The Closet Speaks

Chapter 3: Bowling

Disclaimer: Three differences between me and J.K. Rowling, she's British, rich and owns Harry Potter. I'm Indonesian, broke and own nothing. Except the plot maybe.

(A/N: Thanks Strawberry Shortcake for your suggestion and I'll try to make the chapters longer, sorry teendevilneithe for the weirdness in the story, sorry to Kiwi-San for the confusion, and thank you cheeren and all of the other reviews. Virtual apple pies to all!)

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

"Wow, that has probably been the fastest recovery ever."

"What do you mean?"

"You just got hit by a pink bowling ball. You were unconscious for two minutes."

"A pink what?"

"A bowling ball."

"What's a bowling ball?"

"It's a muggle thing, you wouldn't know."

"Somehow I'm interested."

"I thought you took Muggle Studies in third year."

"I only used that period to sleep."

"No wonder you flunked."

"Before I really get angry, just tell me what bowling is."

"It's a muggle sport."

"Details, Granger…"

"Well, it's quite complicated…"

"What's so complicated about this umm… 'Bowling'? Isn't it just a muggle game where you throw a bowl of Chinese noodles or something?"

Giggle.

"How'd you get that idea, eh Ferret?"

"Well, the word bowl in bowling. What, is it right?"

"Your lack of listening skills has finally paid off at your own expense."

"I did need my beauty sleep, plus why would I need to learn how to safely use eckeltricity?"

"First off, you don't need any beauty sleep, second, its electricity."

"What do you mean that I don't need any beauty sleep?"

"Beauty sleep is useless for you, you'll still be your ratty self anyway."

"…"

"What a miracle."

"…"

"You've gone silent other than when you're unconscious!"

"…"

"Thank the Lord… Alleluia…"

"You do realize that the only reason I'm quite is to think of your untimely defeat."

"…"

"HAH! Revenge is sweet, now you're the one who's speechless. Mwahahahhaa…"

"…"

"Hahahahaha…."

"Do you want me to tell you what bowling is?"

"Hahahahaha…"

"Do you want to be hit by a bowling ball again?"

"…"

"Good. Anyway, bowling is this sport where that heavy ball is used to knock 10 pins from a distance."

"Oh…"

"But the question is, who would keep a pink bowling ball in a broom closet when there aren't any bowling lanes around here?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson."

"Malfoy, since when have you been reading muggle novels?"

"For your information, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was a half-blood."

"No he is not. How can the author of Sherlock Holmes be half wizard?"

"Uh…"

"You're just making this up."

"Hey, reading mystery stories written by a muggle is not a problem."

"Says the man who says that muggles are useless."

"…"

"Let me see…"

Lift. Lift.

"Urgh, that's a heavy bowling ball."

"Does it say anything on the ball?"

"Yep."

"It says… Property of Severus Snape?"

"The Head of Slytherin goes bowling?"

"Oh the shame… You know how embarrassing this is for me? You know that my whole house is humiliated?"

"No… but once I announce it to the whole school, I would. Thanks for the idea Peroxide Boy!"

"You dare do that, and I'll take all the points from your house. Besides, what if he just found it?"

"What? If he just found it, then how come it says Property of Severus Snape?"

"Well, there are loads of people named Severus Snape."

"Right, and my great-great uncle's name is Severus Snape."

"Really?"

"I was being sarcastic! And you know what, I don't think Snape is a common last name…"

"Well it is in Sweden!"

"Whatever, but reason number one can't be right. It's just too…"

"Strange?"

"No, bizarre."

"Well, what if he found it and mistook it as a real bowl?"

"…"

"What? That's possible!"

"Moron, it doesn't even look like a bowl."

"What? Maybe he needed glasses"

"…"

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? Like that time you turned into that cat in second year?"

"Who told you that?"

"A little talkative birdie from Gryffindor house."

"…"

"What?"

"I'm going to kill Lavender for telling you that."

"Why do you suspect Brown?"

"She dated you last year, and she's a total gossip queen. I wonder how she found out…"

"You can blame Weasel for that."

"Huh? How?

"Well, he was there to witness the wonderful transformation…"

"Hrrrmh…."

"And wasn't he drunk when he told the whole Gryffindor house during that New Years party?"

"Fine, I'll kill both of them."

"And how'd our conversation about Snape's bowling ball turn into relationships?"

"Dunno…"

"Back to the bowling ball…"

"I didn't know Professor Snape liked pink..."

"You're right, I'll add that to my list of 'Things to Think of before Sleeping."

"Why?"

"I was thinking that I could laugh myself to sleep by thinking of Professor Snape dancing in a pink tutu."

"Maybe you should add the pink tutu to your shopping list. I'm sure Professor Snape will appreciate that you think of him as your role model…"

"…"

Smirk.

"Don't you, Super-Ferret?"

"I'm humiliated by a Mudblood."

Slump.

"That's unusual, usually you would come up with another pathetic comeback like 'you useless Mudblood! How dare you insult the pink professor?'"

"…"

"…"

"I didn't say the last part, we just know that he like pink, or maybe he doesn't, maybe he transfigured his old stinky socks into the bowling ball…"

"Yeah, sure, his old PINK stinky socks with frilly doily edges…"

"Or maybe he just likes pink…"

"Stupid moron with stupid twisted imagination."

"Wow, that must be a mouthful."

"You know Snape's going to kill you for that pink tutu comment."

"I know."

"You could also lose your job as Head Boy."

"I know."

"Let me guess, so you wouldn't have to spend another minute with me?"

"Bingo."

"But you'll also lose all your privileges…"

"Like what?"

"Like taking points, giving detentions…"

"So what, no big deal…"

"And your position as Seeker and Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team."

Gasp.

"If you tell him that…"

"Oh don't worry, you said so yourself, you wanted to lose your position as Head Boy, Seeker and Captain."

"I didn't mean that…"

"Your father will disown you…"

"That's no problem…"

"But you will get kicked out, and you'll have to work like a house-elf!"

"You still didn't drop that SPEW thing, haven't you?"

"It's not a thing! It's an organization I'm managing so house-elves can have their rights!"

"Oh, and let's do a recap, how many people besides you are in SPEW?"

"…"

"Zero. Hah!"

Smirk.

Thunk!

"That's for insulting SPEW! And insulting SPEW is insulting all of the house-elves known to wizard-kind!"

"Owh… That really hurt! On the spot that bowling ball hit me too…"

"Your fault for insulting SPEW…"

"Okay, fine. I take it back…"

"Good, or else you'll get a bigger bump on your head."

"…"

"…"

"How long have we been here Granger?"

"Fifteen minutes."

"Fifteen minutes inside a cupboard with a mutated beaver is long enough! I need to get out of here!"

"Or else what? You're going to come running up to daddy, screaming and throwing little tantrums?"

"…"

"God, you really need to grow up. You can't be a spoiled brat about everything…"

"So? You're the one who always goes to Potty and Weasel when you're in trouble."

"Not true."

"Right…"

"The sarcasm is so obvious there, that even your thick friends Crabbe and Goyle would have sensed it."

"Well, it is true!"

"Prove it."

"In first year…"

"The troll attack didn't count. I didn't come up to them and said 'hey, I'm going to be attacked by a troll, can you rescue me later?' I mean come on, I wasn't that helpless back then…"

"Oh, never mind… I've no prove other than that…"

"Hah!"

"Rub it in, while you're at it Granger."

"Gladly."

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

(A/N: There it is folks, chapter 3. I made it a little longer, hope you liked it! Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Flames? All the reviews I have will be put to use! If anyone wants to suggest what happens next, just say so!)

Moshii