Night fell over a forgotten clearing in a forgotten wood. A cold fog began to settle; it rolled in like cruel waves on a stormy sea of dead, colourless smoke. It gathered until it was viscous to the point that few silvery illuminations cast down by the moon could penetrate it. Little noise could be discerned aside from the occasional insect and the sound of the cold soil settling as it moistened. From the distance, out of the depths of the swirling ethereal sea, two shapes soundlessly cantered forward. What once were formless shadows became ghosts, and these ghosts became solid figures as they slid into the clearing.

The figures clearly belonged to two people. One was tall, slender, and moved with a hideous, serpentine grace. The other was shorter and any hints to its identity were entirely concealed by the flowing black robe wrapped about its frame. The shorter of the two was the first to speak. "Here?" It was a male voice.

"Of course here." The voice of the taller figure was just as chillingly languid and beautiful as its movements. It was a venom-tipped dagger wrought of ice. The gender of this second speaker, however, was just as indiscernible from its voice as it was from its silhouette.

"Certainly, my lord." The shorter of the figures kneeled, drew up the black sleeve that had covered his left arm, and offered it up to the taller. While the taller reached for the arm, an impossibly large serpent wound its way through the grass and circled the kneeling man. Neither figure cared to flinch or glance down as the serpent doubled its coils again and again. The taller figure drew out a slender wand and pressed it against the exposed forearm. Not moments later, like the ghosts of mariners lost to the waves, many more figures began to emerge from the mist.

Their banter tended to be decontextualized in this seemingly unreal plane. Many of their comments even seemed banal and unfitting of their surroundings, as though they were being continued without interruption from some other, merrier place.

"Oh God, here comes MacNair."

"Haha, poor idiot. Somebody should tell him that the whole point of the mask and cloak is to conceal your identity."

"No doubt. His mask hides his identity about as well as Dick Grayson's."

"Who?"

"Robin."

"Oh. Haha! That's true! That's so true! I can tell who he is a mile away."

Soon the man the two referred to as MacNair caught up with them.

"Hey guys!"

"Oh, hi."

"Hey E, you still going to my party tomorrow?"

The MacNair figure looked puzzled. "What party?"

"Oh, I knew you'd forget. Well, you're still invited anyhow. Party at my place, tomorrow at ten. Be there!"

"All right! I am there!" The three continued to their places in the circle of like-robed figures that had already begun to gather around Voldemort: the tall figure that had arrived first. Once the circle was completed, their master addressed them.

"OK, since I'm sure you'd all rather be at home right now, I'll give it to you straight. We really haven't come up with anything better than the 'Just wait for a possession-episode to finally go right and get Harry to steal the prophecy so we can hear it even though we already know what it says' plan,"

One of the figures beamed proudly and elbowed the man standing next to him. "That was my plan! Innit great?"

"Shh!"

"Because of this," Voldemort continued, narrowing his eyes at the source of the interruption, "today is random-drug-and-loyalty testing day. I have finally managed to get my hands on some veritaserum!" Several groans rose up from the circle. "Come on! You all knew it was coming! It was in the contract!"

"This sucks!" Cried a voice from the circle.

"Hey, shaddup! Unless you'd rather be dead!" The only response to this threat was silence. "That's what I thought. Now, I will be going around administering a blood test to each of you. Should this blood test show that you do not have any veritaserum antidotes in your system, I will proceed to administer a loyalty test via veritaserum. Know that I will not immediately assume veritaserum antidote in your system to be incriminating. Since none of you knew that we were meeting today, you could have had a legitimate reason for taking it. Wife, ministry, job, who knows? But you will be held in restraint until such time that the antidote wears off, and I will then administer an accurate loyalty test."

Once again, several groans were uttered by those gathered around their master.Voldemort rolled his eyes. "Oh stop complaining already! OK Lucius, I'm starting with you." He singled out a figure in the circle, and stepped up to him, studying the man with an intense gaze. "Whoa, Lucius! is that your wand or are you just happy to see me?"

Lucius's eyes fiercely darted about the circle, studying the masks that blankly stared back at him. "My lord, I was with my wife."

"Oh, I get it." The serpentine figure winked. "Well, put your arm out Lucius, I haven't got all day."

"My lord, I'd rather you didn't use my name."

"Well I'd rather you hurry it up and put your arm out. I can say your name whenever I damn well please." Unwilling to protest any further, Lucius held out his arm, and pulled back the sleeve. As the group watched Lucius' blood get drawn into vials and waited for the test results, many of them tried to pass the time by sharing amusing anecdotes with those they knew.

"Well, here it is Lucius. Aside from your blood being rife with a prescription drug for erectile dysfunction, there's nothing. So you're good to go for the second test." Lucius could hear muffled laughter from around the circle as he downed the veritaserum. "Are you, Lucius Malfoy, loyal to me and only me?"

"Yes, my lord."

"That's it for you, then. Next!" He stepped up to face the next figure: the one who had been called MacNair. "Hoo boy. MacNair, MacNair. You have got to do something about your mask. What are you supposed to be, the Boy Wonder? I mean, it's way too obvious who you are!" He clawed the mask off to reveal a man that was definitely not MacNair. He wasn't even a man that anybody there recognized. A ripple of surprise rose from the circle. "Oh, uhh, I'm sorry… you just looked a lot like MacNair, and I thought it was because you had a stupid mask. Err. Right. Well, time for your blood test!" Voldemort slowly began to draw his blood into vials, and many that grew bored in the circle began chatting once more.

"You mean that wasn't MacNair?"

"Wow, fooled me."

"Well, then who the heck is that guy?"

"Wait, this means I invited that bozo to my party!"

At length, Voldemort cleared his throat. "There's nothing in your system of note." Voldemort then gave the man veritaserum, and he swore his loyalty without hesitation.

The tests continued on, most in this same manner. Before long, Voldemort was checking the results from Fenrir Greyback. "Jesus, Fenrir! There's so much goddamn PCP in your blood, it's a wonder you haven't fallen down dead right here! But we're not testing for that, so I guess you're good to go." After swearing his undying allegiance to Voldemort, Fenrir bounded off to tear out peoples' throats with his teeth. He didn't see Nagini the serpent slithering around in the grass, however, and promptly tripped over her. He crashed into the ground violently, but sprung back up and conitinued running in an arbitrary direction. Voldemort watched Fenrir leave, shaking his head. "PCP. It figures. No wonder that guy is so messed up. I mean, biting people while he's still in his human form? What the hell?"

Voldemort turned to the next of his followers, and smiled. His was a warped and twisted mockery of any human smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Severus Snape. Looks like I get to figure out once and for all whose side you're on."

Even though his blood tested negative for any known veritaserum antidotes, Snape was shaking ever-so-slightly. Voldemort licked his teeth with relish as he crafted his question. "Snape, are you a double-crosser, or a triple-crosser?"

Under the influence of the veritaserum, Severus replied immediately. "I am a quadruple-crosser!"

"Oh good. Wait… Hey! That means…"

"Wait, no… let me think. No, I'm a septuple-crosser! I'm sure of it this time!"

Voldemort began counting on his fingers, and was rushing to determine just what being a septuple-crosser would entail. "So that means you make it look like you betrayed him, and everybody thinks your on my side, but then you mock-betrayed me so it looks like you're on his side, to hide the fact that…"

"Scratch that. I'm an octuple-crosser."

"Hold up, let me get some paper and a pencil so I can chart this whole thing out!"

"I'm a nintuple-crosser!"

"You know what? I don't even care anymore!"

"I'm a dodeca…"

"Just shut up!"

"Dodecamer-crosser!"

"Silence!"

"Wait! I have got it! I shall now tell everybody once and for all whose side I am on!"

"Enough! Petrificus totalus!" A dim light flickered from the end of Voldemort's wand, then Snape went still and fell to the ground. "I don't even want to know whose side he's on anymore. Hell, I don't even think he knows whose side he's on." The circle fell silent as Snape's immobilized body hit the ground with a dull thud. Voldemort, however, ignored him as he lazily flowed to the next position in the circle, grinning with a dark and macabre glee. "Shall we continue?"