Title: What Lies Within Us

Chp.3The Beauty of Dreams

Disclaimer: I don't own nor am I associated with Gilmore Girls. I bet you are all shocked.

Introduction: I know I'm delusional….but Trory. Well, obviously not at first because that would be too easy, but I wanted to clarify. Basically set in the present, slightly altered to make things work.

Rating: Pg-13. For now. It's the way I am with fanfic, the rating will raise.

Author's note: I hate reviews (I'm also a really bad liar).

Tristan just looked at Logan as they sat in front of the television. He wanted to tell him not to waste his time with Rory, she wasn't his type. But, it wasn't his business, not by a long shot. And after so many years, it was inevitable that Rory had changed. He just wouldn't have thought she would change enough to be happy with someone like Logan Huntsberger. An older and slightly more mature version of him in high school. The type of guy who still pulled a girl's hair as an indicator that he liked her (or, as the story Logan told went, interrupted her philosophy class). And, the type of guy who slept with a different girl every weekend (or night during the summer).

"How long have you been dating Rory?" was all he asked, grabbing the beer that he had been drinking.

Logan shrugged, "About a month officially, we knew each other for longer."

Have you been sleeping with her? So when will you dump her? Those were the questions that ran through his mind. He didn't analyze what it meant that he cared that much after all these years. But again, all he said was, "We went to high school together. She didn't have too much use for me then." An understatement. He could still remember the condemning words she had for him.

Logan laughed, "I'm quite surprised actually. She must have been about the only one at your high school. I knew you in those days man. Rebel 'badass' of the rich kids with an underlying sensitive streak. All the chicks fell at your feet."

Tristan just smiled, taking a sip of his beer. "Not Rory." She had been too good for him, and she still was. Just for different reasons.

Logan shook his head, "And to think I've succeeded where the might ladies man Dugrey failed boosts my ego up another notch."

Tristan smirked at him, "Not that your ego needs any more inflation."

"I'm wounded," Logan pointed a finger at him. "You've turned so cruel. But, entertain yourself for the day, okay? Finn and I've got plans, and I won't be back until late."

He shrugged, "Not a problem. I don't expect to be entertained."

When Logan closed the door to his room, Tristan just sat there for a moment. He and Logan were pretending that everything was the same as it had been when they had known each other growing up. They were miles apart personality wise then they had been back then. It was a farce, but they pretended all the same. It was easier that way. Tristan had had no place to go, and not enough money to rent a place until the term started, and as scary as it was, Logan was the closest friend he had left. He was older in so many ways since he had gotten kicked out of high school, and he could never go back to the boy he had been, as much as he wanted to in some ways.

He pulled on a pair of sweats and runners, deciding to go for a run. Tristan tried to picture his chain-smoking self in high school ever imagining that he would be choosing any physical activity that wasn't between the bedsheets. It had been ingrained in him both in military school and then in the service itself. He felt lazy if he went so much as a day without a good run.

The air outside was cold, but there wasn't a flake of snow on the ground. While it made it harder to breath, at least he didn't have to worry about slipping on the ice. He looked around the campus as he ran through. It was relatively deserted, most people choosing to curl up in a warm room or library to study rather than be outside in the freezing weather.

He still couldn't believe he was here. Yale. And on his own merits. Oh, before he had always assumed he could get in anywhere with his family's money and connections. That was the DuGrey way. But he was here now because he had qualified, and he was doing it on his own. All on his own. The campus itself was beautiful, but with that sort of stuff he wasn't that hard to impress. It could have been a dump, just so long as it was one of the top universities in the country.

Unbidden, his mind turned to thoughts of Rory. There was someone he had never expected to see again. He wouldn't pretend he hadn't thought fleetingly about her over the years, but it had been a long time. He always wished he had gotten that one last kiss in, boyfriend watching or no boyfriend watching. He imagined she still wouldn't have much use for him. As condescending, annoying or whatever it sounded like, someone who could be qualified as a 'Mary' didn't go for him; the kind of guy he was in high school, or the kind of guy he was now.

When his breath started to labour, and his chest started to burn, he kept pushing on, not wanting to end. Running used to be an escape for him. Now it was nothing but an opportunity for his thoughts to haunt him. In a way, he welcomed it as much as he hated it. There was really no escape most of the time now, but at least this way he could deal with things on his own without interruption. Running was an escape from people, from talking. Those weeks he had been laid up in some crappy military base after his injury had been the worst. Doctors and nurses prodding him, and psychiatrists poking their heads in every time he was fully conscious. And there had been no escape. Now, he could just run for as long and as far as he wanted to and block others out.

By the time he ended up back at Logan's, it was much later and he was drenched in sweat despite the cold weather. He noticed two girls nearby looking appreciatively, but he couldn't bring himself to do more than smile weakly and wave, which made them laugh and turn away. With the temperature outside, his breath was slightly wheezing, and he could see its effects in the air.

He let himself in with the key Logan had given him, fully expecting to be alone. He wanted nothing more than a long hot shower. He walked into the living room area, pulling his sweatshirt over his head only to see the person who had been standing there when he was done.

"Hello father," he let the words come out with contempt.

Rory walked up to Logan's door. She had left her philosophy textbook there the other night and needed to retrieve it. She had no expectations he would be home; he rarely was.

She opened the door with the key he had given her (for emergencies only, but to her this qualified) and immediately wished she hadn't. She was immediately confronted by yelling voices. Tristan was there and he wasn't alone. From the brief look she had seen of him before, she thought it was his father.

"You will come home now!" Tristan's father was fuming at him, as he kicked a stray shirt that was lying on the ground out of the way. "You will have some respect for us as your parents. We deserve that at least."

"Really?" Tristan's voice dripped with sarcasm. "I missed the part where you did anything to deserve it. About all I have to thank you for is shipping me off to military school. Not the most compassionate choices, but it did me a world of good. Of course you mocked everything I had become in the end, but I suppose you'd think that was beside the point. And refusing to send me to a good college because you believed I'd make a mockery of the Dugrey name? My, that was very supportive parenting. God dad, I even gave you a chance when I got back from my tour, even though you never visited me once in the hospital, and again spent every day being ridiculed. I'm done, I'm not coming back."

"And how are you going to pay for this jaunt at Yale?" his father yelled sarcastically. "They don't exactly give free rides here."

"The same way I told you I was going to when you informed me after high school you wouldn't pay to see me make a mockery of the family name, the military pays for it. I just have to work for them when I get out. I didn't just sign up for a love of country dad, I did it to earn my independence from you. I paid a high price for it as you know, but I'm beginning to think it was all worth it. And besides, what's killing you is the fact that I got in on my own, unlike you whose daddy had to pull some strings for him."

"Don't delude yourself on that. And, the US government is going to pay for you to come here and gallivant for four years? I doubt it son. They don't really have use for someone who has a degree in basket-weaving, or whatever it is that you're capable of getting at Yale. I don't have all the money in the world to pay off all your professors." Rory couldn't believe the things the man was saying.

Tristan just gave up. It was as if he had heard these things before. Rory wanted to yell at him to punch his dad. To tell his father he was going to be a successful doctor. To remind him how he had turned his life around. And as she watched, she too wanted to kill Tristan's father for putting that look on his face. Nobody deserved to hear those things from anyone, let alone a parent.

"Just go dad," he heard Tristan say quietly. "Logan must have let you in out of the goodness of his heart, but don't you dare come again. This is someone else's home. Our talking accomplishes nothing. Just leave, and don't come back. If you're really worried about your all important image, don't come back."

His father didn't even say goodbye, just stormed out of the place. Rory pushed herself against the wall on the other side, trying to stay out of his line of sight. As he slammed the door behind him, Tristan saw her. His face took on even more of a defeated look. "You heard all that?" he asked weakly, and she saw a wave of embarrassment cross his face before he covered it up.

"Tristan, I'm so sorry," she wasn't even sure if she was apologizing for her being there, or for what his father had said. "I came back to get a book…I had a key…I didn't think anyone would be here."

"It's not a problem," he said briskly, picking up the sweater he had pulled off earlier just for something to do.

Unsure of what to say, Rory walked over to the table where she had left the book and picked it up. The urge to run out was overwhelming, but she couldn't just leave Tristan without saying anything. "He's wrong you know," she was surprised to hear the words come out of her mouth. "What he said? About you not being capable? He was wrong. You'll make an amazing doctor." And, at this point in time it didn't matter if that was true or not. It was something that had to be said because it was something he needed to hear. Nobody could go far if the only words they heard were discouraging. "You'll become a doctor." she said again.

"Thank you," was all he said. Because in truth he wasn't so sure himself, and not just because of the seeds of doubt his father had planted. He had never been a stellar student, mostly due to apathy. He had never had to try. Yeah he had done well academically once had had left Chilton, but in a way that almost didn't count. This was what mattered to him, and he was scared to death he couldn't cut it out here in the real world, at a real school. There was going to be so much on the line. It was what he wanted, but at the same time what he feared. He had chosen this once not to play it safe and it terrified him.

She just nodded, and made a move to walk past him to the door, then turned back. "Listen Tristan, if you ever need to talk about anything, anything at all, I'm here. I know we're not best friends like you and Logan, and I haven't seen you in years, but I'm here if you ever need to get something out, okay? I can be a good listener. And school stuff? Let's just say I understand."

"Thanks Rory," he said softly. Of course this shit was just the tip of the iceberg of his problems, but he would never burden her or anyone with the real story. But, it was nice to feel like he had a nice, normal friend again.

She hesitated, then squeezed his hand briefly in sympathy, not knowing how that short contact touched him.

He watched as she went over to the corner and grabbed the textbook from the corner where she had left it before. He wished she hadn't heard that, but there was no escaping it now. Tristan had changed a lot, but in some ways he was fundamentally the same. He didn't want to have his weaknesses perceived by others; Logan still had no real clue why he was here instead of at his parents, that's likely why he had let his father in. He hated the embarrassment that had rolled over him when he realized Rory had heard the things his father was saying. Rory, who had never not been able to accomplish anything, one of the smartest people he had ever met.

"Bye Tristan," she said, hesitating by him for a moment before walking by. He got the distinct impression that if they had been closer friends she would have stopped and kissed him on the cheek, but had felt uncomfortable with it. He knew that was a good idea, but he still couldn't stop feeling a slight twinge of disappointment.