Monday 14th February.

9 st 3 (sympathy chocolates), alcohol units 14, cigarettes 3 (V.G), pieces of nicorette gum 43, calories 2.500 (too depressed to eat anything apart from chocolates)

8:15 pm. Bloody Valentine's Day. And on a Monday. Typical. Not one card. Well, did get one but it was meant for Laura upstairs. Postman probably did it on purpose. Obviously not upset though. Will not be sucked in to this commercial trap. Am happy single.

9 pm. Hmm, wonder what Mark Darcy is doing tonight. Maybe could ring and see if he picks up. If he does, shows he is not having good time and if those circumstances do occur, will not brag or show off that am having fantastic time without him. No, instead will lend sympathetic ear to all his problems. But then again, he might pick up because he is top lawyer and top lawyers call each other all the time. God, that would be embarrassing. No, will wait for him to call. If remember rightly, it was me who phoned last time.

10:15 pm. Stupid telephone. No call from Mr Darcy. Or any messages on phone (mobile). Huh. Not that care. Will have Valentine meal alone. Microwaved pizza and chips. V.calorific but have no choice. Do not want to ruin first 'romantic' meal with self.

10:20 pm. Why doesn't microwave have any instructions? Am working women; how am I meant to remember instructions 'printed on leaflet?' Probably went in bin. I mean, how am I to know what category microwave I have? Back of pizza box says: 'Categories C-A: 3 mins Categories G-D: 3 mins 30.' Hmm, have had microwave for about 2 years and so that would make it a C. No, perhaps microwave was a C to begin with and has sort of 'gotten older.' Perhaps microwave is an E. Oh, sod it. I'll put the thing in for 5 mins. Ooh goody! Telephone!

10:32 pm

Was my mother.

'Oh, hello darling! Listen, Elaine has just been on the phone to Mark and he sounds terribly lonely. Apparently he has been working so hard, he hasn't had time for a girl friend. He's single! Did you hear that Bridget? Mark Darcy is-.'

'Yes I heard, but it is probably his choice. Why is Elaine at your house anyway?'

'Durrr! We're 'double dating!' Isn't that fun?' she cried excitedly. 'I mean, I've spent the last 40 Valentine's day with Daddy and well, there's not much we haven't done. We're not that old, Bridget. In fact, I was just watching 'Ground Force' the other day when most unexpectantly, your father, grabbed me by surprise and-.'

'No!' I shouted, maybe a bit too loudly.

'Bridget! I'm not deaf!'

'Sorry, it's just well er, the other team scored a goal and well, it's 3 down and well, oh shit!' Why was I acting like this? I wasn't watching footie!

'Bridget! Don't swear. Honestly, you sound like a commoner. Mark won't want someone who speaks like that. And what a disgrace! Watching football on Valentine's day. You should be out dancing with Mark Darcy. Ooh, Daddy wants to dance! Cheerio, darling!'

10:45 pm. Managed to save remains of burning pizza. One cannot expect to be top chef-ess on very first attempt. Still, it's edible. Yummy!

Oh, doorbell.

11 pm. Was Mark Darcy! 'I was, um, in the neighbourhood and was wondering how you were- bloody fuck! What is that?' he said, pointing to my 'romantic meal.'

'I'm having dinner with myself actually,' I replied in smug, dignified tones. And before you ask, it is meant be that colour.'

'Oh, well, I won't keep you, then. Terribly sorry. Should never have come. I mean over, not come as in…well I'll go now. Bye.' He opened the door and walked outside. 'Oh and er, Bridget?'

'Yes?' I replied hopefully. Ooh, perhaps Mark Darcy will admit he was wrong and propose! Or something like that. Was smiling like loon.

'You've spilt tomato sauce down your top.'

'Oh er, thank you.' I said, flushing violently and looking at big splodge on left tit.'Silly me!'

'Well, I better be off. Big meeting tomorrow.' Watched as Mark Darcy practically ran downstairs and out of sight. It had been three months since we split up and well, we'd seen each other every week. Needed the girls' advice on this one.

11:15 pm. Phoned Shaz.

'Hello?' Was pause.

'Hi, Shaz, it's me Bridge. Listen, I wanted to ask you about-.'

Shaz went on: 'Sorry I'm not here at the mo, leave a message after the beep and if you of the female variety, I will get back to you soon. If you are of the male variety like a certain bastard called Simon, I won't.'

Grr! Bloody answer machine!

11:20 pm Rang Jude.

'Jude, it's me, Bridget.' Waited to see if answer phone.

'Have you got wine? I love yoooooooooou!'

'Er, Jude? Are you there? I'm having a crisis and I was wondering…' Phone went dead. Saw had pulled phone out of wall. Contemplated ringing back but decided against it. Jude was married now. She was never going to be single on Valentine's. Shazzer was practically married to Simon. Tom had been going out with Amit for a year and a bit and they were spending Valentine's on a romantic break. And self? Self had to spend Valentine's day alone. Should be use to it by now but spent last year with Mark Darcy and year before with Daniel. Had got used to not being alone! Was too complicated to dwell on so went to bed. Alone. With a glass of wine.