The Closet Speaks
Chapter 2: Ferret
Disclaimer: (Sung to the tune of 'Bingo') There's a person who owns Harry Potter, frankly it's not me. N-O-T M-E. N-O-T M-E. N-O-T M-E. And I don't own Harry Potter, no!
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"Okay, we'll leave you two Heads in there until you could compromise."
"Hey! How could you get us out of here then?"
"We'll check on you every two hours."
"…"
"Fine…"
Tap, tap, tap.
"…"
"I'm bored, Granger."
"What? We've only been here for two minutes and you're already bored?"
"So? Enlighten me Granger, why do you always call me Ferret?"
"Well…"
"I'm waiting…"
"Remember the time Moody transfigured you to a ferret?"
"Yeah, and remember, it wasn't really Moody, it was Mini-Crouch. But do go on…"
"…"
"OY! Get back to the story!"
"Oh, sorry, I was just cherishing the moment…"
"And I perished at that moment. Get on with it."
"Oh, alright… Party Pooper."
"Who you calling a party poo—"
"Back to the subject…"
"Oh you're just saying that to save yourself from the pain of my anger."
"…"
"What?"
"From the fact that you were a little dramatic, nothing at all."
"Just get on with it, woman!"
"Okay, I just loved it when you were bouncing around."
"Why?"
"I mean come on, what could be funnier than your enemy being turned into the amazing bouncing ferret?"
"Um… You-Know-Who as the amazing bouncing ferret wearing a fairy princess costume?"
"Bwahahahahaha…."
"…"
"Hahahahhahahahaha…"
"Stop the laughing."
"Hahaha… I'm sorry…"
"Don't be."
"The Dark Lord must be rolling in his grave right now… The son of a Death Eater making fun of him… Oh, his ghost will haunt you forever…"
"…"
"…"
"But I must admit that it was funny, I got to add it on my 'Things to think about before sleeping' list."
"What kind of list is that?"
"Well, I thought of it before I went to sleep."
"…"
"Well I did!"
"…"
"Okay, to break the silence, what about the name Prince of Peroxide?"
"What about it?"
"How'd you come up with that?"
"When I was ten years old, my mother used to have this blonde hair dye."
"Uh-huh… go on…"
"She told me not to take it out since it was full of peroxide."
"So?"
"If you put to much peroxide on your hair, it will all fall out and you'd end up like a toilet seat."
"…"
"And since your hair seems pretty blonde, I'm thinking that you use a lot of blonde hair dye."
"…"
"Hello…? Any comments? Concerns?"
"That will be the last time I use hair dye."
"Woah, you use muggle hair dye?"
"Yes… Got a problem?"
"Yeah, since you are the one who says muggles are useless and the only things that they are useful for is target practice."
"Hey, I didn't say that!"
"Admit it."
"Okay, fine. But I didn't say that last bit."
"Whatever."
"…"
"But I swear, I heard that you said that…"
"Granger, do you want to be the target for target practice?"
"No."
"Then shut up for just one second."
"Alright…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
Silence.
"Granger, could you turn on the light? This place is so dark and it's definitely not good for my skin."
"Why do you have to worry so much about your skin?"
"Well, I'd look as white as Potter when he finds out that you're queer."
"Wait, but he doesn't know that. That isn't even true!"
"…"
"Tell him that and I'll kill you."
"I'll tell him and you'll kill me, that way I could die happy."
"I'm serious here."
Shuffle. Shuffle.
"What are you doing Ferret?"
"Backing away, I'm trying to get as much sun light as I can."
"If you want a tan, it'll take you an infinity."
"That's why I want you to turn on the light."
"It won't make any difference, you'll still be as pale as ever."
"Granger…"
"Fine, fine…"
"Thank you…"
"But you do realize that you will still be that pale until the day you die and even 'till apocalypse?"
"Hey, the pale skin was a gift passed down from one generation to another!"
"So even your great-great-great-great grandmother's daughter's son's brother's father's sister's grandchild has pale skin?"
"Hey, great-great-great-great grandmother Jemima was a great woman! And that grandchild you're talking about is me!"
"…"
"What?"
"Usually when I say those lines about your long lost relatives, people would just go blank."
"Well, that's because I am the only one smart enough to actually understand!"
"Ego trip…"
"And I invented those lines! Hah!"
"Yes, but I perfected it."
"Just turn the lights on, Bushy."
Pull.
"Ow! That was my nose!"
"Sorry, didn't mean to ruin your perfect nose…"
"I sense the sarcasm there, Mudblood."
"I'll turn it on if you stop blabbing."
"…"
"Good."
Pull.
Click.
"ARGH! My eyes!"
"What's wrong? Too bright, Malfoy?"
"No, it's the horrible sight of…."
"What?"
"You!"
"…"
"Hahahahahaha…"
"Are you that desperate to die?"
"…"
Roll. Roll.
"Hey, what's that noise?"
"Dunno."
"Malfoy, the shelves are behind you, it could be something from the shelves…"
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Yeah…"
Thunk.
"Malfoy? Are you okay?"
"…"
"Hello…. God, he's unconscious."
Scrape. Scrape.
"He got hit by… a bowling ball?"
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A/N: Ooh… what's going to happen next? You'll see! Any kind of reviews are welcome!
Moshii