"Hey!" said Biko excitedly when I jumped into his car the next morning. "Hi Dillan! Did you give your mom a good night's sleep?"
Why did it make me feel uncomfortable when he looked or spoke to Dillan? It was because Dillan was the result of me cheating on him. I cringed. Why had I done it again? I couldn't remember. "Hey!" I said trying to brush off the uneasy feeling. He leaned over to kiss me but for some reason I pulled away.
"What is it?" he asked kindly. I could tell he was a little hurt.
"Nothing," I replied trying my best to smile.
We went out to his car and drove for a few minutes of silence and then he said as if trying to get his words over with, "You know, we don't need to get married if you don't want to." Just the fact that he was saying this confirmed that it hurt him more than anything.
"No! It's not that at all," I attempted to explain but failed and just let my voice trail off.
"I'm sorry, I probably should have called or written or something instead of just coming here and catching you off guard."
"No. It was great," I faltered. How could I explain this?
"Then what is it?" he asked, obviously confused. "You promised you wouldn't hide anything from me, remember?"
I did remember. "It's just… I mean, don't you feel, I don't know, weird seeing Dillan around all the time. We both know that he wouldn't be here if I hadn't… cheated on you and broken God's law either." He was silent. "I do love you, more than anyone. I'm just worried, like if we have other kids and if Dillan will feel like he doesn't belong…"
"Sometimes, I see Alex when I look at Dillan and… it's hard. But more and more I see you and God's love and faithfulness in him. God's forgiven you Kelsey and I have to. I'm not going to let a mistake that you made and then were forgiven for, stand in the way or me being with you and Dillan. It was a mistake… sleeping with Alex, but God can change your mistakes into something great. Remember that verse you like so much?"
"Romans 8:28," I said remembering the first bible verse I had ever heard in my life. ""All things work toogether for good for those who love the Lord.""
"Right, and by the way, I do love Dillan, like he's my own."
"I know… But what about Alex? Where does that put him?"
"He can pay child support and Dillan can visit him whenever he wants. If Alex really wants to be part of his life, he can move here, or we can live in Africa, which ever we want," Biko said.
It suddenly occurred to me that Biko had never been on a plane, or ever been outside South Africa before. "Biko! Did you really… move here? For me and Dillan?"
He smiled. "I guess I did. The airplane food was gross though, next time we go on vacation we are definitely sneaking in a packed a lunch."
I was amazed. "How do you find B.C?"
"There's not as much dirt and sand, but the weathers almost the same. The trees are different but I'm glad you have mountains here. They kind of remind me of South Africa."
"Are you sure you want us to live here and not in Pretoria, I mean, I'm used to moving around, we can just go back there if you want." I asked.
His smile broadened. "You said "us to live" does that mean you aren't changing your mind?"
"Yes, that's what it means," I said squeezing his hand lightly as we walked towards his apartment. "How can I resist such amazing man?"
"She cannot tell a lie, Dillan," he said holding him. I returned the kiss that I had refused earlier, feeling completely satisfied.
"The place looks great!" I said taking off my shoes inside his four and a half apartment. "You must have been working pretty hard to afford this big of an apartment." It was pretty big too, with two bedrooms, (one for Dillan and our other children, and one for us, when we were married.) a bathroom, a nice sized living room and a kitchen. It was all very open and spacious.
"I've been saving up, and your mom helped out a little."
I didn't want to think of my mother right now… I was still confused about her."I love it," I said looking around.
We spent the rest of the day walking at the park. Biko started school the next day but he came over as much as possible. The good thing was that I got a nice job in a daycare down the street from Biko's apartment. That way I could sign Dillan up, take care of him and make money at the same time. It was a five days a week job and then I would work at the corner store down the road on Saturdays, while Biko would take care of Dillan. Although it would have been better if I had worked on Sundays, I had to take time out for God, and that was His day. I was honestly and truly thankful and was even more so when I received a call from my mom.