… "Would you bare my children?"
A splash echoed through the afternoon air (startling a few fish from the surrounding water), and was closely followed by a screamed, "NO!"
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(Evening)
"Hey Sango, why don't you and Miroku go get us some firewood so I can heat up this ramen?" Kagome held up a few containers of the noodles and inwardly beamed at the irate look on her friend's face, knowing that leaving her and Miroku alone wouldn't end well for the monk. Oh well. It was for the best, certainly, and Kagome hadn't yet given up on playing matchmaker. She'd get them together even it if killed Miroku!
"And hurry up about it, I'm hungry," Inuyasha grumbled, more than a bit irritated. He hated waiting for food. Shippo shook his head at the oblivious dog demon, obviously exasperated.
"You just don't get anything, do you, Inuyasha?"
"And what the hell is that supposed ta' mean!"
Ignoring the sounds of fighting around them, Sango sighed and lied through her teeth, "Of course Kagome, I'd love to. We'll be back soon." And, without a backwards glance to see if the monk was following her, the demon-slayer took up her Hiraikotsu and stalked off into the darkened forest.
The miko looked at Miroku pointedly, "Maybe you should try to get on her good side, Miroku. Things would certainly be easier on you," she gestured to the flaming-red mark on his cheek. "At least, you probably wouldn't be slapped so much."
The monk sighed melodramatically. "Ah, but life is so much more interesting when one angers Sango. Do not worry, Kagome, I'm used to the slaps by now."
"GET OVER HERE, MIROKU!"
"Eh-heh, see you in a little while, Kagome!"
She amusedly watched Miroku scamper off and turned to the feuding Inuyasha and Shippo, "Those two would make a great couple, wouldn't they?" Stars glittered in her eyes; they would get together soon, she was sure of it!
Meanwhile, back in the forest, Sango was busy using her Hiraikotsu to chop branches off the trees and disregarding the monk entirely. She couldn't be more infuriated. Sure, she loved Kagome like a sister, but did she have to suggest this? Why couldn't she have asked Inuyasha to do it? Annoyed, she bent down to retrieve the newly-cut firewood and completely forgot exactly who it was she was with.
Now, Miroku couldn't just ignore this temptation. It was too much for the poor man to resist. His hand drifted over…
Sango felt something on her lower lower back and she hissed, knowing precisely what it was. She straightened and whirled around, fixing the monk with a deadly glare, and started, "MIRO—"
"H-hold on, Sango, wait," there was a pregnant pause. "…Would you bare my children?"
A thud echoed through the evening air (startling a few birds from the surrounding trees), and was closely followed by a resounding, "NO!"
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(Night)
Sango figured that Kagome had done this on purpose, assigning her and Miroku to take the first watch. It was obvious that she was up to something. For the first time since she had met the miko, the demon-slayer just wished that she would mind her own business. Stupid first watch. Stupid Kagome. Stupid Miroku. Speaking of the monk…
He was sitting nearer to her than what was considered decent and was nursing the nasty new mark on his face, courtesy of Sango's palm. Really, it was all his fault. If he would stop being such a pervert, she wouldn't have to hit him.
There was an uncomfortable silence between them, one refusing to speak and the other trying to work up the nerve to do so. Finally, Miroku coughed once to get her attention, and stated, "Nice night, isn't it?"
Unsure of how to reply, she merely said, "Yes. The moon is very beautiful."
"But not as beautiful as you are, Sango," the grin in his voice was audible.
She blushed furiously and didn't respond.
Miroku edged even closer to her (if possible) and gathered both of her hands in his. "In fact, you're the most beautiful creature on this earth. Crowds should part before your splendor, my dearest!" The tender smile he was directing at her caused her blush to deepen. And then he leaned forward…
She thought her heart would burst from her chest; was he going to kiss her? Oh Kami, he was! And she was going to let him!
But no; his lips missed her own and instead brushed near her ear, whispering, "Would you bare my children, Sango?"
This pause was even worse than the other one. The demon-slayer was fed up; all right then, if that was what he wanted, that was what he'd get, dammit!
"Of course I will, Miroku! Come on, let's get started!" She abruptly stood up and started to drag the stunned monk into the trees.
"Wh-WHAT? WHAAAAAAAAT?" Miroku managed to choke out, completely and utterly stunned.
To his horror, Sango only grinned evilly back at him and said with false cheer, "I would love to bare your children! The sooner the better, right? Well, hurry up!"
"SA-SANGO, HOLD ON! CAN'T W-WE TALK ABOUT THIS?"
"What's to talk about? You want children, I'll give you children!"
"WE'RE TOO YOUNG! RETHINK WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, I BEG OF YOU!"
"Oh, be quiet, sheesh. You should be happy that I'm finally agreeing to this."
Miroku dug his heels into the dirt, desperate to stop her from pulling him into the darkness. He wasn't ready for this! Not yet, not yet! "PLEASE, SANGO! –I– AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS! DON'T MAKE MEEEEEEEEE!"
"Don't be such a wimp, Miroku! Now, how do you get this robe off? Oh, I see!"
The sound of ripping fabric echoed through the night air (startling Kagome and Inuyasha from their sleep), and was closely followed by a shrill male scream.
Poor Miroku.
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Hee hee. I loved writing this. I hope you guys found it funny!
Leave a review if you would. I would greatly appreciate it as reviews are the only payment authoresses and authors get. Thanks, love ya'!
"People only have hope…because they cannot see Death standing behind them."