"I've found her, Kelsey," were the first words I had heard her say in three months. I was a little annoyed that she hadn't asked about her grandson, but I let it slide because I was rather curious as to what she had to say. "I found your sister."
"What?" I breathed. "You have? What does she look like?"
"I don't know. I haven't seen her."
"What do you mean?" I asked confused.
"I mean, she doesn't know that I'm her mom, and it has to stay that way."
"Why?" I interrupted.
"I have my reasons. Now, I have arranged for you two to meet tomorrow at the park in front of Biko's apartment. She lives near you guys."
"Why don't you come and meet her too? I know that… when I lived with dad, I dreamt of you every night, even if I had already lived with you for a few years. I don't think she has any memory of you. Please. Just come and let her see you. You don't need to talk to her."
"She's deaf. She won't understand anything I say anyway," was her blunt reply. "Tell your father to go with you."
"I don't want her to know him."
"Why not? He may not be the nicest guy, but don't you think she would want to meet her own father?"
"No. It's better if she never meets him."
She let out a sigh. "Just think about it okay, Kelsey? You'll be meeting at noon tomorrow."
"Okay," I answered slowly.
"Goodbye, Kelsey."
"Wait mom! Um, guess what?"
"What?" she asked sounding tired.
"Dillan is walking all by himself now. I guess it's a relief, I mean; to be able to sleep for more than five hours in a row. But he's figured out how to climb out of his crib," I pushed out a laugh and paused. "I think he's starting to form words. He understands simple ones like; his name, cookie, Biko, batman, bed time, that kind of thing." She may not care about what dad did to me for my whole life, but she must care about her only grandson.
"That's great!"
"Biko and I thinking of planning the date for the wedding soon… Do you think you can come over here and plan it with us?" I asked or rather pleaded.
"Alright," she said reluctantly. "Kelsey, are you sure you want to go through with this? I mean, you've only known him for two years."
"I know, but we love each other. Isn't that what matters?"
"Yes, but feelings come and go. Now, I know you've had to make some important decisions - some grow-up decisions, lately, but that does not mean you are emotionally ready for marriage. Your father and I made the mistake of marrying for the wrong reasons, now look at us; divorced with two children, one who has been in foster care all her life and the other who is eighteen and already has a child." She stopped. "Marriage is for the rest of your life, until you die. Probably for more than sixty years."
"Yeah…" I replied. "But he moved across the world just to be with me. Plus, he loves Dillan like he was his own."
"Of course he does, and I have no doubt that you love him as well, but that is not all it takes to be in a marriage relationship. You are combining two lives into one, two very different people into one functioning person. It takes time, dedication, communication, knowing you partner better than you know yourself. You need to have been through trials with him and above all, you need God."
"We have dedication, communication; we've been though a lot and we both love God."
"But you have not had time to get to know each other. You've been apart for a while," my mother said calmly. "Are ou sure you're ready to let go of Kelsey and become Kelsey; Biko's wife?"
"I don't know..." I said and reluctantly hung up.
"You know I love you right?" I told Biko the next morning.
"Yes, and I love you too," he said and kissed me.
This was going to be hard. "Biko…I think we should hold the wedding for a while… for a few years. We've only known each other for like two years. Just us being toogether is good, right?"
He looked down. "Calling you my girlfriend isn't the same as calling you my wife."
"Well there's no rule for how long two people can be engaged. I still want to marry you, and only you. I just don't want to run into things."
"What about Dillan? He won't grow up knowing me as his daddy, only his mommy's boyfriend," Biko said.
"Fiancé," I corrected him trying to make him smile. "Well, you'll be part of his life way more than his biological dad is. You will be the only dad he has and ever will know. I promise."
"So until when did you want to postpone the wedding?"
"Three, maybe four years… I want us both to make sure we're doing the right thing. I want us to live our seperate lives to the fullest untill we're mature enough to make it one life."
"I love you," he countered. "When people love each other, they get married."
"Maybe, I don't know, I've never been in love until now. But it takes more than just love. Feelings come and go, right. It's the same with a relationship with God. You have to have knowledge and feelings to make it work. Let's just take it slow okay? I've ran into too many serious relationships before. They were great in the beginning but they dried up very very fast, and I love you more than anyone. I want to be one hundred percent positive this is what God wants as well."
"Well, I can't force you to marry me…"
"I want to marry you, really I do! If it was my choice I would marry you this instant, this second. But I don't think God wants us to. Just because it's not now, that doesn't mean it won't happen."
He gave me a little smile. "You're right. Just don't forget about me."
"How can i ever forget the man I know I'll wake up for the next seventy-odd years?" This drew a smile on his face.
I was hesitant to change the subject but I had to share this with someone. "Um, I found out that I have a little sister."
"Really?" he asked.
"Yeah, from the same mom and dad too. She's fourteen now. Her name's Alexandra and mom set up a meeting for us tomorrow at noon. I really don't want her to meet my dad… but I kind of need someone there. We could leave right after church and go out for lunch with her or something."
"Of course I'll go with you!" So it was set. I was a nervous wreck for the rest of that night and morning, but finally noon came and we went to Balaklava Park.