Edited 3-18-17:
A/N: You know, the way I write Rufus has changed a lot over the years. And oh god the embarrassment is strong with this one.
"You are so dead," Rufus growls, glaring at his little brother who smirks. "I don't care what happened or who was kidnapped by Selphie, you are not making me do anything." Riku mimes taking a picture and his smirk grows wider as Rufus pales and stutters.
"You'd better help, or your little secret's going to be all over town in a couple minutes. All I gotta do is mention it to Kairi here and it'll be all over the island." Riku says waving a hand towards the confused red head and looking all smug at his big brother. Rufus sighs and glares half-heartedly at him.
"You are an evil that rivals Sephiroth which is pretty evil," Rufus mutters pushing that lone piece of hair that was forever in his eyes back as he regards his brother. Riku's smirk doesn't even waver as he turns to Kuja.
"And here I was thinking that Kuja was the pretty evil one, of course in these pictures you're even prettier." Riku says brushing his hair back from his shoulders as he grins at Kuja who thinks it over. A smile forms on Kuja's face as he realizes exactly what Rufus was doing in said pictures as the blonde goes red in the face and starts muttering random death threats under his breath. Kairi just looks very very confused.
"If you know what's good for you, you'll shut your mouth." Rufus grumbles, not meeting anyone's eyes. Riku and Kuja exchange a look and laugh. Kairi decides to stop paying attention to them and looks down the street to see a most interesting couple walking their way. She pulls out her camera and starts taking pictures.
"KAIRI! STOP THAT BEFORE SQUALL BEATS THE HELL OUT OF YOU WITH A STICK!" A bruised and slightly bloodied Seifer yells while trying to get said stick away from a pantsless Squall before he kills Kairi. Kairi of course doesn't stop but increases her picture taking until Rufus, unwilling to allow future blackmail material to fall into her or Riku's hands, takes the camera away.
"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR SANITY! THE END IS COMING!" Rufus screams waving his arms around like an idiot. Seifer and Squall pause in their bickering to stare at him like he's lost his mind. Riku whacks him upside the head with a newspaper. Kuja looks at them and shrugs, the insanity between siblings is not to be comprehended by those who do not pay any attention to them.
"Shut up before I tell Mom you're preaching about the apocalypse again." Riku says eye twitching in annoyance at his crazy elder brother. Seifer looks at Squall who sends him an evil look for stealing his stick and shrugs.
"Hey you guys wouldn't happen to know where Selphie is, do you? She kidnapped Squall's pants and now he's taking it out on me." Seifer says backing away from Squall who had started growling at the mention of Selphie. Riku raises an eyebrow at him. "Ok so I sort of deserved it. He'll still beat me with a stick whether I deserved it or not."
"Squall's pants, Tidus's house, and Sora. Selphie's been busy today." Kuja says, counting them off on his fingers. Squall looks at him questionably, Rufus and Seifer are to busy insulting each other to even look at the silver haired mage. "Your pants aren't the only things she's kidnapped and girly-pirate-fied."
"Girly-pirate-fied?" Squall says, speaking for the first time in this fic. He gives Kuja a look that says 'Do I even want to know?', Kuja shrugs and turns his attention to where Seifer and Rufus were duking it out in an all out insult war. Riku had sat down on a nearby bench which had randomly appeared in the middle of the street to watch and eat popcorn.
"QUIT COPYING MY LOOK YOU PSYCHOTIC WANNABE SORCERER'S KNIGHTESS!" Rufus yells threateningly at Seifer, waving his fist at the other blonde who snorts at him. Kairi rescues her camera from the coconut tree where Rufus threw it and starts taking pictures of Squall again which earns her a bop on the head and the camera thrown back up the tree.
"I'M NOT COPYING YOUR LOOK! YOU'RE COPYING MINE! I SHOULD BEAT YOUR CRAZY ASS INTO A COCONUT TREE!" Seifer screams eye twitching in a manner that suggests that Rufus should run before he gets hurt. Rufus for his part glares at him in a way that says 'beat me up and Tseng and Reno will take it out of your hide later', Riku snickers which prompts both to glare at him.
However just as they're about to actually come to blows and Riku's looking for Kairi's camera for blackmail material the least expected person intervenes. Raijin, who's still running from Fujin screaming at the top of his lungs and the only reason he could be counted as an intervention was cause he ran over both participants. Seifer sits up with a groan and glares at the large dark boy who is now cowering behind the coconut tree.
"RAIJIN! WHAT THE HELL!" Seifer yells, glancing at Rufus who's staring up at the sky with slightly unfocused eyes. The larger boy meeps and tries to hide behind the tree which doesn't even begin to cover him.
"FUJIN'S TRYING TO EAT ME, YA KNOW!" Raijin squeals girlishly, everyone sweatdrops as he continues to cower behind the coconut tree...A random sharp object flies through the air and hits the tree shaking it and making Riku fall out of it onto Raijin.
"MORON!" Fujin exclaims running up to Raijin and kicking him in the shin. Raijin wails and Riku falls off him and onto the hard ground swearing. Fujin points to a nearby house where a dark skinned woman is standing in the front yard sweatdroppng. "EAT!"
"Ow, you didn't have to kick me ya know." Raijin mutters limping over to his mother, who sighs and shrugs her shoulders. Fujin glares at him with her one red eye. "Ok so maybe ya did, ya know."
"Has we all completely lost our minds today?" Rufus asks eyes still unfocused as he regards his twitching brother. Squall looks at him with amusement in his eyes, despite his pantsless state and shrugs.
Thanks to all who have read and reviewed over the years, I appreciate it.