Title: What Lies Within Us
Chp. 17 Escape Isn't That Easy
Disclaimer: I don't own. Duh.
Introduction: I know I'm delusional….but Trory. Well, obviously not at first because that would be too easy, but I wanted to clarify. Basically set in the present, maybe like a year ahead, slightly altered to make things work. Oh, side note, and although this fic started before viewing of 'wedding bell blues', assume Rory and Logan got together in similar matter (they're just not having sex), and decided on some 'strings' eventually. Stuff is slightly diff, see rest of fic.
Rating: Pg-13, maybe, whatever that is in fanfic rating.
Authors Note: Yes, for anyone actually reading this fic, I'm finishing it. Sorry it took SOOOOOOOO long. But I'm back in my own place now, much more conducive to writing fanfic. My plan was to finish this about a month ago cause I had a different idea for a fic I wanted to write. But, since the season premiere is on Tues, and What Lies Within Us is incomplete yet, think I'm going to scrap the other idea cause I know they'll go a different direction than I was going to.
Although, I mean if nobody care about this anymore, I could scrap it and leave it as is. That's what I get for leaving updating for so long. It was just very hard staying with my parents again.
PS. If any of the authors whose fanfic I'm reading and liking are reading this fic (of course you won't know who you are, so this note is fairly pointless), I cannot update because for some reason my computer just won't let me. When I click on leave a review if just makes a beeping noise. I'm not a big reviewer, but I'm impressed by some fics out there. Ie. 'Untouched' and 'Popular' in the Gilmore genre.
It didn't take him long to make the decision, even though he hesitated. It was the middle of winter, it was cold, and he had long ago lost sensation in his toes. And, Luke didn't look like he was going to take no for an answer.
So Tristan got in the truck.
He had the foolish hope that Luke was going to drive him back to Yale, and felt his heart lift when the truck drove forward a couple metres. He then realized that Luke was just finding a place to turn around. It wasn't long before they were heading back to Stars Hollow. A drive that would take a lot less time than him walking the distance that morning.
They didn't say anything for a few minutes before Luke blurted out, "Listen, let's get this clear up front. I know everything ok? Rory told me."
Tristan stared out the window, not looking at Luke, "Everything?"
"Everything," Luke confirmed, avoiding looking at Tristan as well. "Don't think that Rory's spreading your personal business around. I was there in the diner when she came down. She was upset, we talked. That's all there is too it." He glanced over, and added significantly, "When she came down at one o'clock."
Tristan nodded, not missing what Luke was saying. She had waited for him. She had waited a really long time for him. "I need to get back to Yale," was all he said, even as he could see the town approaching in the distance.
"Eventually," Luke said, shifting gears in the truck.
"I'm assuming there's some sort of bus service out of Stars Hollow?" Tristan remarked sarcastically. "I'm not dependent on your help to get back."
"Your stuff is at my place," was all he got as reply. "And you think we have a bus service on New Years Day?"
"I'll find a way to leave," Tristan promised, knowing he sounded like a petulant child. It was all he could do to avoid slipping into a sulk. "Your dragging me back isn't going to change anything."
"Dragging?" he could practically hear the sound of Luke raising his eyebrows.
Tristan finally snapped a little. "Listen, I respect you Luke, but I don't know what you think you are doing. Getting me to come back isn't going to change anything. You said you know everything? Well, you know I can't stay. I'm not going to see her again. If bringing me back is some kind of misplaced attempt to get us together, it's not going to work."
"I think you did a good enough job 'getting together' last night." Luke's words were mild but they shut Tristan up. This was Rory's pseudo stepfather. He knew they had spent the night together, at his place that he had been generous enough to let Tristan crash at.
When Luke pulled over to the side of the road just before Stars Hollow and killed the engine, Tristan had the fleeting thought that he was going to kill him, and hide him out here where nobody would find him. But, when Luke turned to him, he was relieved to see there was no murderous gleam in his eye.
"Listen," Luke began as he fiddled with the keys in the ignition. "I'm not some Dr. Phil, so I'm not good with the pointless sappy advice, and we can keep this short. You're being stupid."
"Excuse me?" was all Tristan got out.
Luke nodded, "If you don't love Rory, this conversation is pointless, and I may have to kick your ass about last night, so don't tell me. I'm not going to force you to be with her, that's not my place and it won't solve anything. I just want to tell you that you are being stupid."
"And you're saying she told you everything?" Tristan asked, disbelievingly. He was sure that Luke would agree he wasn't the guy for Rory, that he wasn't good enough.
"I know your "logic" for walking down the highway, barely dressed, in the middle of winter if that's what you mean. Why you took off without any of your belongings, and why you don't want to have anything to do with the woman who was sobbing in my arms this morning."
Tristan resisted the urge to tell him to stay out of it, but just barely. "I'm doing the right thing."
"You think you are," was all Luke replied.
"Listen," Tristan was getting annoyed with his short, condescending replies. "You should be overjoyed that I'm walking away from her. This is in her best interests. How can this not be the 'right thing'? I'm protecting her from me"
"Shut up Tristan. You're not some drug addicted ex-con. She's not going to get contaminated just by being in your presence. You don't just run out like that, the minute it gets complicated. You don't want to be with her, that's your business, even if I don't believe it. But this, this is stupid the way you're just running out."
"Would you stop saying that?" Tristan was getting more frustrated by the minute. "For the last time, I'm not stupid. I'm being sensible. Which is more than I can say for you at the moment. Is there a point to this ambush?"
"You're not being sensible," Luke corrected him, "You're being scared." He hated speaking about feelings, about the touchy-feely, but this had to be done.
Luke was wrong. He wasn't scared, he was terrified. But that wasn't all that was going on here. "That's not it."
"Yes, it is," Luke was more uncomfortable than he had ever been in his life. Not only was he having this conversation, he was having it with a man he didn't even know all that well. "You're scared. I hate to break it to you kid, but you're not unique in that regard. Do you honestly think no other man has ever asked themselves if the woman they love will all of a sudden not want to put up with the imperfections? No guy is perfect. When it matters to them, they fear being dumped."
When Tristan said nothing he continued on before he could talk himself out of it. "Lorelai? You don't think I've never had the thought that maybe one day she'll wake up and decide I'm not worth the trouble?"
"This isn't the same. Have you ever woken up trembling in fear, soaked through in your own sweat?"
"No."
"Do you get terrified at the simple sound of a car backfiring?"
"No, I don't," At Luke's answer, Tristan nodded, satisfied that he had made his point. But then Luke continued, "You're still being stupid."
Tristan knew he was trying to help, but that didn't stop him from wanting to strangle the man. "Luke, you should be thrilled about this. I'm doing what's best for Rory, for both of us. I'm. Not. Good. Enough. For. Her." He emphasized the last statement slowly, wanting Luke to see.
"No, you're not," Luke agreed, "But then again I'm of the opinion no man will ever be. But after seeing her devastated this morning, I know she thinks at least you're the best man for her. If I could hold a shotgun to your head and drag you guys to the altar I would, but that isn't an option here. So I'm just giving you this advice so hopefully we can spare everyone some nasty emotions. And, side note, one thing I've learned over my many years of dating: it never works out when you try to decide for a woman what's best for them."
He turned the key in the ignition, starting the truck again. "Listen Tristan, I like you, probably part of the reason I'm not letting you walk yourself back to Yale in the middle of winter. I'm not going to force you to see Rory and work this all out like adults, even though I want to. If you're still desperate to leave after you pack your crap, I'll even drive you to Yale. You can wallow in self pity there, and then months down the road when you realize how stupid you're being, I'm going to laugh."
Luke pulled back out into the highway, after checking over his shoulder. He didn't say anything else, just watched the road as he drove. "So," Tristan began when the silence got a little too long, "You're not good at talking about the personal stuff, huh?"
Luke just gave a reluctant bark of laughter, but said nothing in return.
Rory and her mother sat on the couch watching The Notebook. It was the middle of the afternoon, but Rory had slipped into her pyjamas and just didn't care. A pint of Ben and Jerry's was nestled in her lap, and she seemed to find every part of the movie heart breakingly sad. Not as sad as the time she had read the book, but for today it was close enough. This time she seemed content on perfecting the art of the wallow.
Every so often Lorelai would rub her arm gently in comfort. "I still think we should have chosen Benji," she muttered, disgruntled over Rory vetoing her depressing movie choice.
Rory had to agree in some ways. Maybe a movie about everlasting and all consuming love wasn't the best thing to be watching right now. The character Noah had fought in a war and he was still capable of being in a relationship. But, nobody in the movie got called a whore, that was a definite upside. Hearing that today might have sent Rory over the edge.
"Pizza?" Lorelai finally asked, unable to take it anymore when the wife in the story suffering from Alzheimers was getting scared of her husband.
"A large, loaded," Rory agreed morosely, taking two Kleenex to wipe the tears from her eyes.
Lorelai walked into the kitchen to use the phone; the pizza place was the only thing open on New Years Day. Rory could hear her taking in cheery tones to Pete, the pizza guy, not admitting to him this was comfort food for her lovesick daughter. He wouldn't be that hard to fool. The two of them had ordered in pizza to eat often enough. But despite both Tristan and Logan being outsiders, somehow she just knew that the rest of the town would know by tomorrow about the break-up. It was the way things seemed to work. At the very least someone would have seen Tristan sprinting out of town in his semi-formal wear.
When Lorelai came back Rory had shut the movie off and was staring at a blank screen. "On to Benji?" she asked half-heartedly, flopping down on the couch.
"I don't know what to do," Rory admitted, choking back tears. "After today's dose of self-pity, when tomorrow comes I don't know what to do."
"You get up, you shower, you get dressed, and we go to Luke's," Lorelai answered, even though she knew it wasn't what her daughter wanted to hear. But, it was still the truth. As much as it hurt, as much as it felt like her heart was breaking, life went on and she would have to live it.
"It's not that easy," Rory smiled bitterly, fiddling with a stray thread on the afghan that she was using to cover herself.
"No, it's not easy," Lorelai agreed, throwing her arm around her daughter, "But it's that simple. It'll hurt, it'll suck, but you'll get past this. All of this."
"No, I won't," she contradicted her mother statement, quickly and firmly.
"Yes, you will," Lorelai tried to be reassuring. "But you'll see Logan once or twice, and it'll be awkward and miserable for you, but you'll get past it. You'll see Tristan walking across the quad one day, and you'll feel like shit, but your life will go on."
"I won't mom," Rory told her softly. "I love him. For better or worse, that's not going to change whether we're together or not."
"It may feel that way," her mother tried to point out reasonably, "but this is not the be all and end all for you. You're 21, you'll meet someone else. I don't doubt you love him, not after all this, but that can mean so many different things in the long run. I loved Max, I really did; it wasn't just affection, it was love. But obviously he wasn't the one I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. And I still love him to some extent, but I recognize it for what it is, when I have something better to compare it to."
"Tristan's my 'something better' mom," Rory wiped her eyes furiously. "I know how old I am, that doesn't change it. I don't believe in soul mates, not really, but I believe what's between us is the pinnacle of love for me. I know what I did last night was wrong, but I knew he was right. He's Rhett to my Scarlet, Mr. Darcy to my Elizabeth…" she glanced over at her mother. "Luke, to you."
"Can't argue with that," Lorelai said lightly, hugging Rory tighter. She didn't believe for a second her daughter wouldn't meet someone else, but Rory didn't take stuff like this lightly. Love was as difficult for her as it was for her mother; at times the admittance was even more difficult.
Tristan stood in the middle of Luke's bedroom holding his duffle bag, but making no effort to pack just yet. He just kept staring at Luke's bed, the sheets still strewn about, and all he could think about was last night there with Rory.
This morning with Rory.
It was at that point that he knew he wouldn't be able to move past her, not really. No matter where he went, no matter what he did, she was going to be a part of it all. Successes or failures, when he was wanting someone to share them with, he knew his thoughts would always drift to her. If he cared just a little bit less, he would give in and go find her.
"Ready to go yet?' he heard Luke's voice behind him and he jumped in surprise.
"Just about," he replied as he began hastily stuffing his belongings into his bag. When he picked up a shirt he noticed a discarded condom wrapper lying on the ground, and he hastily kicked it under the bed. Evidence of the night best not revisited with Luke.
He didn't care about neatness, or the proper fold and style that had been drilled into him in the military. He just shoved his belongings into the duffel, eager beyond belief to get out of there and back to Yale. He supposed it was foolish of him to think of Yale as a safe haven past the next few days; it was the school Rory attended, it was the college Logan lived at. But all he wanted to do now was go back, clear out of Logan's dorm, and spend the next years of his life playing the avoidance game. He figured he wouldn't be able to relax until about his second year of med school when they had long since graduated.
"Ready," when he was decently sure he had all his stuff, not that it really mattered. Just hours ago he had been willing to leave here with nothing.
"You're not going to change?" Luke asked the question even as he raised his eyebrow at Tristan's attire. He was still clad in the clothes he had hastily pulled on this morning, his clothes from the night before. He would look just as ridiculous at Yale in a tux as he did here.
"No," Tristan's answer was brief, but he was far from caring anymore. He didn't want to waste the time, the longer he was in Stars Hollow, the longer his resolve was tested. He would be probably the only one on the Yale campus anyway on New Years day. He just wanted to get out of here.
"You're sure you want me to drive you to Yale?" Luke's voice was disbelieving as they began the dismount of the stairs back to the diner. To his credit he wasn't forcing the issue anymore, just looking at him with a disapproving stare whenever Tristan reaffirmed his wish to go back.
"Yes Luke," Tristan's voice was weary as he answered. He didn't have the energy to fight, but his resolve wasn't weakened.
As Luke pulled back the curtain for them to walk through he stopped dead in his tracks for a moment, but walked fully into the diner to let Tristan through. As he walked into the diner Tristan could see what had made him stop in surprise.
"Hello," Logan's greeting wasn't exactly solicitous as he stood there, his hands jammed into his pockets.
"Logan," Luke greeted him even before Tristan could say a word, "I assume you noticed the closed sign on the door?"
"Not here for the coffee Luke," Logan replied, his eyes never leaving Tristan's face as he said the words. And Luke felt himself hoping that no matter what happened between Rory and Tristan that she kicked this punk's ass to the curb, even if his own comment had been a little snide.
"Have a minute Tristan?" Logan's voice was deceptively pleasant as he took a few steps closer.
"You know," Luke said as he put his hand on the doorknob, even though neither boy was paying attention to him. "I think I'm going to take a little walk in the middle of winter. That sounds like a good idea."
Neither Tristan nor Logan took notice as he let himself out the door. "I'm sorry," was what Tristan tried to say even as Luke cut him off.
"I assume you know you're no longer welcome at my dorm?" Logan's words were biting with sarcasm even as he uttered them.
"Anything I've left there will be gone once I get back," Tristan reassured him quietly, knowing there was nothing he could say that would make this situation better, that would take back his actions of the past 24 hours.
"So, I had this interesting conversation with Rory this morning," Logan's voice was still brimming with false cheer as he sat on a stool near the counter and swirled back and forth a little.
"Logan…." Tristan began wearily, not wanting to get into whatever little mind game Logan was playing.
"No, let me finish," Logan's voice was sharp and insistent as he raised his hand. "So, it turns out I was right all along and my friend decided it would be a good idea to screw my girlfriend when my grandfather collapsed last night, conveniently getting me out of the way."
"It wasn't like that," Tristan replied, but in many ways that was exactly what had happened.
"I've got all that from Rory already, so spare me," Logan's voice was in a mocking tone as he continued. " 'It wasn't like that'. 'It was love'. She thought I was going to be all understanding about this. But guess what Tristan? I'm not. I know both of you don't seem to believe it, but she meant something to me. And, you were my friend. I know there's no written code, but I think not sleeping with your friend's girlfriend would definitely be on the list."
"There's no excuse good enough." Tristan knew explanations weren't what Logan wanted to hear. He wanted a target for his anger, and Tristan was going to be it. Not that he didn't deserve it.
"She said that you refused to be with her? If that's some misguided loyalty thing to me, it came a little too late." Logan was still twirling back and forth on the stool, not taking his eyes from Tristan as he just stood there.
"Like I said, none of this was about you. Last night, or that." Tristan didn't know if that sounded too harsh, or if the stark truth was the way to go. "There's stuff you don't know about me Logan, and stuff between me and her. I slept with her yes, and we betrayed you, but just know you won't have to worry about seeing us walking around campus holding hands."
Logan seemed to test the thought in his mind, "As humiliating as that would have been, can't say it's much of a comfort. I'll still see her, and all I'll be able to see is the two of you, stabbing a knife in my back as you screwed in a diner."
"What more do you want me to say Logan?" Tristan shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "It was the ultimate betrayal by both of us, and you have every right to be angry and upset. But us talking about this isn't going to change anything." Tristan said no words about repairing the friendship. After last night he had crossed a line that could never be uncrossed, and the friendship hadn't been deep enough to begin with to withstand the storm.
"You know," Logan's word were almost thoughtful as he rose from the stool and began to walk towards Tristan. "I think you owe me any amount of talking I want to do, but I think you're correct; right now, words aren't going to solve anything." As he planted his feet directly in front of him, Tristan knew exactly what he meant by his statement.
"You know I was a soldier, right? Trained in unarmed combat?" he asked the questions even as he watched Logan's clenched fists.
"Yeah," Logan's tone was derisive, "good little soldier boy, I know. You know, for a minute there, I thought the military had actually instilled some code of honour in you. But I guess I was wrong, you're the same skirt-chasing son of a bitch you were before, maybe worse."
When Tristan stood there, unmoving, Logan lifted his fists, "Put them up," he ordered Tristan, who continued to let his hands hang at his sides.
If the whole situation weren't so serious, and so real, Tristan might have laughed at the absurdity of the situation. "I'm not going to fight you Logan," he shook his head as he uttered the quiet words.
His statement seemed to anger Logan more, "I'm not scared of you," he sneered at Tristan, "Military training doesn't intimidate me, I can take you. You owe me this."
At Tristan's shake of his head, Logan rammed a fist into his gut. "Put them up," he ordered again, his voice strained from the emotion.
"I'm not going to hit you," Tristan's words came out on a wheeze. He had forgotten how Logan had a solid punch. "I'm not going to retaliate, Logan, no matter what." It wasn't just that he could kill the boy with a single blow, he deserved anything Logan threw at him. He may not even have made that call had he not seen the few tears on Logan's face as he punched him.
And he never hit back, not when Logan punched him in the gut yet again, or rammed up under his chin. No matter how many times Logan hit him, ordered him to fight back, or called him a pussy, he just couldn't do it. All he could see as Logan hit him again and again were the tears on his cheeks, and he knew that even if last night wasn't some casual fuck, he had hurt Logan in a way the boy hadn't know possible, maybe even more because it hadn't been. And he deserved his revenge.
He barely noticed the slide into unconsciousness.