Second Chance

Kagura Kyo Shinra

Warning: This story has shounen-ai. So if you don't like homosexual males, you shouldn't read it.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I take no responsibility for these characters or Final Fantasy or anything except this story.

Part Six: Tseng's Memories

Tseng had to wait almost an entire week before he found a good time to question Marie about her trip to the old lab. All he could manage to get her to admit was that she went to investigate a noise, and because she was allowed in the lab in the past, she didn't find it strange that her ID card allowed her in this time as well.

Tseng stood alone in his apartment in Shinra mansion, staring out the window at the street below. It had been a similar night, when Marie left, crushing his heart.

He had been in his first Shinra apartment, thinking of her when she was suddenly there, wrapped in a coat and carrying a bag.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

"I came to say goodbye," she said. "I've met somebody and he wants me to move to Kalm with him. Isn't it wonderful."

"What!" Tseng shouted. "What do you mean you've met somebody. When?"

"Oh, quite a while ago."

"Marie, this is all new. You've never even given the impression that you wanted to leave. How can you be leaving tonight?"

"You know how impulsive I am," she laughed. "But don't be mad."

"But what about us?" He stepped forward, reaching out for her, but she pulled away. "You said we had a chance. That you just needed some time."

"Tseng, I was being nice. Beside, you don't really like me."

"How can you tell me how I feel?"

"Don't make this difficult, Tseng," she snapped. "I came here to say goodbye. You don't have to be a jerk about it."

"Marie, I want to spend my life with you."

"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I thought you understood that we were just friends."

Just friends . . . Back then, those words had nearly brought him to his knees. He believed he'd never feel anything good again. However, Rufus grew older, and Tseng discovered that Marie's words that day, although harsh, were true. He didn't love her, but as Rufus grew, Tseng's feelings for Rufus grew into something greater than anything he ever felt for Marie. He cared for Rufus more than he thought he could have cared for anyone. Everything about Rufus seemed perfect, but just when Tseng was ready to reveal his feelings for Rufus, Rufus had shown his true colors.

"Rufus, I was hoping I could speak with you," Tseng had said as he entered Rufus' office.

"What is it?" Rufus asked, staring at his computer screen.

"Well, do you think you could stop what you're doing for a moment?"

Rufus stared at him. "Tseng, I'm just about to almost double how much money my family has with this new mako reactor. I don't really have time to stop."

"Please," Tseng urged. "It'll only take a moment."

"Alright," Rufus sighed and shifted his attention to Tseng. "I'm listening."

Tseng sat down in the chair across from Rufus and then immediately stood up. He started to pace back and forth quickly, mumbling and pausing every few seconds.

"Tseng," Rufus warned. "I am busy."

"Okay," Tseng said and stared at the floor. "Listen, when Marie left, I thought I would die."

"Yeah?" Rufus asked, glancing back at his computer screen.

"But then something happened, and I discovered that what I felt for her was just a crush or something."

"Oh yeah?" Rufus said, typing something. "That's good."

"Rufus, you've grown up. You're not a boy anymore, and I find that I think about you all the time."

"Well, you just have to keep trying, right?" Rufus asked, now completely back to his computer.

"What?" Tseng looked up. "Are you even listening to me. Rufus?"

"I'm listening," Rufus hissed. He looked back up at Tseng. "Seriously, isn't this something that can wait. What? You're feeling bad about Marie? That was like forever ago, and I'm busy. We can talk about it later."

Tseng looked at Rufus like he'd never really seen him before. Things were finally coming into focus for him. Rufus wasn't a little boy anymore¾all the kindness and innocence he had back then was gone. He didn't care about Tseng, and maybe he never did.

"You didn't hear a word I said. You've never heard me, have you?"

"Of course I've heard you," Rufus said.

"No, you've never really understood what I was saying to you. Nothing I say matters unless it involves more power or more money for you. You don't care about anybody but yourself."

"Okay, if you're going to yell, you need to go," Rufus sighed. "I'm very busy."

"Yeah, you're busy!" he shouted. "I've been busy too, wasting my time, wasting years."

"I did wash my ears," Rufus said, his attention completely on the computer.

Tseng stared at him for a moment longer and then left without another word.

That time, the pain did bring him to his knees, and he didn't think he'd ever stand again. Everything he thought he knew about Rufus vanished before his eyes. All the time he spent flirting and playing with Rufus, he had only been making a fool out of himself because Rufus had never noticed any of it. He was too absorbed with himself to ever notice Tseng, and Tseng couldn't bare to hope Rufus would finally see him one day.

Tseng brought his mind back to the present with a shake of his head. Rufus said he had changed, but Tseng still saw no recognition in Rufus' eyes that he had hurt Tseng. He still couldn't even see that Tseng cared for him more than anyone else ever would. He couldn't allow himself to even consider that Rufus had change. No matter how hard he tried to beat his feelings down, they were still there, bubbling over, and it was easier to be angry at Rufus than to ponder any changes.

TBC . . .