Title: What Lies Within Us
Chp. 12 Almost Doesn't Count
Disclaimer: I don't own. Duh.
Introduction: I know I'm delusional….but Trory. Well, obviously not at first because that would be too easy, but I wanted to clarify. Basically set in the present, maybe like a year ahead, slightly altered to make things work. Oh, side note, and although this fic started before viewing of 'wedding bell blues', assume Rory and Logan got together in similar matter (they're just not having sex), and decided on some 'strings' eventually. Stuff is slightly diff, see rest of fic.
Rating: Pg-13 this chap.
Author's note: I hate reviews (I'm also a really bad liar). I know I said the weekend, but I got some fairly severe writers block, and I wasn't sure how much I was going to put into this chapter. (it's longer, if that's any consolation). And, for those of you who were scared I was done since chp 11 was the 'namesake' chapter…… like I'd end it like that. It would be pretty darn unsatisfying, for everyone, including me. And even though I'm putting it out at supper tonight, means it probably won't be up until sometime tomorrow, which just makes it seem later. But, it's up now.
"A hatchet?"
"No."
"A tiara?"
"No."
"A pony who…."
"For the love of God mom, would you just open your present?" Rory finally cut her mother off frustratedly as she watched Lorelai shake her present and throw out random, illogical guesses as to what might be inside. Even though she had already opened Rory's main gift of a new, elegant guestbook for the inn, the apron was still left to open.
Most of the gifts had already been torn apart; this group was not one known for it's patience. Wrapping paper littered the floor, almost paining Luke to look at it, but Lorelai had flippantly assured him they'd get to it later.
As Lorelai continued to shake her gift, Rory noticed the necklace lightly shaking around her neck. Her Christmas present from Luke. She had come downstairs wearing it this morning, the two of them obviously having exchanged their more intimate gifts the night before. Rory smiled as she saw it; the necklace was no surprise to her. She had helped Luke pick it out the last time she was in town. Swearing himself incapable of thoughtful gifts, he had forced her to help him, mostly through guilt. But she knew they had picked out a good piece of jewellery; the pendant was a small dragonfly, set with tiny diamonds. Luke hadn't let her see the cost, but she knew it couldn't have been cheap.
Tristan sat beside her on the couch, his few presents in front of him. There was the bible from Lorelai, a gift that had left him clueless as her mother had laughed. Upon explanation of the meaning he even seemed to look a little sheepish of that reminder of the past. Luke had even tossed in a small tool kit, assuring him that every guy needed one, even when the dorms were serviced for them. Of course he had given the same kit to Rory the year before, and she didn't think she had ever cracked the packaging except to use the screwdriver to help pry open a jar. Besides the gift of the night before, Rory had gotten him a pair of Yale sweats to wear when he went running.
She knew he had been the first to awaken this morning. Not surprising considering his habits. By the time she had opened her eyes, it was later and Luke had already been cooking breakfast in the kitchen. It had taken her just a moment to realize where she saw, and who she was with. But when she raised her face to his, not wanting to wake him, he had been conscious already and looking down at her. She had immediately turned red as she looked at the clock, knowing how long he must have sat there, completely still, being careful not to wake her. And when she saw the way she had practically crawled into his lap overnight, it couldn't have been comfortable for him. But he just shrugged it off, and when he finally pulled his arm from around her she felt a little empty.
Even she couldn't be oblivious to the looks her mother had been shooting at her and Tristan that morning. Rory knew she had seen the two of them together; she had been gone when Rory went back to her room. And from her looks, and comments subtler than Rory thought Lorelai was capable of, she knew how her mother was taking it. But she couldn't be annoyed, couldn't call her on it because she knew in many respects her mother was right. It was physically platonic, but that didn't stop it from being wrong when she was having treacherous thoughts.
As she had stood in the shower, letting the water beat down on her, she could still feel his touch. His arm around her, the hand that had been resting on her knee, his stomach under her fingers. The physical awareness was threatening to her; that heightened sensation was something she hadn't felt before.
She let out a sarcastic sigh of relief as Lorelai finally tore into her present, causing her mother to throw the wrapping at her. Finally, her mother just rolled her eyes as she pulled out the apron covered in kitties. As Rory laughed, Lorelai just promised her it would either look attractive on Luke, or find its use in the rag pile.
As they all sat there, unsure of what the next move should be, Rory watched as Lorelai leaned against the back of her chair, and sigh. "Well, the fun part of the day is over. Now time for the torture."
"Torture?" she heard Tristan asked, confused.
Rory shot her mother a look, and then turned to Tristan. "We're supposed to go to my grandparents today for a holiday dinner. Mom's a little dramatic, that's all. You don't have to come if you don't want to," she added that last part, knowing while he might not hate it as much as Luke did, the evening would not be his idea of a good time.
"I'll come," he promised, grabbing some of the paper that was lying on the floor and tossed it in a garbage bag, and began to clean up. She wanted to make sure he understood exactly what the evening would entail, what he was agreeing to. She wanted him to come, to have her grandparents meet him. But not only were they high society people, they were acquaintances of his family.
"I wish I had the option," she heard Luke mumble as he grabbed some of the plates from the living room table to take back to the kitchen. As he walked by Lorelai, she grabbed his hand.
"You don't have to come," she murmured, holding on, "You know that."
"You go, I go," was all he replied simplistically, leaning over to kiss her gently on the forehead, before taking the plates into the kitchen.
As much as bridges had been partially mended with Richard and Emily, Rory knew what the visits cost Luke, and how much Lorelai hated he wasn't completely comfortable. But as Rory went, she went, and therefore Luke went. But it added a new state of tension to Friday night dinners, and holiday occasions that hadn't been there before. But Luke was a part of their lives now. As much as she loved her grandparents, Rory knew that even her grandfather looked down on Luke, and it was hard to watch when she loved him too.
She scrambled to her feet as Tristan got up to take the bag of garbage out and followed him to the back door. "Really, you don't have to come," she insisted, wrapping her arms around her to ward off the cold as he had opened the door to go out. "It's just a rather uncomfortable, polite chit-chat dinner."
"I have been known to be polite on occasions," he raised his eyebrows as he slipped on his shoes, giving her a smile to show he was teasing.
She rolled her eyes, "You know what I mean. We won't be long; you can have the place to yourself and we'll be back before you know it."
He stepped out the door to carry the bag to the outside garbage can, and turned back, "You go, I go," he quipped, leaving Rory to stare after him.
The Gilmore mansion stood before them. They had parked the car, and were standing there for a moment before going in. Rory could remember all the times she had had to convince her mother to enter this building. Not the way it was normally supposed to be. She snuck a glance at Tristan, but he wasn't in awe of the place, he had grown up in a house just like this. Somehow, that made the evening seem a little more promising.
She watched Lorelai take Luke's hand as she knocked on the door. It wasn't that she was trying to rub Richard and Emily's faces in their relationship, it was mutual support. She had done that every time they came over for dinner. She had accepted they were her parents, her daughter's grandparents, and they would be in her life forever, but that doesn't mean she and her mother would ever get to the point in their relationship they had been approaching before the Luke/Christopher conflict.
Rory smiled as the new maid opened the door. This one was blond and looked as if she had graduated from high school last week. She wouldn't last long. But then, none did. As she took their coats, Richard and Emily walked into the hall.
"Grandma, grandpa," Rory greeted them as they walked in, "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas Rory," her grandmother replied, giving her a hug.
As she pulled away, Rory brought Tristan forward from where he had been standing in the back, his hands in his pockets, a pose not unsimilar to Luke's. "This is Tristan DuGrey, I believe you've met." After all, he was one of the Chilton 'friends' that had come to her sixteenth birthday part. "He's starting at Yale next term, and has been spending Christmas in Stars Hollow."
"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore, thank you for having me," Tristan's voice was both bland and respectful, a role he had played often before, as he shook their hands. As Rory watched her grandparents react to him, she realized the turmoil between Tristan and his father wasn't as public as he thought it was as Richard and Emily were smiling, and inquiring after his parents; questions he expertly avoided.
"Drinks?" Richard asked the group as they headed into the sitting room. "Dinner isn't ready quite yet."
"White wine Dad," Lorelai replied, sitting on the couch with Luke beside her, still holding his hand.
"I'll have a vodka straight up, Mr.Gilmore," Luke replied. Even though he was a grown man, approaching 40, he couldn't get away from calling Lorelai's father by the formal address. And as much as he liked to pretend that he didn't care what they thought, he was still never comfortable asking for a beer. But he saw Richard shoot him a look, and simply poured from the Heineken that they already had sitting there, chilled, and handed it to him. While he hadn't warmed to Luke, he had accepted the man for who he was.
"Sprite please, grandpa," Rory had reached the age of majority already, but she still felt uncomfortable asking for alcohol from her grandparents. When Tristan asked for a scotch, she felt a little weird, but he didn't have the hang-ups she had, and it wasn't like he was an underage minor. At the same time, she could see her grandfather nod his approval at Tristan's drink choice.
"So Tristan," Emily began, smiling gratefully up at her husband as he handed her a sherry. "Are you just transferring to Yale this term?"
He shook his head, and slowly slipped his drink. "No, I'm enrolling. This will be my first year of college. I was in the army for a few years out of high school." He was surprised, travelling in the social circles they did, they weren't a little more aware of his family's affairs these past two years.
They seemed impressed by the news, primarily Richard who had just sat down in his customary chair. "Good for you son," he replied, genuinely, if not a little condescendingly, "And now Yale. You couldn't have picked a better school, and not just because my granddaughter goes there." He looked benevolently at Rory, who smiled.
"It's one of the top universities in the country," Emily was explaining, as if that all hadn't gone into Tristan's decision making process. "While Richard's a Yale man himself, he's a little biased, but it's true none the less."
While Tristan was nodding his agreement, Richard had began, "So Tristan, what do you plan on studying?"
As Rory had horrific flashbacks to a similar grilling of Dean that had taken place, Lorelai interjected, "I don't suppose the third degree could wait until dessert, or at the very least supper dad?" Conversations like this with Richard and Emily had never gone well.
Of course there had never been a man grilled with aspirations quite like Tristan's. "I don't mind," he looked reassuringly at both Lorelai and Rory, before turning back to Richard. "I plan on studying medicine, sir." He tossed that in there, knowing men like Richard would appreciate the show of respect. He tended to shy away from telling people his plans, because it would be embarrassing if they didn't come true, but it sounded impressive all the same right now.
She almost expected the questions about what sort of grades Tristan got, but Richard just nodded his approval. Because this wasn't a Dean repeat. This was years later. They were used to her with boys, and they knew Logan was still her boyfriend. And of course it probably didn't hurt that Tristan was biologically part of a family they considered their social equals. But still, when she saw Emily was smiling too, both of them approving of Tristan, she felt herself relax.
"But I don't think joining the circus has been officially ruled out yet," Lorelai quipped, taking a sip of her drink.
"Well, I do enjoy the lion taming," Tristan smiled, catering to her comment as the elder Gilmores just rolled their eyes.
"And how's business Luke?" Richard asked the question gruffly, turning to the man beside his daughter. They made polite conversation every time. Acceptance of Luke had been necessary to get Lorelai back into their lives, and politeness at the very least was necessary to keep her there.
"Can't complain," Luke replied, the same answer he gave every time, taking a sip of his beer. "And you?"
"Good, good," Richard answered back. "I just acquired some new clients." And Luke nodded his head, pretending like he cared. Because his act of not being miserable every time they came here was necessary to keep Lorelai happy as well. For all their problems, for all their fights, they were her parents. And even though she would never admit it, she wasn't at a point where she wanted to do without them. He felt Lorelai squeeze his hand, and knew that for her, the few nights in a shirt and tie, with people who thought he was below them, was worth it.
They all looked up when the maid entered the room. "Dinners on the table," she told them with a smile, bobbing a short curtsey before leaving.
As they entered the dining room, Emily was explaining the special meal that had been made especially for the holidays, and Lorelai ensured that she and Rory were walking in side by side towards the back of the group.
"Graduating high school, not getting pregnant and going to Yale wasn't enough for you," she whispered good naturedly in her daughter's ear.
"Huh?" Rory turned to her mother, confused.
"You get to bring home boys they like too," Lorelai spoke softly as she pulled away to go to her seat at the table. Rory paused for a moment, and as she saw both Tristan and Luke at the table she knew what her mother meant. Tristan, although not the spoiled society kid he was before, knew how to be comfortable in this kind of environment. Richard was smiling at him like the son he never had. Luke by contrast was uncomfortably pulling at his collar. Boyfriend or not, he fit in well in all aspects of her life. Unlike Logan, this wasn't his world anymore, but unlike some of her past boyfriends, he could fit in when the situation arose.
She smiled as she sat down beside him, absurdly pleased, listening to her grandfather list the merits of Yale's medical school, and undergraduate science program.
"Ugh, need food," Lorelai complained, kicking off her high heels as they walked back into their house.
"We just had a full dinner mom," Rory reminded her, distracted as Tristan held out his hand for her jacket to hang up. She smiled gratefully at him, not expecting it.
"And how much pate foie gras did you eat?" she heard Lorelai's voice call out sarcastically from the kitchen, and she could hear a cupboard open.
"Point taken," Rory admitted reluctantly, conceding the goose liver hadn't been very appetizing. At least not after she had learned what it was. "Grab me something of whatever you're getting too."
She set the present she had received from her grandparents down on the table. An old copy of Don Quixote. It gave her grandfather pleasure, searching for rare antique volumes of great literary works to give to her. While she still enjoyed the modern volumes, encased in plastic, nothing beat the smell and feel of the old novels.
"I think I'm heading to bed," Luke admitted, loosening his tie that he had worn that evening. They had stayed later than normal at the grandparents. "It's late, and since Christmas is over I have to open the diner in the morning."
"Oh," Lorelai seemed a little surprised as she came back into the living room from the kitchen, she finished chewing whatever she had shoved in her mouth and tossed a bag of chips to Rory who caught them easily. "Well, I'll go too."
"You don't have to," Luke told her as he shrugged out of his sport coat and hung it on the banister.
"You go, I go," she tossed his words from earlier that evening back at him, as she pushed him up the stairs. It wasn't like this was the first time she had done this. While she still couldn't do the getting up early part, she could train herself to fall asleep early, just to be with him. "Going to bed?" she asked Tristan and Rory.
"It's ten mom," Rory told her amusedly, and Lorelai grimaced a little following behind Luke who was heading up the stairs. "That pretty much says it all."
Lorelai made a face at her daughter as she headed up the stairs as well. She wanted to make sure to get up there before Luke fell asleep for the night; there was another little Christmas present 'to herself' from Victoria's Secret she wanted to put on. "Uh huh. Boxing Day shopping tomorrow, right?"
"Of course," Rory nodded as she watched her mother go. She passed the chip bag to Tristan and kicked off her heels at the door as she went to go change.
"Pick out a movie or something," she yelled back into the living room as she decided what to slip on. A rather slinky nightie of hers was hanging on a chair, and she blushed when she saw it. Deliberately, she slipped into a raggedy pair of Yale sweats and an oversized wool sweater. While incredibly comfortable, it was probably one of the least attractive outfits she had.
When she came back out, Tristan was on the couch, already having changed from his 'nice clothes' to a pair of sweats and shirt of his own. Then, belatedly remembering his early morning tendencies, she asked a little awkwardly, "Sorry, I just assumed you wouldn't want to be going to bed. But I suppose getting up at 5, you might want to sleep. I can just go read in my room. Of course, courtesy of you, I have a lot of prospects to choose from."
He shook his head, grabbing a handful of chips from the bag and handing it to her. "Nah, I may get up early, but I'm still young enough I survive on very little sleep."
She grabbed the bag and sat down on the couch beside him, "So what did you decide on?"
In truth, they had a fairly limited collection. Most of the time they just rented from the video store. But, he held up a copy of XXX with Vin Diesel that he had found. Rory fought the urge to laugh as it had actually been more of a joke gift from her mother to her last year. It had some of the cheesiest dialogue in the world, which was fun to mock.
"What?" he asked after seeing her expression. "I've never seen it."
"Nothing," she shook her head innocently as she stood up again. "Listen, I'll go get us something to drink if you want to pop it in."
When she came back carrying sodas, the opening credits were rolling, and she handed over his coke before sitting down again. As the movie hadn't really started yet, she decided to bring up something from earlier that evening. "You didn't have to say yes to my grandparents you know," she told him as she popped open her can.
That evening, Emily and Richard had practically insisted that she come to the New Year's Eve party they were throwing. It wasn't that she was thrilled with the prospect, but she had accepted. She liked to think she had a backbone, but she did hate to disappoint anyone, whether it be her grandparents or Lorelai. And it wasn't like Stars Hollow had anything 'happening' going on. She had known even if Logan showed up, it would be no problem him coming, he was on a first name basis with Richard after all. And they had of course invited Tristan, who had accepted, albeit reluctantly.
He shrugged, taking a sip of his drink, "And what else would you suggest I do?" It was an honest question. She was going, Logan would go if he came, and he had nowhere else to be, nobody else to be with.
She didn't answer directly, but added in all seriousness, "I'll make sure your parents aren't on the guest list." She hoped it wasn't an empty reassurance. She wasn't sure how she would explain it to her grandparents, but if he were coming she would find some way to make sure the DuGrey's wouldn't be there.
He shrugged, in what he hopped was a nonchalant way, "Even if they're invited, they won't be there," he told her in explanation of why he wasn't concerned. "After Christmas every year they take off for Cancun for a vacation. Tradition. They won't be in the States." A tradition in which he had never been included. And as the movie started, he felt her hand on his shoulder.
By the time the end credits rolled, Rory was half sprawled on the couch, her legs lying across Tristan's lap. It was hard to watch movies and sit ramrod straight the whole time. But it had lead to distractions throughout the entire movie. Even if he wasn't aware of it, she had been acutely aware every time he had absent-mindedly rubbed a leg that lay on his lap. It felt like she should say something, tell him it was inappropriate, but she was the one who had ended up half on top of him, and she was enjoying it too much to care.
They hadn't talked much throughout the whole movie, although Rory had glanced over at him every time a truly bad piece of dialogue was spoken, wanting to know if he found it as amusing as she did. But his face had been implacable for the most part, and she had been a little disappointed they hadn't been able to mock the movie the whole way through.
But she watched as he sat there for a moment, staring at the screen after the movie had ended, and finally said a little wryly, "Well, I think the omission of a best screenplay Oscar was well-deserved."
"Thank you!" she exclaimed, glad he couldn't have honestly thought that was good. Amusing, sure, but not quality.
He smiled as she pulled her legs gently from his lap, careful not to inadvertently kick something. She was wrapped in the blanket he slept with on the couch.
Tristan had to laugh at her appearance as he looked at her. He knew he was in a bad state, as much as he pretended otherwise. She was dressed in one of the ugliest sweaters he had ever seen, the ponytail she had tied her hair in was askew and half falling out, the mascara she had put on earlier was smudged on her cheek, and he was still attracted to her. As much as he wished it was something he could willingly shake off, it wasn't. And as unfortunate as it was necessary, she seemed completely oblivious to it.
At least he usually thought she was. But as they sat there on the couch, he saw something come into her gaze. With other girls he would chalk it up to lust or desire, but with Rory he had no idea. Maybe looking at a guy in a way that made him feel inflamed was something she did often, but he doubted it.
His laughter died down, and he gazed back at her. She didn't look away, just stayed fixated on his face. Before exercising better judgement, without making a conscious decision, he felt himself leaning towards her slowly. She had every chance to pull away, and she didn't. Rory just stayed still, her breathing laboured, as he came towards her. He knew deep down he was succumbing to a bout of insanity, but didn't care. He go so close he could almost feel her breath, and he never even closed his eyes, not wanting to miss anything.
It was at that point the doorbell rang.
Rory shot back quickly, and she was already at the edge of the couch she practically tumbled to the ground. Tristan closed his eyes, reflecting for a moment on his stupidity as she scrambled to her feet and tossed the blanket at him.
"I wonder who it could be at this hour?" he was shocked to hear the words come out of his mouth, normal and unstrained, despite the turmoil that was going on inside.''
"It's only 11:30pm," she responded as she walked to the door. Her voice was husky, but not full of hatred, and he supposed that was something at least. He wanted to look into her eyes, make sure she wasn't pissed over what had almost just happened, but she was already walking away. He had come so close to doing the stupidest thing imaginable, and didn't want her upset over it. He wanted to believe in the adage that 'almost didn't count'.
He watched her take a couple deep breaths before she opened the door. He couldn't see the entrance from the couch as she opened the door, but he could hear her surprised voice, and see the lips that descended on hers as the boy walked in the door.
In the cruellest of life's little ironies, it was Logan at the door. "What are you doing here?" Rory asked as she hugged him, and Tristan hoped he was the only one who could hear the tension mixed in with the surprise in her voice.
"I tried to call," Logan told her, nodding to Tristan when he noticed him. He then turned back to Rory, and added pointedly. "But someone had their cell turned off."
She blushed as she remembered turning it off the other day, partially as a matter of avoidance. "I thought if you were coming, it wouldn't be until at least New Year's."
He shrugged. "I had nothing better to do," but belied his rather harsh sounding words with a kiss. He wasn't going to admit that it was a small proportion that he missed her, and a larger proportion that Tristan was here with her.
"Well, I'm glad you came," Rory hoped the words didn't sound as false to him as they did in her head. It wasn't that she was upset he was here, she had wanted him to come, invited him, but at this particular moment, this exact time, she didn't want him here. "We were just watching a movie."
There was no time to analyze, no time to process, but she was very certain Tristan had been about to kiss her when Logan had knocked on the door. And she had been going to let him.
Why did he have to come now? Maybe it was fortuitous he had come when he did, but it sure didn't feel that way right now. She didn't like she was resenting her boyfriends presence. The passing thought came that, if she was going to be feeling all this guilt, she would have preferred to do something to at least earn it.
A thought did occur to her though, "We really don't have anywhere for you to sleep Logan, as bad as it sounds. So unless you're willing to take the floor, there aren't too many options."
"I could sleep with you," he suggested, looking towards her room.
She shook her head. "You know that isn't happening Logan. This is my mother's house." And it wasn't just her mother, it was them. They weren't there yet. While platonic sleep was possible, she didn't think he would be going for that. "It's the floor, or a room at my mother's inn, your choice."
He hesitated, and she knew that wasn't what he came here for. Rory didn't know what he had been expecting though, he knew how big their house was, and Tristan was taking the couch. It was then she heard Tristan say, "I'll go to the inn." And Logan looked pleased with the idea, even if Tristan looked a little dejected.
And it was Tristan she was looking at when she said, "Of course you're not going to do that." She hadn't meant her statement to come out as roughly as it had, but she wasn't going to let him do that.
She turned back to Logan, knowing he wouldn't want to be the one to bend, to be the one to be the bigger man and offer to go. All other stuff that was occurring aside, she wasn't going to do that to Tristan. Make him leave, make him the outsider on a whim of Logan's, even though the guilt was tempting her to do just that. "You can go to the inn," she didn't care if her words came out a little stubbornly. It was in the back of her mind she shouldn't be so insistent, Logan was after all her boyfriend, but her insistence had nothing even to do with that; it was about making Tristan not feel displaced again. And as childish as it was, she was also upset Logan hadn't wanted to be here in the first place.
Tristan watched the exchange between them, and as Logan opened his mouth to speak, he knew this was the spark of another argument, another disagreement. He didn't want to be sitting there on the couch, between them again, so he excused himself to give himself some privacy. But this time, Rory took the time to notice, but said nothing before she turned back to Logan.
He headed up the stairs, knowing he would probably hear them from anywhere in the house, but short of barricading himself in the bathroom downstairs, this probably gave the greatest illusion of privacy. He stood in the darkness at the top of the steps, unable to stop himself from watching and listening, as bad as it was.
Tristan felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned to find Lorelai standing there, looking at him. "Doorbell woke me," she said softly in explanation.
He nodded, and motioned down the stairs, "Just giving them some privacy," his words were a half lie. Both he and Lorelai knew he could hear every word going on down there. Just as she had before he had come up here.
"If it turns out that way, you can stay at Luke's place since he's here," she offered quietly. "Closer. Cheaper."
He nodded his thanks, and she added, "If it's Logan, he can stay at the inn." He felt surprise at her words, but supposed it was just because Logan had money and he didn't know. He had no clue of the underlying dislike of Logan.
The words exchanged below turned loud for a moment, and he turned his head towards the couple arguing in the living room, torn between going down there to either reassure Rory he was fine with leaving, or kicking out Logan so things could go back to the comfortable way they were before Logan showed up tonight. Because it wouldn't be at all the same if he were here. He was the boyfriend, the one who should be joking with Lorelai and Luke, impressing her grandparents. And Tristan would just be there, inconsequential.
When he turned back to Lorelai, almost forgetting she was there, she was staring at him intently. "You should tell her, you know," she finally said, after a long period of time.
"What?" Tristan chose to play dumb even though he thought he knew what she was referring too, even though he had hoped she would be oblivious to it.
"Tell her you love her, ask her to be with you," the words weren't blunt, but kind, urging him to tell her daughter the very thing he never would.
He almost blurted out "She might say no", his first instinctive response. With that response, if he had jumped up and down and the town square and declared his feelings, he couldn't have been more obvious. But that was just instinct speaking. Her not returning his feelings wasn't what he had to be scared about. Her saying yes was the worse answer, as much as he craved it. Not knowing what to say, he just closed his eyes for a moment as Lorelai watched, and waited.
He just looked back at her, somewhat helplessly, struck by the absolute absurdity of this whole experience. And not absurdity in an amusing way, in a torturous, painful way. Most of his own doing. And now here he was, with Rory's mother, her best friend, of all people, fully aware of what he felt. Even if he wouldn't admit to his feelings out loud, he didn't have the determination or the acting skills to lie about them either.
Lorelai finally turned to leave, but not before letting out a sigh at the sounds of her daughter and Logan below, and patting Tristan's shoulder.
Tristan stood there for awhile longer, not moving.