A/N: Thank you to my lovely and wonderful reviewers, Luthien and Tari Oronar and SimplyElymas. Thank You!
The Continuing Saga of Two Sith Lords
Chapter 4
By Maul, Warious, Hook and Erik.
M.a.u.l.
Well I think I'll just sum up the last month and a half after our two guests showed up.
Warious worked, broke up fights, cooked and practiced the Darkside.
Hook read the contents of Warious' personal library, got into fights with Erik and made out with Warious.
Erik fought to tune the un-tunable piano, got into fights with Hook, Read the entire contents of Warious' and my libraries, and questioned us about the Darkside.
I stayed out of the way, practiced the Darkside, and started educating Erik about the wonders of the Darkside.
Then Warious decided to take the 'new guys' clothes shopping.
That's what happened today.
This morning after breakfast I was applying my 'human disguise' (to keep people from noticing my alien features) when Erik came into my room.
After watching me silently for a few minutes he spoke up. "What happened to your tattoos?"
"I've just finished applying a prosthetic mask to my face to keep people from noticing me. Could you pass me that black wig next to you please?"
He handed me the requested hair piece and I put it on.
"Do you have a…prosthetic I could use?" Erik asked sounding very shy.
"Why?" I asked but then remembered that he was wearing a mask. "Sorry, I forgot. You're wearing a mask. Sure you can have one. We're going to be in the vicinity of the store I go to for these anyway. We could get some for you."
"That would be nice. But I'll have to see how this new mask will feel."
"You forget you're wearing it really. Except Warious bugs me about it, she hates it when she can't see my real face."
"Don't I know it." Erik mumbled more to himself then to me.
"I'll have to show you how to apply it if you want to wear one." I said bring him back to the original reason he was here.
"I don't like people seeing my face." He said stubbornly.
"And it's going to kill you or me how?" I pointed out. "Come sit in the chair." I said getting up.
Sighing, Erik went over to the chair and sat down.
I pulled another chair over to him. "You still need to take off your mask," I prodded.
Slowly he took it off.
"Right, now then, do you want to look white, yellow or brown?" I asked Erik.
"What does that mean?"
"Skin color."
"Uh…White I guess."
"Good, that means we don't need to do anything with the rest of your body," I joked.
"What!"
"If you decided on brown we'd have to make your hands and any other skin that might show, brown as well. I had you scared for a second. Quit scowling, I'm trying to apply this."
Ten minutes later we presented ourselves to Warious for 'inspection'.
"Okay…Maul, who's that person next to you and where is Erik?" She asked still only half awake.
"I'm right here ma sœur," Erik replied rolling his eyes.
Warious yawned, "Ooooohhmmm. Scuzzie. Not awake. Maul drivie this time. I sleep in back yah?"
(Yes she really does talk like that when she's tired)
"Maybe you should spend less time kissing your boyfriend and more sleeping." I pointed out as the pirate in question entered the room.
"Who is that tall man beside you Maul?" He asked.
I tossed an arm sling at the pirate before replying, "Your worst nightmare. Put that on so no one asks questions about your missing hand."
We stuffed ourselves into Warious' car and drove off.
E.r.i.k.
When Warious slid into the back of the car hook made a move to follow but Maul stopped him and made him sit the front passenger seat. "You've spent more than enough time with my Sith sister, Erik will you sit with her please?"
"Oui."
We'd only been two minutes driving before Warious decided that, despite the bony quality of my shoulder, she would use it as a pillow."
"No movie, I sleepy on you." Yes that's how she said it. (Quit glaring Warious, you know you do.)
Maul drove us to what Warious had called the 'Seventh Terror of the World'.
"What are the first six then?" I asked.
"Me, Maul, Whiny Farmer-boys from Tatooine, Carlotta's singing, uh…that's four…" She paused, thinking for a bit then continued, "Legolas fangirls and you when you're really angry."
I'm not quite sure if that was a compliment or not.
"Well it's true!" She protested at my silence. "You get really scary when you're angry. Maul is funny in comparison."
Maul growled from the driver's seat. "That's true too."
"The Partridge Line Mall is the Seventh Terror of the World?" Hook asked as we parked in front of a building. (If you could call that monstrosity a building)
"It's a mall. There are lots of people there. People are scary. I don't like people."
"What are we? Aliens?" Hook asked.
"Maul is, I am, and you two are not like other people." Warious said.
In the words of Darth Maul, 'Whatever.'
W.a.r.i.o.u.s.
BOOKS!
Guess where I go when I'm at the Mall?
"Bye, bye! Bookstore over there, see you dudes later."
Erik grabbed my arm before I could take off. "I don't think so," he said pulling me back over to the group. "If you're like anything the way you were in Paris at the sight of a bookshop, we'll never get you out."
Drat…he remembers.
"Fine. I'll help clothes shopping. Maul, please take James to where you go for clothes I hate it there but James will like the stuff. I'm taking Erik to Hot Topic, he'll blend in." I organized the group then, reversing a certain person's grip so I had Erik by the arm, pulled him down the opposite end of the mall.
"Why does the name of this store send a sense of foreboding doom on me? And what do you mean 'blend in'?" Erik demanded as he followed me.
"Despite the good work Maul did for your face, the rest of you is still abnormally thin. And I feel like getting you into a new type of dress code instead of constant formal wear. We don't do dry cleaning you know. Besides, I need some new shirts, and the only place I can get ones I'm not embarrassed about wearing is from Hot Topic."
We got there and I let Erik look around to see if he could find something he liked on his own. I was looking at the Squirrely Wrath shirts (I don't own Foamy…noir do I want to) when Erik poked me in the back. I turned around to see what he wanted.
Silently he pointed to a shirt display high up on the wall on the 'girl's' side. I looked but didn't know what he was pointing too. "What?" I asked.
"Who is that?"
"Which who? There are three different dudes on those shirts."
"The one in the middle."
I looked again to see what he was talking about. "Captain Jack Sparrow, another pirate. I should make you watch the movie."
"Not that one, the other one in the middle. The one that has 'Phantom of the Opera' on it."
I looked and gagged. "That's the dude who plays Raoul in the movie musical version."
Erik looked half-relieved. "Thank God. For a second there I thought they had the person playing me look like a fop."
"Oh mon Frère, it's much, much worse then that. The guy that plays you is what the 'phans' call über attractive. I have the movie too if you want to watch it. You probably should too, it'll be," I snickered, "Phun."
"Oh joy."
H.o.o.k.
Why me? Why did she stick me with that murderous brother of hers? He's already pulled out several pink or yellow colored shirts and striped pants. Does he want to make me attack him? I will if he keeps this up.
"Can I help you?" I turned to find a young lady looking up at me.
"Yes, please," I replied, "Could you help me find some less feminine colored clothes? My…adopted brother," I nodded in the direction of Darth Maul, "keeps pulling out pinks and yellows. Neither of which are my colors."
She looked up and down at my current wear; something that belonged to a person called Haldir and had more flowers then necessary. "Follow me." She said going over to the other side of the store. "Flowers also don't seem to fit you either."
"I like flowers!" I protested. "Just not this many."
The lady glanced at me again, "Hmmm, I'd say Red's and Black's would be good for you." She looked at my pants. (A little too long of a look if you asked me) "Not Red pants though, Navy blue perhaps and definitely Black, form-fitting more then baggy." She stared at a place most inappropriate to be stared at. "Nothing too tight though."
She turned back to the rack and selected some shirts and held them up to me either nodding or shaking her head. She set aside the clothes she nodded about and then asked, "What's your waist size?"
"I don't remember…" But perhaps I should have made something up because she took out a measuring tape and whipped it around me. She stared some more at the same place, before saying a number and released me from her clutches. Unfortunately during this process something had started to become noticeable in the spot she was staring at.
She moved to another rack and pulled out some pants and held those up to me as well, which worsened my situation. I was beginning to think I should have just stuck with Maul.
She finished selecting clothes and 'fitting' them to me and then asked which one I liked the best. It was then Maul came up behind her and replied for me, "I'll be the one to decide what, my little brother wears." He growled at the lady making her jump and turn to face him.
"Oh, it's you again." She said to Maul in a disappointed voice.
"Yes, me. That man you're talking to is also taken. I suggest you leave him alone or his girlfriend will find out and deal with you personally. And believe me when I say she is far worse to deal with then I am." Maul threatened.
"You always spoil my fun." She declared before flouncing away.
After she left Maul sighed frustratedly. "That was Lucinda, she likes your type. At least she can pick out clothes with accuracy." He added looking at the clothes she had set aside.
M.a.u.l.
After that fiasco I brought James to the Food court where Warious and Erik were already waiting. I noticed she'd managed to still get to the bookstore, lindts(chocolate), and hot topic before coming here.
"I thought you weren't letting Warious go to the bookstore?" I asked Erik when we got close enough.
"She's gotten better at sneaking away while I'm distracted." He replied dejectedly.
"How did she manage to do that?"
"She stuck me in the 'music' store. Most of that isn't even music! It's noise."
"The opera section wasn't big enough for him." Warious mock whispered to me form her place at the table.
James sat across from her grabbed her hand with his left and held on to it. "Don't ever make me go back there without you again."
I rolled my eyes.
"What happened?" Erik asked curious about the desperation in James voice.
James related his tale to the rest of us.
Warious snickered. "Erik almost had the same problem too. Maul's prosthetic work is really good. We had at least three girls eyeing him at any one time. The cashier at hot topic was actually hitting on him."
Erik glared at Warious who by now was trying very hard (not) to keep from laughing.
"He was sooo cute you should have seen it!" Warious continued oblivious to the obvious threat sitting next to her.
"Warious, shut up. No matchmaking." I interrupted.
She stuck her tongue out at me, "You're no fun."
"After we leave here we need to go to…"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. I have stuff I want to get from there anyway." Warious interrupted.
"I'm still driving."
"Na uh!"
"Yes I am.
"Be quite children, people are staring to stare." Erik commented dryly.
That shut Warious up really fast.
W.a.r.i.o.u.s.
We got the party supply store a few miles over where I proceeded to the costume section. Hey, I said I needed new clothes.
Erik and maul headed to the mask counter. Maul had been doing business with these people for ages. I was close enough to hear the following conversation.
"Maul! Long time no see Darth!" Lou (the manager and prosthetics expert) greeted Maul.
"Hey Lou," Maul replied, "Got more stuff in for me?"
"Yep, came in last week. Miranda is bringing it out right now. She saw Warious come in. Hey Warious!" Lou called over to me.
"Dude." I replied.
"The new Star Wars costumes are the isle over here."
"Thanks Lou," I said moving over an isle closer to the conversation and left James looking at the Pirate accessories.
"I have a new person who could benefit from your expertise Lou." Maul continued as he nodded at Erik.
Lou glanced at Erik, "How so?"
"Full face disfigurement, and needs a nose." Maul replied.
"He didn't need to know that," Erik growled at Maul.
"Actually yes I do, if you want to have the correct kinds of prosthetics I need to know what kind of 'problem' you have and if there's anything the latex would have to contend with. A false nose, for example, can be pressed too far into the wearer by the pressure of the latex. I noticed Maul was careful with that though. He's a good student. What exactly is the extent of the disfigurement anyway?" Lou asked.
"He's got Phantom of the Opera, Leroux version, disfigurement." I called over to Lou from where I was staring at a Vader costume and had been making faces at it.
"Ah. That's more Miranda's specialty." Lou said.
"What's my specialty honey?" Miranda said appearing with a cart with three large boxes in it.
"Phantom Leroux deformity. This fellow here needs some prosthetics and a nose."
"Ah," Miranda said looking over Erik. "Nice work Maul, but it could be better." She motioned to Erik, "Come with me honey, I'll get you fixed up and necessary instructions for applying whatever we find to suit you."
Reluctantly Erik followed Miranda to the back room where she 'operated'.
J.a.m.e.s.
We waited about a half hour before Erik came back out. I think he might have been blushing under that new mask.
"Why didn't you tell me he was THE Phantom Warious?" Miranda demanded when she came out.
"I didn't think it necessary. Besides, you're married." Warious replied.
"Drat, you're right." Miranda joked. "You don't do anything different from what I told you now." She spoke to Erik.
"Oui Madame, Merci."
"No problem, monsieur Le Fantôme. It was an honor."
Warious snickered and grabbed my hand. "Let me pay for my stuff now jah?"
Warious bought at least three different costumes, not to mention the face paint.
We drove home and forced Erik to watch Pirates of the Caribbean with us and ate Pizza.
I like pizza.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.
Warious: please review!