Mouse walked up to Sir Evans Jr. and begged his pardon.

"Excuse me. Sir Evans Jr." interrupted Mouse, politely. "Sir Hellsing would like a private word with you."

"Really? A private word?" wondered Sir Evans Jr.

"Go on Charles." urged Sir Wright Jr. "Maybe she's chosen you."

"Nah, not Integra." said Sir Jeffery Jr. "She doesn't seem the type to make such quick decisions."

"She waiting for you sir." reminded Mouse.

"Yes, Charles. Go. It's impolite to keep a lady waiting." laughed Sir Island Jr. "If your late she my dock you points."

Sir Evans Jr. excused himself and left with Mouse. Mouse opened the door for him and then left him with Integra. Sir Evans Jr. smiled as he saw Integra sitting on the couch waiting for him. Integra Hellsing was a very beautiful woman. It was such a shame he'd have to kill her; but he also knew that there could be only one master of Hellsing. At least he'd get to shag her first. Who knew how long it would take to get her pregnant. The fun would be in trying.

"Sir Integra Hellsing." he greeted with a cultured bow.

Integra turned to face him.

"Sir Charles Evans." acknowledged Integra politely.

Mouse watched them talk from the shadows as she waited for Integra's signal. It started out with polite conversation; questions about each others family and business, likes and dislikes. Then came the questions of what their future together would be like. Suddenly, Integra asked the question that Mouse had been waiting for.

"What would you do Sir Evans, if you were ever attacked by a vampire? Could you protect the people of England from the forces of evil?" asked Integra, seriously.

That was her que. Mouse materialized out of the fog on the balcony. She bared her fangs as she snarled at him with animalistic hunger. Integra smiled. Mouse had changed clothes. She now wore a long flowing white gown. She made her hair grow to shoulder length and it was now auburn brown. It flowed freely about her shoulders as she stood in the moonlight. Mouse portrayed with perfect image of a movie vampiress.

"Holy Shit!" exclaimed Sir Evans Jr., as he jumped off the couch.

Mouse entered the room, looking pale and tragic, but her eyes burned bright red. Sir Evans panicked and hid behind Integra. Integra just looked at him with disapproval. Mouse came closer and closer. Sir Evans Jr. shrank back in fear. He tried to make a run for the door, but Mouse disappeared and reappeared right in front of him. Sir Evans swallowed the lump in his throat as he realized that this vampire now stood between him and the only way out.

"My, my, what do we have here? Dinner and dessert." Mouse quipped, sliding around Integra and seeking to "kill" Sir Evans Jr. first.

"I'm not an after dinner pastry." said Sir Evans Jr., backing away from Mouse.

"Ha, your dinner." smiled Mouse, fangs and all. "She's dessert."

"Sir Integra, do something." urged Sir Evans Jr.

Integra handed him Mouse's gun.

"You have to kill her." ordered Integra. "Before she kills others."

"What! Me! No. Don't we have soldiers for that?" stammered Sir Evans Jr.

"They are not here. You are." said Integra, firmly.

Sir Evans looked at the gun. This wasn't supposed to happen. As master of Hellsing, he would order others to fight and kill for him. He was never supposed to fight; he was never supposed to die.

"No, we must escape." he said, now shaking. "We must warn the other guests."

Integra looked at him, as he looked at Mouse. She was practically standing in his face. She hadn't attacked him yet and he was pissing his pants. He wasn't too bright either, although that may have been the fear; because he hadn't figured that out yet. Integra took the gun back and shook her head.

"My husband must have a backbone." she said, once again sitting on the couch. "Kill him."

"What!" exclaimed Sir Evans Jr., now staring at Integra. "You mean she's one of your vampires."

"Yes."

"This was a test and you failed." she announced. "Mouse, he's all yours."

Mouse jumped Sir Evans and began clawing at him. Sir Evans tried to scream, but Mouse stopped him. She knocked him unconscious and then filled his mind with images of gruesome scenes of battle and death.

"Enough Mouse." ordered Integra. "Leave him some measure of sanity."

Mouse stopped. She transformed back into her Hellsing Uniform.

"Shall I take out the trash, master? asked Mouse, with an evil grin.

"Put him in an empty room. Maybe he'll think it an alcohol induced dream. Besides, I don't want him tipping off the others yet."

"Yes, sir." said Mouse, picking up Sir Evan's body.

"Show in the next one, when your done with him." said Integra, smiling as she thought about the rest of the evening.

And so it went suitor after suitor. Integra and Mouse weeded out the cowards. But the winners of the first round had another decision to face.

"What!" shouted Sir Wright Jr. "You want me to sign a prenupt!"

"Yes." said Integra, matter of factly.

"That's preposterous! I have my own wealth! Why would I want yours!" he shouted angrily, appalled that she would even suggest him a gold digger.

"No, you have your daddy's money. You'll inherit all of it when he dies. Your money will stay in your family. With this prenupt, my money will stay with my family and my children will be taken care of." lectured Integra.

"You don't think I would take care of OUR children!" he hollered.

"I don't think you could take care of yourself, let alone our children, or my organization." countered Integra hotly.

"To hell with you! Your organization! And your prenupt!" shouted Sir Wright, as he stormed out.

Integra sat back down and relaxed. Mouse appeared out of thin air and handed her one of her cigars.

"Here master. I thought you might need this." she said, sitting down beside her.

Integra took the cigar, thankfully. Mouse lit it for her and Integra let the incense of the nicotine relax her.

"Thank you, Mouse. You read my mind." smiled Integra, slyly.

Mouse smiled.

"You were right. Only Sir Scarlett and Sir Wellington passed the tests." judged Integra.

Mouse looked left towards the door. She could hear them. She could see them coming.

"It's not over yet, master." said Mouse, standing up and taking a bodyguard's position between Integra and the door.

Suddenly, the door burst open wide. In stormed the Knights and their sons.

"Integra Hellsing!" began Sir Island Sr. "What is the meaning of this! Did you really ask my son to sign a prenuptial!"

Mouse stood between Sir Island Sr. and Integra and put her hand on her sword, challenging any man to step past her. Integra paid him no mind until she finished her cigar. As she smoked, the accusations continued.

"That bodyguard is a demon. She attacked me." claimed Sir Morse Jr. excitedly.

"Is that all? That's nothing. She raped me." claimed Sir Milton Jr.

"What!" exclaimed the others.

"Kalle." called Integra.

"Yes, sir." answered Mouse, not taking her eyes off them once.

"Did you?" asked Integra, without interest or care.

"No, sir." said Mouse with a wicked grin. "It was a merely a post-hypnotic suggestion that I put into his head while he was sleeping off the liquor. I thought it only fair that if he were going to do it to you, that it should happen to him first."

Sir Milton Jr. blushed bright red and grew very flustered.

"I would never!" he exclaimed with indignation.

"That's not what you told your father." said Mouse, with an evil chuckle.

"Integra this is intolerable! You're supposed…" began Sir Milton Sr.

"To chose a husband." finished Integra for him as she met his gaze with hated. "Since it is my choice, I will choose a man that meets my needs. He must be courage and integrity. And above all, he must be able to run my organization FOR me, WITHOUT trying to take it FROM me."

Sir Wellington had heard enough. He stepped forward to face Integra, but Mouse blocked his way.

"Out of my way servant. Know your place." he growled, at her.

"I know my place." said Mouse, her eyes fearsome. "Do you know yours?"

"How dare you. I am Sir Albert Wellington, Son of Sir Edward Wellington and the Queen's advisor to the Round Table. Who are you?" he declared, with all the self-importance he owned.

"Me? I'm nobody." said Mouse, proudly with a mischievous smile. "I was born an orphan of nobodies. Sir Integra Hellsing risked her life to save me when vampires attacked my orphanage. Where were you? She took me in and gave me a home. She trusts me with all that she has, including her life. There is nothing that I would not do for her. Can you say the same?"

Sir Wellington Sir started to say something, but Mouse interrupted him.

"All of you look down on people like me. But you forget, people like me give you water in your homes, give you electricity, give you food. You men stand on the backs of others, declare your importance to the world, and never once say thank you to those whom you owe your life." charged Mouse. "If any of you "men" want my master for his wife, you must go through me first."

Mouse had made the challenge. Integra waited to see who would step forward, if any. No one moved, just as she expected. She smiled internally, she had too. That complete and utter lie Mouse had just told was so well conveyed, that not even she didn't accept it as truth. Integra shook her head. Mouse was good.

Suddenly, someone pushed his way to the front. It was Sir James Wellington Jr.

"Nice speech." he said, sizing her up.

Mouse's eyes followed him as he stepped towards her.

"So if I want Integra, I have to go through you, huh." he said, drawing his sword.

Mouse raised an eyebrow and also drew her sword.

"Beat me and you can have her." said Mouse.

"Rules?" he asked.

"If you truly love her, let nothing stop you." grinned Mouse.

"Right. No rules." he smiled.

James charged at Mouse and the fight began.

"Are you two mad!" shouted Sir Jeffery Sr. "Stop this at once."

"Integra." called Sir Scarlett Jr. "You're not going to stop this?"

"No." she answered, watching the fight intently.

The other Knights and their sons backed out of the way, trying not to get hit as Mouse and James fought. Each dodged, parried, and thrusted at each other. Suddenly, James struck out. He and Mouse had their swords crossed and each pushed against the other trying to gain the upper hand. That was when he punched Mouse in the face with a hard left. He took advantage of Mouse's moment of surprise and pushed her to the floor. Mouse looked up at him as she wiped the blood from her lip.

"Good, very good." she smiled. "Come on then. This time for real."

Mouse took off the top coat of her uniform and so did James. He unbuttoned his tie and rolled up the sleeves on his shirt. Both now more comfortable, the war began anew. Mouse and James fought like lions seeking to claim territory of their own. Soon the kicking, punching, and sword clashing grew so intense, that the side room could no longer contain the fight. They burst through the doors and the fight spilled out into the main ballroom, where the birthday party still continued. Guest gasped in awe, shock, and stunned surprise at the fight. Guests hurriedly moved out of the way as James and Mouse continued to clash swords.

Though a simple match, they fought as if they hated each other. Mouse had overstepped. James sought to run her through. Mouse pivoted and turned. As James went running by her, Mouse gave him a resounding smack on his ass with the flat side of her sword. James gritted his teeth as he took the blow. He turned and faced Mouse. He glared at her, but she just smiled at him.

"Now we're even."

"Just for that, when I marry Integra, I'm docking your pay." he joked.

Mouse just raised an eyebrow at him and motioned for him to come on. James raised his sword and the fight went on. Someone had thought the Queen should be informed, because here she came. Mouse saw her coming out of the corner of her eye and decided to end the fight. She grabbed James' blade and kicked him in the stomach. He doubled over in pain and then she brought her knee to his face. He fell backwards onto the floor. Mouse stood above him in victory. She looked down at him, her sword at this throat.

"Like the view?" she asked.

"No, but maybe you'll see things my way one day." he said, with a smile.

Mouse went to one knee and whispered to him.

"You will never get me on my back." she grinned, seductively.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked the Queen, upset by the clashing of swords in her palace.

All bowed to her majesty as she walked towards them. Then Integra stepped out from among them. The queen raised an eyebrow with an "I should have known" look.

"Sir Hellsing, explain this." ordered the queen.

"Kalle, my guardsman, was just helping me weed out my suitors." informed Integra.

"How? By killing them?" asked the Queen, sternly.

"I'm not dead yet, your majesty." quipped James, as Mouse helped him to stand.

"So Sir Integra, have you chosen one yet?" she asked.

"I have narrowed it down to two gentlemen, your majesty." announced Integra. "Sir William Scarlett and Sir James Wellington."

Both men stepped forward as their names were called and stood before Integra.

"Well, Integra." said the Queen. "Pick one."

"Gentlemen, I have asked a lot of you tonight. Now, I will give you opportunity to question me." said Integra. "You both may ask me three questions each."

Not to be outdone by Sir James Wellington, Sir William Scarlett stepped forward and went first.

"Will you tell the absolute truth?" he asked.

"Yes. You have my word as a Knight." said Integra. "And I shall consider that question number one."

Mouse raised an eyebrow at William's father as he grumbled about Integra being unfair. Undaunted, William continued.

"Will you be as cold and aloof even after we are married, shutting me out of everything?" he asked, coldly.

"Not if you prove I can trust you. This may be an arranged marriage, but even arranged marriages can be "beneficial" to both parties." answered Integra.

She didn't want to say a loving one. She just couldn't bring herself to say that word. Because although she was sure that they could live together, she was equally sure that she would never come to love him.

"My last question shall be this then. Will you ever change and become a proper young lady? After all, you will be a mother someday. Is this how you will raise our children?" he asked, harshly.

Integra simply looked at him and pretended to consider his question.

"A proper young lady? Hm, well considering the business of my family's…uh, business. The answer is no. I will not change, …for any man. As for our children, they will be "properly" raised to one day run my organization." divulged Integra.

Mouse could see people shaking their heads at Integra's answers. She could hear their thoughts as they passed judgment on Integra.

"She's so cold. She has no feminine emotions."

"I guess that answers why people call her the ice queen."

"I feel sorry for which ever poor soul finally ends up marrying her."

Now it was James' turn.

"Sir Hellsing." he began. "If I become your husband, do you promise me here and now…"

With such a beginning, people expected a very important question.

"…that I will never have to sleep on the couch if you become angry with me?" he finished, with a wicked grin.

Mouse tried her best not to laugh. She failed when she saw people's jaws drop at his question. And by that question, they judged him.

"Well that was a stupid thing to ask."

"Of all the things he could have asked her."

"I would never have asked such a ridiculous question."

Integra was taken aback by his question, but answered it with ice coldness.

"If you ever make me that angry, you won't have to worry about sleeping on the couch. Just what type of lining, you'd like your coffin to be."

James smiled at her answer and then asked his second.

"If I don't marry you…" he said, now looking at Mouse and not Integra. "Can I have your bodyguard's phone number?"

People gasped in shock at his audacity. How dare he just drop his fiancé for another woman, in front of her; and for a commoner no less? However, Integra didn't seem to mind or care. She just looked at Mouse, who was trying her best to look innocent.

"If I do not choose you, then yes. You may have her phone number." said Integra. "Is that alright with you Kalle?"

"Now wait just a minute…" raged Sir Wellington Sr., insulted that his son should be passed off as some "hand me down." "Sir Hellsing that was…"

"Shut up dad, I'm not done yet." chided James.

Integra raised an eyebrow at James. That was the first time she had ever seen one of the sons stand up to his father. James was definitely his own man. This was a point in his favor.

"And your third question?" prompted Integra.

James stopped glaring at his dad and returned his attention to Integra. He moved closer to her and stood before her, toe to toe.

"Will you forgive me?" he asked, staring her straight in the eye.

"For what?" asked Integra, curious as to what he was asking forgiveness for.

"For this."

Suddenly, James grabbed Integra by her waist, pulled her closer, and stole a kiss. Not only Integra, but the entire court was surprised by his actions. Integra was going to slap him, a reflex response; but one he had anticipated as he blocked her blow and returned her right arm to her side. James drank deeply from Integra's lips. Sure that she would have him killed for this, he wanted it to be worth his while. But soon the kiss ended as Integra pulled away from him.

"Tactical." she said, conceding defeat.

James just smiled at her answer, as others stood confused by such a comment. Tactical?

"Kalle." called James, as he moved to stand behind Integra.

"Yes, Sir Wellington." acknowledged Mouse.

"Didn't you say that you'd kill any man that lay a hand on your master?" he asked slyly, as he lifted Integra's left hand to his lips and kissed it.

Mouse laughed at his cleverness, as she pulled out her gun and pointed it at him.

"That I did." she said cocking the weapon.

The entire room held its breath. Sir Wellington made a move to stop Mouse, but Integra spoke first.

"Enough Kalle." she said. "James wins."

"Yes, sir." relented Mouse, as she put her gun away. "Brains over brawn, eh."

"Yes, Kalle. He beat you fair and square." confirmed Integra.

"Yes!" cheered Sir Wellington, seeing himself one step closer to the Hellsing Organization.

Sir Wellington gave his fellow Knights a knowing nod. Just to remind them of who won their bet, as the Queen spoke.

"Well, that settles that." said the Queen. "Sir Integra you will now open your gifts and then we will have cake."

The guests breathed a sigh of relief and they followed the Queen and Integra to the next room, which had been filled with the birthday gifts people had brought for her. James watched as all the guests filed out past him. Not once did he take his eyes off Mouse. He had intended to go talk to her, when his father grabbed him by the neck and shoved him in line with the other guests.

"Good job, boy." He praised.

When the room was empty, Mouse disappeared.

Mouse reappeared, standing behind Integra, as if she had been there all the time; and no one noticed her because they were more interested in seeing how their gift matched up against everyone else's. The evening wore on as Integra opened each one.

"A necklace." She announced, holding it up for all to see.

"A diamond emerald studded necklace." Corrected Sir Michael Kensington Jr. proudly.

Internally Integra sighed heavily. All these lavish gifts and not a damn thing she could use. These gifts were for ladies that went to court, or went on evenings out, or one of the hundreds of other things "normal" women did. This was not her. She was not normal and each gift only proved to her how little they did know about her. And then she saw it. The very last gift, and while the others were wrapped in bright, happy, and shiny wrappings, this one was not. Integra picked it up and looked it over. It was a long rectangular box. It was wrapped all in black and had one blood red bow on it. She smiled as she knew that bow tie instantly.

"He actually wrapped it with one of his own ties." She mused.

"Who's it from?" someone asked.

"There's no card." Said Integra.

"Oh, a mystery gift." chuckled someone else.

"Well then, open it." urged another.

Integra opened the box and her eyes went wide in surprise and delight. Finally, something she could use. Integra took the gun out of the box and lovingly caressed it. It was hand crafted and well made. The engrafted art work was as detailed as it was beautiful.

"Well, what is it?" someone asked.

Integra held it up for all to see. She smiled as she saw their faces drop in astonishment. She knew they would not approve.

"Who in God's name would give a girl a gun for her birthday?" someone commented.

"Not just any gun" explained Integra. "This is a Ferlach Luxury Hunting Rifle. This gun is one of the rarest guns in the world. It is completely hand-crafted, each and every part in it. It takes years just to create one of these. And not just any Ferlach, It's a super de luxe."

"There are words written on it." Pointed out one of the guests.

"Yes, tell us what it says."

Sir Wellington took the gun from Integra. She glared at him.

"It's not in English." He declared.

"It's Romanian." Enlightened Integra.

"So what does it say then?" he challenged, handing it back to her.

"A gun with a firing pin is useless. As am I without you." Said Integra.

"Oh, how romantic." Cooed Lady Smyth. "In a militarist kind of a way."

"Is that all it says?" asked Sir Hipwood. "That's a lot of lines for a single phrase."

Integra wasn't going to mention the rest of it, because she knew that they would be upset; but since they asked.

"And as many bullets fill this rifle stock, so may our house be full of children." She recited.

"There's a cheeky fellow for you. Can anyone guess who Integra's mystery man might be?" asked Sir Drake, full of curiosity for a good mystery.

Integra watched Sir Wellington's eyes grow dark. He knew, just as she did, who this gift was from.

"How many bullets does that gun hold?" asked someone else.

Integra turned the rifle over and opened the stock. Three shells fell out.

"Three shells." Lady Rogers counted. "Your mystery man wants three children."

"Look, two blue ones and one pink one." Told Lady Smyth. "He wants two boys and a girl."

"So Integra, tell us, who is your mystery man?" asked a guest.

"Is it someone at court?"

"Is he a man of work or leisure?"

Integra gave a toothy grin.

"He's a man who knows what his lady truly wants." said Integra.

"And you want guns?"

"No, I want…to be unique." smiled Integra.

Integra stood up.

"Kalle."

"Yes, sir." said Mouse, coming to attention.

"Bring the car. It's getting late. And we have work tomorrow."

"Yes, sir."

Integra left her guests dumbfounded as she left behind all her gifts, but one. Her new gun.

"Your majesty..." bowed Integra. "I had a wonderful time this year. Thank you."

The Queen could only smile and shake her head.

"You're welcome Sir Hellsing and congratulations on your engagement to Sir James Wellington. In two days, we will make the formal announcements."

"Yes, your majesty." said Integra.

And then she left.

"Sink me if that girl isn't as strange as she wants to be." commented Sir Boxby, as he watched Integra leave.

As they were leaving, Mouse whistled and the music began.

"What was that for?" asked Integra.

"A parting gift from me to your suitors." said Mouse.

"Sitting on a bar stool Acting like a dern fool, that's what I'm a doin' today. I'm sittin' here drinkin', Tryin' to keep a thinking I'm crusin' my troubles away. Well now I couldn't make her stay.
Well dog gone her anyway. She can't say that I didn't try-hi-hi. Poor me another one I'm finished with the other one. I'm drinkin' my baby Integra goodbye.

Every time we disagree she was always asking me, Are you a man or a mouse? Now that she's gone she probably thinks that I'm home just a moping around the house. She probably thinks that she's the one thing I just couldn't get along without. Well wouldn't this surprise her
I gotta sympathizer as long as these bottles hold out.
Sitting on a bar stool Acting like a dern fool, that's what I'm a doin' today. I'm sittin' here drinkin', Tryin' to keep a thinking I'm crusin' my troubles away. Well now I couldn't make her stay.
Well dog gone her anyway. She can't say that I didn't try-hi-hi. Poor me another one I'm finished with the other one. I'm drinkin' my Integra goodbye.

Every time I tried to sit down and talk with her it always ended up in a fuss. I tried to reason with her right up till the time that she got on that Greyhound bus. It'ad be better if I just forget if 'cuz she sure forgot about me. And if it takes all night I'm gonna do it right. I'm gonna sit here till I can't see.

Sitting on a bar stool Acting like a dern fool, that's what I'm a doin' today. I'm sittin' here drinkin', Tryin' to keep a thinking I'm crusin' my troubles away. Well now I couldn't make her stay.
Well dog gone her anyway. She can't say that I didn't try-hi-hi. Poor me another one I'm finished with the other one. I'm drinkin' my Integra goodbye."

"INTEGRA!" shouted Sir Wellington.

James Wellington, on the other hand, couldn't stop laughing.

Integra heard Sir Wellington yelling at her. At this she just smiled.

"Mouse, your positively evil." she complimented.

"Thank you, master. I try." grinned Mouse.

------------

Note: Song sung by band is "Sitting on a Bar Stool" by Charlie Daniels.