I do not own these characters and make no profit. Please don't sue, I have nothing.
WaitingBy In Articulo Mortis
I have waited so long. Watching him, making myself a constant in his life. Not a friend, more than that, his rival, his nemesis, his other half. To others our relationship must have looked simple, two boys who hated each other enough to scar. It wasn't simple, it wasn't hate. It was complicated and I have only just begun to scratch the surface. And it was trust, he trusted that I would always be there, to give him a challenge and to know him.
The scars were….hopelessly symbolic, as if from some Thomas Hardy novel. It was watching him walk around with my mark on him that started the line of thought that cause so much tragedy, so much confusion and eventually so much acceptance. Now when I look at my own in the mirror, it all seems so blindingly obvious.
After that fight, the perfect one in the storm, everything changed for me. The pleasure of waking up with his brand on me, for all to see, for eternity was totally unexpected. My fear drove me to do what I did. If ever I have hated him, it was when I gave myself over to the witch. It had suddenly occurred to me that my life revolved around him, about when we would next fight, about forcing the fire out of him that only I knew was in there, about him belonging to me.
Almost as soon as I had given myself to the sorceress, I realised my mistake but because I had gone willingly I had no defence she hadn't already breached. Watching him get closer and closer to Rinoa, seeing the plans she had for him in her eyes even if he was oblivious, hurt. I could see what would happen if I couldn't step in. I knew what was meant for us, him and I. But I don't think fate could have overridden his enormous sense of 'duty'. If Rinoa had said 'you are my prince, my saviour. When's the wedding?' he wouldn't have resisted. And that would be the end for him and me. He would never have left her. It would be his 'duty'.
But I underestimated him.
After the war, I struggled. As you can well imagine. But I went back to garden for one reason, and one reason only.
That was 4 years ago, and I have been patient. Just watching him, waiting for him. Making myself a presence in his life, a constant. I made it my goal to be his friend, and I have been. In fact, I've been blown away by the whole lot of them. There friendship has meant so much to me, only Zell remained suspicious of me until recently. But I can't blame him really, can I?
Last night I was in the quad. The young cadets were cleaning up the remnants of Selffie's latest extravaganza. It was good fun actually, first open air 'save the trees' party I've been to, in December. The mulled wine went down well in the chill though. She is a lovely girl, and she cares a lot. After the litter pickers had all drifted inside to the warmth she came and sat with me on the bench and put her little arms around me. I hugged her back, smiled and sent her into the warm, assuring her I would be fine. She went with a raised eyebrow.
As she disappeared into the yellow glow of gardens lights it began to snow, just lightly.
He seemed to appear out of it, pale and cold and unique as the flakes. He sat where Selffie had, and I think I nearly wished he would put his arms around me too but I saw the look in his eyes first. And I smiled because I knew he knew. He rested his head on my shoulder and I snaked my arm around his back. He sighed, and I felt so good. I shivered knowing how wrong this could go.
"are you cold?"
"no, just scared". I smiled at his surprise. I had made the decision long ago that pride and defences had no place when this moment finally came. I had waited too long.
"me too, I guess" he whispered.
I reached up and ran my fingers through his snow ridden hair. Then ran my finger over his scar, the physical manifestation of our destiny.
He seemed to nuzzle against me gently and I had to stop myself saying what I wanted to say right then. I bit my tongue and shivered slightly with the effort.
"you sure your not cold?" he said pulling away from my side to look me in the face. I think he was startled slightly, and so was I when he reached up and cupped my face in his hand, wiping my tears away with his thumb.
Taking a deep breath I opened my mouth but he put a finger over my lips,
"not yet Seifer."
I smiled. I had thought that he would be the scared and unsure one, and I would have to comfort him.
"I'm hungry. You want something to eat? I have left over lasagne in the fridge?."
He sounded so relaxed, so normal. I was a wreck, all I could manage was a quick nod and he pulled me up of the bench and we began walking back through the snow towards the glow of gardens lights. He didn't let go of my hand. We walked through garden, together holding hands. It sounds silly but I was surprised when I he sat me down on his sofa, I had felt only his hand the whole way up here.
I watched him in bliss as he went about in his kitchenette, shoving the lasagne in the microwave and grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge. I had that sort of happy feeling that makes your chest go tight. I put the TV on, Toonami. He smiled and we eat, pretty much, in silence.
"what were you going to say, down in the quad?" and all of a sudden, I didn't know what it was that I had been planning to say for 4 years.
"everything, I guess". I smiled, avoiding it.
"everything?". He smiled too, but he wanted an answer. He looked at me, waiting for me to speak. It was now or never…
"I love you".
He pushed me backwards so I was leaning on the arm of the chair, then he shifted and rested his head on my chest.
Noting my heart had sped up and realising he hadn't answered
"I love you too".
I put my arms around him and held him like I had wanted to for so long, I felt him nuzzle and gently kiss my chest.
As I felt myself drift of to sleep I'm sure I heard
"I have waited so long…."
And now I am awake and he is still on my chest, the early morning air is cold so I pull him closer. I can feel him shift and his eyes are fluttering open. His sleepy eyes look straight up at me, and all I can think is how incredibly beautiful he is.
Then I remember…
"what do you mean you've waited so long?"
Yay. Hope you enjoyed it.