I dragged my feet down the street. It was February and it was already starting to get warm outside. I rubbed my stomach, there was a baby boy growing inside there. Finally we arrived outside our dorm. "Hey, you go ahead, I think I'm going to take a walk."
"You sure?" Elise asked suspiciously.
"I'll be up soon." I turned around and went outside. I walked up to the pay phone and took it in my hands. I wasn't really going for a walk. I just didn't want anyone hearing my phone conversation, as everyone always did, especially Tammy. After a few second thoughts I dialled. "Mom? Can I talk to you for a minute?"
She was silent but then let out a breath.
I continued but despite my tries, tears ran fluently down my cheeks. It seemed like I was always crying lately. "I'm sorry, mom… If I could redo… actually all my life, I would. This time, I'm really sorry. I need your help."
"Kelsey, you got yourself into this. You think you're old enough to have sex well then you're old enough to live without your mother and take care of your child without me."
"I'm going to keep him and raise him by myself. I just want you there to talk to. I don't know anyone else who's had a baby … I don't know what to do."
"Neither did I, but I did it. Does Biko know?"
"No," I replied. "I don't want him to know, yet."
"Well, Kelsey, I'm sorry for you. I have to go now. I've been making arrangements for you to leave Africa soon. You need to go home."
"No! Please mom! Africa is my home!" I started to panic. "Don't make me go back… I'm begging you."
"You have to…Goodbye Kelsey."
I sniffled. "Goodbye, mom. I love you…"
"I don't love you right now." Her response only made me cry harder.
"Will you love me tomorrow?" I almost whispered.
"Goodbye," was her only answer. Somehow I knew that all our hard work at getting to know each other had gone down the drain, never to come back up again. I hung up the phone in disgust went into a bathroom stall in the student Cafe, sat down on the toilet and cried. I remembered what Elise had said about telling God about my problems so I gave it a try.
Ok, you want to hear how bad my life is going right now? So here it is, in a nutshell. Mom hates me! I still don't have enough cash stashed up to buy the baby diapers or clothes let alone an apartment. I have nowhere to stay when I can't go to school anymore. Elise wants me to give the baby up for adoption. Biko is still mad at me and I'm pregnant! Why aren't you helping me? Probably because I didn't ask…
I was surprised how the answer to my question came so easily and so fast. God? I need help, from anyone. Just please send someone. Help me be able to find the money to raise this baby boy in the way You want him to be raised. Then I knew everything was going to be okay. God still loved me. I remembered a verse that had come up in the Christian fellowship that morning. "All the ways of the Lord are faithful for those who keep his laws." Psalm 25:10.
When I got up to my room the two people I least expected to be there, were. "Biko!" I said and ran to him but stopped when I realised who was standing next to him. "What are you doing here, Alex?"
"I came up here and met..." he said giving Biko the dirtiest look ever.
"His name's Biko," I said giving Alex a matter of fact look.
"Whatever. Anyways, I just wanted to see if we could go out to supper or something, in honour of our baby."
I sighed. "Why are you going out to supper? Why aren't you saving up? You can't just throw a twenty at my doorstep whenever you don't feel like spending it. Besides, just because you're going to have a relationship with the baby it doesn't mean, you have to have one with me. You can go now," I told him.
"Fine, I'll call you later." He leaned forward to kiss me but I turned so his lips fell on my cheek and I stepped back.
"Don't bother. Just use the money to buy some diapers or something," I replied.
"So, that's Alex?" asked Biko uncomfortably when he had gone.
"Um, yeah, that's him."
"The famous Alex? The one who was a virgin before meeting you and the one who got you pregnant?" he continued. Then I remembered that Biko had no idea I was pregnant, until now. He saw my face and said, "Why didn't you tell me, Kelsey?"
"I don't know. I was going to. You were still mad at me and…" I started but he cut me off.
"I want to help. Look at you, you're all worn out. Just because I had some stuff to work out with God, it doesn't mean you have to keep things from me." He hugged me close. "Promise me you won't ever do anything like this again?"
"I already told you. I'm not having sex until I'm married."
"Not that, well that too but, promise me you won't not tell me anything again, okay?"
"I promise," I said and melted in his arms.
His watch beeped. "Seven o'clock," he said quietly. I remembered that the night at the hotel, one of the things we had promised each other was not to stay with each other past seven if we weren't in a public place. It was kind of like our personal curfew to keep ourselves in line. "You should get some sleep or something. Can I call you later?"
"Anytime," I smiled at him. "Before you leave, why did you come here in the first place?"
"To apologise." He kissed my cheek and left. I ignored Tammy's constant please to find out what I had told to Alex and who the black guy was outside our room, and went right to sleep. That night I had the most wonderful and full night's sleep I had had in ages. The only time I remembered sleeping so peacefully was the first night I had after I had gotten saved. God was working and I had complete trust in Him. He was in control now, nothing could go wrong, and it was with that thought that I drifted off.