Title: What Lies Within Us
Chp. 13 Beginning to see the light
Disclaimer: I don't own. Duh.
Introduction: I know I'm delusional….but Trory. Well, obviously not at first because that would be too easy, but I wanted to clarify. Basically set in the present, maybe like a year ahead, slightly altered to make things work. Oh, side note, and although this fic started before viewing of 'wedding bell blues', assume Rory and Logan got together in similar matter (they're just not having sex), and decided on some 'strings' eventually. Stuff is slightly diff, see rest of fic.
Rating: Pg-13 this chap.
Author's note: I hate reviews (I'm also a really bad liar). Thanks to anyone who has reviewed. In real fact, reviews make me want to write more and faster, even though it wasn't possible this time. Really long update time, but have a good excuse. You try to write 7 finals in 10 days and see how much time you have to update. I have two left, but I needed a stress relief, so I churned this out (rather quickly I might add). Updates will occur when finals are done, which will be soon.
"For God's sake, I'll just go," Tristan tried to make the words sound forceful as he walked back down the stairs to where Rory and Logan were fighting. They turned to him in surprise.
He had waited up in that darkened hallway for what seemed like an eternity, listening to the two of them. Rory wasn't giving up, and Logan couldn't see exactly what was wrong in just showing up and expecting Tristan to leave. He didn't want to listen to it anymore, didn't want to be in the middle, be the cause of conflict. It would be easier, simpler for everyone, if he just insisted that he leave, no matter what Rory said. It was probably just a matter of form anyway, a matter of politeness. While maybe he had dibs since he "was here first", Logan was her boyfriend, and should be there.
Rory's head whipped around in surprise from where she was standing with her back to him. "Don't be a martyr, Tristan," her words were clipped, and he wasn't sure if she was angrier at Logan for wanting to stay, or him for agreeing to leave. "Logan can stay at the inn, and everything will be fine."
"I'm happy to go," he lied, hopefully convincingly enough that they both bought it. He would be happy enough in that it would simplify things.
"See?" Logan threw up his arms when Rory still looked thunderous. "He's happy, I'm happy, why can't you be happy?"
She rolled her eyes, "Logan, you ass. He's your friend. What else is he going to do? He feels obligated. Unlike you, some people in this world have manners and are considerate of others."
She knew Logan couldn't get why she was so upset. Maybe she was overdoing it a little bit, but it didn't matter. She didn't want Tristan to feel obligated to go. Not just because she wanted him here, but she didn't want him to feel like some second choice, like he didn't really belong here for the break, even though he had been invited. And even though she could understand why he was doing it, she was a little annoyed with Tristan for just giving in.
He had almost kissed her.
The thought kept running through her mind as she looked at the two of them standing there, together. She had initially had been so sure that was what he had been about to do, but now she wasn't so sure. Logically, she knew she wasn't imagining things, he had been so close to her; she could smell the barbeque chips on his breath, and hadn't even cared. Was there any mistaking his actions for something else? It was just that he had acted so normal afterwards, was now even acting like it had never happened. Although what could she expect? Him to try and kiss her in front of her boyfriend? And the awareness, the connection, she couldn't have been the only one who felt it, could she? And what kind of person did that make her?
Oh God she was confused.
And the two of them weren't making it any easier. Just by them being there together, she didn't know what she felt. If there was anything for her to even be conflicted about. Illogically she just wanted Logan to go away so she could talk with Tristan, determine what had or had not been about to happen between them, make sure she wasn't going crazy. And then that made her think about doing more than talking with Tristan, and she wanted to scream because it wasn't supposed be this way. She had a boyfriend, who she liked. She wasn't supposed to want to kiss someone else. To be willing to drop everything for someone else who had never even said they were interested in her. And he probably didn't even want that, had probably just gotten carried away in the moment, if he had actually even been about to do anything…..
Her frustration grew to not only include Tristan and Logan but herself, for being such an idiot. It made her words come out harsher when she said, "Fine, if you want it that way, it's fine by me," to Tristan who had already begun to pack his bag.
She knew Logan was going to ask her if she was PMSing, just knew he was going to ask it when he looked at her as if she were insane. He thought better of it when she threw a glare at him. He had asked that once before when she had been pissed off at him, and she hadn't talked to him for a week.
"But don't," she added, "Think this is going to change anything tonight. Tristan, if you're so gung ho on going, I'll drive you in the morning. Tonight, you stay here. It's too late to go anywhere. You," she pointed at Tristan, "Stay on the couch. Do not let Logan bully you into giving it up. And you," she pointed at her boyfriend even as she pulled some side pillows off the couch and tossed him a blanket. "You can sleep on the floor, and then tomorrow you can have the dubious honour of the couch. Your privileged back can take it for one night." She didn't even both to say anything else, except an abrupt, "Goodnight," tossed over her shoulder as she walked back to her room and firmly shut the door.
Logan and Tristan both stared after her in varying degrees of shock and surprise. "Girls," was all Logan finally muttered lamely as he tossed his "bed" of pillows on the floor, having no clue as to what triggered Rory's behaviour, made worse when Tristan had came back downstairs.
Tristan was surprised as well, but for varying reasons and to a different degree than Logan was. He really couldn't understand why she was so upset. Him going wasn't just to make it easier on himself, it was to make it easier on her too. It would allow them to forget what he had been stupid enough to almost do. Let her have her boyfriend close by.
"I wasn't trying to kick you out when I came," Logan told him awkwardly, but honestly, his form of an apology.
"I know, don't worry about it." Tristan's words came out on a sigh. For all that Logan was jealous, Tristan knew his intention hadn't been to displace him. He just hadn't thought beyond showing up here and inserting himself back in with Rory. It just doubled his guilt, that without even knowing it, Logan did have just cause to be wary of him.
He had almost kissed her.
It made him feel awful on so many levels as he stared down at Logan, his friend who had helped him out when he needed it. He tried to push it from his mind, pretend it didn't happen. Because although nothing had happened, something almost had at his initiation, and if he could help it, it never would again.
Tristan sat awkwardly in the back seat, his duffel bag beside him. The radio was on, but not loud enough to forestall conversation. "You don't have to do this," Rory told him as she glanced at him in the review mirror, the same refrain she had repeated many times. Tristan simply shook his head they pulled up in front of Luke's. Logan, who sat in the front seat beside her just sighed.
It was at her mother's, and as a byproduct Luke's, insistence that he was staying here rather than at the inn. She just had spoken about how it had made sense financially; why pay when Luke wasn't even at his place anyway? And the diner was closer to their house.
Tristan knew what Lorelai was thinking when she pointed out that with the close proximity, they wouldn't have to come pick him up every day for doing stuff. It almost scared him how perceptive Rory's mother could be. She knew, had somehow figured out, that by not staying there he would try and gradually phase out from being with them. Try to remove himself from the equation entirely. It would be easier if he were at the inn, farther away, his lack of vehicle a good excuse. He would even be willing to be out the money. But Loreali, possibly rivalling her daughter in her stubbornness, had insisted, and here he was.
Rory and Logan had watched on, neither really understanding the subtleties in his and Lorelai's conversation. Rory, who even with the events of the previous night, could not see exactly what was in front of her, a fact for which he would convince himself he was grateful. Logan, who assumed his protestations over staying at Luke's were for the reasons he himself would have; the place was over a small town diner.
After last night, Tristan didn't know how to act around Rory, or around her mother. Lorelai, because they were both conscious of his feelings for Rory. Her daughter, because she had to have realized that Tristan had come within inches of kissing her, interrupted by Logan's arrival. But she was acting so normal, like nothing had happened, and because it simplified things for both of them, he followed suit. Self-denial, acting, those were things that were nothing new.
Rory got out of the car to toss money in the meter, and Tristan slid out of the side door. He clutched his duffel bag to him, which currently held all his worldly possessions. As Rory deposited the last quarter, they both noticed that Logan wasn't getting out of the car.
"Coming?" Rory asked in a disparaging tone, raising her eyebrow and gesturing towards the diner as he rolled down the window.
He shook his head as he reclined his car seat and leaned back. "Nah, I'll just relax here. You two go on."
Rory stalked up to the car, willing herself to be calm and not to care too much. "Come on Logan, just while we get Tristan settled and stuff. You've never actually seen Luke's. Come in. You have to see some part of the town besides my house."
"Just hurry back," was all Logan replied, leaning through the window to kiss her quickly and then leaned back on his seat.
She had brought him to Stars Hollow once before, which hadn't lasted very long. He hadn't wanted to be here, and despite his willingness to stay and try and please her, there had been no point. She couldn't enjoy being home when he was less than enthusiastic, and couldn't even fake an adequate interest, a talent she would have assumed he could fake after all the society parties. Him being here now, she had hoped things would be different.
Rory backed away from the car slowly, and walked to the diner, Tristan following beside her. "I think I feel the need for a long cup of coffee," the words were under her breath even though they were audible, more for her benefit than for his.
As was usual for the daytime, the diner was busy yet again. And, as usual, a high number of the most gossip-prone people in the town were there. Rory watched as Miss Patty waved a greeting, more intended for Tristan with the flirtatious smile that filled her face. She saw Babbette look at the two of them, notice Logan in the car, and then turn and start talking furiously to Maury who sat across from her. She could just imagine the love triangle scenarios that were being thought up.
Luke had just finished serving a table beside them, and when he noticed them standing there he motioned for them to follow him back to the counter. They weaved their way through the tables to the front. Luke grabbed a set of keys of a nail in the wall and tossed them to Tristan. "Big one is for the front door, small one is for apartment upstairs," he explained quickly, "Alarm code is written in my ledger upstairs."
Tristan nodded, "Thanks Luke, for….."
The older man cut him off with a wave of his hand, uncomfortable with the gratitude. "Don't worry about it," was all he said gruffly, then added, "Feel free to help yourself to anything you want, except the money from the cash register."
Rory laughed as she stood up from the counter. "Try not to borrow Luke's clothes Tristan; I don't think the flannel look would work for you. Luke, you look busy, I'll show Tristan upstairs so he can drop off his stuff."
As Luke nodded his agreement, noting that table 3 was motioning for more coffee, Rory continued, "And, I could sure use a large cup of coffee and a burger."
"When could you not?" Luke responded dryly. "But I'm assuming you're referring to now?" He was already making a note on his order pad. He looked expectantly at Tristan.
"Uh, some fries would be good." He responded, turning quickly to follow Rory upstairs as she had taken off even as he was finishing his order.
"Uh…Logan's waiting in the car," he felt the need to point out the obvious, even though she probably hadn't forgotten in that short a time, but she had just ordered a meal.
"I know," was all she replied as she motioned for him to open the door to Luke's apartment. From the final tone of her voice, he decided to just leave the topic alone.
When the door was opened, Tristan was a little surprised at what he saw. He didn't really know what he was expecting, but the space was large and comfortable. And surprisingly clean and domesticated.
"Take Luke's bed, it'll be more comfortable," Rory explained, motioning towards the larger bed on the right side with the television in front of it.
"There's more than one bed?" Tristan asked, walking over to the bed and tossing down his duffel bag.
She nodded even as she flopped down on the couch not far from the door. "Yeah, Luke expanded this place a couple of years ago. Jess, Luke's nephew, was staying with him for awhile." She noticed his curious look at the way she had hesitated when mentioning Jess, and simply added, "Old boyfriend," as an explanation, even though he didn't ask.
It sometimes surprised him to think of her with boys. He knew she was with Logan now, and he had seen her with 'bag-boy' in high school. Sometimes he got caught in the trap of thinking of her as if her life between then and now hadn't really existed; or more, that it had been uneventful. In some ways it was because she was so much like the girl she had been back then. Older, more mature, but essentially the same.
Rory looked around the place. Luke dating her mother or not, she didn't come up here. In fact, the last time she had been in his place was when Jess was still here. She could remember making out with Jess on couch, his uncle coming up every five or ten minutes, full of ridiculous excuses to make sure they didn't take things to far, which of course they never had. Because back then she had been too pure and virtuous for something like that.
"Come on," she told him, standing up. "Leave your stuff here. I bet our food is ready by now. You've had his breakfast food, but really, all Luke's meals are amazing."
"To you, anything not cooked in your house is 'amazing'," Tristan replied with a smile.
She shrugged, but laughed. "Domesticated we are not, I will admit. When I finally move out of residence, I'll probably be living on Cheerios most days."
When she moved to walk around the table in front of the couch, she accidentally tripped over a book that was peaking out from under the table. Somehow, as she stumbled forward, she found herself in Tristan's arms as he steadied her. Blushing, she looked up at him as she was ready to apologize for her clumsiness, and steady herself.
But he was looking at her the exact same way he had that night at the pageant when he brushed the snow from her cheek. It was the same look as when he leaned towards her last night; when she thought he was going to kiss her. To her, it felt like it was burning in its intensity as he never looked away. And all she could do was stare wordlessly back at him, but made no move to pull away. She just straightened up slowly and let her hand run along his arm as she stared back at him, never taking her eyes away.
She knew it was insanity, but she willed him to lean towards her, to press his lips to hers. But even as she felt her breath quicken, even as she felt his muscles beneath her hands, she could hear the footsteps coming up the stairs, and reluctantly backed away. It was a sound she had become familiar with when she had been up here with Jess. It didn't matter if it was Luke, Lorelai, or even Lane, this wasn't the way to do things. She saw the look of surprise on his face as he snapped out of it, but understanding dawned as the door opened to reveal Logan.
"I got sick of waiting," he explained, walking into the apartment. "And when I came in, Luke sent me up here. Some fat woman tried to stop me, but I wanted to see what the hell was taking you guys."
Rory was surprised at how she could be annoyed with him, even when she had been the one about to betray their relationship. "I told you to come in," was all she replied though, circumspectly backing another step away from Tristan. "We ordered some lunch, and our food will be ready soon."
Logan raised his eyebrows, "You were going to leave me sitting there while you had a meal?"
"I told you to come in," she told him flippantly for the second time, trying not to care, as she walked past him to the door, and headed down the stairs. She didn't even wait to see if the two boys were following her.
She knew the whole diner was talking about them from the way the whole place quieted when she walked through the curtain. Normally she took the nature of this town in stride, amused by the need people had to be in each other's business; it was reassuring in its constancy. But now when she was upset, both by Logan's actions, and her confusion with her own feelings, she didn't have the patience for it. She barely refrained herself from yelling at the whole place, demanding to know what they wanted.
"Burger's done," she heard Luke's words from right beside her and took a calming breath.
"Thanks," she told him with a determined smile, as she picked up her burger and carried it over the table, studiously ignoring all the looks her way. She noticed Tristan pick up his fries as he and Logan walked over behind her, having been left behind in her wake.
"Good food?" Logan asked wryly as he slid into his chair, watching her take a huge bite of her burger.
"Yes," she snapped, taking another large bite, not really wanting to talk.
Luke walked up to the table, flipping open his order pad. "Want anything?" he asked Logan, barely concealing his hostility.
"An iced tea would be nice," he told Luke with little recognition, before turning back to Rory. Tristan could see Luke was barely refraining himself from reaching across the table and throwing the 'smug punk' (as he had referred to him the other night), out of the diner. He had to say he was a little surprised Logan wasn't a little more deferential, considering the circumstances under which the two first saw each other, and the fact he was practically Rory's stepfather.
"Thanks Luke," Tristan told him as he walked away, trying to smooth the waters, but only earning himself a bit of a glare from Logan.
"I'm going shopping with my mom this afternoon," was all Rory said between bites of her burger. "Boxing day sales, a tradition."
Logan looked surprised, "There's about 4 stores in this town Rory, it'll take you all of an hour if you browse all the merchandise."
She shot him a rather hostile look, that while maybe an overreaction mirrored her annoyance. "We're going to Hartford Logan. We'll be back by around dinner time when Luke's taking off from work. I think the plan is to pick the three of you up from here."
"The three of us?" Logan's words sounded surprised.
She wiped her hands, having finished her burger in record time, not wanting to prolong this visit between the three of them when she was having conflicting, and hostile, emotions. "Yeah, entertain yourselves for the afternoon, I'm sure you can manage." And even if she weren't annoyed with Logan, or deciding whether or not there were feelings between her and Tristan, she still wouldn't invite either of them to come. This was mother-daughter time that they got all too rarely.
"My car's back at your place," Logan's tone was a little incredulous. "How are we going to get around?"
"You're the one who remarked how small this place is," Rory's words were deceptively mellow as she stood up, but there was an underlying tone of steel to them. "It's not a far walk. Or you can hang around here all day, your choice." She wanted to get out of there, not wanting to be around the two of them when she was so conflicted, and the whole town was essentially looking on.
She took off soon after that, hesitating, but still giving Logan a quick peck on the cheek before she walked out. Logan watched her walk out the door, heard the jingle, and turned back to Tristan. "What the hell?" was all he finally said, probably a reaction both to her actions the previous night and that day.
Tristan just shook his head and said nothing as he continued to munch on his fries. This wasn't something he was going to get in the middle of. Half Logan was missing because he was too dense, the other half because he had no clue, and Tristan certainly wasn't going to enlighten him.
As much as he had to keep reminding himself that nothing had really happened, he knew that after this afternoon there was no way that Rory was unaware of the attraction on his part. And, he was so close to believing that there was something on her side too. He knew he couldn't just be her friend, keep it all platonic when she was around. Tristan knew he had to stay away, stay apart, both for his own sanity and to not lead her on. And as much as he had to do that, it was going to be impossible until they got back to Yale. It would be hard, it might involve being cruel, but it was necessary.
"Girls," was all he offered up lamely, finishing his last fry as Luke set the iced tea down on the table for Logan, and hoped it wasn't spit in.
Ok, so there's chp 13. Not my best one (cause I enjoyed chp 12 a lot more when I read it after, that's how I judge success). Now, the next chapter is going to have a higher rating (how's that for a teaser?). It's going to be 'm' or whatever they're calling it now on the site. Just warning ahead of time, even though I'll put in the beginning of the chap, for those who would be too young or would be offended. Why it'll be 'm' I'm not going to say, cause that would ruin things. (first part of the chapter will be rated less, so if you want to read up to the mature point, I'll make a note where it will begin).