Hehehe… XD
-
"AAGH! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!"
"Oh, come on, Riku. You're talking like you hate it."
"That's because I do! I'm not a pervert like you!"
"You wound me to the quick. Just for that, I won't kiss you anymore."
"Thank god!"
"What, you think I'm bad at it?"
"Well… uh…"
"Hehehe…"
"Goddammit! You're gonna lose your family jewels if you keep laughing like that!"
"Sorry, sir."
"Thank you. Now shut up so I can think."
"…Donkey porker…"
"SHUT UP!"
"I can't even fathom how we got here in the first place. I mean, come on. How in the hell?"
"I don't know, and I don't care! I just want to get out of here so I can stop being crammed into uncomfortably small places with a horny faggot!"
"Mleah. Screw you."
"You'd just love to, wouldn't you?"
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"And no matter what you wish, I am not gay."
"You just enjoy torturing me in uncomfortably sexual ways."
"No, I just like torturing you."
"In sexual ways."
"NO, NOT in sexual ways! Just whatever way happens to be available!"
"Which are usually sexual."
"What is it with you and sexual forms of torture? Unless you're… Ugh! Riku, I never knew! I didn't want to, either!"
"Huh?"
"Think about it: SEXUAL TORTURE?"
"What? I don't—Aah! I am not!"
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure!"
"Okay… still don't trust you…"
"Shouldn't that be my line?"
"How are we getting out of here? Maleficent is otherwise engaged, specifically at Agrabah, and there's no one else in the entire castle."
"Oh, now you're acting sensible?"
"Somebody has to. And I don't think we can rely on someone who porks donkeys and has an affinity for sexual torture."
"Look, shut up about that, okay? You made me say that stuff about the donkeys, and your dirty mind came up with the sexual torture!"
"Can we just try to get out of here? This is closer than even the broom closet."
"Fine. Now, move..."
"Which way?"
"Over there—ahh!"
"Riku!"
"It's not my fault! I tripped over your great huge feet! Get your arm away from my shoulders!"
"Okay, this time, I'm directing the movements."
"Fine! I just want out!"
"You and me both. Now, move this way…"
"Okay…"
"And then over here…"
"Uh-huh…"
"Now… uh… um. Maybe this won't work."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing, I just realized that this door doesn't open from the inside."
"Well, of course it doesn't! It's the door to a pantry!"
"Maybe if we rammed into it…"
"Would that work?"
"Worth a shot. Ready… steady… GO!
(Slam)
"Ow… my aching shoulder…"
"You weakling!"
"Okay then, Mr. Tough Guy! You bust it down!"
"Heh… watch this!"
(SLAM!)
"Ow… sonofabitch…"
"Hehehe… you couldn't break it down either, could you?"
"Goddamn! Are all the doors in this damn castle made of solid stone? The hell?"
"Ha ha. The mighty Ansem defeated by a door."
"I could say the same to you, smartass."
"Hmm… point taken. So how are we getting out of here?"
"Um…"
"Hmm… Ah, shit. This isn't getting us anywhere."
"Hey Ansem? What are you leaning on?"
"Huh? A—Whoops!"
(Thunk)
"You moron. You were leaning on a broomstick, weren't you?"
"Grr… who keeps a broomstick in a pantry anyway? Ow."
"What did you do?"
"Barked my hand on something."
"Idiot."
"Hey, do you smell something?"
"Like what?"
"Like I don't know, but it smells… I dunno… like Crisco…"
"Where? I don't—Whoa!"
"… … …"
"Well… this is… awkward."
"At best."
"Right then."
"Huh? Aah! Ansem, let go. NOW."
"No. If I do, we'll both get hurt. I'm not letting you go until we're found."
"This is ridiculous."
"I won't let go."
A few days later, Maleficent arrived at Hollow Bastion to discover the Heartless in an uproar. From their frenzy, she was able to glean that Ansem and Riku were missing again. Fearing the worst, she checked every small space she could think of. In desperation, she checked the pantry last. She sighed.
Ansem and Riku were both asleep, Ansem leaning against the wall, and Riku held tightly to his chest. Maleficent sighed and shook her head. She left the door open, and walked away.
-
O.o… My friend Runie suggested a pantry when I said I was running out of ideas. I said, "Does Hollow Bastion even HAVE a pantry?" I guess summertime band practices have their uses after all.
But now I'm really out of ideas. There aren't many small spaces in Hollow Bastion, dammit!