Chapter 16 – The Test (Part 2)
Kleenex Alert
Of all the reactions Ryan expected Sandy to have, walking away was not one of them. Sitting on his bed, he replayed the scene over and over in his mind, attempting to reanalyze it from every possible angle. There had to be more to this, there had to be. Sandy must have caught onto something, something he could use against Ryan at a later time. The more he thought about it and analyzed it and picked it apart, the more clear it became. Sandy wasn't going to lay a hand on him. For Christ sake, he shoved Sandy. All it took was a dirty look and AJ would have backhanded him across the face without a second thought.
Visions of Sandy leaving the pool house, upset, stuck in Ryan's mind. He couldn't shake the image. He'd done that. He was responsible. There was only one way to fix that.
Pulling his boots on, he went into the house and found Kirsten sitting at the table in silence, with Seth, who was the only person in the house still interested in eating.
Kirsten's eyes met with Ryan's. They were angry. He'd crossed the line and he knew it.
Shifting his weight, "I think I know where he went," Ryan explained quietly. "Can I have permission to go look for him?" Off Kirsten's look, "I want to make this right."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea Ryan. Maybe you should leave it be for now."
Ryan's heart sank, not only had he pissed off and hurt Sandy, it was clear he'd also royally pissed off Kirsten, the one adult that he could trust all along.
"I screwed up. Bad. Please let me fix this…please."
The pleading in Ryan's voice and the concern on his face found it's way into Kirsten's heart. "You're going to have to try like never before Ryan. You really hurt him today, emotionally. He loves you."
Ryan nodded before dropping his eyes to the floor.
"I'll give you one hour and then you have to be back here. Do not…be late."
Having heard enough, Kirsten left the kitchen without waiting to see if Ryan would stay or leave.
"You okay Ry?" Seth's voice was soft for a change. This wasn't the time for banter.
"I really screwed up," he repeated.
"Well, if there's any light at the end of the tunnel, it's the fact that it's my Dad you locked horns with."
"And how is that good?"
"My Dad forgives everybody."
Ryan stared at Seth, wondering if that was true.
When Ryan arrived at the pier, he scoured the spots he thought Sandy might be but he didn't find him. Leaning forward on the handlebars of his bike, he let his head hang down. His legs ached from all the pedaling he'd done. He thought for sure he would have found him. Looking into the distance, Ryan caught sight of one of the lifeguard towers. The same tower he and Sandy had sat and talked at before when Ryan was the one down and out.
Pushing off, he ignored the burning in his legs and pedaled in that direction, scanning the sand below from the pier above. Nothing. He continued until he was almost at the end of the pier. He was about ready to give up when he noticed someone sitting on a bench at the end of the pier, staring out into the water. Sandy.
Quietly laying his bike down behind the bench, Ryan gingerly walked around the front, catching Sandy's eye. Neither said anything. Making an effort, as well as taking a risk, Ryan carefully sat down next to Sandy, within the 'strike zone', and looked out at the sea. Every now and then, Ryan would turn his eyes to Sandy, or blatantly turn his head to Sandy, hoping he would say something. He didn't. He didn't know why he expected Sandy to be the one to speak first. Ryan was the only one that had to say anything.
Several minutes of silence and Ryan's unsettled fidgeting had passed before he finally worked up the courage to speak.
"I'm sorry Sandy." His voice was small but in their quiet location, Sandy heard every word.
Still looking out at the waves, Sandy smiled and nodded. "I know kid."
"I've been looking all over for you…I shouldn't have…it was wrong."
Sandy nodded again. "You're right. It was wrong. I guess…when we talked not too long ago and we agreed we were doing okay…I guess we aren't really doing okay." Still searching the water, Sandy shrugged.
Swallowing hard, "That's not true. Seth and I are okay and I hit him all the time."
Unable to hold his face at the serious tone behind that explanation, Sandy chuckled out loud, allowing his shoulders to bounce in laughter. "I never thought I'd see the day when someone would tell me their hitting me was good for me!"
Shaking his head Sandy's smile faded and he turned his head to Ryan. He'd never seen the kid in such a 'sorry' state. He'd rattled his own cage with this one.
"I don't ever want you to do that again. Do you understand me?"
"I won't, I swear. I didn't mean to…"
"I know. You let your temper get the best of you and we've talked about that before. I may be the man of the house Ryan, but you're coming of age. You're on the brink of being a man yourself. And the bottom line is…we're a family. I don't want anyone in my family treating anyone else like that. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I would never raise my hand to you. It won't happen. Now you tested those waters today and I hope you learned from it. I would never hit you, under any circumstances…and I expect you to give me the same respect."
Ryan could feel a lump forming in his throat and his eyes heating up. Blinking away the emotion, he turned away. He knew now what it meant to have his heartstrings tugged because Sandy's comment definitely struck a nerve.
"Not to change the subject, but…didn't I ground you?"
Snapping his head to Sandy, Ryan nervously offered up another explanation.
"Um. I was. I mean, I am. I got permission from Kirsten…to go look for you. She gave me an hour." Looking down he frowned at his watch, "I guess that's another curfew I just fucked up."
Sandy felt for the kid…one step forward, two steps back seemed to be his motto in life. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed home. Ryan watched carefully, unsure of what was happening.
"Hey, it's me…no, everything's okay. I just wanted to let you know that Ryan is going to be a little longer than he agreed to…no, he's fine, he's right here. We're talking…yes, seriously. We'll be on our way shortly…I know. Bye honey."
Clicking his cell phone shut, Sandy put it back in its place in his pocket before returning his attention to Ryan, who was back to fidgeting and avoiding eye contact.
"Thanks," Ryan mumbled.
"No problem. What do you say we head home kid? I've got the Rover, I can put your bike in the back."
Ryan nodded. "I really am sorry Sandy."
"I know. Just please promise me you'll never do that again."
Ryan toyed aimlessly with the face of his watch. Nodding, "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Come on, let's get out of here."
Kirsten was standing on the porch when they pulled in the driveway. She was crossing the driveway to the car before it even came to a stop. Ryan immediately went to the back to retrieve his bike and promptly put it away in the garage.
"What happened?" Kirsten questioned her husband, just out of Ryan's earshot.
"I'll tell you in a minute," Sandy whispered in reply, nodding at the approaching Ryan.
Taking one look at Ryan, Kirsten could tell it'd been a rough hour. Ryan looked weary and his eyes were red. He looked 'broken', and it had been a long, long time since she'd seen him that way.
"Ryan, honey?"
Ryan immediately looked to Sandy, unsure of what he was supposed to say.
"It's getting late. Ryan, why don't you go finish your homework and get to bed? Tomorrow is the big game."
Prone to nodding at this point, Ryan bobbed his head and disappeared into the house.
"What happened?" Kirsten asked, clearly concerned. "Did you yell at him? He looks terrible. What happened?"
"The short version goes…he found me on the pier and he sat down next to me. He looked scared to death. He kept looking at me, waiting for me to make the first move. When I didn't he simply said he was sorry. We talked about me being the man of the house and as such, I'm trying to show him respect since he's also reaching an age where he'll be a man and I asked him to show me the same respect. I also pretty much admitted he'd broken my spirit with that little stunt of his. I think this really rattled him. I've never seen him like that before. He got upset and he just kept saying he was sorry."
"Do you think he's okay?"
"I think so. He's got plenty on his mind right now though. I think he expected me to go off when he showed up on the pier. It's like he doesn't know how to handle me unless I'm angry."
"But you're never angry. I mean, yeah, these last couple of days he's been pushing the envelope but…"
"Honey, you're missing it. That's the whole problem. He's used to men in my position being angry, at him specifically. I've done nothing but try to be nice to him. I think all this time he's been seeing me as a fake. He didn't think it was real."
"What do you think he's thinking now?"
Sighing, "I wish I knew. He told you he wanted to test me and this was one hell of a test, at least it was in my book. I never would have imagined he would have put his hands on me, not in anger. He was definitely testing me, to see if I'd go off on him."
"Can we trust him in the pool house tonight? You don't think he'll run do you?"
"No, he'll be fine."
"How do you know that?"
"Kirsten, he wants this to work out. He wouldn't have come to find me and apologize if he really didn't care."
All these years of working with kids, Sandy had become a pretty good judge of character himself. Kirsten had learned to trust his instincts. The next morning, a smile crept onto her face when she walked into the kitchen for that first cup of morning coffee and she found Ryan sitting at the kitchen table in his soccer uniform, relacing one of his cleats.
"Morning Ryan."
"Hi."
"Ready for your game?"
"Yeah."
"Me too," Kirsten smiled, pointing to the logo on her polo shirt.
Ryan smirked, knowing Kirsten was only coming to half the game today.
Her cell phone rang on the counter, interrupting the morning routine.
"Hello? Yes, this is Kirsten Cohen…what? Oh no. Does it have to be at that time? Well I had…of course I know it's important, it's just that…so there's no other time he can do this?" Sighing, "Then I guess I don't really have any choice. I'll be there. Bye."
"I guess you're not going to get to see any of the game now," Ryan commented without looking up from his cereal.
"I'm not happy about this Ryan, but I don't seem to have much of a choice."
"It's okay."
"Is it?" she asked. "I mean, after yesterday I…"
"I'll be fine," he replied through a mouthful of cereal.
"Can I believe that?"
Swallowing his cereal, "You always told me when it was a new day, I could start again. Try harder."
"That's true. Still is true. I just want to make sure you're okay with…being alone with Sandy today."
Ryan's eyes darted back and forth across the table, signaling to Kirsten he was considering what she said.
"Yesterday was my fault. I think…I think it'll be okay."
"Okay." Crossing the kitchen, she cupped Ryan's face in her hands and kissed his forehead. "Play good. Score for me okay?"
Snorting a laugh, "Okay."
The game against Glenbrook was turning out to be grueling. Despite bad calls from the refs and blatant, yet ignored, fouls from Glenbrook, Harbor was still winning the game as they neared the end.
Ryan ended up right in front Seth and Sandy just as an opposing player checked up against him, knocking him to the ground. Sandy and Seth both jumped up at the same time.
"Come on Ref!" Sandy screamed from the bleachers. "What are you going to do, what till our guys are missing teeth? What is this guy looking at?"
Seth watched the action in front of him, as the referees tried to keep Ryan and a competitor separate from each other. "Um, what are we angry about again?"
"That was an illegal check, he can't do that!"
"Right. Illegal check. Got it!" Cupping his hands around his mouth, "C'mon Ryan! Show them how a badass can really play!"
"Seth!"
"Dad, what? You said be encouraging."
"I did, but yelling 'badass' through the grandstand was not part of the deal."
"Well now, you're just taking all the fun out of it."
The game wore on in true battle fashion. Ryan scored another goal, bringing his assistance for the day to three goals. With five minutes left in the game, Ryan and two other Harbor players were aggressively attacking the ball, while the frustrated, losing players from the other team were doing everything in their power to get even, rather than play to win.
The pack of boys clashed together in mid-field, resembling more of a wrestling match than a soccer game. By the time the ref blew his whistle, two of the Harbor players were down on the ground, Ryan being on of them. Everyone in the grandstands stood up and started booing and yelling at the refs for not stopping the mayhem before someone got hurt.
"What is it? What happened?" Seth asked trying to get a better look at Ryan. "Why isn't Ryan getting up?"
"Something's wrong, we've got to get down there."
Fighting against the irritated crowd, Sandy was thankful they chose to sit closer to the front. When he reached the gate at the bottom, he was stopped by a security guard.
"Sorry Sir, no fans on the field."
"The one boy that's down, that's my son. He's not getting up, can I see him? Please?"
"Alright, but just you," the guard agreed, looking at Seth.
"Fine. Seth, wait here."
"Okay."
Sandy ran across the field to where Ryan lay on the ground, rolling in pain.
"Tom? What happened?" Sandy asked the Coach.
"The fucking refs let this go too far! He's hurt Sandy. It's his hand. One of the boys on the other team was wearing metal cleats. He was fine when he hit the ground, but then someone put their cleats through his hand. He's going to need stitches."
Kneeling down by Ryan, he could see he was doing his best to remain tough in front of his teammates. But Sandy knew better. The hospital wasn't going to be an easy task given his history. More than ever they were both wishing this was a game that Kirsten hadn't missed.
They walked into the ER and Sandy headed straight for the registration desk after telling the boys to sit down. Seth was a basket case himself watching Ryan pace back and forth with this hand wrapped up in ice and bloodied towels.
"I need to find a bathroom," Ryan panted, sweating. "I think I'm going to puke."
"Oh not good. Bathroom's this way chief." Signaling to his Dad, Seth led Ryan down the hall where he broke into a run at the first sight of the door to the men's room.
Finally catching up to him, Seth was surprised to learn he was indeed vomiting.
"You okay man? Does it hurt that bad?"
"No," he gasped.
"Then…why are you…sick?"
"I can't do this Seth. I can't be here. I can't do this with your Dad. If your Mom was here, maybe. But not with your Dad. I can't be alone in that room with him. I can't."
"Hey, calm down Ryan. It's going to be okay."
"No it's not. I can't be here. I can't be hurt and I can't be alone with your Dad in that room. Not after what I did yesterday. I can't…" Ryan ended his panicked explanation with another splatter of vomit in the toilet.
"Well, maybe the doctor could work on you alone. Maybe my Dad doesn't have to be in there."
When they returned to the waiting area, "Ryan? Follow me please," the nurse instructed.
"It's okay kid. Go ahead. I'll be right here."
Sandy took a seat just outside the door as Ryan followed the nurse inside. Seth seized the opportunity and parked himself next to his Dad.
"I think it was a good idea that you stayed out here."
"Oh yeah? Why is that?"
"Ryan…Ryan doesn't really do hospitals…very well."
Seth's brief explanation was followed by thrashing and yelling in Ryan's room. Sandy allowed the raucous to continue for a bit, assuming Ryan would eventually calm down, that he was better off without Sandy in there. When the chaos continued, he knew he had no choice but to step in.
After instructing Seth to stay out of the room, he swung the door open to find Ryan cornered and hysterical. A male nurse held restraints in his hands and another nurse held an injection in hers, all the while, the doctor was trying to coax Ryan out of the corner.
"What is going on in here?"
Sandy's voice got everyone's attention, including the doctor. Rushing across the room to Ryan's side, he hoped he could calm the kid down and convince the doctor to not use the restraints in the process.
"It's okay kid. Just calm down."
Ryan was holding his injured hand and trembling. "They want to tie me down! You can't let them tie me down! I'll be fine. Please just take me home. Please. Sandy, please, just get me out of here. Please!"
Speaking softly, "Kid, we've got to get that hand fixed."
"Can we call Kirsten?"
Taking a deep breath, "Not this time. It's going to be okay Ryan. We'll get through this."
Ryan stood his ground, shaking his head. "I can't do this," he whispered. "Please don't make me do this."
Turning to address the doctor, "Look, Ryan has had…a difficult past. Hospitals do not hold good memories for him. You cannot tie this kid down. He'll go ballistic. You cannot restrain him. As his guardian, I will not allow it."
"Mr. Cohen, as you saw when you entered the room, he's extremely agitated and combative. For his own safety, as well as the safety of my staff, he must be restrained," the doctor lectured, unsympathetic to Ryan's emotional trauma.
"He'll be good, he will. He'll be fine but you can't restrain him."
Slowly Sandy held out his hand to Ryan. "Come on kid, let's do this so we can go home. I'll be right here with you. I won't let them hurt you." Sandy waited patiently for Ryan to go along with the program. The doctor, however, was not as patient.
"Ryan, I have other patients to attend to. Either you want my care or you don't."
Irritated, "So much for the great tableside manner," Sandy barked. "I just got done telling you this kid has had bad experiences in hospitals and the only thing you have to offer him is a comment like that? No wonder he doesn't trust you."
The doctor's disgusted expression didn't faze Sandy in the least. He went right back to coaxing Ryan back to the table.
"It's going to be okay Ryan. You don't have to do this alone."
Sandy was surprised when Ryan took a step toward him, followed by another, and another. It didn't take long and Sandy, somehow, managed to get Ryan lying down on the table.
Ryan might have been going along with the program, but he hadn't calmed down. At all. He attempted to talk to Sandy but his voice was shaky and it skipped syllables from hysterical hiccups in his speech.
"San-y, please don'- let -em tie me dow-. Please."
"Shh. I'm right here kid. No one's going to tie you down. Give me your good hand," Sandy instructed, wrapping his hand around Ryan's good hand. "There. Now you just hang onto to me as tight as you can. I'm not going anywhere. I need you to trust me kid. Please, trust me. It's going to be okay."
With his other hand, Sandy stroked Ryan's bangs off his face. He could feel Ryan's grip tightening around his hand. Ryan's eyes filled with tears until they overflowed and ran down the sides of his face into his hair. His lips trembled and his chin shook. He was fighting to stay in control with everything he had…and then he finally gave in.
"O-kay," he whispered, catching Sandy off guard.
"Okay?"
Hesitantly, "-kay. Trus- you."
More tears spilled down as the words left Ryan's mouth and the wall he'd erected between himself and Sandy came crashing down.
The words brought tears to Sandy's eyes as well. Given the previous day's events, he thought this day would never come.
"Aw kid. I've been waiting to hear those words since the day I brought you home."
Sandy allowed his eyes to run over as well. Leaning forward, he gently kissed Ryan's forehead. "You and me kid. We're gonna get through this together."
Nodding, "Okay. O-kay," Ryan breathed.
Staying close to Ryan, Sandy searched the room for the snotty doctor. "I think we're ready Doc. Just, please make sure that hand is numb before you stitch. I don't want him to feel a thing."
"Consider it done Mr. Cohen. Let's begin."
(TBC)…
A/N – I'm not sure how everyone else came through this one, but this one made me cry! If anyone needs a note for their boss, I'm sure I can come up with one! LOL!
Well folks, that was three chapters in a single week! I think that's a record for me! Y'all are caught up to me now, so I'll get the next update out just as soon as it leaves my imagination: D