Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that belong to anyone but me. I don't own much at all, really.
oOo

Seriously Black
--Checkerboxed
oOo

Chapter One

Out of Order

Oh yes, the Maruaders loved a good laugh. Even when it was at their own expense- but mostly when it wasn't. It was for that particualar reason that the four of them, James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter were submersed three feet beneath the surface of the Lake, breathing through air bubbles, which surrounded their heads, allowing them to see and talk.

They were playing a prank. The prank that they were pulling was, of course, James's idea.

A prank that might be considered slightly ( if not overly) dangerous.

"Prongs, remind me again why we are here?" Remus said impatiently, his voice contorted by the water. He was a thin, rather short boy with hair that was an odd brownish gray color. His eyes were also gray. He had a slightly pinched look about him, like someone who regularly came down with serious illnesses.

"Yes, Prongsie Poo, do enlighten us." This was Sirius. Sirius was tall, with short dark hair, and very dark eyes. He wasnt thin, but he also wasnt fat- he was muscular, and a bigger build than his friends- but that was right, considering he was a beater for the Gryffindor house Quidditch team. His voice was very deap- one of the reasons so many girls at Hogwarts were madly in love with him.

"Mphg." Peter, struggling to release himself from a bit of seaweed that had latched onto his foot, collided with Remus.

"Peter, careful!" Remus pushed his friend away. "Anyway, James-"

"Oh yes, where were we, Jamesie, had we got to the kissing, yet?" Sirius puckered his lips at James and batted his eyes.

"Exscuse me, but-" Peter cut in, waving his arms wildly in the water, disturbing a school of fish, who swam away, their scales flashing.

"Oh, Sirius, we hadn't- I mean, if you still want to…" James simpered, pretending to blush.

"Oh, cut it out, you two, 'cause-" Remus interjected.

"Jamsie, you know I dont like to be called by a horrible widdle name like Siwius… it makes me sound so… so… stupid! What happened to da widdle pet namsie wamsies you used to call me? Buttercup, and Sunshine, Flower-of-your-Life-"

At this, Remus began to make gagging noises.

"-and Pumpkin-nickle-bread, and-"

Remus doubled over, now making retching noises.

"-and Puppy, and Dogsy Doo, and Widdle Dumpsk-"

"Help!" Peter shouted, making the other three turn in the water- his legs were now throuroughly trapped by green plants, and more tendrils were creeping up his arms…

The other three Maruaders looked down to see tendrils wrapping their legs… they looked at each other in panic… they were stuck, and the air in the bubbles shouldn't last much longer…

Rachel Cole stood at a library window, watching the lake. She had just seen the Terrible Four plunge underwater- and they hadnt come out again. She turned away, deciding not to get involved. They knew what they were doing- probably. She opened her book ( The History of Transfiguration by Lucinda Goshawk) and tried to get immersed in it.

After several minutes of trying hard- and failing miserably- to ignore the sinking feeling that something had happened to the four, she stood up and glanced out the window again. The lake was clear, but devoid of movement other than the lapping of the waves against the bank.

Madam Fowl stood up from behind her desk and clapped her hands loudly. "Alright, all of you- Library is closing! So out! Out!" She turned toward the nearest students- a large group of very frightened looking first years, flapping her hands at them. "Gather your books, and get back to your dormitories! Out!"

Rachel took one last look out of the window. A solitary figure was striding down toward the lake, straightening its robes. When it reached the lake, it stopped, then headed off toward a grove of trees that overlooked the lake. He was soon lost from sight. Suddenly, the giant Squid reared out of the lake, causing the waves to lap even harder against the lake's edge.

Rachel gasped in shock. She stood there, her hands pressed against the glass of the window, as she watched the figure at the lake pull out its wand…

And suddenly, Madam Fowl was right behind her, who turned from the window reluctantly. "Miss Cole, I wonder if you heard me the first time I said it: get-OUT!" Madam Fowl shrieked.

"Yes, Madam Fowl, sorry!" Rachel apologised hurriedly, gathering her books and parchment and stuffing them in her bag. She left the Library just as hurriedly, slowing down as she reached the Great Hall, where the doors were being closed.

She skulked in a corner, intent on seeing if the Maruaders would make an appearance. The doors, closing magically on their own, were almost shut. Rachel found herself holding her breath, and she let it out slowly when a cloaked figure hurried throught the door. He was sopping wet , but Rachel couldnt see his face. He seemed oddly tall for Pettigrew, but he had blonde hair-

Lucius Malfoy turned toward her just as the doors closed with a bang. Rachel shrunk farther into the shadows, but he saw her. He threw her a disgusted look, then muttered angrily. "You- you-" he stood there for a moment, seething. "You- get back to your dormitories- before- before- I dock points from your house!" With that, he swept off down the hall, leaving a trail of water behind him.

"He can't dock points from Gryffindor- he's not even a prefect!" Rachel said to herself, before heading toward the Gryffindor Common Room, her mind reeling with questions. What were the Maruaders doing in the lake, had they come out, what was Malfoy doing down there, why was he so wet, and what did he mean, dock points from Gryffindor?

When Rachel arrived at the portrait hole to the Gryffindor common room, she found that the Fat Lady was not in her portrait. "Damn," Rachel said, dropping her bag and jogging up and down the hall, scanning each portrait on the wall for any sign of the Fat Lady. She was nowhere to be found.

"Oh, damn, damn, damn," Rachel swore, racking her brains for an idea of what to do. Nothing came to mind, so she sat down next to the portrait hole, resting her head on her hands.

After fifteen minutes or so, she heard a noise down the hall. She lifted her head in time to see Peeves, the school poltergeist, lob a large amount of pudding at her. She dove forward, just barely avoiding being hit by the missile. The next second, Peeves struck up a raucus song:

Oh truly its a wonderful sin,

when Cole the Mole cannot get in,

shes stuck outside the common room,

yes, it does look like shes doomed

to sit outside that portrait hole

oh, how she looks just like a mole,

she's rather ugly, that Rachel Cole,

spaghetti hair and puke green eyes

and all that she can tell are lies…

"Peeves!" Rachel shouted, "Go AWAY!"

She immediately wished she hadnt. Footsteps were rapidly approaching down the hall behind Peeves- he blew a loud burp in her direction and tumbled off down the hall, still singing his little song at the top of his lungs. Rachel, thinking quickly, dove for her bag and ran as hard as she could away from the footsteps, but for some reason, it sounded like they were getting louder the faster she ran. And it didnt sound like just one pair of feet. She didnt have enough energy to turn to see who it was, all she wanted was to find an empty classroom or something to duck into so that she wouldnt be caught roaming the halls after hours.

Perfect! As she turned a corner, her heart pounding, she noticed a door with a sign that read: "Out of Order". She tore the door open and whirled into the room, slamming the door shut behind her. She leaned against the door, her eyes closed, trying to regain her breath.

When she opened her eyes, she saw, to her surprise, not a bathroom, but a comfortably furnished room with a lot of really comfy looking chairs and books- that did not look at all like boring school books. Dropping her bag, she walked over to the bookshelf, running her hands along the spines: Anne of Green Gables, Lord of the Rings, Redwall, The Chronicles of Narnia, and more. She gave a small gasp of excitement- her favorite book, The Lost Years of Merlin, was laying on the shelf next to A Wrinkle in Time. she picked it up happily and plopped down on one of the chairs, flipping it open, and settling down to read.

While Rachel was shooed from the library, and while Lucius Malfoy strode toward the Lake, and while James, Sirius, and Peter struggled against the plants that were winding themselves around their legs, Remus was thinking. Suddenly, he brightened visibly. "Guys! I have good news!"

The other three stopped struggling for a moment, and looked up hopefully. "You know how to get us free?" Peter asked, excited.

"Well, no," said Remus, looking around at their crestfallen faces, as if he did not know why they would be so unhappy that it was not the good news. He smiled happily at each of them, very obviously waiting for them to ask what the good news was. When they did not, he went on, "But… I did save money on car insurance by switching to Geico!"

They groaned. Remus looked indignantly at them. "How could you not appreciate my good news! I feel so… so… so hurt!" he proclaimed dramatically, flinging one arm upward. (The motion was rather slow due to the fact that they were underwater). "Well," he said in a sulky tone of voice, "I might as well not tell you that I know how to get us free, since none of you appreciate me…"

There was a clamor of voices as his friends began apologizing.

"Remus, we loved your joke!"

"Yeah, it was great! We were just-"

"-just so preoccupied by your beauty to fully appreciate the humor of the situation!"

This last was from Peter. Remus looked at him sappily. "Am I- am I that- that beautiful? Am I? Really?" He pretended to swoon while Sirius gave a disgusted snort.

"Wormtail, we knew you didnt like girls, but… to think you were… playing on the other team!"

Peter turned bright red. "Sirius, once we get out of here, Im going to hex you into oblivi-oomph!" His words were cut short by a large amount of lake grass that had climbed up his neck.

James turned toward Remus. "Get us out, Moony, now! Before Wormtail… suffocates, or something."

"But James, its nice and cool down here! Dont you think-" He stopped, seeing the look on his friends face. "Oh all right then. Ymobliarbate!" (A/N: Dare you to say that ten times fast!)

All four of them found themselves floating upward toward the surface, their bonds released. They broke through not a second too soon- the bubbles that contained their air burst just before they emerged. They surfaced, gasping and spluttering. None of them had been prepared for their bubbles to burst- Peter, Sirius, Remus, and James had each breathed in a large amount of water. Dripping wet, they clamored out of the water and onto the bank, resting for a moment on the ground. Then James stood up.

"C'mon, mates! Here comes Malfoy!"

Sure enough, Lucius Malfoy was striding down the hill toward them, straightening his robes and smoothing his immaculate blonde hair. The Maruaders ducked behind a bush, sniggering. "Look at him, the pompous git!" Sirius whispered. James doubled over, stuffing his hand in his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud. Peter was grinning. Remus, however, looked worriedly toward the school, as a large clang reverberated through the evening air. The doors were about to close.

Malfoy looked worried, too. He stopped and glanced back at the school. Remus turned to James. "Prongs, it looks like hes gonna chicken out! What do we do?"

James grinned. "You'll see."

He stood slightly, so he was half standing. Raising a hand to the side of his mouth, he called in a very high pitched, girlish voice, "Oh, Lu-ci-us! I'm over here, sweety!" The other Marauders sniggered as Malfoy turned toward them quickly.

Sirius pulled something from his pocket and hurled it into the lake. Luckily, Malfoy didnt notice. But the giant Squid did.

It came out of the water slowly, bellowing as only a giant squid can. Malfoy raised his wand, his wand hand shaking.

James, judging the time was right, moved a large rock next to him. Inside a small hole underneath was a camera. He handed it to Lupin, who twiddled with a dial before raising it to his eyes. James winked at Sirius, then raised his wand. "Leviosa Letranoa!" he whispered, waving it and pointing it at Malfoy.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, suddenly, Malfoy began to rise into the air, the back of his robes hanging above his head, as though an invisible hand was pulling him upwards. Malfoy began to struggle and kick. Then, suddenly, he was jerked toward the left, and was hanging over the lake.

The giant squid seemed particularly curious of this interestiong hanging peice of meat. He moved towards Lucius, who kicked harder. It raised an arm and began to prod the terrified Malfoy.

James beckoned toward his friends, and stood up, not looking away from the squid and the bait. They emerged from behind the bush, roaring with laughter. Malfoy tore his eyes way from the squid for a moment, and turned purple with rage upon seeing his archenemy. Lupin chose the moment to take a picture.

"Put me down!" Screamed Lucius.

James grinned. "Gladly," he said, whispering towards his wand. Malfoy fell, still struggling, the thirty feet into the water. The giant squid plunged in after him.

The maruaders, breathless with laughter, turned toward the school. The doors were about to close. They looked at each other. "Lets take the passegeway behind the mirror," Sirius said, "That way nobody'll ask why we're all so wet."

"Good idea, Padfoot!" James said, clapping his friend on the back. They turned toward the school, still chuckling, not noticing the look Malfoy gave them as he climbed, sopping wet, out of the lake.

Peeves was in a good mood. He had just managed to set off a dungbomb inside Filch's office- always an exciting, yet very difficult task- he had tricked a couple second years into letting him into the Slytherin common room,where he had wreaked total and utter havoc- and Rachel Cole was sitting dejectedly outside the Gryffindor house.

He summoned up a large amount of pudding from the kitchens, although it came later than he would have liked, because the house elfs were always reluctant to provide him with anything they'd have to clean up later. Taking careful aim, Peeves lobbed the pudding at Rachel, who looked up when he grunted, and lunged forward, avoiding the ammunition. Oh well, at least he could rely on his wonderful brains to annoy her further. He began singing a song, made up on the spot- a very good song, if he did say so himself.

He came to a spot where he couldnt think of anything more to sing- but he was saved the trouble of looking slightly foolish as his target lept up, shouting at him.

What was that noise, behind him? Four pairs of feet, running rather quickly, sloshing. Hmm, could it be? But of course. It could only be his partners in crime, the Terrible Four. He decided to make his exit. Burbing loudly, he resumed singing, knowing it would only annoy her further.

Then he zoomed off down the hall, looking for Mrs. Norris. Then he spotted her; Happily, he summoned up some blue hair dye, and, cackling maliciously, took aim.

Shuffling under James's invisibitly cloak, the group neared the portrait hole. As they turned the corner,they heard shouting. Through the slightly filmy cloak, Sirius could see Peeves, burping at a girl, who dove for her bag and ran off the opposite way down the hall. He looked at James, who seemed to realize what his best mate wanted. He beckoned to Peter and Remus, and the four of them tore off down the hall after her.

They turned the corner, but the hall was empty. Slowing down, Sirius looked up and down the hall. There was only one door, and it had a sign on it: Out of Order it read. But it was also the Room of Requirement.

"Should we go in? What dya reckon?"

James nodded, Remus shook his head, and Peter looked confused. "But its Out of Order! She wouldnt have gone in there, would she?"

"Idiot, that's the room of Requirement!" James hissed. Peter looked slightly less confused. "Oh."

"Oh," scoffed Sirius, "Alright, I've decided. We're going in."

"But what if…?" Remus trailed off, but the others knew what he was talking about.

"She'd have closed the stall door, right? Anyway, the Room of Requirement usually is something different on the door… shes probably in there sitting next to a blazing fire, in a big poufy armchair."

Sirius moved forward enough that the Invisibility Cloak fell off of him, and wrenched open the door. He was right- the interior of the room was not a bathroom, but a comfortably warm, richly furnished room.

James and Remus crept into the room after Sirius, but Peter was hesitant untill Sirius glared at him. Muttering under his breath so that only his friends could hear him, he complained something about "trouble", "mad", and "lunacy". The others grinned; they were used to hearing this from Peter, who mostly tagged along with their schemes, and was never very enthusiastic.

There was a large red armchair in the center of the room, and they could see that there was someone sitting in it, due to a foot that was wrapped around one of the legs, and the end of robes underneath the chair.

Sirius cleared his throat. The girl in the chair whipped around, startled. "Who's there?"

Sirius stared at her. She was startlingly pretty, with darkish brown hair that hung half a foot below the shoulders, hazel eyes, and a dainty figure. Her eyes, now, were wide with shock. Sirius stared openmouthed at her for a moment. Then he recovered, and closed his mouth.

Thinking quickly, he said, "Hello," /Brilliant, Padfoot/ he thought.

As it was, he thought he could hear his friends sniggering quietly behind him, still disguised by the cloak.

"I'm Sirius," he said, when the girl didnt reply to the first, ingenius introduction.

"I know," she said scornfully, "Now will you please leave me alone? I'm trying to read." She held up a book.

"Were you? Well…I read!" he said, grasping for something to talk about.

Her expression of scorn deepened. "Oh. Arent you special." She said sarcastically.

Underneath the cloak, the Other Maruaders struggled to resist gasping for breath. They rarely saw Sirius at a loss for words, and it was never in front of a girl.

Padfoot must have noticed their laughter, because he said, "Yes, I am. And my sense of humor does not include laughing at my friends." Before she could inquire after such an odd thing to be informing her, he went on, "Yeah, so Im Sirius. Who're you?"

She paused for a moment, as if reluctant to tell him. "Rachel Cole," she said after a moment.

"Aah. I like that name. Reminds me of that song Peeves was singing a moment ago."

She glowered at him, then turned her back on him and went back to reading her book.

"Oh, was he singing about you? You didnt look much like a mole to me, so I figured…"

Rachel turned around again. "Alright, what do you want?"

Sirius grinned. "What do I want? Hmmm… thats a good question. Well, I wouldnt mind a million galleons… or a nice house in the country with a white picket fence… a dog…"

She scowled. "Go away."

Sirius made sure his grin slid slowly off his face before answering. "I dont see how you have any right to boss me around."

She stood up slowly. "I think this," she punctuated this by holding up a very shiny prefects badge, "shows that I have a right to boss you around. Now get out."

Sirius grinned again. "Well, see, that doesnt work on prefects." He whipped out a prefects badge from inside his cloak. "See? I think you need another way to prove to me how extremely bossy you are." He immediately regretted saying that, because her face was wearing such an expression of utter loathing and rage that she turned almost purple.

"How dare you say that! How dare you judge me? You think you can just prance around, getting on other people's nerves, just because the teachers think you're smart and girls like you!" She was screaching now. She strode forward towards him, pointing her wand. "How dare you come in here, bug the crap outta me, and then tell me I'm bossy when I ask you to leave me alone! God, I hate people like you!"

There was a momentary silence while she struggled to regain her breath. Sirius stood there, slackjawed. Then he said hastily, "Oh, well. I'll just be going." He turned to leave, but she grabbed his arm.

"Oh no you dont! Im not going to let you just skip out and have a good laugh with your friends- who I know is in here, by the way." She glared in the general direction of the Maruaders.

James pulled off the cloak. "Hello!" He stepped backward smartly as her hand whistled past his ear like an angry hornet, coming to land on Sirius's cheek with a smack. Sirius made a noise that sounded just like "You witch!" before turning away, clutching at his face.

Rachel seemed to have taken all her fury out with the slap, and did not look nearly as angry as she had. She turned away from them with a "Hmph!", stalked to her chair, and opened the book. James stepped forward, grabbed the book before turning it over and saying kindly, "It must be hard, learning to read upside down."

She opened her mouth to resume yelling, but he covered it with his hand. "Tut, tut! It does not do to yell at your superiors," he said in a wonderful imitation of Dumbledore.

She stared at him for a moment, bemused. Then she sighed and said, "Maybe you can tell me. What do you want?"

"Hmm…maybe a million gall-" he stopped as she glared at him. "Well, Sirius seems to want to follow you… I just want to get to bed, but he seemed to think it was important that you found a place to-" he stopped short as a hard fist collided with the side of his head. Sirius dropped his fists to his side, muttering, "Shut up." Then he turned and stomped out of the room.

Ooh… what'll happen next? I really have no idea… although I may involve Lily soon… :D

Please review!

-Rhia