Title: Follow the Leader
Spoilers: Only if you want them to be ;) But basically after the Rescue Rukia Arc, and after Ch. 186 of the manga (I think?)
Notes: Memory chikan - it slices, it dices, it alters a person's memory with just a flash of light!
It did not take long for Hitsugaya Toushirou to confirm two things: 1) His vice-captain was essentially close to useless, and 2) that all former and current members of the 11th Division were all just a bunch of idiots.
It was after the lunch bell rang, on that very peaceful lawn underneath the giant tree, that Ikkaku prodded Renji with his wooden sword, chiding him to take off that ridiculous handkerchief and to not be afraid of a little receding hairline. Not to mention that Ikkaku kept provoking him to a fight to test their fighting skills.
"F-fighting skill? Didja you hear that, Principal?" The gym teacher gawked, muttering nervously.
"Yes, I did." The principal replied calmly, sitting on his desk, resting his chin on two interlaced hands.
Renji proved not to be the better man. He grabbed Ikkaku's sword away and told the guy to shut the fuck up and that his head looked like the missing cheek of a sweaty pig's ass.
It was then that Ikkaku ripped off his shirt and swore to fight to protect the honor of bald-headed people everywhere, that Renji took off his shirt too and held up against Ikkaku's tackle, that Yumichika (only because he said he always wanted to do this) held a dainty hand to his cheek and yelled "FA-FA-FA-FI-YI-IIIGHT" in such a sing-songy voice that no one was even sure at first. Students Keigo and Mizuiro walked in curiously at first, but in no time there was a raucous crowd surrounding the fight.
Toushirou found himself standing with his arms crossed, stone-faced and steely-eyed, smack dab in the middle of the fight as the unofficial referee. He noted to himself that Rukia was the only one actually doing her job, for she was nowhere to be seen. Outside the thunderous audience Yumichika and Rangiku sat underneath the giant tree, casual lying enjoying popcorn and a discussion on the homoeroticism of wrestling. Occasionally they cheered on Toushirou for a job well done.
A couple of cocky delinquent seniors would try to get into the fight, but as soon as they felt impact from a wandering foot or an elbow or a fist from either Ikkaku or Renji, they would stumble and limp back into the crowd, given that they regained consciousness, anyway.
"The nurses are saying they barely have enough space for the seniors! Didja hear that, Principal?" the gym teacher exclaimed.
"Yes, I did, actually. Maybe it's because I'm the principal of this school, I'm not too sure," the principal sarcastically remarked.
Toushirou vehemently tried to get the two to stop. First it was "Stop it you two, you'll get us in trouble!" then it was "Because of the seniors, it's a DISQUALIFICATION. Now let's STOP!" and then it was "OH CRAP, you two, it's the gym teacher!"
The gym teacher briskly pushed his way through the crowd, which quickly gave him ample distance and space. After the dust had settled from the fleeing footsteps of the crowd, he found a big-breasted girl, a bald-headed brat, a small silver-haired kid, a flamboyant boy, and a tattooed punk standing before him, all looking a little apprehensive.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
There. Toushirou had just finished explaining the situation, having had taken a step forward of the transfer students lined up abreast before the principal and the gym teacher. They awaited the principal's judgment.
The principal sighed and let a hand run through his aging white hair. He scanned the line of students. There were so many school violations by just looking at them. He wasn't too fond of young teenage girls flaunting their skin so liberally nowadays. Usually if the shirt doesn't fit, you can get it tailored to fit you properly. Or better yet, a bigger shirt. Colored hair was not allowed. There was the kid with the white hair, the girl could pass only because she might be of a mixed race, and of course ridiculously bright magenta hair like that is not allowed. Oh, and the tattoos. Those are definitely against the rules. Not quite sure about the eye make-up, or that strange eyebrow...feather...thing.
The gym teacher pointedly locked the windows, pulled down the blinds and locked the door, as if to make sure to seal off all exits. This situation reminded him of something similar.
The principal looked stiffly into Toushirou's icy, attentive glare. "It's not too often in this school that we get such young, esteemed gentlemen as yourself."
Even if Toushirou knew he was playing out a lie, he still gleamed and puffed out his chest a little.
Before the principal could say anything more, Yumichika fanned his face with his hands, blinking repeatedly, lips quivering and gasping in broken intervals, as if on the brink of crying. "Wha-What did we do?" he squeaked, covering his face with his hands and pretend-crying. Ikkaku solemnly pat him on the shoulder. Renji held his hands behind his back, looking pointedly at the ground, trying his best to look uncomfortable. Rangiku followed Yumichika's example and set off the waterworks, taking out a handkerchief from the crevice between her breasts. Toushirou gave an aggravated sigh and slapped a palm to his forehead, sliding his hand down to cover his lips.
"I'm sorry, sir, (gasp) we didn't know it was wrong (gasp)," Yumichika started, delicately wiping his teary eyes with his hands.
The principal looked unphased by this act. He held his hand out to stop the gym teacher from yelling "bullshit!", and looked at each student coldly.
"I'm sorry to say, gentlemen and lady...ladies...lady, I've heard every excuse there is. " His remarks accented by Yumichika's wails. "A disruptive fight like that is means for due punishment. The one bit of good news is that the whole lot of you are cooperative enough and that the fight was purely for recreational reasons and not of anything much more grave. Now, I'd like to contact your par-"
BLAM!
A quick bright flash of light.
The principal lie unconscious on his desk.
"AAAUHH! WHAT IS THAT TERRORIST CONTRAPTION!" The gym teacher shrieked, pointing to the object in Toushirou's hand. All he saw next was the head of a toy chicken swinging on a spring before seeing the same quick, bright flash.
His body limped on top of Toushirou, almost crushing the Shinigami. Toushirou yelped and flitted around before the others lifted the body and resolved to have him sit on the chair opposite the principal's desk.
Soundlessly and efficiently the Shinigami worked to escape. Dictating as told by the 10th division captain, Yumichika wrote a note forging the principal's handwriting, explaining that the fight was caused by the transfers defending Toushirou against the seniors bullying the poor thing. The note went on to mention to help with the nurses that the transfers' parents were notified. Yumichika left the note beside the sleeping authority figures, who would wonder what happened before their nap. Ikkaku pulled up the blinds, Rangiku figured out how to unlock the window and started opening it. Toushirou bolted out the slit of the window. The rest of the Shinigami followed Toushirou's frantic run to safer grounds. He gripped the memory chikan as if he shot it like a gun and killed for the first time.
"Wait! Why are you running so fast?" Rangiku cried from behind.
"I can't be an idiot like the rest of you - I'm the captain that overlooks this group!"
"Hehh you must be so proud, leading us to run around like idiots" Rangiku chimed with a teasing smile. Her captain did not reply; his face tightened and he only frowned to himself.
Toushirou then shouted a brief, aggravated yell. Rangiku laughed. "Let's just get the hell out of here and do our goddamn job, " he growled loosely.
For it did not take long for Hitsugaya Toushirou to confirm one other thing: If his vice captain was so useless and if everyone else was a bunch of idiots, then that clearly doesn't say much about the guy leading them around.
A/N: Toushirou was explaining what happened in the fight for the first part if that confused anybody. Thanks for reading!