Scrolls.
Why were there so many damn scrolls? Who could read all these in a lifetime?
There were hundreds of rolled parchments lining the large cabinets and shelves. They looked to be kept in some kind of order. For a moment, Naruto tugged at his ear, grinning an impish grin.
"I wonder what Old Lady Tsunade would do if these were accidentally messed up?"
No. He would never do that. First, he was almost a young adult now, not a child. Second, the scrolls might contain information that was crucial to the safety of the Hidden Leaf Village. And third, he had no desire to be on the receiving end of Isshi Rensshin.
Herbs.
There were a lot of dried plants and things, too. Glass jars and urns were filled with countless types of roots, leaves, seed pods, and stems. Naruto scratched the back of his neck, picturing what might happen if Shizune, Tsunade, or any of the medical ninjas found a little something 'extra' in their jars. It would serve them right, making him wait in a room without restroom facilities.
No. He wouldn't do that either. Just like he wouldn't spit or sneeze in anything. He was nearly a man. As it was, he was already doing man's work. That's what really pissed him off. He was pulled away from that kind of stuff by a woman. Not just any woman, but one with delusions of grandeur and stuff.
"Hey! Maybe she'll make a bet with me. If I win, I go home. If she wins, I stay." Naruto smirked. "It ought to be a piece of cake, going up against the Legendary Sucker." Fat chance that the Hokage would give him that satisfaction.
The angry young ninja looked around Tsunade's office. Huge open books covered the oaken desk. Food boxes, plates, and glasses were left over from long study sessions. Piles of intelligence reports, census records, and assignment sheets threatened to spill over onto the floor. He squinted. The curtains were pulled away from huge windows, and the bright light made it hard to see the whole expanse of the room from where he sat.
"This sucks…" Naruto was growing more exasperated by the moment. Perched lightly on his chair, rocking it as far back and forward as he could, he imagined all of the things he was going to say when Godaime finally made her appearance. "If I'm late, I get yelled at. But it's alright for her to wander in whenever she pleases…"
Finally, he heard the sound of approaching voices. A number of people held a short conversation just outside of one of the smaller doors. He strained as hard as he could, but couldn't make out any of the words. Were they talking about him? Maybe. Women were like that! Especially women over thirty five or forty. Maybe talking was all they could do at that age.
"Bored I bet." Tsunade walked in. She was wearing her official robes of state and looked unbelievably weary. "Probably pissed off, too." She managed a brief smile. "But, I'll let you know up front: I'm tired… I still have a lot to do… and now is not a good time to argue with me."
Naruto frowned. He clenched his fists. His eyes narrowed. "Old Lady, I just finished the whole damn walk without resting. I'm tired too. And let me tell you…" Naturally, he wasn't going to pay any attention to her warning. Why start now?
Tsunade walked over to stand by her cluttered desk. She flicked one finger with such force, that the paperweight striking Naruto in the forehead had him and his rolling end over end, until they hit the far wall with a loud 'thump'. A number of attendants ran in to see if something was wrong, but the Hokage waved them away.
"Memo to myself," the Hokage spoke aloud. "Speak to Jiraiya about manners and etiquette." She yawned. "After that, insist that he instructs Naruto in same."
Naruto stood up, rubbing his chest. That had hurtTossing the paperweight in his hand, he smirked. He had gotten stronger. He had some tricks up his sleeve. It didn't matter that she was the Hokage… she started it!
"Try it, brat." Tsunade said, her eyes flashing. "I have a new paralysis jutsu that I have been meaning to try." She yawned again. "Or, a kunai with a bit of curare ought to keep you still for a while. It might mean a change in plans, but I think the village might get a kick out of seeing me put you across my lap and give you a spanking." She rubbed her eyes. "If I sold tickets for people to watch me paddle your behind, I bet I could make enough money to pay for this year's budget."
Naruto shook with rage. He had not been a baby when he left. This was three years later!
"So, tell me how your training is going." The Hokage smoothly changed direction, speaking in a more conversational tone. " Hungry?" A large smile lit her face for a brief instant. She was very fond of Naruto.
Naruto scowled. How did she keep doing that all the time? He couldn't help but smile in return. "I'm starving. I wanted to get something to eat in one of the small towns on the way, but that damn Ero-sennin had emptied out my frog purse again." He almost drooled when Tsunade rang the bell. It was a Pavlovian reaction. That bell meant food. Soon enough, one of the Hokage's aides came in carrying a tray of sliced fruit and carved meat.
"I hope Jiraiya has been feeding you something more than noodles," Tsunade said, tapping her cheek with one finger. The food was disappearing at such a rate, that she almost wondered if Naruto had created a set of invisible clones. "I guess he must have, seeing how much you've grown."
"Yeh," Naruto said between slurps and chews. "The hairy old bastard feeds me well. He also shares his sake and takes me with him to do his research." He flinched when he heard Tsunade slap the desk top. Looking over, he saw that she had a rather irritated look on her face. "He's also a kick ass teacher." Naruto held his arm up, flexed, and made a muscle. Pushing aside the last of the bowls, he began to tell her about the things he had done.
The young shinobi spent an hour talking about his training progress. Tsunade's arm grew tired from ringing her small bell. Her assistants gave her sour looks each time they came back from the kitchen with a bundle of food in their arms. Finally, two impossible things happened at nearly the same moment. Naruto felt sated, and he ran out of words.
"Hey, Granny Tsunade… wake up!"Naruto had been so busy talking and bragging, that he hadn't realized that the Hokage had fallen asleep at some point. That really had him feeling steamed. What's worse, he made the mistake of opening his mouth. If he had been smart, he would have snuck out and left her snoozing. Damn.
"Hmmmm. Ahhhhh. What?"Tsunade raised her head off of her desk, the imprint from her official stamp decorating one cheek.Ohhh. Naruto. Thanks." Tsunade smiled. "You could have snuck off." She laughed, seeing Naruto's face. "But, that would have had me sending an ANBU squad out after you.
"Yeh.. Sure. Right." Naruto frowned. Go right ahead. Rub it in. "Like you'd waste their time with something like this." He froze, seeing the look on Tsunade's face.
"I'm not joking," the Hokage said, her voice very serious. "You seem to think that this is some kind of game. It's not. Nothing that involves you is a game." She sighed. "As it is, the village elders want you confined to Konoha. Not only that, they want to restrict the missions you can go out on. You're a pawn in Akatsuki's plans, and that has them very worried." She narrowed her eyes. "Me too."
"That's not fair. You're not going to do what they say, are you?" Naruto stood up abruptly, spilling a plate of octopus balls and grilled squid.
"Not if you behave," Tsunade said, a calculating look in her eyes. "If you catch my drift."
"What?" Naruto froze. His mouth fell open. Was Granny Tsunade blackmailing him? "That's not right! I never asked to have that stupid fox in my belly! Isn't that punishment enough? That's all those old jerks are worried about. Who gets Kyuubi? Who can threaten the village? Who gives a damn about that stupid boy?"
"They're worried about you, too." The Hokage made a steeple with her hands. "They know that you could be a great shinobi some day. But, if you ever want to sit in this chair, you need to be able to look at the big picture."
"That's easy for you to say, Old Lady." Naruto kicked at his chair. His hands were clenched and his mouth was set in a sardonic sneer. "You had your chance to go out and do things."
"Sit down, squirt!" Tsunade's voice snapped like a whip. "Listen up! You know why I came back to the village. You played a big role in that. But don't think that I don't dream about being able to go where I want and do what I like." She stood up, but both hands on the desk top, and leaned forward.
"OK. Fine. But…" Naruto was interrupted. He swallowed hard, trying hard not to look down the Hokage's ample cleavage.
"But nothing," Tsunade said. "This is not an easy job. You better understand that." She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down. "You need to stop being so selfish, Naruto. Like it or not, you are Jinchuuriki. It's a big risk, letting you train away from this village. It will be an even bigger risk, letting you go out on missions, now that the time is approaching when the Nine will intensify their desire to capture you. If I choose to do that, I'm risking more than you. I will be placing the Leaf at risk. And, since I will die to protect the village, I'm putting myself at risk."
"I…" Naruto looked sheepish for a moment. "I know that… it's…" He looked up at Tsunade, and then tightened his jaw. "That's why none of this makes any sense. To have any chance against Akatsuki, I need to be stronger. The last thing I need to do is wander all over Konoha after dark, when the streets will be filled with people." His voice went up an octave or two, and he struck a Lee-like pose. "I should be training, not getting involved in some stupid festival." He grabbed his travel gear. "Thanks for the food. I should be getting back now…"
Naruto knew that he must sound somewhat childish. His words must sound selfish, too. But, he didn't care. He didn't want to hear about sacrifice. Sure, it was tragic when a Hokage died to save the village. He knew that first hand. He still missed the Third something awful. But, it was even harder being alive, with a damn fox demon messing up his life. How many other people had to live with something like that? Eight, including Gaara. Only one person in Konoha had to suffer like that. Him.
"Sit down!" Tsunade's voice had a large number of glass jars resonating. A number of scrolls rolled off of their holders, falling to the floor.
"But…I…."
"SIT… DOWN… THERE!" The Hokage pointed to a chair closer to her.
"This is not…."
Tsunade stood up. She worked her shoulder, and then began flexing one arm. "You can do this like a shinobi of the Leaf, or you can spend the night in the Infirmary." The Hokage was not smiling. "I will instruct Shizune to accept your lantern in the latter case. That should spare you any embarrassment."
"You can't…"
The Hokage surprised Naruto by smiling. "One way or another, this will be good for you, Uzumaki Naruto." The smile vanished and she looked stern again. "It's not enough to be strong. I would have thought that Jiraiya would have taught you that by now." She yawned yet again. "Maybe he tried to, but you were too dense to listen." She snapped her fingers and pointed to the chair again. "One thing a good ninja needs to be able to do is follow orders. Sit."
"But…Itachi… Kisame… the rest of the Nine…." Naruto stuck his chin out.
""They'll wait," Tsunade said gravely. "I didn't invite any of them to the Festival." The corner of her mouth turned up. "I doubt that Sasuke's brother would accept your lantern, any way."
"Huh?" Naruto twitched. "What?" He made a face. "You shouldn't even joke about something like that. It's gross."
"Really?" Tsunade laced her fingers together and cracked her knuckles. "It's too bad Sasuke is staying with Orochimaru and the Sound. If he was here, nod doubt he would put you in your place. He'd outdo you for sure." She looked down at her fingernails. One was chipped. "But, it would probably be too easy for him. Girls would probably bring him lanterns, instead
Naruto didn't say anything at first. He just sat there, stewing. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen all of the girls fawning over that traitor before. But, did Granny Tsunade really need to remind him of that? Sasuke the pretty boy. Sasuke the genius. Sasuke the traitor!
He wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what the Hokage was trying to do. She wanted to strike at his pride. Maybe she thought he would rise to the occasion, just to prove that he could do what Uchiha Sasuke could do. If that was the case, then she made a little bit of a miscalculation. Her words just had him feeling depressed.
"You're right," Naruto said glumly. "It would probably be easy for Sasuke." He had no doubt who Sakura would go running to. But, she'd have to run faster than she usually did, if she wanted to beat Ino, Ten Ten, and the others to the punch. No doubt that would be some kind of cat fight, just to see who could stand near his ex-teammate, waiting to see who he'd choose. "I'm not like him. Who'd want…"
"A scruffy looking guy who doesn't pay much attention to his appearance?" Tsunade asked, drumming her fingers on her desk top..
Naruto frowned.
"A loud mouth whose bragging hides the fact that he's lonely and wants to be accepted?" The Hokage's eyes were not filled with mischief. She knew how hard Naruto still took things. It couldn't have been easy, training alone with the Frog Hermit.
Naruto looked away.
"Someone who is so clueless, so poor with words, and so self conscious, that he convinces himself that none of it matters?" Tsunade watched the emotions play across Naruto's face.
Naruto clenched his fists.
"A boy who had a demon fox sealed behind his navel?" The Hokage put her chin on her clasped hands, staring at the young man in front of her. She sighed.
The look that Naruto had when he turned back around was indescribable. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words at first. Finally, his voice thick, he asked "Why did I have to come back. Why do you want to see me hurt?"
Tsunade closed her eyes. She let out a long and deep breath. "You're already hurt, Naruto." Opening her eyes, she saw Naruto tremble a moment, and then swallow hard.
"No. I'm not.Not any more." Naruto shook his head.
The Hokage sighed again. She reached out, grabbed a financial report, and then leaned back in her chair. Not bothering to look over at Naruto, she began flipping through the pages.
"I'm… not… hurting… Old Lady…" Naruto surprised himself, hearing how loud his voice sounded.
Tsunade put the report down. "OK, you're not hurting." She scowled. "You certainly don't sound like you're hurting, right?" A touch of sadness crossed her features. Naruto noticed, and then looked down at his boots. "Whether or not you are hurting, you are going to do everything that the other boys do. No exceptions. None.Not a one."
"But, I don't understand…." Naruto's posture slumped.
"I know," the Hokage answered. "Everybody gets confused about life now and again." She ran a hand through her hair. "Even me." She met Naruto's eyes. "The only thing that can fix that is time. Time, and opportunity." She looked down at her desk, running a finger over a picture of her brother, and then over one of Dan. "I can't give you more time," she said. "But, I can give you opportunities."
"I… that's…" Naruto scratched at the back of his neck. "Maybe you're right. But, unfortunately, I don't have any of the things that are listed on the scroll you sent me." He felt some of his usual spunk returning. "Maybe if I actually had some nice clothes…" He smacked a hand against his worn jumpsuit. A cloud of road dust floated away from him before settling to the floor. "Since I don't…"
"I see," Tsunade said, narrowing her eyes. "I was pretty explicit in my instructions." She pursed her lips. "If I had to rely on you buying a nice set of clothes, I guess we'd both be out of luck." She smiled. "Fortunately, that's not the case." Opening one of her desk drawers, she took out a small locked box and opened it. "Discretionary funds. You never know when they might come in handy." She reached into a different drawer, took out a small gong, and struck it once.
Before long, a door opened. One of her aides walked in. "Ma'am?" The old man was dressed in a nice set of robes. His bread and mustache were well-trimmed. He had an air of dignity about him.
"The young man will need a new robe," Tsunade said. "It should be something rather nice. Make it traditional.Silk would be nice."
The old man took a measuring tape out of his pocket, unwound it, and held it out in front of Naruto as he walked into the room.
"Make certain he doesn't choose anything orange," the Hokage added. "Is something the matter?" She wondered what had the man making such a face.
"The young man is… how should I put this… he's a bit fragrant." The aide coughed a couple of times.
"I haven't bathed in a number of days," Naruto said, scowling. "Big deal. I've been really busy. I guess the long walk here didn't help." He folded his arms over his chest. "I probably should not go out like this. Especially since I haven't had a haircut in a while." He ran a hand through his unruly and tangle-filled hair. "Maybe next year…"
Tsunade raised one eyebrow. "Men or women?" She asked.
"Huh?"Naruto looked puzzled. "What are you talking about, Old Lady?"
"Men or women," Tsunade said, picking up the small hammer that came with the gong. "As your chaperons. The ones who will make sure that you visit the barber and scrub well at the baths." She grinned.
"Wait a minute." Naruto frowned and made a face. "What are you talking about?" He scowled when he saw the old man put a scented cloth over his nose. "The Hokage has no right to…" He was interrupted by the gong, which rang out twice.
Voices could be heard approaching one of the doors. This time, Naruto could hear what was being said.
"Shit. Why us? What did we do to deserve this?" That voice was familiar. Naruto squinted, scratching under one arm. Where had he heard that voice before?
The door opened. A rather disgruntled looking Anko walked in. She turned around and spoke again. "Come on Kurenai. You're part of this too. If I have to do it, you have to do it." Not long after that, the other jounin walked in. Looking at Tsunade, she shook her head and sighed. Turning to face Naruto, she sore under her breath.
"No way…" Naruto brushed away the old man's hand. "No… freakin'… way…"
"Make it a nice short hair cut" Tsunade told Kurenai. "And have the barber shave him first. Hmmmm.Get rid of the sideburns, too."
"Yes Ma'am," Kurenai said.
"This is some kind of joke, right?" Naruto looked at Kurenai and then at Tsunade. He didn't have the nerve to meet Anko's eyes at that moment. She was tossing a sharpened kunai in the air and catching it.
"Anko…" The Hokage narrowed her eyes and frowned. "ANKO!" She shouted when the jounin failed to answer her.
"Ma'am?" Anko glared at Naruto.
"Have the older women bathe the boy." The Hokage hid a smile behind her hand. "They won't be as easily seduced as you."
"W-h-a-t-?" Anko let the kunai fall the the floor. It nearly stuck itself into her foot.
"I thought that might get your attention," Tsunade said. Every once in a while, Anko needed a little shaking up. Of course, it was never a good thing to be around her afterwards. "Have them use stone soap…hibiscus blossoms… scrubbing roots… everything."
"You don't have to tell us," Kurenai said, wrinkling her nose. She took a step further away from Naruto.
"If he gives them any trouble, tell them that they can shave off every last hair. Eyebrows. Arm pits. And you know where…" When Tsunade waved her hand nonchalantly, Naruto almost choked.
"Should we borrow someone from the Home for the Blind, Ma'am?" Kurenai asked. It was hard to tell if she was joking or being serious.
"No. We don't have the time." Tsunade looked over at an ornate clock. "In this village, everyone must serve in his or her way." She sounded very solemn.
"Screw this," Naruto said. "I'll just go bathe myself…" He began heading for the door.
"If you take one more step, I will bathe you." The Hokage's voice carried throughout the general vicinity. "If need be, I'll powder your bottom afterwards and put you in a diaper!"
Naruto sputtered. He wouldn't put it past Granny Tsunade.
"One more thing, ladies." Tsunade looked over at Anko and Kurenai. "I am going to trust your judgment in this. I am giving you permission to use force."
"What kind of force?" Anko licked her lips. Looking over at Naruto, she began caressing her kunai.
"Whatever force is necessary," the Hokage said. "Short of anything that will leave him maimed or disfigured." She smiled. "Your discretion."
Anko nodded, a gleam in her eyes. Kurenai shook her head and sighed.
"Sweet scent. Mouth wash. Deodorant." Tsunade said firmly. "He gets to take care of that on his own, if he wishes. If he doesn't, then it's up to the two of you. That will be all for now." Tsunade yawned, looked over at the stack of work on her desk, and then moved on to her next task.
As Naruto walked out of the room, he felt as if he were headed to the gallows or an enemy interrogation room.
It would have been kinder if he had been captured by Akatsuki.