Chapter 1 – Not So Happy Holidays
A/N – I bring you the first chapter to the Bad Behavior sequel! We're going to start this one off with a bang and then do some weaving around. I have lots of good stuff planned. Fans of Bad!Ryan, be sure you're strapped in, especially for chapter 2! I don't know enough about the Hanukah season to fake it here, and I don't want to offend anyone who celebrates the holiday so…my version of Christmas in this one is going to be strictly Christmas. Enjoy:D
Kirsten hurried down the stairs to answer the door. Swinging the door open, she noticed the mailman backing down her driveway, he'd left a rather large box on the front step. Bringing the box inside, she gave the door a kick with her leg and read the return address. Chino. This was from Dawn. Kirsten thought it was odd she'd addressed it to her rather than to Ryan.
Taking the box back upstairs, she closed her bedroom door and set the package down on her bed. Removing the brown shipping paper, she opened the box to find two Christmas presents and two envelopes inside, one being addressed to her.
Opening her envelope, she read Dawn's note.
Kirsten,
I hope the holidays are nice for your family. I've enclosed two presents for Ryan…don't be surprised if he doesn't want them (long story). As his Mom I only felt it fair to give you a heads up…Atwoods and holidays are like water and oil. Ryan hates the holidays. And I do mean he hates them. I'm embarrassed to admit, there's no good memories there for him. Just be patient with him. Not sure why I'm telling you this, you're great with him. I just thought you should know to expect a rough road ahead.
Merry Christmas,
Dawn
Perplexed, Kirsten folded the note back up and stood up to put it in her dresser. Turning around she caught sight of Ryan laying on one of the lounge chairs outside, methodically throwing a ball up in the air. She'd noticed he'd been different but she couldn't quite put her finger on the problem. Now she knew. Ryan had adjusted quite well after his adoption, sure he managed to keep control of his smart mouth and that penetrating glare of his, but he had come around a bit and accepted his place in this family. Kirsten couldn't help but wonder what Christmas would be like, given the information in his Mother's note. Part of her couldn't help but question if it was Dawn's attempt at ruining their holiday, making Kirsten read into things that weren't there. Still, there was Ryan's behavior that she couldn't deny. He'd been moody alright. And with only one week left until Christmas, time would tell all.
Downstairs Seth walked into the living room as his Mom was coming downstairs with the two presents in her hands.
"Would those be for me?" Seth inquired, rubbing his hands together and blocking Kirsten's path to the tree.
"No," she smiled. "These are for Ryan. His Mom sent them."
They both looked down at the plain red paper, no bows, no nametag, just Ryan's name written on the top in magic marker. Nothing special. The simple package gave them both an idea what Christmas in Chino must have been like…nothing special.
"Are you going to give them to him?" Seth asked. He noticed Ryan's mood lately as well. Somehow gifts from his Mom didn't seem like a good idea.
"Well, I think I'll put them under the tree and let Ryan know where they are. He can deal with them when he feels he's ready. His Mom…she wrote me a note saying the holidays are really hard on Ryan. Specifically, she said he hates them. We need to give him some space on this one."
"Okay. But, maybe I could convert him," Seth pondered.
"And maybe Ryan will beat the crap out of you for not leaving it alone," Kirsten reminded her son. Ryan still had a temper and Christmas was not the time to test him on it.
"Good point."
Climbing the stairs outside, Kirsten walked over and took a seat across from Ryan. "Hey."
"Hey."
"Whatcha doing?"
Catching the ball, Ryan turned his eyes at her. "What?"
"Nothing. I was just…"
"You're just handling me with kid gloves. What is it?"
Kirsten hated this trait of Ryan's. He could see through anything. Coming from such a different world, she hated that she couldn't protect him even if she wanted to. All he had to do was look at her and he could always tell something was going on.
Sighing slightly, "Well, as a matter of fact, I do have some news. There was a package that arrived this morning and it had some Christmas presents in it for you…they're from your Mom. I put them under the Christmas tree."
Ryan turned his head back to the sky, his jaw set in frustration. "Unfuckingbelievable," he muttered under his breath.
"Ryan, she's trying."
"Yeah like eight years too late! I couldn't get the woman to celebrate Christmas while I was there and now that I'm gone, NOW she wants to give me Christmas!"
Ryan forced his mouth shut and went back to whipping the ball up in the air.
"We can't change the past Ryan, but I think she realizes what she's missed."
"I don't want them."
"Ryan…"
Catching the ball again, Ryan sat up quickly on the lounger, startling Kirsten.
"Look, I'm not giving in on this. I'll be a good boy, I'll stay out of your way, I'll do what I'm told to do. I don't want to ruin Christmas for you guys but…just wake me up when it's over."
That being said, he stood up in a huff, walked into the pool house and slammed the door.
At the patio door, Kirsten ran into Seth.
"I guess he's going to be a little more stubborn than we expected," she admitted.
"I heard it all. He's definitely got the whole Grinch thing down," Seth replied.
"I need to talk to you a minute." Ushering her son inside, she closed the door behind them. "I think you should know that…his Mom sent me a letter with his presents and…she basically told me to expect him to be a handful until Christmas is over. I thought you were right and that maybe we could change him but, for this Christmas we might have to do it his way."
"But he's been doing really good since he came here and he knows things are different here. Why can't he just give it a chance?"
"Seth, we have no idea what's in his past when it comes to the holidays. We don't want to make him so uncomfortable that he feels he needs to get out or get away. We need to let this be."
Pouting a bit, "Okay."
"And, promise me, if you notice anything or if he tells you anything…you'll tell me?"
Nodding, Seth raised his eyes to the pool house. He told his Mom what she wanted to hear, but he wasn't sure he could let Ryan off the hook that easily. Time would tell.
Later that evening in the pool house, Ryan was laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling when Sandy walked in.
"Hey kid," he greeted.
Ryan only pursed his mouth and rolled his eyes. He was even more perturbed when Sandy took a seat in the infamous Warden's chair. "Let me guess, I need an attitude adjustment," Ryan said sarcastically as he pulled himself into a sitting position.
"Nah. Not today, I'm not in the mood."
"Then what do you want?" Ryan asked, glaring.
"Nothing. Can't I come in and just say 'hi'?"
"Not from that chair you can't. That chair means something's up. You know it and I know it."
Kirsten was right. Ryan had a way of just knowing things. He could read a person's 'tells' a mile away. And now he even shed light on the fact that this chair had some 'tells' of it's own.
Leaning forward, "Is there anything we can do to…make things easier for you?"
"Yeah, stop talking about it."
Sandy let his head dip in disappointment, "That's not what I meant."
"Maybe not, but that's my answer."
"Life has been…a lot different since you came to Newport. Who knows, maybe Christmas here would be different too."
Ryan stayed silent and kept his head down. He knew Sandy was probably right but he didn't care. Too many bad Christmases had tainted the magic of the holiday altogether. It meant nothing to him. It was just another day.
Realizing it was a good time to stop pushing, "Dinner's ready if you're…"
"I'm not hungry," Ryan interrupted.
Sandy shook his head and stood up. "Okay." Patting Ryan's head as he pulled away, "If you change your mind, you know where everything is." Without another word, from either of them, Sandy left the pool house.
It was around midnight when Ryan entered the kitchen. The kitchen was dark and he tried to make as little noise as possible. Making himself a sandwich, Ryan sat down at the kitchen table. Just as he raised his snack to his mouth, the kitchen light flipped on.
"Sorry, is that too bright?" Seth asked.
"Turn it off," Ryan demanded, squinting his eyes shut.
Opting for the subtle under the cabinet lighting, "That looks good. Mind if I…"
"Go ahead."
Making his own sandwich, Seth took a seat across from Ryan, both boys eating in silence. Ryan finished his sandwich first and Seth seized the opportunity.
"Can I ask you something?" Even in the dimly lit room, Seth recognized Ryan's sneer. "I mean, were…was Christmas in Chino really that bad?"
Thinking on Seth's question for a moment, Ryan nodded slowly. "It was worse than bad." He watched Seth absorb his answer, realizing just how clueless the entire Cohen family was. "You guys just don't understand what it was like, why I can't get into this. I got tired of hoping maybe this was the Christmas my Mom would be sober, maybe this was the Christmas I wouldn't end up in the ER because AJ did something to me. Maybe this was the year she'd actually get me a present and I'd have something to open on Christmas morning like everyone else. I got tired of getting my hopes up only to have them crushed over and over and over. I don't look forward to this anymore…I know better."
Ryan let his eyes roam to meet Seth's. The look of horror on his face said it all.
"Ryan, I don't know…what to say…"
"There's nothing to say…just…when I ask people to back off about this…now you know why."
Nodding, "Well the good news is no one in this house has ever spent Christmas in the ER, my Mom is too busy on Christmas to be drunk and I'm spoiled rotten so there's always a ridoinkulous amount of presents under the tree."
"No presents. Make sure you tell your parents that…no…presents."
Tapping his fingers on the table, Seth felt a plan brewing. "What if…what if I challenge you to have a nice Christmas?"
"What?"
"Seriously. We know now how Christmas usually goes for you. Give it a shot. If something goes wrong, you get to gloat with that whole 'I-told-you-so' thing. Lord knows anything that could possibly go wrong around here won't be on the level of anything that happened in Chino."
"Hope is a dangerous thing Seth."
"Apparently, it's only dangerous in Chino. In Newport, hope is a good thing."
Ryan looked terribly uncomfortable and stuck in his ways.
"Just think about it. I promise I won't bring it up again." Seth could tell the wheels were turning in Ryan's head. "I'm gonna go sit by the tree for a little bit before I turn in. You staying up?"
Ryan shook his head again. "My Mom hasn't put up a Christmas tree in four years. I'm gonna get to bed."
"Okay man. I'll see you tomorrow."
Ryan watched as Seth took a seat on the couch in front of the tree. It must be nice to really enjoy something like this. Leaving the main house, Ryan paused at the pool house door and sat down on the step. He could see the Christmas tree just fine from here. Maybe Seth was right, maybe if he allowed it, maybe this year would be the one that was different. Shaking his head at his own thoughts, he pushed them right out of his head. Too many times he'd hoped for something better and too many times he'd been let down. No. This year he'd stick to what he knew. If he got through this year unscathed, maybe next year he'd let his guard down. Maybe.
The next morning Seth was up bright and early paying a visit to his Mom to discuss Ryan's late night confessions. They both agreed to let it go, to let Ryan do what he needed to in order to get through this holiday. You can't force happiness on someone, that defeats the whole point. They could only sit back and wait to see if he'd come around on his own.
In Chino, Dawn dragged a small Christmas tree into her living room, swearing when the needles pricked her bare feet. Her friend Angie had returned with a sack full of McDonald's. After tossing the little tree into a tree stand and covering it with the only ornaments she had, they sat down on the couch to eat.
"Boy that really is a pathetic looking tree," Dawn griped at her attempt at holiday ambiance.
"What do you mean? That's a nice little tree," Angie commented.
"You know, it's the first tree I've put up in about four or five years." Dawn admitted, disgracefully.
"Seriously? But you had kids…" Angie canned her comment when she realized where it was going.
"I know. Like I said, they deserved so much more." Her voice choked with emotion. "I'm sorry."
Angie moved over to comfort her friend.
"Ryan was just a little boy when I stopped buying him presents and then I stopped putting up the tree. I told him it was too much work. You could just see the disappointment in his eyes."
"Is there anything I can do?" Angie offered.
"I think all Atwoods state wide would agree that the holidays are a nightmare. I know Ryan isn't enjoying Christmas because of what I put him through. I ruined it for him. I don't think…I don't think I can get through this without him."
"Dawn, honey, you just gotta remind yourself that he's in a good place. You did this because it's what's best for him."
"I've never felt this alone, this empty, before. I don't want to feel like this Ang."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I miss him…and…and…I've got two bottles of Jack next to the fridge. Can you go get one of them? It's going to be a long holiday."
Skidding to a stop, Ryan sat on his bike and stared at the ocean. He hadn't been down to the pier in a long time, not since the Cohens officially took custody of him. He didn't need to. Today was different. He frowned at the white-capped waves knowing he would probably be spending a lot of time down here. He pulled his leather jacket closed and zipped it up before shoving his hands in his pockets. Even though it was mid-afternoon in Southern California, it was December and there was still a brisk wind blowing persistently off the water.
Ryan's mind wandered in a thousand different directions and yet he couldn't seem to concentrate on any one thought. He needed an outlet, an escape. Just a little something, a distraction. Adding to his wandering thoughts, Dina came to mind, bringing a smile to his face. Too bad she lived so far, that would be the perfect distraction. He'd find a replacement for her, all in due time. In the meantime, he needed something now. He knew the Cohens, all three of them, would be watching him like a hawk so he had to careful not to draw too much attention with his…distraction.
Pulling his hands out of his pockets, he wrapped them around the grips of his handlebars and rode to the edge of town. Dropping his bike on the sidewalk he entered the empty convenience store. It was no surprise that Newport's elite wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this…which is exactly why this was the place for Ryan to be. Something was keeping this store open and Ryan was confident there was more to the place than meets the casual eye. Considering he was only on the outskirts of Newport, the place was pretty run down and the storekeeper was equally dilapidated.
Locking eyes with the owner Ryan tipped his head back questionably as he made his way over to the magazine rack. He purposely took his time leafing through a muscle car magazine, wearing down the owner's patience. Storeowners didn't like kids that looked like Ryan hanging around in their store. Anyone who looked like trouble probably was and the owners wanted nothing to do with them.
"Hey, can I help you with something there kid?" the owner asked, hoping to rush Ryan along.
"No."
Sighing, the impatient owner shifted his weight and continued to stare at Ryan.
Lifting his eyes to the top of the magazine, Ryan glanced at the owner. "Is there a problem?" he asked, his jaw set and his eyes fierce with his own impatience, all with the intent of making the owner uncomfortable. It was working.
"No, no problem at all," the owner insisted, raising his hands in surrender. "I just thought maybe there's something specific you were looking for."
Still paging through the magazine, "Depends. What've you got?"
The owner seemed well versed in this little game, glancing out the front windows of the store to make sure no one was coming in. "Are you thirsty?"
Ryan knew he was offering him beer or some sort of alcohol. "No."
"Maybe you're, ah, low on caffeine, maybe need a fix?"
"No." Drugs weren't exactly Ryan's thing, not to mention, they're too obvious. Since he worked with kids in Juvie, Ryan felt Sandy could sniff out drugs in a heartbeat. His true addiction was cigarettes.
Running out of options, the owner continued, "You know, I've lived here for almost ten years now and I still can't get used to that smoky haze every morning. Drives me crazy."
A smile lit up Ryan's face. "I know what you mean. It's been pretty bad the last two days. It's slow to burn off but it gets lighter eventually." Closing the magazine, Ryan returned it to the display stand and turned his eyes to the owner.
"Two days…yes…two days," the owner repeated nodding.
Slipping his hands into his pockets, Ryan walked up to the counter. "You a cop?" he asked point blank, fully aware he'd say 'no' even if he was…but his 'tells' would give him away if he was lying.
"No." Quietly the owner put his arms out, palms up, revealing the rows of train tracks on his arms. He was a junkie. "I do good business. I can get whatever you need. Smoky haze for two days, you wanted two packs of cigarettes, what brand?"
"Marlboro, reds."
Nodding, the owner reached under the counter and produced Ryan's two packs of cigarettes and a lighter, based on their coded conversation. He noticed Ryan looking at the packs of condoms behind the counter. "Tell you what, I'll throw one of those in so you can have some fun this weekend, maybe you'll remember who's a nice guy in this town and the next time you run out of smokes…"
Ryan couldn't help but snort a laugh. Some things never changed and even though he was in Newport, this reeked of Chino. Glancing at the owner's nametag, "We'll see Jack. Maybe."
"Next time I'll give you one free pack with whatever you buy, how's that sound?"
That deal sounded pretty good actually. At ten dollars a pack, a free one would be great. Jutting his bottom lip out with approval, Ryan threw twenty-two dollars down on the counter to cover his smokes and lighter. "I'll see you around Jack."
Finally Jack relaxed a bit. He had another kid on his side, another client to support his habit. This kid would be back, he could tell.
It was nearly time for dinner when Ryan walked back into the house. Cutting through the kitchen on the way to his room, he encountered Kirsten.
"Oh Ryan, there you are. Where were you?" she questioned with genuine concern.
"Out," he paused. "Just…riding around. I went down to the pier for a while," he admitted without looking at her. He was telling the truth, just not all of it.
"Oh that sounds nice. Just make sure you mention you're going out next time, we were worried about you."
"I promised you I wouldn't leave again," he stated impatiently.
"I know honey, and I believe you. But I also know that you're under a lot of stress right now. I'm just doing my job as a Mom. Okay?"
Nodding, "I understand," he grumbled while walking past her in the direction of the pool house.
In doing so, Kirsten wrinkled her nose at a rather foul smell. Make that a rather burnt smell. "Ryan, were you smoking?" she asked without beating around the bush.
"No."
He paused with the patio door open and looked at her. Damn if that kid didn't have the best poker face in the world. In a household where no one smoked, there's only one reason why a person would smell like smoke…especially if they just came from the pier.
"Okay," she replied, noticing a fleeting look of guilty in his eyes. This wasn't worth arguing over, not at this time.
She watched Ryan jog up the stairs and disappear into the pool house. Inhaling, she sighed slowly. Dawn's letter echoed in Kirsten's head…'expect a rough road ahead'. Looks like Ryan was getting on head start on his version of the holidays and yet, somehow, Kirsten knew his cigarettes were going to be the least of her problems.
(TBC)…
And thus it begins… :D