"Alright." Spiff said. "Calvin says that Rupert has conquered the Earth."
"I'll have to ask him what that's like." Tracer said.
"All we have to do, is take my spaceship, and try and escape this planet." Spiff said. "Then we'll pop back to Earth, and melodramatically save Earth."
"Even though everyone on Earth are jerks?" Tracer asked.
"Even though everyone on Earth are jerks." Spiff answered.
"Who are you?" Asked a voice.
Tracer, Stupendous Man, and Spiff spun around.
They screamed.
They were surrounded by aliens.
"Get them!" An alien screamed.
All the aliens turned deadly expressions on the three alter egos.
Spiff whipped out his Death Ray Blaster.
Stupendous Man clenched his fists.
And Tracer didn't do much of anything actually.
One of the aliens lunged for Spiff.
Spiff pulled the trigger.
A long line of red fire ignited from the end of the blaster, and knocked the alien off its feet.
Tentacles. Knocked the alien off his tentacles. He didn't have feet.
Stupendous Man, slugged an alien that dove from him. Several aliens tried to pile on top of Stupendous Man, only Stupendous Man ended up being a little more stronger than you would suppose, and he knocked them all out.
One alien started for Tracer.
Tracer pulled his gun out from behind his trench coat.
"What's that?" The alien asked.
"A gun." Tracer replied.
"What's it do?" The alien asked.
"Shoots really sharp round things into bare flesh, thus making lots of pain." Tracer replied.
"If I leave now, will you let me live?" Asked the alien.
"I'll think about it." Tracer said.
"Alright." The alien said, slinking away.
Spiff shot another blast of fire at an alien.
"There are to many of them." Spiff gasped. "We can't fight them all!"
"Don't panic." Tracer said.
Spiff and Tracer spun around, and screamed, "STUPENDOUS MAN!"
Stupendous Man was crawling across the dirt. He had an alien biting his head, arms, and legs.
"I sort of have my own problems at the moment." Stupendous Man said.
Spiff and Tracer peeked behind them, and screamed.
All the aliens were laughing their heads off, grinning evilly, and slouching for Calvin's egos.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The egos screamed as the aliens closed in.
The aliens all made a grab for Tracer, Spiff and Stupendous Man.
Just then, a bell rang.
"LUNCH TIME!" They all screamed, and with that, they rushed away.
There was a long moment of silence.
"O-kay" Spiff said. "That was weird."
"Come on!" Tracer yelled.
All three alter egos climbed into a spaceship.
"How do you start this thing?" Tracer asked.
"Who cares?" Spiff yelled. "Just hit a button!"
Tracer shrugged, and started hitting random buttons on the control panel.
"Welcome to ANN." Said a robot voice. "Today, new planet taken over! Earth. We'll bring you the latest."
Tracer hit another set of buttons.
Nothing happened.
"That's weird." Tracer said.
Those two words boomed out of the ship microphone.
"THAT'S WEIRD!"
Stupendous man glared at Tracer.
Tracer's voice drew the attention of some aliens.
They all slithered out of random buildings, their ray guns blasting.
Tracer frantically hit more buttons.
Lasers shot out of the ship.
"THEY'RE TAKING COUNTER MEASURES!" Screamed an alien.
Tracer covered his eyes with one hand, and hit a big red button in the middle of the board.
BOOM!
A bright light illuminated from the ends of the spaceship, and aliens went flying in every direction.
It was then that Tracer's eyes fell upon the button marked START.
"Duh." he said to himself, and he hit the button.
Rockets kicked in at the back of the ship, and the UFO began to lift off the ground.
"Move over!" Spiff yelled, pushing Tracer over.
Spiff pulled the steering wheel (Which happened to be a couple of joy sticks) upward, and the UFO flew upward into the blood red sky.
Inside the flight central were three aliens grumbling about working overtime.
They stared at the radar.
"What's that thing?" Asked alien number one.
"It's an unauthorized ship." Replied alien number three.
"Shall I report it?" Asked alien number two.
"sure." Yawned alien number three.
Alien number two lifted himself from his chair, and waltzed for the door.
"Hey, everybody." He muttered. "There's an unauthorized ship flying around outside."
"What's it doing?" Asked an alien.
"What's it doing?" Asked alien number two.
Alien number one squinted at the radar.
"Ummm... it appears to be flying around in circles."
"HOW THE HECK TO I MAKE THIS THING GO STRAIGHT!" Spiff screamed as the UFO continued to zoom around in circles.
Spiff yanked on the controls, and the spaceship jerked to the right.
"I'M OUT OF CONTROL!" Spiff yelled.
"He's going south." Said alien number one. "No wait, north. south. east. west... he's all over the screen."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Spiff, Tracer and Stupendous Man shrieked, as the UFO skimmed the ground above them.
WARNING:
APPROACHING BLOOD OCEAN
"What's that?" Asked Tracer staring at the monitor.
Spiff, Tracer, and Stupendous Man looked up.
They screamed again.
They were five hundred feet above the one lava ocean on the planet.
And they were losing altitude.
"We're going to burned to a crisp!" Tracer yelled.
Spiff desperately pulled at the wheel.
It was no use, the ship plunged into the boiling liquid.
"AAAAAAAAAA!"
The three egos screamed, as the ship continued to drop into the hot ocean.
Spiff, Tracer, and Stupendous Man opened their eyes.
The lava wasn't melting the ship walls! The UFO was lava-proof!
No big comfort was that, because just then, Spiff caught something on radar.
"What's that?" Stupendous Man asked.
"Something big." Tracer said.
The three alter egos slowly lifted their heads to the windshield.
They screamed again.
There was a gigantic eel like creature slithering toward them.
"PULL UP!" Spiff screamed tugging at the controls.
The giant gray eel opened its mouth revealing two rows of banana sized teeth.
Spiff, hit a button on the controls.
A torpedo shot out of the side of the ship, and ripped for the creature.
"Do you think that will work?" Tracer asked.
"Of corse." Spiff replied. "The trick to this is momentum. If a torpedo can go from a standing point to the speed of light..."
There was a loud boom, and the UFO went flying backward into a rock, and nearly exploded.
"...then you can probably kill yourself without making the slightest impression on the stupid eel." Spiff finished.
Indeed, there wasn't a mark on the eel.
It opened it's mouth, and let out a high pitched screech.
The three egos covered their ears, as the monster continued to shriek out its sonic scream.
Then, the eel wrapped its tail around the UFO, and opened its humongous jaws.
Spiff activated the rocket thrusters and zoomed out of the eel's grasp.
The eel screeched in frustration and swam after the UFO.
Spiff pointed the ship upward, and shot toward the top of the ocean.
The eel was right behind them.
The UFO exploded from the lava ocean, and zoomed upward.
The eel leaped into the air, chased the UFO for about fifty thousand feet, then fell back into really hot ocean.
"That was close." Spiff said.
Back in the air traffic control, the aliens were continuing to mutter and grumble about their low salary.
"Well looky here." Said alien one. "That unauthorized ship is back."
"Should I send a space monster after it?" asked alien number two.
"Sure. It might make our job a little more interesting." Said alien number one.
Alien number two yawned, and left the room.
Meanwhile, Spiff was beginning to get the hang of the UFO.
"Alright." He said. "Earth, here we come."
It was then that another creature came onto radar.
"Whu-oh." Spiff muttered.
"What is that thing?" Stupendous Man asked squinting into the yellow clouds.
"It would appear to be a giant goose." Spiff said.
"Uh-huh." Stupendous Man said.
There was a moment of silence.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The three egos screamed as the giant bird crashed into UFO.
"HONK!" It screeched.
Spiff turned the ship around, and zoomed forward.
The goose followed.
"HONK!" The goose yelled, taking a snap at the UFO.
Spiff pulled upward, and zoomed toward the skies.
At about five hundred thousand miles above ground, the goose stopped following them.
Spiff, and the gang blasted out of the planet's atmosphere.
Only there were over a hundred alien pilots patrolling the skies.
"Hey, what's that thing?" Asked an alien.
On alien got on the microphone.
"HEY YOU!" He screeched. "YOU ARE AN UNAUTHORIZED VEHICLE! HOW DARE YOU ENTER SPACE WITHOUT YOUR PASSPORT! I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO PLACE YOU UNDER ARREST! YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN OR WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF TENTACLES! IF YOU..."
The UFO zoomed past the patrol ships.
"GET THEM!" An alien screeched into the microphone.
Several space jets bolted after the UFO.
Spiff altered his course to the twin suns.
He lowered himself to the surface of the first sun, and zoomed across it.
"I saw this on that Jimmy Neutron movie!" Spiff declared.
Spiff zoomed across both suns with the space jets in hot pursuit.
And... uh... none of the space jets exploded.
Stupid suns.
Spiff grumbled to himself and hit the laser button on the controls.
Huge ray guns emerged from the side of the ship.
Target locked
Spiff grinned and pushed the FIRE button.
BOOM!
"YIKES!" The alien in the space jet screamed, and maneuvered away from the blast.
The ball of fire shot past them.
"Darn." Spiff mumbled.
But that one shot pretty much did the trick.
The aliens happened to be scared of fire and even more scared of riding in slow reacting space jets.
In other words, they all turned around, and left.
Spiff blinked.
"And... uh.. Let that be a lesson to you!" He declared.
Stupendous Man rolled his eyes
Spaceman Spiff, Tracer Bullet, and Stupendous Man were off for Earth!