hehe. i enjoy tormenting u Lin. lol. it makes me feel like im doin a good job writing. :)
I woke up to the smell of pancakes and bacon. It was so weird to have a Christmas tree without snow outside. It wasn't snowing but I was surprised at how cold it had gotten. I was having my first Christmas as a Christian and the first that I could remember with my mom. I would have been perfectly happy if it wasn't for Biko.
Why couldn't this be like a book? If my life would have been like a book, I would go out for a walk outside and Biko would meet me and he would apologise for dumping (who dumps their girlfriend in a letter)! He would beg for forgiveness. I would be weakened by his gorgeous face and I would give him another chance. If this were something from a book, we would live happily ever after and get married.
Mom dropped a plate in the kitchen and I snapped back to reality. "Sorry!" she called apologetically. "Great, that last of them…"
"The last of what?" I asked as I entered the kitchen. My mom looked up with tears in her eyes.
"The last of the plates I brought from Canada."
"Oh," I replied shocked by her answer, she had left Canada more than fifteen years ago. "Do you, do you ever miss it?"
"Oh, Kelsey… Everyday. From the moment I left you I've missed you and all of Canada. I miss the luxury living on a concrete road, of a shower with a stable water supply, of traffic lights, of skyscrapers… Despite what your father may have told you, I was deeply and truly in love with him. Did he ever tell you how we met?"
"No… He doesn't talk about you very much. I barely knew you existed until a few years ago." As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them, they only hurt her more.
But she smiled as she attempted to reconstruct the piece of the plate. "I may be able to save it. With a little bit of glue it'll be alright… I've got to admit to you, I wasn't the most Christian girl you've met. Goodness, I wasn't. I hosted all the dorm parties in college. I guess you can guess what happened. It's simple really. I met your father at a party. At first he was just another boyfriend but then I realised he was a keeper. He was really sweet in the beginning; kept brining me flowers and little chocolates in one of those heart boxes on Valentines Day…" she pushed out another smile.
"A real gentleman. Then one day, I got pregnant. He didn't believe it. He said I had cheated on him, but he eventually came along and after you were born we got married. Like I said, he was the perfect gentleman, until it wasn't easy. He had to quit school to work but we survived. Life was hard, I mean, we were two eighteen year old kids raising a baby on minimum wage. Lots of yelling and fighting went on. It became my fault for ruining his life. It only got worse when I became a Christian."
"Why did you leave me?" I asked quietly. I had to know… All these years, wondering why I didn't have a mom like the rest of my friends did. Wondering why my mom had left me with a monster of a father.
It took a while for her to answer. "I guess… I was running away." She sighed. "I never wanted a child. I don't know why I didn't give you up for adoption. Maybe that would have been better then leaving you to be raised by your father. I guess, I thought if I left you, he would just put you in a foster home, or you'd end up being sent to one. I thought I'd be too busy here to take care of a kid… It was selfish of me. I'm sorry…"
"It's fine," I said. But deep inside I knew it wasn't. I was no satisfied with her answer. How could that have been it? She just didn't want to take care of me? She thought I'd be put into foster homes anyways, so she left that up to my dad?
She took a deep breath and blinked. "Well! Are you up for some Christmas cookies?" she asked as if nothing was wrong.
"Sure," I said giving her a weak smile. All of the sudden I thought I heard the sound of the front door open and someone coming into the kitchen. I looked up. There he stood. My heart skipped a beat again but then fell back into the pit of my stomach when I remembered we had broken up. "Biko," my voice croaked. My mother stood up and took Biko into a warm embrace.
"Well," she coughed, looking from him to me. "Um, I'll go check on those cookies! You better not leave without some, Biko," she said and I left the room.
"I just came to get a few more things from my room. I'll take a few cookies and I'll be out," Biko said quickly looking in my direction. My mother returned into the kitchen with me.
"Hey," she said coming next to me. "So you two broke up huh?"
"Yeah…" I muttered close to tears.
"It seems to me that you both are sad. What happened?"
I sighed. "I just made a mistake and I'm really sorry about it, but I don't think he can ever forgive me."
"A big one?"
"Massive," I replied, loosing hope. "So now he hates me. I don't know what I'm going to do, mom. Coming here and meeting you two is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know how I'm going to be able to deal with him not talking to me. He'll never be able to forgive me…"
She smiled. "Don't worry about it, Biko is a smart boy, soon enough he'll realise how much he misses you."
"I wouldn't count on it…"
My mom went into Biko's room to give him the cookies and help him out with the stuff. Pretty soon they came out and our eyes locked, but he was the first to look away.
"So, you two have called it quits huh?" she asked him outside, next to his truck.
"Yeah."
"You miss her?"
"Yeah."
"I know she's sorry," my mom said quietly.
Biko's back stiffened. "She cheated on me, and did some stuff that she shouldn't have. If it were up to me, maybe I would forgive her… maybe. But she hurt God more, and I don't think she's sought His forgiveness. I'm just waiting, that's all."
"Have you asked her about asking God's forgiveness?"
"No."
"Hmm… Well all I know is that in the beginning, I wasn't happy with you two. But now I see how different Kelsey is with you. You've done her a world of good."
"She's been good for me. I mean, I would never have thought of all the questions she did about God when she came here. I've never read so much of my Bible in my life," he smiled. "She had this thing that she would do with the corner of her eyebrow when she wouldn't understand what I was saying. It would twitch, just slightly and then she would smile as if she understood everything, when she really didn't."
"Well I'm sorry it hasn't worked out…I'm sure you two will be fine apart."
"Ms. Anderson?" he asked quickly.
"Yes?" she said turning around.
"Can you- can you tell her, I'll call her soon."
"Sure, sweetheart."
But he didn't. A whole two weeks had come and gone, and soon it was time to go back to school, which was a big let down because I had been feeling really sick lately. I think I was coming down with the flu or something. But before I got back to school, I had to call him to make things right. After the third ring his room mate picked up the phone and passed it to him. "Hello?" his strong voice sounded on the other end.
I faltered and then took a deep breath. "Hey! It's Kelsey… Look, I'm sorry! I was stupid. I'm an idiot, okay? I messed every single thing up. I really did it this time. Please, I can't stand you not talking to me. I know I did the worst thing imaginable. Please, I'm begging you… Don't be mad at me forever."
He didn't answer.
"But for now you are…" I continued.
He sighed. "You really hurt me, Kelsey. Whenever I look at you… I see him. The weird thing is; I still like you. I don't know why because at the same time I hate you! I'm still mad at you. I don't know when I'll be able to forgive you. Not only did you cheat on me, but you went farther than that! You broke one of God's most important rules, Kelsey! You hurt Him as well."
"I know I did! I asked Him to forgive me, and He has," I replied.
"Maybe He has, but I'm still healing. I don't know. Maybe I still have some stuff to workout with Him. All I know is I can't forgive you," he said his voice becoming strict and solemn.
I let out a small breath. "Yeah… Well… You know my number. Just remember, I'm still yours and God's. I'm not going to see anyone else."
"Don't say that."
"Why not?"
" 'Cause I don't know if I'll wait until I can forgive you. Maybe it's better for both of us to move on."
His statement caught me off guard. "So you're really breaking up with me?" I asked, as if I hadn't gotten his note.
"Well technically you broke up with me when you had sex with him," Biko said and it cut me with a thousand knives.
"I said I was sorry!" before I could continue I heard a click on the other line.