The Butterfly Effect, a csi fanfic

Title: The Butterfly Effect

Author: Knight Wild

Email: Butterflied

Disclaimer: I do not own any CSI: Crime Scene Investigation people or places. They are all owned by CBS, Jerry Bruckheimer, Carol Mendelsohn, Anthony E. Zuiker and company. I don't receive any money off this; it's strictly for entertainment only.

Author's Note: I wrote this story back when I was Max452 and I decided to punch it up a little and re-post it.

Sara :

I shouldn't be here, behind the one-way glass of the interrogation room.

I plainly can see the look on Grissom's exhausted face, and knew that something was going to come out. A confession of sorts. And this was like the worst kind of deception.

But I stayed anyway. To watch a man that was practically falling apart, and as the cops brought in a man who had caused it. A doctor... who had killed Debbie Marlin. The woman who so strongly resembled myself.

I remembered my conversation with Catherine on the subject.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think that was you on the table." A nervous smile from Catherine.

I return it, "I didn't really look at her face." I said, lying through my teeth.

I had sat by the cold, metal slab in the morgue, staring at her. Looking at someone who looked like myself... Her dark brown hair, her facial features, it was easy to see myself in her place.

Now, numb and stupid, I stood listening to my boss speak to her killer.

"It's sad, isn't it Doc? Guys like us. A couple of middle-aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we touch other people is when we wearing our latex gloves." Grissom's normally sharp blue eyes were distant, as if recalling another time and place.

I wonder what he is thinking of. The hockey rink, when he told me he had never appreciated beauty until he met me. The day he set me the plant... to apologize for being so self-absorbed, for not noticing what I wanted. When I had fantasized about a fairy-tale romance with him...

"We wake up one day, and realize for fifty years we really haven't lived at all. But then all of the sudden, we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up, somebody we could care about."

"She offers us a new life with her. But we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. I couldn't do it, but you did. You risked it all." Grissom leaned back, coming back to the present. He stared at the doctor with tired, hollow eyes.

The eyes of a haunted man. Haunted by what, I didn't know, because he wouldn't let me get that close.

"And she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away and gave it to somebody else." Grissom continued, his voice dead.

A wonderful life. I would've given you a wonderful life too, Grissom, if you had let me in. But every time I tried, you turned me away...

"And you were lost, so you took her life. You killed them both, and now you have nothing." Grissom finished.

I watched all of that, listened to it. Felt my heart breaking. Because I knew I had nothing as well.

Suddenly the door behind the interrogation room opened, and my stomach dropped.

Brass stood there.

He frowned, "What are you doing Sara?"

Meekly, I indicated the doctor, "Listening."

"To the doctor? Or to Grissom?"

I swallowed hard, "What do you mean?"

Brass gave me the look he usually reserved for the dumbest of suspects.

"Never mind. I'm leaving. Bye." with those masterful words, I fled.

Brass:

When I went into the interrogation room, the scumbag doctor and his lawyer had left. All that was left was the shadow of a man I used to know as Gil Grissom.

He sat incredibly still in his chair, "Don't even start Jim."

Brass took a seat across from his friend, "What? What you've become completely unraveled in the space of a few days. Want to tell me why?"

Grissom rubbed his eyes, which were heavily shadowed. He'd lost weight, too. "No, not particularly."

Brass nodded, "Well, allow me to hazard a guess. Because the murdered girl, what was her name?"

"Debbie Marlin." Grissom said, almost inaudibly.

"Because Debbie Marlin happened to very much resemble our own Sara Sidle, who after this speech of yours, I believe you're in love with. Especially after I catch Sara herself eavesdropping on the interrogation."

That got Grissom's attention. He sat up straight, as if someone had touched with an electric prod. "Sara what?"

"She was behind the glass in the interrogation room. She heard every word you said. I caught her, and she just left."

"Ah hell." Grissom said, and lurching to his feet, ran out of the interrogation room.

Brass stared at the ceiling, "That went well."

Grissom:

I wasn't sure where she would go. Where would she have gone, if she heard the confession of a lifetime, from a shattered man?

I stumbled into my office, grabbed my car keys, and left.

The drive to her apartment only took a few minutes, but to me, it was hours.

I wondered what I could say to her.

What if what had been broken, couldn't be fixed? What if it was too late?

What if I didn't get a second chance? It wasn't like I deserved it. I'd shoved her away too many times.

I parked on the street, my mind still blank.

Well, not quite blank. There was an image of her.

A solitary light blazed. She was home.

Now I had to find the courage to go to her.

As I sat in his car, the image of Debbie Marlin came to me, unbidden.

And my conversation with her killer.

A second chance...

And suddenly, I had my courage.

Sara:

I stood in my bedroom, packing. After all of that, I told myself I was going back to San Francisco.

Why stay here, and endure the pain? If something hurts, fix it. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

Leaving would be the solution.

Sure, they'd might miss me for a moment, but it'll be a momentary thing. I'll be very easily replaced.

After all, I was a transplant, a replacement for the late and lamented Holly Gribbs. I wiped at the tears that were now streaming down my face. I was...

A knock at my door.

Who the hell could it be, no one comes to my apartment. Hardly no one knows where I live.

Frustrated, tired, sad, and angry, I yank open my door without checking to see who it is.

Big mistake.

Because the reason for all of my troubles is standing there.

I blink, then furiously wipe at my face, "What are you doing here?"

He swallowed hard, those blue eyes which I so adored, serious and intent, "I had to talk to you."

"Brass ratted me out, didn't he?"

"If you mean, he told me that you were behind the glass, yes."

I swore softly, "Go away Grissom."

He doesn't though, instead, he comes closer. He catches a glimpse of my suitcases, and his gaze softens, "What are you doing Sara?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going home."

"You're already home."

I shook my head, my eyes filling up with tears again, damn him.

"Stop hurting me Grissom."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, ever. But I realize now that I did, and I'm sorry. But I don't anymore, but I don't want you to go."

The tears overfilled, and ran hot, down my cheeks.

"But I can't stay..." I whispered.

He stepped inside the apartment, and closed the door.

He touched my cheek, "I know I've been a stupid man, afraid of someone as sweet and beautiful as you...but I'm not afraid anymore Sara. It took the thought of losing you to realize that, dumb as it sounds, but it did."

He slowly wiped my tears away, "Sara, will you give a complete and total idiot a second chance?"

I stared at him steadily, even though I wanted to scream yes, "I don't know."

Grissom:

For a moment, I almost did turn away, and did what she had earlier requested. To leave.

But the memory of my conversation with Debbie Marlin's killer drove me on, as strange as it seemed.

I crossed my arms, "I'm not leaving Sara, until you talk to me."

She glared at me, "How does it feel Grissom, to be other side this time? To want something with someone, but they throw it back in your face? You want it so badly, but know you that you aren't wanted? How does it feel?"

Her words felt like physical blows, but I didn't allow the pain to show on my face.

"You sound vindictive. It isn't part of your nature."

She brushed the hair from her eyes, but said nothing.

"I never meant to throw it in your face, Sara. And you were always wanted, and I just couldn't let myself show it."

She swallowed hard, and looked away.

"Always wanted," I repeated, "Why do you think I called you in from San Francisco? I could've easily gotten someone from Las Vegas, but I wanted you."

Still, she was silent.

"But I was a coward, and I wouldn't admit it. Couldn't admit it. But I'm going to now, and I don't care who knows. I love you Sara."

Those beautiful brown eyes of hers widened, and she stared at me, "What did you just say?"

"I love you."

Her mouth opened, then closed. She was speechless.

Sara:

I wanted to say something, anything.But the words wouldn't come. They stuck, halfway in my throat.

Grissom was studying me intently.

"That isn't easy to hear Grissom." I finally managed.

"Why?"

"After all of this time, you finally want a relationship? How can I be sure that you won't back out?"

He grasped my hand, "Do I look like I'll back out?"

No, he didn't. He looked like he was here to stay.

I swallowed again. I think about it for a long moment.

"Okay. I'll stay. But this doesn't mean we have an instant relationship...but it does mean I'll give you another chance."

"That's all I was asking for. I didn't expect you to trust me all at once. That's not the Sara I fell in love with."

There was that word again. Love. So strange, and foreign. To both me and Grissom.

He grasped me by the shoulders, and displaying a degree of gentleness and passion I never thought he had, he kissed me, long and deep.

I thought I'd melt on the spot.

"You want to talk...you know where I am. Or call me, and I'll be over." he said, still not taking his eyes off me.

I nodded, "Okay. I have to have some time...to think things over."

"Of course. But I'll be waiting. And that's a promise." And then he turned, and left.

I shut the door, and leaned my head against it.

Just when I thought I had to run away, Grissom stepped in, and wants what I always dreamed of.

That fairy-tale relationship.

It's the butterfly effect. A relationship with Gil Grissom after all this time is like chaos theory, madness, for hell's sake. But if so, why the warm feeling spreading throughout my body?

I go to my window, and watch him drive away.

"Goodnight Grissom…and I love you too." I say to the empty apartment.

Grissom:

I wanted to slump in relief, but I wouldn't allow myself too, until I reached the refuge of my car.

She was giving me a second chance. That beautiful, talented, woman that I loved was giving me another shot at this thing called a relationship.

It would probably be rocky, and it might not survive, but at least we could try. At least she wasn't going back to San Francisco.

I smile as I drive away from her apartment, maybe everything would turn out okay after all.

We'd just have to wait and see...it might take awhile, weeks, months, maybe even a year.

But she was definitely worth waiting for.

Finis