Disclaimer: The world is JKR's, not mine. Only the plot belongs to yours truly.
A/N: This was originally a contest submission to MNFF's Winter Snows Contest. Now I'm putting it up here. Thanks to all the people who did anything for editing, Rose, Kayla and Raine. Thanks to Charlie, TearsofaBleedingRose and Marina for pre-reading it. Now, let the fic begin!
Nymphadora Tonks sat staring out her window. The huge, fluffy snowflakes cascaded down from the sky, totally blotting out the sliver of moon. She sighed, unable to sleep on this lonely New Year's Eve.
Playing with the frayed hem of her tartan pajama bottoms, she heaved a sigh. She shifted in the uncomfortable wooden chair, resting her chin in her hand, Staring out through the foggy windowpanes, she closed her eyes and thought about why she was there.
For once, she had stayed home from parties, feasts and get-togethers, to see what a quiet holiday was like. She didn't know why, but in a way she liked it. In another way, it was too quiet. It was too... solitary. So she hadn't even planned to stay up, but insomnia is as unpredictable as the wind.
Well, she thought, it seems I'll see the New Year come in after all.
Remus Lupin stumbled into downtown London. He couldn't take anymore. He simply could not take it. After Sirius's death, which he partially blamed himself for, it was just too much.
He was my best friend, my last friend left from childhood. He was a pain in the rear at times, but he was a friend. If only I'd prevented him from coming to the Ministry building, he might still be alive. I could have stopped him! It would have taken a little convincing, but he would've stayed eventually.
Remus knew there were others, like the Weasleys and the rest of the Order members, but that wasn't the same.
Freezing. It'll be quick and easy… I don't want to have to endure the pain. I get cold, I get drowsy, I die. That's it. No one will have to worry about me anymore, and I won't have to suffer.
He wasn't quite sure of what he was doing. In fact, he knew he could be easily swayed. The only thing was, there was no one there to sway him.
The snow came rushing down now since the wind had picked up. Tonks yawned, ready to go back to bed. As she turned, she saw something dark flash past her window. She turned back in a double take, hands and face pressed against the glass as she looked at the mass. Looking closer, it looked like a person crumpled in a heap on the ground.
"Godric!" she exclaimed, jumping with a start. They've collapsed. They'll die if the don't get help.
She turned quickly, nearly tripping over the chair and sending it clattering to the floor. Without bothering to pick it up, she rushed for her cloak, throwing it on along with a pair of boots. She flung open the door and rushed into the blinding cloud of white.
Squinting, she made her way through the almost knee-deep snow toward the form. She couldn't even make out who it was, but she knew they needed to get inside, so she slung their arm around her shoulder and dragged them back to her flat.
Afraid to look at the face she hoisted the person onto her couch. That's when she saw some of the face. It was the eyes, the hair. She could tell, even though it was caked with snow.
Curiosity overwhelming her, she gently reached for the scarf. Pulling it down, she knew she was right.
There lay Remus Lupin, skin cold, lips blue, covered in snow. Tonks fell to her knees, confused and afraid. She didn't know what to do, but she couldn't just stay there. With her darting eyes wide as saucers and chest heaving, she tried to think clearly.
"Warm..." she muttered. "I have to keep him warm... or else... hypothermia... and... and..." She refused to continue the thought. Here was the man she had fallen in love with a short time ago, and his life rested in her hands, yet she felt completely helpless.
She knew he couldn't stay in those clothes; they were cold from snow, and as soon as it melted he'd be sopping wet.
She quickly pulled off the scarf and mittens, but stopped there. She felt very uncomfortable to be undressing someone, especially Remus.
But... there's no other choice.
She leaned his limp form forward, easing off his cloak, then his jacket. She removed his shoes and socks, then used a drying spell on the lower part of the legs of his pants.
Thank goodness it didn't get past the jacket. She didn't want to humiliate him, and she was relieved to be able to stop there.
She held her hand against his cheek. He's so cold. Almost instinctively, she grabbed one of his hands and rubbed it between hers. When it got warmer, she repeated it on the other.
As Remus shivered, she nearly smacked herself. "Tonks, you prat! Why didn't you get him a blanket?" She silently reprimanded herself for taking the time out to say that, but rushed to her bed, ripping off the quilt and blanket.
She stumbled back to him, wrapping them around his shoulders and body, tucking them in and hoping to keep him warm.
All she could do now was hope he'd recover. She couldn't think of anything else, so she pulled a chair near to the sofa and sat on it. Her eyelids drooped as she fought off sleep.
Funny, she thought, that at first I want to sleep but can't, but now that I can, I don't want to.
She desperately wanted to rest her head somewhere. She started getting a crick in her neck when she simply dropped it to her chest. She could just go to bed, but she couldn't bear to leave his side. She couldn't now, not when he needed her the most. But her eyes blurred against her will.
Tonks yawned, squinting to see where she was. Her back ached from being bent over, but her head rested on something soft.
What the...?
She had her head on Remus's chest. His chest. She quickly sat up, and he stirred slightly, so she leaned back, hoping not to wake him.
She gave a sigh of relief. She was happy to see he was doing better. His lips were starting to go back to their normal color; his cheeks, too, were regaining their rosy tint.
Just as she relaxed in her chair, his eyelids popped open. He looked around for a moment. "What the hell...?"
She bolted forward. "Remus!"
He grimaced as he struggled into a sitting position, pushing away the covers. "Why am I here?"
"You were outside! Merlin knows what you were doing in weather like this..." She felt a bit like Molly, talking so. "It's freezing out there! What were you trying to do, freeze to death?"
"Precisely." He smirked in such away that sent shivers down Tonks's spine.
"Remus, that's insane!"
"I know, but I don't care. I have, as some would say, lost my will to live."
Hearing him talking like that disturbed her. This wasn't Remus, at least not the one she knew. She couldn't bear it; she cared about him so much, but she didn't want him to know how much it upset her. She knew all too well that it would only make it worse, so she held back the tears that stung her eyes.
"Remus, why?" she said, struggling to keep her voice from cracking.
He turned his face away, scowling. After taking a breath though, he turned back, talking calmly. "It's Sirius. I think..." He took another breath. "... I think I could have saved him. Harry blames himself, but he's the least to blame. His little escapade at the Department of Mysteries actually did some good, like with the prophecy. On the other hand, I'm to blame for not keeping Sirius at bay. All it would have taken was a few minutes to persuade him to stay safe and he would have been swayed. But no, I agreed to let him come, just once, not wanting to waste time. Now, he's dead. Now there's nothing I can do. He was my closest friend, my only one left from childhood. And he's gone.
"Not only is Sirius dead, but really, what help am I to the Order? I mope around, doing what I can. Oh yes, a few short missions, a little bit of research, but others can do that."
Tonks gritted her teeth. "Remus Lupin, I will not hear you talk like that! Sirius's death was no more your fault than it was Harry's! He would've been as hardheaded as usual and gone as soon as you left. You couldn't have done anything. And you've done loads for the Order! Whether or not it seems like much to you, it does to us."
He seemed rather surprised at her outburst, but he coolly continued, "I feel alone. Sirius is gone, Molly has a family of her own, the Order members have their own lives..."
"But what about me?" she said quietly, almost inaudibly. As she went on, her voice gained volume. "I'll always be here for you! Why couldn't you have come to me, rather than try to... Ugh! I don't believe you! Do you really think of me as immature enough not understand? Even if I don't totally understand, I still care!"
"Nymphadora..." he murmured, sounding weakened.
"No! Don't you 'Nymphadora' me! Don't even call me that! You should know by now to call me Tonks!"
Remus looked at the floor, seeming humbled. After a few moments, he said softly, "I didn't know you cared so much."
She felt slightly relieved. He seemed to be going back to normal. "dn right, I do. I care about you."
"I... I guess I was overreacting. I suppose you're right... I mustn't have been thinking straight... I've been upset, but never like this… I don't know why I…" He fell silent.
"Yes, well, you must know that there are still people who care about you. And even though Sirius is gone, he wouldn't want you wasting the rest of your life like this."
Remus nodded, letting the words sink in.
"Remus, you've always been the strong one for all of us. Sometimes, though, you have to let others do that for you."
The corner of his mouth curled slightly into a smile as she said so. "You're wise, Tonks."
"I don't usually talk like this... all sentimental. But Remus, I care about you more than you know."
He looked up into her eyes. "You mean that?"
"Godric, of course I mean that! Remus, I love you." She blushed furiously as that simple but strong phrase slipped from her mouth.
Tonks knew people had told him that they thought he should "have dinner with her sometime," because she seemed like "just what he needed," but she also heard that his retort was being "too old, too poor and too dangerous." She didn't think so, but she never stated her opinion on that matter.
But when she said that, he smiled. "I love you, too, Tonks."
She turned away. "Like a sister, right?"
"Yes... but..." She felt his hand wrap around her wrist. Though she allowed herself to be pulled towards him, she wouldn't look him in the eyes.
"Look at me, Tonks." She turned her face to him but closed her eyes. Though the voice was back to that old, loving tone, she couldn't bear to look at him.
The next thing she knew was the gentle sensation of him pressing his lips against hers. "Tonks, thank you."
She looked him in the eyes now. Though startled, she talked casually. "Any time, Remus."
He chuckled quietly at this. "It's more than that. Though I couldn't have done anything for Sirius, you did everything for me. Without you, I wouldn't be here. I was quite lucky to end up nearly freezing in your part of town." He finished with a grand sneeze.
It was Tonks's turn to chuckle. "It seems you didn't get away without consequences. Now, you lay down while I make some soup. Don't worry, it's canned," she said with a grin.
She just might be what I need, after all, thought Remus.
"Tonks, once more, thank you. I think... I think this will change me."
"You're welcome, Remus. That's what tonight is about; it's about new beginnings."
At that moment, the chapel bells started sounding, twelve times. Each one resonated throughout their bodies, making both of them tingle with restoration. It was as if a sort of freshness had just washed over them, renewing them.
Both of them smiled. Tonks turned to him. "Happy New Year's."