"I think we should go for a nice, fluorescent pink," elaborated Selena. She was always the most… expressive. We all laughed.
After everyone had agreed on light yellow we started. I mostly painted next to Selena because I wanted to catch her and ask her about… well, about God. But I could never get a moment alone because Biko was always around. I think Selena noticed it too and sensed that I wanted to talk so after a while she declared that we were going to get something to eat for everyone. Biko wanted to help but we persuaded him to keep painting.
"So what's the deal with you two? Do you like him? Are you going out?" Her questions startled me.
"What?" I stammered stupidly.
"Oh come on! Everyone's dying to know." I thought for a moment. Did I like Biko? I had only gotten to know him this past month, but he was kinder than anyone I had ever known for my entire life. I started out by hating him but now… We talked way more than any of my other boyfriends and I talked. I had shared things with him that I hadn't shared with anyone before. And he talked about God. He made God seem so much more than what I'd heard. Even with all the derogatory remarks on my part and his retorts, were wecloser than just friends?
"No," I smiled. "Biko is not more than a good friend. Hey Selena? When did you become a Christian?" I asked trying to change the subject casually but failing miserably.
"Really want to know?" I nodded. "Well, I was... a prostitute." My eyes widened. Selena was one of the most modest people I knew! I could not imagine her on the streets of Africa. "Look, don't go blabbing this around okay? It's true… I sold my body for a few hundreds a night. At first I worked in a bar, then motels, and then I took my bags and headed for the streets when a guy came by and told me I would make better bucks for him than I would as a show girl." She hung her head. "It's weird when I think about it. I remember my first client and then everything was just a blur. I was numb, I drank, and I did drugs. I did everything I could to drown them out of my mind. It was sick, absolutely gross. To make a long story short I got gonorrhoea, and it all went downhill from there. I had to tell Tom, I guess he's what you would call my pimp… Well, he fired me, kicked me out and took all the money. He said he was running a clean business and didn't want a nasty whore getting it all dirty. We had regular customers and they would find out from who they had contracted the disease from soon enough.
I was on the streets, no money, starving and getting sicker by the day. I was so lonely and depressed I checked myself into a random Women's Recovery Clinic. I was only fourteen, barely a teenager. Instead of giving me to Children's services, they kept me there. They got me off the drugs I was so dependent on, and got me the medical attention I needed. It ended up being a Christian Women's Shelter and I got saved. They helped me realized that God loved me even though I had broken His laws. They also showed me that even though He was forgiving, we couldn't just go and do bad stuff expecting Him to forgive us after, because by then it could be too late.
It was hard to accept that this guy didn't want anything from me accept my full and complete trust. They taught me to think of Him as more of a Holy Spirit than a man. It was weird for me to know that God is always watching, but he's not watching for me to do something wrong, He's looking at me because he can't keep His eyes off me. He thinks I'm completely and utterly beautiful. "
"So you got better?" I asked.
"I'm healed from the STD but I still have all the memories I can't erase. It's okay, I mean, it was hard but God helped me get through it." She smiled again. "I've gotten though a lot with Him."
"Ya… let's get this pizza outside. They'll be wondering what's going on," I said uncomfortably.
"Well, Selena and I have got to go. Mom is expecting us home by now," said Johnson after six pieces of pizza. Lucky had to go get some groceries and Arielle (reluctantly at that) also left.
Biko invited me to go for a walk with him to go visit Korianna and I had accepted. "Hey Biko? I was talking to Selena and she said that God still loved her even if she was a… well, even if she broke His laws and no one else liked her for who she was. Do you think that's true?" I asked almost whispering looking out onto the horizon. The sun was setting and everything was so calm and quiet, I felt like I could ask him anything.
"Definitely."
"Do you think…? Could He forgive me?"
"Kelsey, God loves you more than you can ever imagine. He wants so badly to forgive you, all you need to do is ask."
"But how do I know He won't let me down once I accept Him?"
"It's trust. Besides, He's the One who sent His only Son to leave heaven and live among us, knowing how much he would be persecuted. He came on this earth to die for you. I don't think thatSomeone who would die for you will ever let you down, once you thank Him for that gift."
"But how can he love me? I'm so dirty… I don't even like myself…"
"He made you. He thinks you're gorgeous. Trust me. Even if you don't think you're worthy of anyone's love,God knows you are. You are so precious to Him, Kelsey."
I started to cry uncontrollably, for the first time since I was five years old. I cried and cried and cried and cried. Biko cried too, though I didn't know why. Right then and there, into the stillness of the savannah, I gave my heart to Jesus.
Afterwards I felt so… so complete, so clean, so whole, and so beautiful, like just after you've had the most perfect shower. I felt just as Biko had said; born again, fresh.
Soon after, my mother got home and I told her I needed to tell her something. I smiled and told her that I had been saved and accepted Jesus into my heart. At that word 'saved' I stopped. I was a Christian. I had promised myself I wouldn't and now I was. What was I so scared of? This wasn't so bad at all. If I had known how it had felt before I would have tried to get to know more on Jesus. That was in the past now. I was forgiven for all my sins and my old life.
That night I slept better than I had slept in years. I slept all night, peacefully and I woke up the next morning (not afternoon) in the same position with the covers still on me! This was a great accomplishment in itself. I was happy but I couldn't remember why. The all of the sudden I remembered all of the events from the past day. I lay there for another minute, but what then? I leaped out of bed to find my mom. I ran into the kitchen and almost bumped into Biko. I gave a shy smile, apologized and then found my mom.
"Hey mom?" I asked. "Now that I'm a Christian what happens now? What am I supposed to do?"
My mom smiled. "Talk to God, read the Bible, go to church and Youth's Night… Just spend time with God, I guess."
"He really wants to talk to me?" I asked half excited, half sceptical.
"Of course, Kelsey! That's the whole point," she said.
I spent the rest of the day thinking about all the things my new life would comprise and all the things that would have to change. From time to time Biko entered my thoughts. I didn't know what to make of them. I owed my life (practically) to him. I decided deep down that perhaps if he asked me I would possibly consider going out with him. Wait- Could Christians date? I raced into the kitchen again and Biko raced in the opposite direction so, again we bumped into each other. He apologized and I smiled. Why did it seem so awkward between us now? I was probably just imagining it.
"Hey mom?" I asked again. "Um- What does God think about dating?"
"Well, Kelsey… It's very controversial decision. The one thing that I knowfor sure,is God wants us to be safe and pure. He wants us to grow in our walk with Him. If your partner hinders you in that, then it doesn't make God happy.Some interpret that as teenagers shouldn't date at all regardless of religion. Some say that dating is fine, even if it's someone with different beliefs than you, and some people think that Christians should only date Christians."
"Why?" I asked confused.
"Most people who don't believe in God have different boundaries set. It's easier to slip when you are in a close relationship with someone who wants to do things that you know you don't. They might not understand the logic of why you do some things and not others. Its complicated," she answered. "Why the sudden interest?"
I just shrugged.