AN: This is the first chapter of a new fic, this one is a collaboration between me (Jacobim Von Styluss) and Jens (Eryn Galen). It is a humour fic, that I started a few months ago, based on achallenge I saw ages ago, on the silver snitch. The chapter you see here is entirely mine, but a sex scene at the end was written by jenny. It is available to reviewers who give us their E-mail address, (notice the cunning plan to persuade reviewers?) and its marvellous, well worth reviewing for. In fact, It's bigger than this chapter and has some marvellous Draco characterisation.

"What are you going to do when you've left school?" said some squat wheezy bloke in blue robes, on backwards, probably an independent reporter. After all, I wouldn't hire him!

"Harry! Will you answer a few questions?" Rita Skeeter. Say no more.

"Harry, Darius Screeb-Hornet, Daily prophet. How did you defeat Voldemort?" A tall regal although ruffled looking man said.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Demanded a dull looking witch with ginger hair, in pink robes that absolutely screamed Witch Weekly.

"Will you marry me?" I somehow doubt that this one came from an on duty reporter, indeed coming from a blonde on bended knee.

Every time. Every bloody time I leave the house. Draco and I are living with Remus right at the moment (It's Christmas, after all! The bloke needs some company. At least, that's what I told Albus. However, company is something he's certainly getting. Rather more than Albus realises, I suspect.), and whenever I wander out to go for a walk, I get assaulted. I swear that these guys are doing me more damage than Voldie ever got on me. Christ. They're even camped on the lawn! The Prophet bloke's tent is squashing my Petunias, and well, that's my job!

However, with all these questions, how do you answer? A flash of insane and evil genius came upon me, luckily.

"Rita, you can have one answer, and that was it. Now sod off. Next, Mr Screw-Bonnet was it? By magic." He smirked. I know full well I'm a git. I also know the man's name, perfectly well. However, strictly speaking, I am untouchable, as I can do whatever I like. While the press so hound me, I can fight back. I pointed at the squat guy. "What was your question again?"

"What are you going to do once leaving Hogwarts? After all, many professions will take you, anywhere in the ministry for example."

"I don't know. Ministry, you say? Maybe I could run a new department to show journalists how to put robes on properly?" I sneered, mockingly. Everybody turned, and a couple of them began to snigger. The man apparated away fairly quickly.

"Oh, he didn't splinch himself. I had a feeling he would, somehow. Ah well. Anyway, next on the agenda. Witch Weekly woman, yes indeed I have a girlfriend. Her name is Draco Malfoy" Accompanied by a "Hey!" from by my right knee. I looked down, and grinned at the last speaker I had to deal with.

"Draco, as much as I appreciate it, you really are supposed to bring a ring for this sort of thing. Tradition, you know."

Draco Malfoy grinned at him, before both boys burst out laughing. Harry reached down a hand to help Draco up, as Draco walked into the house Harry whispered "Get Remus, if anyone can prank these guys off our lawn it's him. I'll hold the fort." and then proceeded to set the Prophet tent on fire. That particular newspaper is permanently under the threat of slander charges after they slagged me off during fifth year, and therefore will put up with all my shit.

Draco turned around for a second, just to point out "You dealt with them Slytherin style, well done. You have certainly improved." he grinned. "That's good enough for a sixth year, so your nearly there. Mind you, most of those who would be in seventh, like Pansy, Greg, his dad, Vince, his dad, and Millie all put together would not managed third year, so you'd cope. Shame we can't be resorted."

"Quite." I joked. I was a Gryff through and through.

Oh, didn't I tell you? Draco's been teaching me in the art of 'Slytherinity' (Draco's title for it, I know that is definitely not a word) for the past few months.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Five minutes later

"Oh no!" said Remus in mock horror. "We've burnt the petunias!"

The garden was carnage. A couple of reporters were purple, one's vision had been turned upside-down, and Rita Skeeter was blushing Weasley red. It's her own fault, she shouldn't have stuck around after I told her to leave, but no, and now she's doing the can-can around the street.

And, indeed, the petunias were on fire, along with the remains of the Prophet bloke's tent.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Well, I had actually set out to go to work. I work at a small place in London called Potter's Palace – I own it, in fact (Duh!). When I arrived, my co-workers (who were still training me in the subtle science of my job) were a little confused at my lateness; because I rarely slacked off, I loved my job. However, once I'd explained, they laughed their heads off. Luckily, they were all squibs (I couldn't help but feel that squibs must have difficult lives; they all get paid far too much because of my damn conscience – they don't complain though!) and thus weren't surprised to hear I had the media on my lawn. They knew more than most did about me, with the notable exception of both my lovers – call me what you like, but I love them both. They love each other as well as me, anyway.

I had the good sense to buy a place over from the Leaky Cauldron. The name of my place, even if they don't know I work here (I work under a glamour), is enough to persuade punters from Diagon as well as Muggle London. Wizards don't exploit my profession, so they all use muggle shops.

I arrived, a while ago and set to work, watching the masters of their craft at work, in the hope that i'd learn. This is to be my permanent job, after all.

After a few hours, Remus & Draco arrived, and after a private word with Remus, all of my employees agreed to call a lunch break – they know my lifestyle, and are fine with it.

The shop was locked up, and I had two incredibly hot men facing me. What do you think I'm gonna do?

Read and Review, people! Something has to persuade Jenny to write chapter 2!