AN: More crack pairings for the masses. BTW this has men posing as women to screw with the minds of other men for no apparent reason. If that's not your cup of tea, I'd advise you to click the 'back' button.
Disclaimer: I don't own the anime series Naruto or any characters, places or objects associated with it.
Summary: Naruto tries to drink himself into oblivion, but is stopped by someone he's sure he's met before...mentioned character death, implied sex, shounen-ai, KabutoNaruto. Don't like, don't read.
A Meeting In A Bar
Just one more drink, Naruto thought blearily, staring at the full glass of saké before him. The liquid had long since lost its taste, but he still wanted more.
"Don't you think you've had enough?" the barman asked, not really concerned, but not wanting a possibly violent drunk on his hands. This guy had the markings of a shinobi all over him. Jounin vest, facial scars, a distinctly blank and haunted look in his eyes...the look of a man who had seen too much in his short life.
And he had. Hearing of countless deaths, during wars and plain missions, plus witnessing his old sensei, Hatake Kakashi, and his one remaining team-mate, Haruno Sakura, be murdered in cold blood by the traitor Uchiha Sasuke didn't do much to help his mental state. It also didn't help that he had been fruitlessly chasing Sasuke, searching for any hint upon his whereabouts, for over a year now.
"No. I ain't passed out yet, am I?" The blond muttered drowsily, mostly to himself.
He reached for the glass before him, only to be stopped by a pale hand. Sharp nails dug slightly into his skin as he turned to look at who had stopped him.
Sat beside him was a very pretty woman of between twenty five and thirty. Long, silver hair cascaded down her back, and dark, slanted eyes grinned lazily at him behind a pair of glasses. She leaned forward, her low-cut dress exposing more skin than Naruto was used to seeing (not counting his infamous Sexy No Jutsu, that is).
"Come on, kid. You sure you've not had enough?" The woman whispered seductively in the younger boy's ear. Naruto stared at the dark eyed girl blankly for a moment or two, receiving a grin from her.
"You've definitely had enough to drink, kid," she laughed. "My name's Kei, what's yours?"
"Uzumaki Naruto," he replied, sitting up slightly. The woman's smirk widened, putting Naruto slightly on edge. There was something dangerous about this woman, and for some reason he was sure he'd met her before.
"Uzumaki Naruto, huh? Nice name. You from Konohagakure, then?" A nod was all she received in reply.
"And a Jounin, too. That's very nice. I like a strong man," she purred, running a hand across the boy's torso. "Hey, I'd like two glasses of saké, please." The woman said loudly, raising her hand to get the barman's attention.
Upon receiving the glasses, she carefully and discreetly slipped a small amount of clear, odorless liquid into the blond's drink.
Drink up, Uzumaki Naruto, she thought, smirking inwardly as the boy downed the drink in one.
Kei waited for the boy to slump in his seat, before picking him up bridal-style and walking out of the bar, throwing a fake-apologetic smile to the barman.
Naruto woke up groggily to the harsh bite of mid-morning sunlight. He groaned at the headache that greeted him, the product of too much drinking the night before. Strangely enough, his ass was hurting as well.
God, just what happened last night? How much did I drink? He wondered to himself, before yawning, stretching, and noticing suddenly that this was definitely not his apartment. He looked down. No clothes. After deciding to get out of bed, he noticed they were strewn along the floor, along with someone else's garments.
'My name's Kei, what's yours?' The words flashed in his head, along with an image of a pretty, bespectacled woman. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second. Okay, so he'd had random, drunken sex with a woman he barely knew last night, no big deal!
...Hey, wasn't that girl wearing a dress last night? There was no dress on the floor. A pair of black pants and a t-shirt that definitely wasn't his, but no dress. Naruto paled visibly, becoming increasingly worried.
"Good morning, Naruto. Sleep well?" Naruto could hardly be surprised. He should have recognised a simple Henge, should definitely have recognised who the person was just from the hair and glasses, but no, he had to give in to his hormones and let himself be taken advantage of by a lying bastard spy.
"You know what, Yakushi? I did. It was a surprise to wake up and find out that I hadn't had sex with a girl, but hey. No worries, right?" Naruto's voice was startlingly pleasant, despite his current situation. His thoughts, however, weren't as calm, and went more along the lines of this is the enemy! He tricked you, tried to kill you once and you're just sitting here idly chatting with him!
Naruto grabbed his clothes up off the floor and got dressed before leaning across the bed to grab the older man by the throat.
"What the fuck were you playing at? Why'd you do it, huh? What's in it for you?" He snarled, teeth bared. Kabuto laughed, glaring at the blond.
"Perhaps if you'll be so kind as to let me go, I'll tell you," he spat viciously. Naruto dropped the man reluctantly.
"First of all, I wasn't playing at anything, so don't read into it. I don't like you. All I wanted to do was give you a nice shock, and to get the chance to speak to you in private." It was amazing how intimidating Kabuto could be, especially as he was shorter than Naruto, dressed only in a pair of navy blue shorts and in a more vulnerable position.
"Speak to me? About what? Your undying need to screw me? Fuck with my head? Mind letting me in on it?" Kabuto laughed again, but there was no humour in it.
"Actually, it was more about how you should stop chasing Sasuke before it gets you killed. And the rest of it...let's just say you're very attractive, I couldn't resist. And I do like a strong man," he mocked, imitating Kei's voice.
"You fucking bastard!" Naruto launged at the older man, but Kabuto, being that much more experienced in combat than Naruto, dodged to the side, causing Naruto to fall stomach first onto the bed. Kabuto flipped the blond onto his back before straddling him, sitting on his stomach and pinning his arms above his head.
"Moron," he muttered emotionlessly before leaning in and kissing Naruto.
It was nothing special, just a mere show of dominance of the older man's part. There were no sparks, and there would definitely be no declarations of everlasting love from either.
Kabuto pulled away, getting up off the bed and ggathering his clothes. Naruto scrubbed at his lips furiously, glaring darkly and the silver haired man. Kabuto grinned smugly.
"Have a good day, Naruto-kun! And don't forget, I'll always be here for you!" He waved sarcastically, smiling.
I won, Naruto-kun, He thought with smug satisfaction.
Naruto made sure to slam the door on his way out.
Finished, finally. I did about three different versions of this, and this was the only one I was happy with. Enjoy.