4. Things Get Hairy

Jack spent the day in bed. He took the opportunity to sleep. No on came in to bother him except Ari, with his lunch and dinner. Unt-Ork came in a bit later to show him over to the toilet.

The next day, the soreness was gone and he was restless. He felt fine and was itching to leave his room. Only Ari stood in his way. She absolutely refused to let him leave. They argued for a few minutes before Jack finally had enough. He gritted his teeth, found the Japanese prince in him, and let it rip.

"You will let me up now!" he ordered her, his voice rough and firm.

Ari burst out laughing. Jack was highly offended at this; he crossed his arms and said "hmph." This just made her laugh even harder. Only when he gave her his patented narrow-eyed glare did she gasp and sputter to a stop.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I know you're a mighty samurai and all, but you're just so cute when you pout."

"I am not cute!" he shot at her, his voice jumping half an octave in indignation.

She snickered. "You want to know the real reason I can't let you up?"

"Yes."

"Because people would recognize you immediately, and all hell would break loose."

Jack hadn't thought of this. Slightly ashamed, he ducked his head. "Oh."

Ari snorted. "Yeah. Do you know why you've been alone all day?"

He shook his head, feeling a little stupid now.

"Because Unt-Ork slapped a Quarantine sign on the door. Good thing, too. Those guys who brought you in … well, you don't remember, but they didn't get a good look at you. If they had, they probably would've left you in the snow."

There was silence. Ari took the opportunity to cross her arms and look at him expectantly. Jack finally sat up and met her gaze.

"I … um … I apologize for my earlier remark," he mumbled. "Perhaps a disguise is in order, then?"

"That's a great idea," Ari said, and smiled. "And I happen to have just the thing."

Jack's curiosity was piqued. "Really?"

"Oh, yes. See, Unt-Ork can help you out. She has this bizarre ability to make hair grow really fast. Remember when she was touching your face?"

"Yes," said Jack, who couldn't quite see where this was going.

"She was searching for hidden hair. It's sort of a habit with her. Her race is completely bald, so hair is highly valuable to them. I think it's their currency, actually. Anyway, Unt-Ork was sort of like their mint. Well, at least she was until the Empire captured her."

"I do not understand. How will this help me?"

"Have you ever worn a beard?" Ari asked by way of an answer.

Jack shook his head. He carried a small razor with him and shaved every morning.

"You will now."

Ari whistled. Unt-Ork, who had apparently been waiting for some kind of cue, skittered into the room, crumpling up a badly-written sign that must have said "Quarantine" at one point. She hopped up on the bed, tossed Ari the crumpled up sign, cracked her fat little knuckles and smiled at Jack, who opened his eyes wide and tried to back away. This only buried his head deeper into the pillow.

Unt-Ork ignored this. She put her hands on his face, the same as she had done yesterday. A yellow glow surrounded her tiny fingers and Jack suddenly felt a funny, itchy sensation. First it was his cheeks, then his jaw. Then something was tickling his lip and he felt positively furry.

The little alien backed away and held up a huge hand mirror, obviously very proud of her work. Jack stared at his reflection … or someone's reflection, anyway. His hair was down around his shoulders, loose and wild, and his mouth had disappeared. His face was nothing but straight black hair from the underside of his nose to two inches past his chin.

"So happy to see you're feeling better, Ipshen Renakalli," Ari said.

There were footsteps then, and two soldiers marched into the room. One was tall and skinny. The other was short and fat. They both saluted. Jack saluted back, not knowing quite what else to do.

"Ipshen," said the tall soldier, "we have orders to bring you to General Digger to make your report, now that you are out of quarantine. Are you feeling up to it?"

"I am," Jack replied in the most commanding tone he could offer. "I need a few minutes to prepare myself and then we can go."

The soldiers saluted again and left.

Ari wasted no time. "Unt-Ork, get him a suit of armor from the clothes rack and his you-know-what from the armory," she mumbled.

Unt-Ork nodded, hopped off the bed and scurried out the door.

"I must have an audience with the General?" Jack asked.

"Yep. Now pay attention," Ari said, handing him fresh clothes as he peeled back the covers. "Lie about what happened out there, and do not mention Samurai Jack. Then ask to be transferred to Troop 50. They're stationed here under the General's command. You have to stay with us," she finished. She sounded a bit desperate now. "There's a lot you need to know."

"And I insist on hearing it from you."

Ari smiled. Just as Jack finished pulling on the clothes, Unt-Ork came running back in with an armored chest and back plate, leg plates, a helmet, a long dark cloak, and Jack's sword in a wide, standard-issue Gunzai scabbard.

The soldiers were leaning lazily against the wall when Jack emerged from the infirmary, fully dressed and carrying his helmet. He was an impressive sight. The silver armor complemented his broad shoulders. The crest of the Empress on his chest-plate (a finely-wrought ouroboros) winked in the torch light. The burgundy cloak flowed to his calves. His dark eyes twinkled. He twitched his lip, unused to the itchiness of the beard, and his mustache swished from side to side.

"Let us be off."

The men walked down the hall, three abreast. Jack walked with purpose. He didn't look back. A turn of his head or a goodbye glance at Ari would be far too suspicious.

Ari smiled to herself a few minutes later. Jack had gone and she was helping out in the laundry, folding sheets. She had a few extra minutes and the maids needed all the assistance they could get. The smoother things ran around here, the more people had a shot at surviving the coming week.

Most of the maids were silent and somber as they worked out bloodstains and pulled clothes from the giant heated dryers, but Ari couldn't keep the grin off her face. Sniggla, the head laundress of the place, narrowed all four of her orange-colored eyes at this. Happiness was something to be stamped out. She waddled her fat, smooth, salmon-colored self over to Ari, determined that the cat-woman be as miserable as everybody else.

"And what are you grinnin' about, ya slant-eyed fur bag?" she roared.

"Nothing that concerns you, melon ball," she bantered back.

Sniggla puffed herself up with ire and a few maids giggled until she threw some hot water at them. A small group had forgotten about their work entirely. They were chatting animatedly in a corner. It seemed that someone had gotten a hold of a Wanted poster with a familiar picture on it.

"I saw Samurai Jack!" said the maid holding it. She laughed.

It made Ari very relieved that Unt-Ork had worked her magic in time. As for the maid's claim, well … she had given her charge a very thorough bath two nights ago. She had in fact seen not just Samurai Jack, but all of Samurai Jack.

"Wouldn't it be so great if he came here?" someone asked. "Then maybe he could help us!"

Everyone else tittered in agreement. Sniggla waddled over and started shouting at them to put that garbage away and get back to work.

Ari just ducked her head, folded her sheet, and smiled.

TBC