I stayed in the hospital for another day to rest and when I was able to get up and walk by myself Mrs. Lavoie and Elise brought me back home. God had graced me with a seemingly quiet baby for the beginning, at least. He slept all day, waking for brief periods for food. Before then, people had given me strange looks but I had never experienced to what extent people could be judgemental, until now. I could barely go to the corner store without someone giving me a pitied look. They all either felt sorry for me, or thought I was some tramp. It was hard. Pretty soon I was getting up, every hour to feed him! For the first few months I was like a zombie walking around the house. I thought I was going to go absolutely insane.

Dillan was still great, when he wasn't depriving me of sleep. The only thing was that I missed my friends from Africa, but most of all I missed being a teenager. I missed going to the movies every Friday night. I missed sleeping in on Saturday mornings. I even missed school. It was then that Mrs. Lavoie made me a proposition.

"I was thinking," she said to me the next afternoon as I changed Dillan who was now eight months old and was trying desperately to communicate with the meaningless babble that only babies do. "Jacob and I have been invited to speak at a school on teenage sexuality. I keep thinking that we're not getting to them. Who wants to listen to two old timers, like us?" she smiled. "You said you wanted to be able to pay us rent. Instead of paying us this month, would you like to come and speak to the kids about you're life, about Dillan?"

I didn't waste one second. "I would love to! What high school is it?"

"Liberty High."

I stopped. "Liberty Senior High?" she nodded.

"From what I know, the school is deep in trouble. In a way, we're lucky that the principal is over his head with the students and is looking for any way possible to help them. There are drug busts, eighty percent of the student population is failing, and there have been seventy reported pregnancy cases over the last year, not to mention the number of reported S.T.D's … They need us. I've been trying to get through to them but it doesn't seem to work."

"I- I don't know if I can…" I replied and she gave a puzzled stare.

"You said you wanted to repay us, didn't you?"

"Yes…"

"Well I think that this would be an appropriate pay. We are visiting a new school every two weeks. At the end of the two weeks we hold an all-nighter worship service in the school for the Christians and those who want to get to know God more. I would really appreciate your help for this school."

"I can't," I said flatly returning to Dillan, all former interest dissipated.

"Why not?" she asked her voice rising, only slightly. She was obviously annoyed at my outright refusal.

"Liberty High was my old high school… I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back and well, talk to them about…"

"You're not ready to tell them about your new life, eh?" she asked. "Let me tell you something Kelsey, you cannot run from all your problems in life. It was very fortunate that your mother was willing to take you from your dad, it was very fortunate for you to meet Biko and fell in love. It was very fortunate that you became a Christian. It was very fortunate that you met a Christian friend at school and it was very fortunate that we had place for you. It was also very fortunate that you could get away from the humiliation of being pregnant in Africa. I hope you thank God everyday for the gifts He has so generously given you, but now it's time to hold to your end of the deal. You need to be telling people about Him."

"I know…"

"I will not allow my house to be some place where teens come and be useless," she said practically. "Now, you know you can stay here as long as you want, but I want you to be the woman God created you to be. Find His purpose for you. How do you know this is not it, if you don't even try? Are we in agreement?"

"Yes. I guess you want me to prepare something to say?" I said, but really I didn't need to ask. I knew what she wanted from me.

"Just talk a little about you life experiences and where they've led you," she said simply.

I went back into my room to put Dillan down and took out one of my old diaries. I flipped through the pages from my eighth birthday when I hadn't gotten any presents because my dad had been too wasted to remember it was my birthday, to my twelfth birthday when I had lost my virginity, purposefully. I read through all my entries. No one knew or even suspected that I was hurting so much. Even I was surprised. I knew that most people, even my friend's didn't love or even like me, more like they loved to hate me.

I was the subject of all the gossip; everyone was always looking for my next radical move. I came upon the page where I had dyed my hair half purple and half green. (I can't imagine why… it was hideous…) After a few weeks people had stopped talking so I had shaved it! I had put a picture of myself in and scribbled all over it. I hated myself. I went from boyfriend to boyfriend. Then I opened a newer diary. It was from the day of my sixteenth birthday to when I had gone to Africa, when Biko had shown me Korianna, and then our first kiss, Adriana's wedding, school, Selena and Arielle, cutting myself again, getting pregnant and then to yesterday.

Then I knew what to do. I took a blank piece of paper and didn't stop writing for an hour and a half. I wrote about every deception and pain and the very few joys of my life. I wrote about how every little decision affected the eventual outcome of my life and how it was now. I wrote about things that I had never told anyone. It didn't cross my mind until the end that I would be saying these things to my old friends at school! But then I realised that I didn't care. I was now, more concerned about their lives than my own reputation. It would be crushed, I had no doubt but that was now alright. Then I was done. I looked at Dillan sleeping, so peaceful, so quiet, for now anyway, and added one more sentence.

"There is a verse in the Bible; Romans 8:28, it says, "For all things work toogether for good, for those who love the Lord"," I told them that one fateful day. "I chose to trust God with my life. I let Him take all the burdens and hurt that I had suffered, and I know that it has made all the difference. Maybe I still would have had a baby if I wasn't a Christian but at least I have Someone to lean on now who will never let me down." For a fully five seconds the whole auditorium was silent. Then I looked up and into the faces of my audience. I was about to walk off the stage when there came a sound louder than any I had ever heard in that auditorium, it was the sound of applause. The clapping continued until the principal who to my utter surprise was also a little teary eyed, came up and dismissed them to lunch. I picked Dillan up from Elise's lap and gave him a huge kiss.