♥ Only True Love Lasts ♥
Chapter One: You cant save the World
The flame was dying down as the sun slowly set on the oceans' horizon. Even though only embers were left of the once magnificent and dancing fire, Jack still gazed thoughtlessly ahead of him. He was tired - he could feel his eyelids begin to become heavy, but he forced himself to stay awake. Too much was on his mind, enough to keep him from sleep.
It had been at least a year since the unexpected plane crash of flight 815. No rescuers had come, no one expected them to come anymore. Jack dropped his head into his hands as he thought about how hopeful everyone was for someone to come. It broke his heart to think that all of these people had loved ones at home who most likely thought they were dead. He knew he couldn't do anything about it, but he felt guilty that he couldn't save all of the other survivors and bring them all home safely.
His thoughts raced over the past years events. Boone dying, opening the hatch, and Walt being kidnapped. It was all overwhelming; especially at a time like this when he felt the world was depending on him and him only. He was the leader, and he accepted that. It was just that with being a leader came so many new troubles and responsibilities, it was weighing him down. He had always hoped and prayed from day one to be rescued and get back to a normal, civilized life. Obviously, it hadn't happened yet, to his and the others dismay.
Unwelcome memories played like a broken record in his mind, bugging him to the brink of insanity. Just as he thought he was about to lose it, his mind rested on the one pleasant memory he had - it was of Kate. He relaxed and happily played it over and over again, enjoying the feeling he got when he thought of Kate. Her smile had always brightened his day, no matter how bad the day was.
Jack recalled a particular memory; he had supposedly put the dynamite in her bag, but he protectively replaced it in his. He felt bad about lying to her about it, but at least she wasnt currently lying 6 feet under in a wooden case. That, he had accomplished. He sighed as he thought back to when everything on the island was normal (in a sense) and wished those days were back. He could actually spend time with Kate back then and not be interrupted by a sudden outburst of danger. He lingered on a few more memories and dreamed some more, but he knew he should probably get to bed.
Just as this thought crossed his mind, Kate sat down next to him. She glanced at him, then to the fire, then back at him.
"Hey" she said, Jack could tell she knew something was wrong.
"Hey" Jack said trying not to sound upset or bothered.
She continued to gaze at him, but quickly redirected her gaze when Jack looked up at her. Jack knew something was bothering her too, but he also knew she wouldn't crack no matter how hard he grilled her. It was like trying to get your shoe on the wrong foot - it just didn't work.
Jack didn't know what he should say to start the conversation, so he just sat there-hoping Kate would talk first. There was a moment of silence, then Kate asked in a concerned tone, "Whats up?"
Jack didn't really want to say what was on his mind, so he lied, "eh...it's nothin." He looked down at the ground for a moment then lifted his head and stared beyond the fire. Kate glanced in the direction Jack was staring then turned back to Jack.
"Jack---" she said as she placed her hand on his forearm. "It's not nothing." Kate paused until Jack looked at her. She was seeing right through him-he couldn't not tell her.
"Tell me" Kate said, responding to his look of helpless defeat. Jack looked in her eyes and saw that she was truly and sincerely worried about him. He leaked a nervous laugh and looked away from Kate.
"I...I dont even know where to start-that's the problem." Jack said, hoping she would take it at that.
There was a brief silence, then Kate replied playfully, "Well. You can start by building up this pitiful fire. It looks like it's on its death bed." She said this as the embers threatened to burn out.
Jack grinned and stood up. He was glad she lightened the mood up a bit.
"I'll be right back"
Jack walked off all smiles.
Kate watched him as he walked off into the dark of the night. She knew something was wrong with him and it made her worry. A lot had happened in such a short time; all the stress all at once. Jack's job had to be extremely stressful. The only doctor on the island and the natural leader; she wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to abdicate his position of authority.
She thought about him everyday; her constant worrying made her just as stressed as him sometimes. Kate turned and watched Jack gathering pieces from the pile. She smiled, he was a good man. Hard to figure out at times, but still a great guy. He posessed unique qualilties that no other man she knew had; he was one of a kind. He commited himself to everything he did, and she admired that in him. Kate turned back to look at the almost dead fire. The embers glowed faintly, barely illumintating her face. Closing her eyes, she relaxed every muscle in her body; it was peaceful and satisfying just listening to the waves pounding at the sand and enjoying the cool ocean breeze; no wonder Jack came here often. She sat in complete relaxation for what seemed like forever.
A loud crack exploded in her ear making her jump to her senses. She looked up to the calming reassurance that it was just Jack stoking the fire. She waited for him to say something, but he didn't. The silence between them annoyed Kate, but still she waited patiently. As if he heard her silent plea for a conversation, Jack spoke up.
"I never knew." He stopped and let the words sink in. He could be so elusive sometimes.
"You never knew what, Jack?" Kate asked questioningly.
Jack paused for a moment, then replied, "I never knew how hard it would be to be the leader -- how difficult and draining it is. I dont think I was...or am, very good at it."
"Jack--" Kate tried to figure out what to say, but nothing came. She knew he was most likely beating himself up for everything that had happened the past year. Jack was silent as he stared into the blazing fire. Again, Jack broke the dead silence, "My Dad."
Kate looked up, worried about what she was going to hear.
"He made it seem so easy. Like he knew exactly what he was doing--all the time."
Kate stayed where she was, knowing he was going to go more into detail.
"There is so much more to it than I ever realized. I underestimated it. Got too big headed. I thought I could do everything, and that led to my destruction." Jack said.
"Your destruction? What destruction? Jack you're still the leader and a great one I might add." Kate said as kindly as possible.
Jack looked up from the fire and to Kate; he walked over to Kate and sat down beside her. He was about to open up, she could tell.
"Kate, I just think that I could have prevented a bunch of the crap that's happened to us. For one thing, I should've been able to save Boone if Locke hadn't freakin lied to me--"
Kate grabbed Jack's arm, "Jack! Dont talk like that. It was Boone's time to die. Let it go. Everyone else has...even Shannon." Jack looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time.
"Jack, you can't save the world." Jack continued to look into her eyes.
"Especially alone..." She froze as she said this. She couldn't believe she said that. Maybe he didn't notice...so she continued, "But still, dont try to be everyones hero. Not everyone needs it, there are some that do, but not everyone." Kate tried her best to sound like she was caring for him, not lecturing. An awkward silence fell between them.
"I'm sorry Kate. Forgive me?" Jack said with a pleading look on his face.
"I didn't ask for an apology, but ok. Of course." Kate smiled as they looked into each others eyes for a few seconds. She quickly realized what she was doing and nervously averted her eyes back to the fire. Jack must have noticed it too because he turned his head to the fire as well.
Jack spread his legs out in front of him. Just as he did so a loud scream pierced the silence. All along the beach people popped their heads out of their tents to see what was happening.
"What was that?" Kate said frantically.
"I dont know." Jack hurriedly stood up and looked around.
Another scream resounded along the coast. People suddenly got quiet. The beach was the quietest it had ever been. Too quiet.
"Whats going on?" Kate whispered to Jack as she started to shake.
"Shh..." Jack grabbed her arm reassuringly.
A loud roar shattered the dead silence.
"Oh my gosh." Kate breathed.
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