April 19, 1994

Caro diary,

We've been back a few days, but I've been too tired to write you. I've also been doing a lot of thinking. Ever since I put every feeling I have out in the open, I've felt much better, like I said before. There were some little things that I didn't tell Damon that mattered little to my mental health. Like the times where I'd sit in bed and wonder to myself about what things would have been like if Stefan had been the eldest Salvatore brother, and it had been him that had given me the support and the problems. That would have been weird I think.

I've been thinking as well about what Damon said about love. I would have never expected him to say something so deep and meaningful. He's a charmer, yes, but even in my experience, after the age of eight he didn't go beyond that. I guess there are different kinds of love that a person can have, and that you need a bit of every one to feel complete. Well, actually, there are different kinds of love, but that's a sociological theory by Sternberg, and it's long and complicated, so I won't get into it because I don't remember it all, but what I do remember is there are three types of love. Companionate, the kind of friendship, like I had with my best friend Isabella, and like my mother had with Damon and Stefan's mother, fatuous, which is purely physical and more commonly known as lust, and then romantic, which is actually being in love and feeling something more then physical.

I read something in a book once: Essere nell'amore non deve sempre essere amava, il vostro amico può essere il vostro amante ed il lust è più una tortura allora qualche cosa di reale.

To be in love isn't always to be loved, your friend can be your lover, and lust is more a torture then something real.

That basically sums up the bad points. I agree with lust. I don't like it. I've never lusted after anyone. Stefan would say that's my sensibility showing up again.

He says that all my adventure and sense of spontaneity is probably somewhere within me screaming to be let out. I agree with that, and wish that there could be more to me. I've tried to change the way I am, but that's not easy. I missed out on too much. But Damon and I have time and I know he doesn't mind. He wants as much as I do for me to be all right with myself. I've been watching Stefan and Elena and Mia and William, trying to imitate what they do, but Damon says I don't need to learn. He says I know everything already. Maybe I should just shut my eyes and jump. People must see me differently then I do. They must see me as cosmopolitan and perfect. Why shouldn't they? I mean, I'm a genius, I can play just about every civilized sport on the planet and I'm beautiful. I'm just one example of the adage that there's more to some people then meets the eye. But I want to start over. What the result of this will be, I don't know, but I do know one thing: by exposing my soul to those I love, I've made sure that I won't have to go anywhere alone anymore. And if we hit some snags along the way, that's fine too. L'amore non è perfetto. L'amore è amore giusto.

Love isn't perfect, love is just love.

And so diary, I end you because you've freed me. Before now, you were someone to lean on, someone who was always there. But I need to go back to real and be outside my imagination and the past and be more in touch with reality.

But before I close you forever, let me say this: Grazie per le cose che della tenuta non potrei mantenere, i giorni persi ed ultimi della mia vita. Per questo sono riconoscente. Mantenga i miei segreti e le mie rotture all'interno voi perché più non ho bisogno di.

Thank you for holding things I couldn't keep, the lost and last days of my life. For this I am grateful. Keep my secrets and my tears inside you because I no longer need to.

A bellezza di vita,

Selina

L'Estremità (The End)

A/N- If you'd like to read a story about Selina as a Vampire Diaries television character, check out my adaption entitled The Lady in Red!