Road Trips are for Happy People

I inhale and exhale for the fourth time in a row, hoping to relieve the uneasy pain. My back aches, and now the unpleasant sensation travels further down. I re-adjust myself, my face to the sky, and my back resting against the cold water stained bench. The air brushes against my skin with an unusual roughness, as the air grows thick. The heat becomes dire, as my arms, legs, and forehead become exessively damp. Simply breathing is no longer my crutch, as even that becomes a task. Sitting up, I relieve myself of most of my discomfort by standing up and walking around.

Sitting too still, had always made my illness and pain worse.

I walk back and forth, sifting through thoughts that may be helpful in bringing me wanted joy. Hmm.. I assume Fall continues to make it's traditional return as my favorite season in Capeside. Summer is always well enjoyed, but dwindles when compared to it's warm and honey successor. My memory serves as a cheer-me-up, as I imagine the heavily missed somewhat perfect picture. I smile as the picture grows clear. All the autumn leaves abandoning the lifeless trees without a care or wonder in it's course, captures my emotions and sends me in a whirl wind of nostalgia.

My imaginative return to Capeside is shortlived, once the pain kicks back in. 'Ouch.' I murmur unhappily.

"You okay?" She asks approaching

"No." I say through grinded teeth.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I say situating myself back on the bench.

"Then why do you look like you wanna kill someone?"

"It's my back."I say. "It hurts. Badly I might add."

"Did you sleep well?" She asks taking a swig from her bottle of water.

"I don't think so."

"Well, I'm not really surprised considering when I woke up you were all over me."

"What?" I bite.

"Yep. When I woke up your foot was in my side."

"It was not." I say surpressing a laugh. I remember an elbow, but never a foot.

"It's true." She retorts.. "Did you dream about some gnarly kickboxing match last night or...?"

"So if I was all over you, how come I'm the one in pain?"

" Dream Karma?"

"I'm gonna hurt you."

"It's no big deal. Everyone moves in their sleep." She says with a laugh per word.

"Move this." I say with a prompt middle finger.

"That's just obscene." She says, the tip of her nose in the air.

"Ladies." He hesitantly interrupts.

"Yes?" I ask, trying to decode his warning but detatched glare.

"Let's see..." He began as if it was hard to breath, his eyes to the ground.

"What did he say Pacey?" I ask dully.

"He um--he says if I don't come back he's going to round up the guys and come out here. The end.

"Thats' all he said?" I ask.

"Of course not." He says. "You know deputy John doesn't usually have many, let alone peacful words for his fifth born, and this was no exeption."

"You didn't tell him where we were did you?" Jen asks.

"No. Why would I?" He answered looking from her to me. "Why do you ask?"

"Well I don't know, it's just the way you said he was 'coming out here'. Which by the way implies that he actually knows where we were."

"Oh, he knows." He says laughing at the humorless situation.

"He does?" I ask.

"How?" Jen asks.

"Well...someone must have told someone where we were going." He says with light humor, holding back all agitation. "Jen?"

"What?" She asks as if just joining the conversation.

"Did you tell someone?"

"Me?" She asks pressing her hand against her chest.

"You." He mouths.

"No-No! I haven't even talked to anyone since we left." She defends. "What about you Joey?"

"I--" I say, ready to state my seperation from such an idiotic deed. Wait a minute.

"You..?" He presses.

"Well what makes you think I did." I say nervously pulling my hair behind my right ear, hiding a now guilty expression.

"Well I know I didn't, and Jen says she didn't, so that only leaves you Potter."

"Didn't you call Bessie last night?" Jen asks.

"Yes." I say abruptly.

"And...did you mention we were in New Mexico?"

"Sure did. Told her the Hotel name and everything." I say wryly. It's true. I talked to Bessie last night and told her I would be back tomorrwow, which by the way things are going, may turn out to be untrue. "I didn't tell her anything." I finalize.

"So know one said anything?" He prods.

"No." We both reply, a second ahead of eachother.

"Damnit!" Pacey gritted out angrily, sqeezing his knuckles. Jen and I just looked at the ground.

"This was a stupid idea in the first place."Jen said quietly.

Pacey's returns to his fixation with the ground. His obvious dissapointment seeming to mount to humiliation.

"No it wasn't." I whisper.

"What?" He asks.

"How could it be stupid? We all wanted to get away for different reasons...Whatever they may be." I say looking at Pacey with intent. "Besides, Pacey came up with it, and Pacey isn't stupid are you Pace."

A gravitational pull tuged the corners of his mouth, bringing a beautiful smile to his face.

"No, I am not." He says digging his hands in his pockets with an understanding nod.

"Good to know." I say happily standing up, the pain in my back alieviating. "Now...You aren't going to believe this."I say with a disbelieving laugh. "But um... I think I know who let your father know where we are."

"Who?" He asks.

"Dawson." I say. Just placing the face with the conversation my memory just drudged up.

"And how did Dawson know?"

"Me. I told him when I thought you guys had left."

"And why did you do that?"

"Let me show you." I say walking up to him. "You're Dawson." I say.

"Okay." He plays along.

"Dawson."

"Yes?" He asks folding his arms.

"No...I meant 'Dawson' as if I'm going to start talking." I inform him.

"So then why am I Dawson?"

"Oh.." I say furrowing my eyebrows. "Well, I'm Dawson." I say with a shrug.

"This should be good." Jen adds.

"So Dawson says..." I say looking away. I sigh. "Screw it. I told him that you guys were gone, and that you went to Mexico."

Pacey and Jen just exchange looks.

"You uh...you had to be there." I say sitting back down.

"Jo..." He begins frustrated. "You know what nevermind. It doesn't even matter anymore."

"What?" Jen asks. "Just a minute ago you were ready to light a fire under my ass."

"Exaggeration is very unhealthy." He replies.

After a few minutes pass, we remain quiet in thought. Pacey finally speaks again.

"Well, I guess It's back to neverland kiddies."

"It was fun while it lasted." Jen agrees. "I did learn a few things though."

"Like what?" Pacey asks finally making his way from the door of the phonebooth to the car.

"In any and all future endevors we may find ourselves participating in together: Never sleep with Joey..."

"Um, I'll have to detest that testification, considering I have yet to experience such privilage."He says getting in the car. "I guess nice guys finish last eh, Lindley?"

"Shut up." She says, again laughing as she enters the passenger seat. I make my way into my apparently permenent postion in the back seat. Pacey cranks the engine, and steps on the gas as we ride off into the sunset.

Absently I focus my attention to the spanish verbs, and pronounciation keys. Looking out the window every two minutes bewtween pages, I finally place the book by my side.

"Pacey?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"Now that we're goin home...do you think you can tell me why you really wanted to leave?"

"What do you mean I already told you."

"You told me a reason, but not the real one."

"Does it really matter?" He asks pleadingly.

"Yes." I say softly.

"Tell her." Jen says.

"You've known me for a long time now Jo, am I right?"

"Yes." I repeat.

"And you also know that I have a certain self effacing humor when it comes to myself. Which by the way, is strictly a prevention to taking myself too seriously, and spending my already troubled teenage years submerged in self indulgent meanderings."

"Okay" I say slowly, catching up to his words.

"Take that, add my recent flailing grades, my often grievious state of mind, thanks to the noticably absent Andie. Not to mention the now increasing fights with daddy dearest, and you have a very unhappy teenager."

"So..."

"So...it's enough to make a guy snap."

"And you have?"

"Well, according to Mother and Father of the Year, I have."

"What?"

"That's right. What others may consider a teenager's unruly angst, they consider depression."

"They're putting him on meds." Jen announces.

"Don't say it like that." He says wincing. "They're going to take me to a phychiatrist, and try to get me a prescipted medication for my apparent chemical imbalance."

I can think of nothing to say.

"I'm not depressed." He whispers aimlessly. "Do you think I'm depressed?" He asks looking at me through the rear-view mirror. Gradually I met his eyes that were lifeless as much as they were pleading.

"Only you can know that Pace." I say untruthfully, knowing the answer.

He just looked at the road ahead.

"So, yes?" He asks, eyes still on the raod.

I decide not to answer.

"We're going back to the hotel?" Jen asks sadly, breaking the heavy silence.

"Yeah." He answers.

"Good. I never got to say goodbye to this bellboy, who by the way is really hot, and--well nevermind" She says word upon word.

"I should probably let you guys know that I'm gonna drop you off, but I'm not going back home."

"What, why?" She asks.

"Why do you think? He wants to run away from his problems."

"And there's something wrong with that?" He asks much to my dismay.

"What do you want me to say Pacey?"

"I want--"

"What? What do you want? Do you want me to tell you: Oh, sure Pacey you should definitely run away. Why not, I mean you only have one life to live right?"

"Exactly."

"I don't believe you." I say defeated, as I look out the window wishing to be outside of it for once.

"I want the truth." He say quietly. "Just tell me...the truth."

"I think you should go home. Face your father..and your mother."

"I don't want to be put on meds."

"They might help you."

"Do you really believe that?" He asks, opting for the last word.

No.

"Yes." I choke out.

Reality? I just want him home.

"Alright." He says. "We''ll see when we get there."

I want to believe him. I try to let my senses become drunk of his words, but fail miserably. Alas, I know he's lying. A part of me hopes to be led away with him. That part of me subsides once I realize...he'll have do this on his own. Maybe his own will include me. I wish I knew.

"Good." I whisper, but not feeling too good myself. The pain in my back returned. "Great. Just great." I again glance out the window.

"Pacey?" I ask.

"Yeah?" He asks disgruntled.

"This isn't the way back to the hotel." I say flatly giving him the evil eye.

"It isn't?" He asks faking confusion.