The Revenge of Eliza
Stewy sat on the couch one day, reading a recent letter Eliza, the Brit, had sent him. It read:
Dear Stewy, I shall come to visit you very soon, as soon as I break out of this bloody orphanage.
Do await my return, for I have a specific reason. I shall come to do away with your bloody mother.
Do not be sad, dear Stewy, for after she is dead, we will run off into the moonlight and you shall teach me more of the American language. I do count the seconds, five exactly, until I meet again with you.
Stewy counted to 5. Eliza burst into the room.
"Stewy, dear brother of God, I have returned!" Eliza shouted into the living room.
"Yes, I can see that. Now, Eliza, darling, tell me exactly what your plans be for the 'doing away with' of Lois," Stewy answered.
"Well, I've got not a plan, I was hoping you would participate in that part."
"NO PLAN!" Stewy yelled. "Bloody murder, you English dope! Yes, yes, we will have to make one. Let's see..."
"Can I have a spot of tea, I am very tired from the way here?" Eliza asked.
"Yes, yes, Lois! Give Eliza tea!" Stewy commanded.
"What's that? Oh, your poor friend, here's some tea dear," Lois said and walked out.
"Now, now, Stewy, we will think long and hard. Hmm, this be quite a thinker, yes?" Eliza asked.
"Yes, you loser, we will have to think hard to commit a murder and run away!" Stewy responded.
"Hmm, what if we slice off her head and stick it in the cookie jar, so when the fat man goes for a bite, he will scream bloody hell!" Eliza thought.
"Yes, yes, but the fat boy will get it first. We will need to think harder," Stewy rejected.
"How about we stab her from behind?" Eliza suggested.
"I have a better idea. Let's get her drunk and marry her off to Quagmire, then she will commit suicide," Stewy announced.
"Who in the heck be Quagmire?" Eliza pondered.
"The bloody (cringe) neighbor. I cannot believe I am starting to talk like you ignorant Brits (A/n: no offense, it is just Stewy)!"
"And why be it she will commit suicide?" Eliza asked.
Cuts to Quagmire's bedroom (CLOSET for those who have seen it when Quagmire takes care of the kids for the weekend).
"Oh," Eliza said.
"Exactly, now, here's how it goes down," Stewy said.
Cuts to the Drunken Clam, where Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland sat at a booth.
"Peter, it is okay if your bunny never comes back. At least we know someday it will be in a better place," Cleveland said, looking up towards the ceiling.
"I never had a bunny," Peter said.
"I know, but I had to give that speech to someone," Cleveland explained.
"You're all a bunch of morons!" Joe yelled.
"All except me! GIGGITY GIGGITY!" Quagmire yelled.
"Nope, you too," Joe answered. Quagmire's shoulders fell and he looked at the floor in a depressed way.
"So, Peter, it is almost your anniversary with Lois, what are you doing?" Joe asked.
"What's an anniversary?" Peter asked.
Joe's hand smacked his forehead, he rolled his eyes. "Forget I asked."
"No problem, buddy," Peter replied.
"Dangit, another year has gone by that I haven't gotten to be with Lois," Quagmire said, depressed.
"Don't worry, Quag, you'll get her someday," Cleveland encouraged.
"Hey!" Peter shouted.
Cuts Lois and Meg on a shopping trip. Lois is holding up a bra.
"Mom! I don't want to do this in public!" Meg shouted.
"You remember last time we went to the black market?" Lois asked.
Flashback to the Blackmarket where Lois is holding up a bra.
"Mom, I can't wear that!" Meg whined.
"Why not?" Lois asked.
"Mom, that is not a bra," Meg sighed.
Lois looked at the thing she was holding. It transformed before their eyes into an evil bunny and attacked Lois. The screen scrolled over to Stewy standing shouting, "YES YES YES!"
Back to the present:
"You're right," Meg sighed. "But that was kinda fun."
Lois gave Meg a look and Meg pressed her lips together.
"Mom, what are you doing for your anniversary?" Meg asked.
"Your father doesn't even know what an anniversary is, so we just don't do them. This is our 15th year together," Lois sighed.
"Oh," Meg replied.
The violin music started playing, and the screen scrolled over to where the violinist was playing. Meg went over to him, and smashed his violin over his head.
"LEARN TO PLAY THE GUITAR, FREAK!" Meg screamed.
"You wretched little boy!" the violinist yelled.
"I AM NOT A BOY!" Meg chased the violinist away out of the shop, and the screen focused on Lois, who just shrugged her shoulders.
My first Family Guy fanfic, review please. Oh, just to let you know, this takes place shortly after the episode where the Brits take over the Drunken Clam, and if you haven't seen it, you don't know what the heck I am talking about.
It is very hard to write for Eliza's part, because I am not British. I know it is short, but please review!