Fear of flying

The final bell rang, and for the first time since I left this morning freedom was back in my reach. For the next hour, I have absolutely no major responsibility besides getting back to the B&B in time to let in the guests. With this temporary freedom, being all of thirty minutes including the walk home, I decided to go somewhere that I haven't been in a really long time. A place where no one was allowed. where the small amount of independence I did have, thrived. This was before Dawson, before Pacey. Back when I was the worlds loneliest seven year old. For my own peace of mind, there was no where to go but here. The note also made me think of here. My mother and I walked over this bridge only once on a trip to the doctors office. It was a beautiful day, and turned into a beautiful sunset. As the sun went down, she put her hand on my shoulder, as we stopped short at the end of the bridge to admire the vision. She smiled, and we continued on.

A week later I found myself there all the time whenever there were fights at home. They gradually began to increase. My father the philanderer was not on my good side, so I avoided him at all costs. My mother stopped leaving the house as much, and taking me and Bessie different places. Things would never be the same. Meanwhile I would come here always, waiting for the day when I could balance myself on that bridge wall and fly away. Back then those sort of things were possible. By nine I decided that it was hopeless and impossible. For all the dissapointments in my life at that time, this one crushed me. Alas, I would never fly. By nine in a half I was a full on cynic.

I came here for the last time in early autumn, two days before I started fourth grade. No particular reason, just cause. I leaned over the edge, while looking over the water. I shivered helplessly as the wind blew freely but softly. Then...there he was. He just stood there, his hands deep within his coat pockets. His messy brown hair swayed along with the wind. I bit my lip nervously awaiting the words to form. I was painfully shy then, and hoped he would notice me and say something first. No luck. He just stared at the water somberly. Only feet away, I decided to end the distance between us. Finally working up the nerve I walked over to him.

Afterall, he did look about my age, and was well... cute. Since I was starting school soon, I wanted to over-come my anxiety. He was to be my first experiment. "h--hi" I said my voice cracking much to my embarrasment. "Hey." He said with a flash of smile. It quickly faded, as his eyes trailed over the water. "Are you gonna jump?" I asked with more animation. "Nah..." He began, then smiled again. "Why are you?" He added humoressly. A silence withstood, as we finally made complete eye-contact. "I've never seen you here." I said. " That's probly cause I've never been here." He said nodding. For some reason I started nodding too. "Oh..." "What's your name?"He asked interrupting me. "Joey."I said hesitantly, knowing what he would say next. "Hmm...like Josephine?" "Yeah." I replied amused. He was the first boy to ask me that without saying 'But that's a boy name'. He seemed so mature then. "What's yours?" I asked confidently , I had actually started a conversation. "Pacey." He said holding his hand out.

"Joey-don't-ever-call-me-Josephine-Potter." I replied with a silent pat on the back for my cleverness after shaking his hand. Then, His older brother came storming up. "Pacey Witter, if you don't get your sorry excuse for a ten-year old self in the car, I'm gonna pummel you beyond your own recognition."He said motioning to the direction he came from. "What? What the hell does pummel mean?" He asked faking confusion before cracking a smile. "Let's go smartass."He said pulling on his coat. "Have you met my brother dougie?" He asked sarcastically. "Let's go!" Doug exclaimed pulling him on. "Bye." I whispered sadly. "I'm telling mom you said hell." Was the last thing I heard before they dissapeared in the distance. But, that wouldn't be the last time I'd see Pacey Witter.

Now, here I stand. The thirty year old bridge still stands the test of time, and holds some of my more precious memories. Yet, now instead of my first thought being of the day my mother and I crossed it at sunset, I think of Pacey. He seemed a little different then. Like, I don't know...different. But of course, he just grew up to be a major pain in my side, and just another hormonally driven teenage boy. Kind of a shame, since he was the first boy I really liked. Before Dawson at least. I met Dawson after my first day of school. I got home and my mother said we were going to Gail's. I thought, 'who the hell is gail'. Pacey had already rubbed off on me. What a coincidence it turned out to be. Later I would find out--they were best friends.

"Hey, Potter." He says lighthearted.

"Hey--hey, Pacey." I reply surprised, I didn't think he still came here.

"I figured I'd find you here."

"Really, how?"I ask with light suspicion.

" Well, you were no where else so..."

"What do you want?" I ask looking at my watch. It's now time to go.

"Don't be hostile. I wanted to ask you this earlier at school, but you kind of left before I could."He explains..

"Oh, right. Why were you shaking those keys at me?"

"Well I borrowed my fathers patrol car."

"Borrowed?" I ask accusingly.

"Now, Josephine..."

Cringe.

"Don't call me--"

"I know, I know." He sighs. "Joey."

"Thank you."

"Joey" He begins agitated. I just smile.

"Yes?"

"I borrwoed my pops patrol car, and was wondering if you wanted to join me on a little adventure."

"What kind of adventure?"

"Woman have you ever heard of a little thing called 'impulse'?"

"No." I retort dryly.

"Okay, lemme put it to you this way. I'm leaving Capeside and I was wondering if you wanted to come with"

I could feel my face drop..

"Today?"

""Yes today--"

"Why?" I ask. This is bothering me more than I would like. Many questions flew through my mind.

"I'll tell you later..." He said, sadness hiding behind the surface of his exitment. "Come on."

"I can't."I said lifting my shoulders with a slow shrug.

"Right." He said nodding. "Listen, I just thought that we had become sort of friends, and you wouldn't mind or anything but--"

"Pacey we are friends." His hardened expression became soft. I can't help but smile at this."But Bessie's sick, I have somebody to fire, and who's gonna take care of the B&B?"

"Say no more." He says with a dry chuckle as he looks away.

I pause before I speak again."Besides, you don't want me to come with you. I'd just find some way to piss you off, or...something." I ramble off.

"True."

He laughs, before he turns and walks away. I try to focus my attention on the sun as it doesn't seem to shine as bright as it had before. Giving my watch another look, I gasp a little. I should've already been on my way home by now.

"Is she coming?" I hear a girl whisper, as I make my way off the bridge, onto a path that leads to an open street. Once I get to the street, I see Pacey getting ready to get in the car.

"Is who coming?" I ask approaching..

"Joey..." She exlaims sticking her head out the window. "Are you coming or not?"

Pacey just looked at me with an unmistakable seriousness. Rasing a brow, he motioned to the car.

"Come with me." He said staring so intently, I felt a heavy gravity within my body, changing whatever breathing pattern I was accustomed to. It was something about the way he said it. Those words meant much more than he was letting on. Even he knew it.

"We...are you?" She asks. The girl was none other than Jen Lindley. What was she doing here?

Thanx Joeyandpacey, and of course you Meli :) for readin and reviewin this here story :) Iappreciate it muchly.