Brief Moments

By Mishi

Chapter 12

Tortured Souls

Youki- I have already explained the actual term. I did want to warn you that I am using it a bit differently from this point on. You could think of it in terms of a soul. Like Kagome's soul would be split between Kikyou and herself, Inu Yasha's soul is split between his human soul and the youki. It is almost like an alter ego thing. I hope that is not too confusing.

Inu Yasha did not know if he was awake or dreaming. All he knew was that Kagome's lips were locked on his. His heart was racing. He could have cared less that the sun had risen. The only heat he cared about was the heat that danced between his body and hers. She was already on top of him, and pulling his kimono out of her way. His hands were under her shirt, kneading her lower back as she ground her body into his. The more she moved, the more he wanted her. He wanted her so badly that he couldn't breathe.

"Kagome," he moaned and set up, forcing her up with him.

Miroku cleared his throat and Inu Yasha's head shot to the left to see the gang, minus Karen, looking on. Kagome, however, was not deterred by the sound. In a panic, Inu Yasha spun Kagome onto her back, grabbed for their sleeping bag, and cover as much of their bodies as he could.

Miroku and Sango were dumbfounded as they listened to Inu Yasha plead for Kagome to find her control.

Unable to control her, Inu Yasha screamed through the sleeping bag, "Karen! Where the hell are you, Karen?"

Miroku was about to reach out to touch the sleeping bag, when Karen's voice come out of nowhere, "No, Houshi-sama, do not touch them. You can not help them."

He looked up to see her gliding on the air like an enormous butterfly. He was not sure if it had been a trick of light, or if she was truly the most graceful thing he had ever seen. She was in the air, and then on the ground without stopping. There had been no breaking motion, just one continuous glide from moment to moment; from floating to kneeling in seconds, she took his breath away.

"I am here, Inu Yasha. Let my hand touch her," she said, placing her hand under the large mound of material.

All motion under the blanket stopped.

"What is going on?" Miroku demanded an answer.

"Kagome, you must come with me now," Karen said softly.

Inu Yasha sat back on his legs as the sleeping bag slid off his back. They were both in tears. Kagome instantly turned towards Karen and grabbed at her kimono as if the Empress was her only hope.

Karen embraced Kagome and held her gently as she said, "You must stand as I do." With the warning given, Karen rose with Kagome sobbing at her chest.

It took a minute for Kagome to allow herself to back way from Karen. When she was able to stand on her own, she looked down at Inu Yasha. He looked so broken. He was losing his hope, and she had no idea how to make it stop. She couldn't continue looking at him, she had to turn away. But when she did, her eyes met those of Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara. They had all been there, and they had all seen what had happened. The questions were there in their eyes, and she couldn't say that she was alright. She couldn't say she would be fine, because she was afraid that she wasn't anymore.

"Oh God, oh God…" she mumbled through her hands as they covered her mouth.

"Kagome-chan?" Sango said with a voice that sounded close to tears.

Kagome shook her head back and forth, and then turned to run into the woods.

Inu Yasha started to stand, but Karen put her hand on his shoulder. As reassuringly as she could, Karen said, "Be patient, Inu Yasha, you have not lost her yet. This part of the fight must be hers alone, but she will still be in need of your strength."

Inu Yasha didn't respond to the words. He just set there staring in the direction that Kagome had gone. It was like he was dreaming; nothing seemed real, as he watched Karen walking in the same direction. His mind was echoing a single word, 'Why, why, why?' It echoed over and over until he was pulling at his hair and screaming it into the dirt.

"Inu Yasha!" Miroku thundered. Inu Yasha stopped screaming long enough to look up and see Miroku squatting down before him. "What is happening? Let me help you."

"You can't help with this," the words were barely audible. Climbing to his feet, Inu Yasha began walking in the direction of the well.

Miroku sat there wounded by Inu Yasha's lack of faith in him. He watched the ground as Inu Yasha walked away. Finally his eyes noticed something in the corner of his vision. The Tetsusaiga had been left behind. Instinctively, Miroku picked it up and began to follow his friend.

"Miroku, let me take it," Sango requested as she rushed to stop him.

"You? Why?" He was puzzled.

Sango looked up into his eyes and explained, "I think I know what is happening. Kagome has been telling me some things about the two of them. It might be better if I go. Besides, I think he needs a…less intimidating…person to talk to."

"You mean someone who's not a known pervert," he said with an awkward smirk.

She took the sword and said, "I just know more about this than you do, Miroku."

Miroku traced her face with his fingertips, and whispered in a melancholy voice, "My angel always tells me gentle lies. Go get him…and bring him back in a better mood."

Inu Yasha couldn't think anymore. He couldn't feel. It was like he had suddenly become hollow inside. All he could do was walk. He was not sure where he was going, or what he planned to do when he got there. He just gave into the fact that his feet were taking him someplace away from the pain and all the questions that he couldn't answer. It had not been until he found himself looking down into the well that he understood what he was doing.

'Home, I was going home. Damn it, Kagome, I want to go home!' He thought, stumbling backwards, and wiping at his eyes as he fought to find his balance.

He looked up to see Goshinboku directly in front of him. He took a step towards the tree, and then another. With each step, the emotion ebbed its way closer to the surface.

"What did I do? Why do I have to be punished for being at peace? I've been playing the part of the damned hero. I'm trying to be good," he yelled. Finally, his legs could no longer keep him standing. He was on his back staring up at the harsh sunlight, when he asked, "Why does everyone have to die just because I love them? Why does another woman have to die because I'm so weak?"

Sango had heard it all from several yards way. As she stood there and watched him cry, she could honestly say that she understood what he was feeling. It was clear that she was right in not letting Miroku follow him. He wouldn't have understood this about Inu Yasha. He couldn't understand it about her.

She took a deep breath to gather her courage, and made the resolve to go to him. Removing the hiraikotsu from her back, Sango plopped down on the ground next to him. Then, placing the Tetsusaiga on his chest, said, "You forgot this."

He bent his head upwards to look at the sword. With a bitter edge to his voice, he growled, "Lot of good it's done me. It's as worthless as I am."

"I understand what you're feeling, but you're not worthless. None of us would be here if it weren't for you."

"You might be somewhere better," he groaned.

"You know that's not true, and so does everyone else."

"I'm not in the mood for this, Sango."

"I know something about what you and Kagome have been going through. She has been talking to me about it."

Inu Yasha sprang up, moving the sword out of his way as he did so, and looked at Sango suspiciously. He studied her face for a second and asked, "What has she been telling you?"

"I know you can feel each other's emotions. She said you can't tell them apart most of the time. I know that her friends, all but Ayumi-san, have shunned her."

"They what?" He was shocked to hear it, but it finally made sense. "That's why she was so miserable. That's why she was ashamed that night."

"She didn't tell you that they disapproved of how the wedding appeared?"

"The wedding? It's not me that they had a problem with?"

"No, they didn't like that she got married at all. It was something about traditions not mixing right, and how she was wasting her time going to school. They treated her like she was worthless for becoming someone's wife. I only got bits of it. It was Ayumi-san who took her side, so Ayumi-san was rejected too. Oh, and Ayumi-san knows that you're a hanyou."

Inu Yasha fell backwards, and put his hands over his face. "Is there anything else I don't know?" He grumbled through his hands.

"Well, tell me what is going on and we'll find out. I can't tell you that you don't know something, when I don't know if you know it."

He sat up and turned his body so that he could face her. "Do you know why we can feel each other's emotions?"

"Somehow, Kagome took part of your youkai and you took some of her miko. It's not really clear to us what happened to the both of you."

"Ok, to make this easy for both of us, that part that she took is causing a problem. It might kill her."

"What does that have to do with what happened back there? Kagome wasn't herself, but you didn't seem to be in any danger. At least not from what I was seeing."

"We were…we can't…" he stopped to think of a good way to say it. He wanted something that wasn't so embarrassing. "We can't do…it," he said giving a low nod with the word it. He was hopping that she would get the point from the head movement, because he really didn't want to have to say it.

She mimicked the actions as she repeated the word, "it?"

"It," he said nodding his head. "What males and females do when they are like me and Kagome."

"It? Oh, it. Oh, you mean it!" she gasped.

"Yeah, it," he snapped and rolled his eyes.

"Not at all? You can't even do it a little?"

"How do you do it a little? No, we can't do it at all. I could kill her if she gets pregnant."

"Wait, that's why she wasn't acting like herself. She can't control your youkai. But why…," she was hit with the answer before she could finish the question. The astonishment showed on her face as she gasped, "You're afraid of it possessing the child!"

"Karen came to help her control the youki that she took from me. If she can't teach Kagome, then I'll kill her eventually."

"Can she give it back to you?"

"It was just as dangerous that way. It wouldn't matter. I love her too much to see her suffer. But I love her too much to let her go."

"I heard what you said when you thought you were alone. I know you don't think it's your choice. You're just waiting for something to take her away from you."

"Feh, what would you know about it?" he looked way.

"I go to sleep every night wondering if Miroku will be there when I wake up. I've been waiting every day, since the day we met, for him to leave me. Everyone I have ever loved is dead. Even Kohaku is lost to me. I couldn't protect them. I couldn't keep them close enough. I failed them. I would be a fool to believe that Miroku will be any different."

He thought about her words and realized that she did understand. He couldn't stand the thought that Kagome could be hurt. Death wasn't an option. He would die before he would let that happen to her. It was like Sango had said; he had been waiting for her to leave. He had been waiting for the day that he would lose her, just like his mother, and just like Kikyou.

"How do you live day after day like that?" He had to fight back the urge to cry again.

In a bitter sweet voice, she answered, "I lose myself in him. I love him anyway that he will let me, and I'll continue doing it until he's gone."

"What happens if he leaves?"

"I don't know. I'll probably want to die."

"I won't let you die."