Chapter 1 Brittle
"Don't give me that," Elliot was slowly but surely losing it. "If she believed him innocent she wouldn't have stormed out of the house like some demented banshee, screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night."
He himself was storming down the corridor, his anger obvious through a wild agitation of gestures.
Olivia cast a quick sideways look at a wiry blond walking beside her, his pace swift and confident as they followed Elliot at a safe distance.
A pair of sky blue eyes gleamed back at her.
Obviously amused, ADA Tobias Beecher fought hard not to crack a smile knowing very well that it would probably earn him a good smack on the jaw. Just like the last time he had a go with one of New York's finest, namely Detective Elliot Stabler. Who knew the man took his balls so seriously.
Larger soft balls, that is.
"Wow there, Stabler, don't blow a gasket on me now. I just said maybe she's telling the truth."
"Do you know any other funny stories?" Elliot slammed the case file down on a desk.
"We should probably talk to Mickey again." Olivia threw in her two cents worth in an attempt to defuse the situation. Elliot stood by his desk in a rigid military stance, arms behind his back and feet slightly apart while Beecher smiled and shot Elliot a mischievous look like all of his tiff tickled him, and not in a bad way.
"You do that. I'll see if I could persuade Judge Moore to give us an extension. " Beecher flashed her a swoonsome kind of smile, well aware of Elliot's narrow-eyed glower stapled on his back.
"El," she started.
"What?" Elliot snarled. "Sorry," he added quickly, somehow unwilling to meet her eye.
"I'll drive," she said grabbing the keys from his desk; not at all sure she knew what the hell was going on anyway.
………….
"Pete!" Toby was standing in a hallway of his lofty walk-up, shouldering his coat off and dropping it on a straight-back chair by the door. "Peter Marie! Pye! Fuck..," he muffled a curse as he stumbled on a large suitcase left caresly in the middle of the room.
"Toby, deary, it's you," Peter Marie walked in carrying her shabby looking travel bag and some shopping bags. As Toby suspected they were from Saks Fifth Avenue.
"What time is it? I thought you said you'll be late. I called a cab," she gave him a quick absentminded peck on a cheek, her dark eyes searching the room for something, or someone.
"Pye! Bring it here!" her voice was firm, making no bones that she meant business.
Toby smiled, looking at his aunt fondly as she knelt down to snatch a glove from the black tomcat grinning widely back at her but quickly losing his interest in any antics as he noticed Toby.
Pyewacket brushed against his leg. Toby picked him up in his arms, stroking his sleek fur as Pye purred softly.
"So, you are really going." Obviously, it was beside the point now but Toby just couldn't seem to let go.
"Toby, Ryan needs me by him now," she droned, the look in her eyes soft and sort of wistful. "He's in love."
"Wouldn't he rather be dead?"
"Tobias, don't..."
"'Key," he said, deciding to drop it." Tell Ryan and Gloria I said hi, and give the baby a kiss for me, will you."
"Cyril."
"Huh?"
"The baby's name is Cyril."
"Ok, give Cyril a kiss for me." He gave his head a shake.
With a little huff he picked up the heavy case, "Let me help you with this."
"Toby," she stopped short at the sound of a door bell. "Ah..."
"It's your cab," he smiled, "call when you get there."
"Bye, dear," she gently cupped his face in her hands, lifting her dark eyes to meet his, watching him intently.
IWhat the hell was she expecting to find in there/I Toby asked himself wryly.
"Bye, Pyewacket! Behave," Peter Marie waved her hand while getting into the cab.
Pyewacket meowed sulkily.
As the cab disappeared round the corner, Toby glanced down at the black tomcat. "Well, Pye, it's just you and me now."
Pye gave him a curious look at that, tilting his head to one side.
"Don't you start," Toby said in a little huff and started up the steps grabbing two at the time; Pyewacket following at his own lazy pace.
……..
Tossing his key on the kitchen counter, Elliot went over to the fridge to grab a beer and some of yesterday's leftover pizza. He took a bite, frowned, then tossed it into garbage. He wasn't really hungry -- not that hungry anyway.
He removed the cap, took a deep swig and headed to the bathroom while loosening his tie. He needed a long, hot shower.
Shedding his clothes, he checked his messages on the answering machine.
Nothing much. Nothing important.
Kathy.
Fuck.
Pausing to take another swig from the bottle he stepped into the tub and pulled the curtain.
He braced his hands against the wet tiles and closed his eyes, letting the hot water slide down his head, back, and eventually the drain.
Down, straight to hell, where he, he himself, was bound by this…. this desire to yield to what he's been hiding deep. To let himself be drown in sensations, to feel free to be. To give and to receive pain and love. To feel, just to be able to feel anything, everything. To stop thinking, just stop thinking and to submit to this empty hollow hunger gnawing at him, aching to be fed, to be satisfied.
To give in, dig in and not to get caught, be punished and disciplined.
I Nobody would know. /I
Oh, but he would know.
Would he be able to live with that knowledge? That he's no different; that he's no better than…
I Oh, no Elliot, don't go there. You know you would and that, that's what's really been bothering you. /I
Oh, fuck that. Fuck all of that. He closed his eyes, dismissing his own private demons, choosing to ignore them yet again.
His phone rang. Fumbling with a towel he grabbed the receiver.
It was Maureen, his oldest baby girl, and guilt and shame hit him with an impact of a full-body slam.
"Daddy," she sounded worried," daddy, you ok?"
"Yeah, honey. Everything's fine. How are you? How's school?"
I "Yeah, Elliot, that's my boy,"/I the devil crooned in his ear, I "that's it; and there's a whole lot more where it came from, I promise you. Oh, I promise you that." /I ………
Lounging lazily on the sofa in his white boxer shorts with a beer in one hand and the other raking through Pye's silky fur, Toby closed his eyes and allowed his imagination to run wild. He was thinking of a certain somebody sprawled across his bed wearing nothing but a slow sexy grin. Those midnight blue eyes would be hot and glazed with desire, the scent of him clean and fresh.
Mentally sliding his hands over the soft velvet of Elliot's skin he purred in Pye's ear:"Oh, Pye, I want him. I want him for Christmas."
Pye's green eyes flashed wickedly, locking with the sky blue ones. Toby's grin widened."Pye, oh, Pye."
Closing his eyes he murmured the words of a spell. Lightning flickered across the sky. Toby chuckled to himself.
……
He leans back against the wall; and Toby's smiling slowly at him. He sees a wild glimmer in those sky blue eyes as Toby wraps his hands around him.
Toby's breath's hot against his skin. His sultry voice is snaking around him, surrounding him, swallowing him whole; and it's like dying, it's like slipping into sweet darkness and his eyes are closing.
His fingers card through Toby's hair; and he, he's running his hands over his shoulders, kneading the nape of his neck, holding him perfectly still, making him ache for it, beg for it; and he is begging; his, oh fuck, his breathless moans echoing in his mind. IBaby, don't…oh god, baby…please, don't stop, oh g…. /I
"Oh, Christ!" Elliot woke up with a start."Oh Jesus fucking Christ." He fell back against the pillows, his whole body trembling. He buried his face into his hands, stifling a groan."Oh, fuck."
Outside, snow was falling, for hours now.
Tbc in Chapter 2