Chapter 20

It was as if Rocky had just flipped his self inside out. His whole life was exposed to him. Every lie that he was, alright played out to him like a horror movie. Every person that had ever been involved with him was actually being kept at arms length. Except of course for Paula, he supposed, because she knew what it was like on that side. The side where a person was used as a piece of meat then tossed aside as though their life would be just fine and dandy. They weren't the attackers, they couldn't laugh and move on. They were the victims. They knew what laughs and sneers they would receive from their peers and it terrified them.

He also wasn't making any sense. His alter had long since vanished without a trace. It was fine with him. He didn't need him anymore. Not now that he knew the truth about himself. About his lies... about his sin. His life from that day on had been cursed, he had no idea because he had blocked it out, but now knowing, Rocky couldn't stop the hatred of life that was seeping into his veins. Everyone using his wall of kindness to get things from him. Girls, females- he had never wanted anything to do with were at his side just so he wouldn't feel shame of what had happened to him. Just so he could believe he wasn't affected by what had been done. All these little subconscious things he had done, were all for a reason. Rocky believed that if he honestly had a thing for Jo, he would have pursued her. If he liked Emily, he wouldn't have denied wanting to be her boyfriend- would he!

He couldn't go there with all the others. They were what his brother got his entire life. Fan girls to his good looks. Rocky knew he looked good, but he hated that fact of his life. He didn't want to look good, he didn't want to be noticed but he was, and it tore at him.

For the longest time, Rocky lay in that bed cold but he didn't feel it, angered but it wouldn't come out. So he just lay there watching his life flash before his eyes like a film, or one of those documentaries they played in school that scared you to the fact that the world could be so cruel. He was just a kid. Just a kid... He knew nothing of sex until that day. Nothing. And he would have liked it better that way. But there it was, his first sight of a naked woman, her body so close to his. Something that was supposed to be beautiful and shared with someone he loves, had been tainted and ripped apart in one single moment.

His mother never knew. He would never have told her- granted he remembered. So even if he hadn't blocked it out so well it was as if it had never happened. He still would deny, deny, deny. He never wanted to touch another person in that way. Now he knew why. He had only slept with one other person, he did it not only because he loved her, but because she needed it. She needed to know that it was alright to let another person touch her in that way, and that it wasn't all violence and pain. But in this moment, Rocky saw it as fickle and pointless. When he had done it, it was beautiful and meant something. Now it only meant he was a liar.

I'm dirty... He thought, his heart pained. I don't deserve any of the kindness I've been given... I can't come clean. I can only hide what happened. He had to laugh at this. So much for being a rock... Why had it been such a comfort to me to see someone there in the darkness that I made for myself... why, in the end did I want help? I should have died that night, taken my own life in the tub when I watched my blood go down the drain in confusion. He blinked. It didn't make sense then, where it had come from. But I know now. His eyes widened. Suicide...! More sin. More punishment, more bad thoughts... No... No I can't do this!

It was as if his insides had frozen on him. He was truly afriad of who he had become. What he would become. I'm a bad person... I made this for myself, why didn't I just go with my mother and forget about the damned clothes... Because... Because I was being selfish... Colt had something that I didn't. It wasn't as though I'd never get new clothes, it was that I was too impatient and that was my punishment. As he scrunched his eyes trying to fight tears, he only made them fall, shattering what little control he had left. All thought was gone now. All ration. His life was over. In another persons hands... and over.

Before Rocky felt himself moving he was out of the bed. His legs dragging heavily on the cold, concrete floor taking him into the dark hall way. He knew where he was going. He didn't know how he knew which way to go, but he he knew exactly where he would end up. He no longer cared. What I deserve... what I get... my punishment... my sin.

His feet brought him into the kitchen, warm and inviting as if it would reflect the person who dwelled in it. Into the living room, sweet scented and cozy, nothing like the woman who inhabits it. The stairs were foreign to him, with it's dry red carpeting hitting his bare feet. This is how it will end for me... I will let her have me. Because there is nothing left to take. She can do what she wishes. His mind slowly leaving him with every step he took toward the woman's room.

He heard talking even from down the hall. It was faint, but loud enough to have some of it made out. The rest, if paying attention, could be filled in like a cross word puzzle or some sort.

"I'm sorry that I made you... It won't... again..." The voice sounded soft, though, it seemed to be imitating some type of masculine tone. "I'm sorry to say that your family isn't exactly pleased with how... you've been gone. This investigation cost them... No, I'm afraid they've just... looking for you." It was her own voice now. Was she talking to someone? Was there another person in the house. Perhaps the boy that she said had escaped?

It was too late to turn back now though. Rocky's hand came up to the door knob, his palm closed around it, his grip tightened slightly to turn the cool metal in his hand. The door swung open, hitting the wall with a low thud. The girl jumped a bit, turning her eyes in shock though her smile said she wasn't surprised to see the blond at her door at all.

Rocky stepped into the spacious, though claustrophobic room. He knelt by the young woman's side, his eyes lowered from her gaze. He whispered. "I left my ninja turtle, Donatello, on the floor... of the dressing room." It was an odd thing to recall from such a terrifying memory. He hadn't remembered even holding the thing when he was out on the street. But there, in his further memory was the small green toy.

Maria smiled at him, opening her arms drawing him in. "Rocky... My dear... I know." She hugged him close, his chin resting on her shoulder. "I know."

His eyes looked around the room, each photograph of his face looking back at him. Happy, sad, angry... in lust. Any face he's ever made it seemed was glued all over that wall. Turning his eyes away in hopes to hide from his own gazes, his eyes only fell onto the mirror, where a picture of his face was taped. The eyes burned out of the sockets. It startled him to see his own blue green eyes in them. Reflecting his sadness back at him in mockery of his weakness that after all his fighting in life, it had come to this. Surrender.

The next few weeks were ones full of order, gentle if he listened, painful if not correctly. Maria, as promised, had began to reward the boy whenever he did good in her instruction. His plain cell began to fill up with all kinds of things that seemed to match his personality. Rather lovely swords, shuriken other ninja things. Even though they weren't nearly as expensive as one would think. It was because she didn't want his room filled with weapons that they were nearly fake. It also had a very lovely wooden dresser placed inside, a vase of flowers to the right side of it. A rich green rug that kept his feet warm, the walls were painted green when he was upstairs playing with... their 'daughter' Noelie. She for the most part was a good girl. Very kind and courteous, she understood Rocky's surrender as she herself had accepted defeat. She was only a little girl.

His room also had a empty canvas in it. There should have been a portrait there, he supposed, like all the other rooms. But it was blank. With luck he was told to stay in his new room, which was the same room but with all the modifications it looked new. He was bathed, though it was in Maria's water after he had washed her. But Rocky didn't complain. A few flecks of dirt from his captor touching him was nothing compared to the shame he had of someone robbing him from a part of himself he never would have offered any one in the first place.

Amongst other things, Maria was teaching him music. Piano. Music had always been Colt's thing, not his, he was a writer. Wanting never to forget anything, or give people insight to the way he saw the world. Or maybe just some works of fiction. But music had never crossed his mind. Maria insisted that the man she loved knew music. He played awful at first, missing keys here and there, but then slowly it began to stay with him. He played all kinds of classical ballets, even felt proud of himself for doing so. As far as his gift was concern, Maria taught him how to focus on things to pick them up and move them. It was hard for him, he wasn't entirely sure how his alter had used it so easily when he had taken over his body- their body-... the host? Now he really was talking crazy. Or at least thinking it. The boy he knew then was only his imagination because he had been stir crazy for so long.

Rocky's room had no expense spared on his comfort for being a good little 'fuck toy' slave. His bed was larger now, and very comfortable. Big green blanket covering the whole thing, warm fluffy pillows and sheets that felt like they were hand made from the best material. Rocky had no comfort there. He had a touch lamp sitting next to it on the side stand it would go from light, to bright to brightest. It was a huge improvement from the fluorescent nightmare he was used to.

The food was better, he ate at the table with Maria and Noelie every night, but was only offered one meal a day. It wasn't enough to get his strength back, though, and some nights he couldn't hold it in and threw up. He didn't know what was making him so sick. But he didn't feel any relief of it as he lay in bed at night, wondering if Maria were coming to him or not.

Aside from that one time he had first gone to her, Rocky had only seen the bedroom she slept on once. He was puzzled at why she had so many pictures of him, and how she had gotten them. He knew that some of them were from when he first met her back when he was in middle school on the soccer team. But where were the others from? Did it matter? It didn't help him any in getting out of there. It wouldn't. The ninja felt he had been gone so long his parents had just pronounced him dead or something. He couldn't blame them though. He is tainted. No use to anyone now. No one but Maria. And though she beat him, she treated him as though he were any normal person. Maybe even, better than normal. Special, if you will.

He was allowed to wear nothing but easy access pajamas made of fine material. Red, blue, and purple were the only ones. She told him green did nothing for his eyes, even though it was surrounding him. He guessed the clothes were for when he left the room. If she snapped her fingers, all he had to do was remove the shirt then drop the pants rather than, fiddling with zippers and buttons on jeans and shirts.

This life... if it could be Rocky's, would he have to live with it? Could he live with it. Being a puppet? Being owned. Could he? Rocky's voice was as good as shot. He wasn't allowed to speak, he could only sign to Noelie, and speak telepathically to Maria.

Today, Rocky was sitting at the piano, a frown on his face. He was always frowning. He had no reason to smile and the demented captor seemed not to care either way. Satisfied with his want to finally give in. Looking down at the keys, Rocky thought about them. A key pressed down with the simple thought going through his mind. His fingers too tired to move them now.

"Aaahhh," Maria walked into the room, arms out as though she were dancing. "Lovely music Rocky, lovely."

Lovely? It was sad. He was thinking of the saddest tune he could remember hearing once in a song.

"La lalalalaaa." She sang out of tune. Her hands extended and she grabbed the boys neck. "My look at you... Dance with me my darling." Helping Rocky to his feet, they walked to the center of the room.

Assuming the position, he took her hand, his other hand dropped to her hip as hers landed on his shoulder. The two began a light little dance, slowly, around the room. Rocky still thinking about the song he wished to play as the piano projected his thoughts through its music.

"You really are remarkable. I've never seen such talent before."

"There were others?" Rocky asked.

Maria laughed gaily. "There's that adorable jealousy again."

Was it? Rocky wondered. He was good at shielding away his thoughts from the girl as she could once hear every word he said, now he chose what she got to hear from him. It gave him at least some sense of security from having the girl rip him apart for saying something wrong.

"I'm going to reward you." She smiled, her teeth showing. She really was a creepy looking girl. It just wasn't right for someone to look this way. Her eyes so icy cold. It reminded him of someone. Who? Who...? His eyes widened as a flash ran through his mind.

"I don't wanna eat alone." Robbie said on that day they first met.

Why would I think about Robbie? ...Right... That jerk kissed me. If it weren't for him, my alter wouldn't have come out and I wouldn't have felt confused and ran...

Maria was staring into the boys eyes as though she were trying to figure out what he was thinking. Their movement never stopped as they swayed with each other back and forth in the living room. She knew he was hiding something, and it PISSED her off that she couldn't read it.

"Rocky, my dear..."

"Yes?"

"Talent, is in the body and the mind."

The piano faltered on a note. He blushed. Maria laughed at him.

"Looks like someone still needs to practice." Waving a finger. "Sit back at the piano and play with your talent, not your gift."

Dropping her hands as though it were painful to hold them in the first place, he sat back at the piano. Maria walked up behind him, he tensed. Her cold hands scooped up his long hair, holding it like a pony tail. "I love your choice of length." She chuckled. "You look a lot like royalty now... or maybe a girl." She laughed at that.

Raking her fingers through the soft blond strands, Maria began to braid the boys hair, then with a bang that seemed to come from nowhere, she tied it off. "Not too nice though... I wouldn't want to have to rip it out of your head." The psychic girl tugged painfully at the low pony tail. Letting go, Maria pet the top of his head, she leaned over watching him play. His fingers slid over the keys easily, as if he had been doing it forever.

"I don't like when you keep things from me." She grabbed the little cover that went over the keys, Rocky's eyes widened in fear, but he knew that if he moved his hands the punishment for that would be far worse than the little cover slamming down over his fingers. "It makes me worry about my safety." She went on. Why was she taking so long. Did she want for him not to see it coming. "I just don't think you love me enough."

"I don-..." his voice actually came out that time. That had done it. The girl slammed the cover down on his fingers as hard as she could. Rocky bit his tongue, suppressing the scream, but a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Ooops. AHAHA, did that hurt?" She raised the cover. Lifting his hand, she kissed it. Then the other. Her kiss burned far more than the pain of the injury. He didn't care what had happened to him, he still hated the girl and he always would. It wasn't so much that she broke him and Emily up, but the fact that she had been the one to bring any thought of breaking up out. "Aaaww... Go to your room, I'll be down later on."

He couldn't leave fast enough.

Laying down on the bed, Rocky closed his eyes. The ninja couldn't deny that the bed was very comfortable. It made him concern. Being comforted let his guard down. He couldn't risk that right now. Not when Maria would come down to see him. What if she...? He couldn't even think it. He didn't think he could handle it again. She tried to before, in the shack, but didn't succeed. Any time here, when she wanted sex, the demented girl settled for jerking him off. He never got aroused from it. She just did it and it was over. As far as Rocky's job, he did as he did that first time, put his face where instructed and nothing more. It was revolting.

So tired. He closed his eyes again. Maybe if she sees that I'm asleep she'll leave me alone. He knew that was a lie. One time Rocky awoke to the feel of the girl having a little oral fun with him below the belt. Discovering that he was awake, she beat him painfully to the head with a pipe she had brought with her. So the ninja does not feel safe asleep. But staying awake all the time only added to his madness and insomnia. He wanted to die, he wanted to badly.

Did someone just giggle? Opening his eyes again, Rocky looked around the room. He was alone. Closing his eyes again, he heard the giggle again.

"I-..." his voice cracked. The ninja swallowed a hard lump in his under used throat. "Is someone there?"

"Are you happy?" A high pitched voice asked some place close to him. Under the bed maybe?

"H-happy?" He repeated as though the word were foreign. "Rocky? Is that you?" Part of him hoped so. His alter was so much stronger than he is. He promised to get him out of this so where was he now. Facing demons that he himself had covered? The voice took him from his thoughts.

"Do you wish... to die." They giggle again as though death is a toy the person wanted to share.

"I... don't know."

The person laughed in a childish giggle. There was a low muffled sound below him. Rocky merely turned his eyes to the side of the bed. Isn't this how he met his first alter, was this voice just another one coming out of his suppressed emotion? He never felt it when Rocky spoke to him, so this other voice was no different.

The ninja gasped sharply seeing a boy appear before him. He perched his self at the end of the bed, sitting on the bars. His hands were drawn in toward his middle and he was hunched as though he had a hump on his back. This boy was filthy dirty and smelled. How could Rocky miss a smell that strong? He must really be tired. The child greasy hair was longer than his own, brown, covering his face a bit. Among other things about the boy, he looked just as out of it as Maria.

Rocky felt no threat. If this child, as crazed as he is, was just another alter he was in no danger. Rocky couldn't touch him, so whatever this boy called himself couldn't do it either.

"Funny thing about people that want to die... They always look scared when it comes. Why is that?" His high pitched voice drawled on as though he were speaking only to himself in ponder.

"Just.." he swallowed hard to regain his under used voice. "Just leave me alone."

"I can't... he came to me... he told me that you want to die. So I'm here... and I'm going to kill you." A knife sparkled in the boys hand. Where did that come from?

Rocky sat up in the bed, a bit surprised by the sight of a weapon. Looking harder now, he could see that this person was no alter at all! He looked nothing like him from what he understood of them. This boy looked like the child in room three!

"Happy? Happy?" He crawled from the bed post. "Happy? Haaappy?" The knife stabbed into the mattress as the boy crawled over Rocky's lap. The ninja sat there, frozen in shock, wondering just what the insane child planned to do. His eyes tightened waiting for the first cut. When none came, he opened them seeing the child holding the knife out to him. "Take it." The boy instructs. "Take it. Use it. Kill... Use it..."

Rocky held the cold wooden handle loosely. His reflection bouncing in the metal gleam of the knife. It had been the first time he had looked himself in the eyes since that day in Maria's room. He looked older, worn out. He hated it. Bringing the knife up to his face, he knew what he had to do.

"Kill... Use it... Use it..." The child influenced.

He will. He'll cut his life away.

"Yes! Yes!" The boy cheers. He was excited like a chimp in heat the way he bounced on the bed, over the ninjas lap. "Use it... Maria is mine."

Rocky's eyes widened. Did the boy really say what he thought he said? He wanted Maria? This boy wanted Rocky to kill his self so that he could have Maria? As if the ninja wanted her! The only want he could think of involving her was none at all. This made him mad. Switching the direction the blade was held, he slashed the boys face before the child even saw it coming.

He looked shocked at first, a hand came up to his now bleeding cheek. Then as if a flood gate of rage was opened, Rocky was attacked! The boys fist beat down on him like a professional drummer. Each blow to Rocky's face swelling his pale skin with growing redness that would soon be purple. Rocky grunted under the beating, raising his hands he tried to force the kid from him but he wouldn't budge.

Reaching beside him, his hands came into contact with the lamp. He knew what he had to do. Grabbing it, Rocky bashed the boy on top of his head with the lamp. The glass shattered causing a little blood to trickle among its shards of busted glass. Crying out, the child rolled away holding his head.

"You think I want to be down here?" Rocky said in a tone to heavy and serious to be his own. "You think I like this!" His rage boiling, Rocky reached for the child, grabbing him by his dirty greasy hair. "I'll show you just how much I like this!"

The boy cried out as he was dragged across the room. Rocky wasn't going to hold back now. All the pain and anguish he had been through was about to come out and this boy this... whoever he is, was going to catch it, tenfold!

"No! No! What are you doing?" The boy asked, scratching at Rocky's wrist wondering what was going to happen to himself.

"Funny thing about people that want to die," the boy was slammed against the cell bars. "they always look scared when it comes." Rocky grinned evilly.

The boys eyes widened. "No! Nooooo!"

Maria smiled as she heard the sound of screams coming from the basement. She sat at the piano and began to play a song herself. He is defending my honor. I knew he loved me.