Read Or Not

I awake from yet another of my pointedly avid dreams, almost short of breath. A small gasp finds it's way to the cold, patient air flowing through the room, I quietly breath with relief. Looking to my left, my eyes drift to the petite blonde that lay next to me. She lay still, so peacfully unconcious I catch myself before making any movements. Slowly, I decide to remove myself tactfully, reminder, after reminder, not to wake her. With one foot planted firmly on the floor, the other soon follows, as I evenly find balance on the cold, hard floor. Relief at last, I look over at Pacey, who like Jen, is likely heavily within his own dreams. What does he dream? I allow myself to wonder in jest. I wonder if he dreams of me. No... Probably not. He seems too peacfull, I joke looking him over, his body swallowed in a midst sheets. He moves.

"Pacey." I whisper, walking over to his bedside. A wave of sympathy suddenly takes place in my mind. Before I can whisper again, he wakes.

"Wha--What is it?" He studders out.

"I was just seeing if you were okay." I say searching for a lie.

"And why wouldn't I be okay?" He asks, propping his head upon his hand. "And why are you looking at me like that?" He asks more softly.

"Like, what?" I ask with a smile.

"Like, how you're looking."

"Oh, well I may be feeling a little guilty." I say sitting down, turning toward him.

"Guilty?"

"Yes, guilty. You see, I realize that in the midst of this little adventure of ours, you never got to experience... Well, Big Earl."

"Goodnight Potter." He says burying his head beneath the pillow.

"No, I'm serious." I say with a more slight smile. "This is our last night here, we shouldn't be sleeping."

"Said the person who won't be getting up to drive at the crack of dawn." He says running a hand through his hair. "Besides, I don't mind about the big bed and all, it obviously wasn't meant to be." He finishes with a sigh, looking over at the bed.

"Do you think it's a good idea to steal one of those soap bars?" I question happily.

"I don't see any reason not to." He says sitting up. "I know I've stolen a few in my day."

"You never seize to amaze me Pacey." I say with a laugh. "Pacey Witter--Badass extraordinaire."

"Thanks, Jo. That means alot, especially coming from the original badass."

"It's not easy being me." I say melancholy.

"It certainly is not." He agrees sleepily.

"Yeah.." I say sadly, drifting in thought.

"You really should get some sleep Joey." He says leaning disarmingly close.

"I'm not really all that sleepy Pace." I whisper, my back to him.

"What's is it? You can't sleep or...?"

"I keep having these--" I begin, finding his gaze. "Nevermind, it's...stupid."

"Knowing you--it isn't. Just tell me."

"I don't know. Can I?" I ask motioning to his side.

"What?" He ask looking at me quizically.

"Could we just-- I don't know, lay here and talk or..something?"

"Or something." He says with a chuckle, making room for me as he pulls back the sheet.

Habitually, I bite my lip as I comfortably find my way beside him.

"You know, I'm glad we didn't go back immeditely."I say pulling the sheet closer to my face.

"Me too. asap my ass" He chuckles looking up at the ceiling. " Anyway, I would've missed our permisive snuggling and such things."

"We're not snuggling Pacey." I say narrowing my eyes.

"We are now." He says purposely pulling me closer.

"Pacey." I say above whisper, hesitantly pulling away.

The balcony curtains lay open, as night casts a dark, somewhat blue light across the room. My eyes meet his, as the angst slowly dissapates. I quietly hope the shadows will cover my already painted cheeks.

"Alright, don't get your panties in a twist."

"Please." I retort.

"Okay crabby pants, maybe you'd be better suited on your side of the suite if you know what I mean."

"Shut up, and scoot over."

"As you wish." He says sliding over, making more room for me.

"Thank you." I say turning on my side. He does the same, as we now lay face to face.

"Yeah we can just lay here." He says with a sly smile. "Or..."

"Pacey." I say again, exasperated.

"Well, why else do you think I'm letting you in my personal space?"

"Why did you bring me here?" I challenge.

"That question alone, gets more annoying everytime you ask it."

"Then give me a straight answer."

"What if there is no straight answer."

"Nope. Sorry, I don't buy it."

"Well that sounds like a personal problem." He says laughing.

"Okay, I see you're going to make this hard for me." I say looking away.

"Make..what hard?"

"Nevermind."

"You brought it up."

"Brought what up?" I ask.

"Well I do not know. You were about to say something, but it was replaced with a hardy and might I add dissapoining 'nevermind'."

How am I going to say this.

"Listen, Pacey..."

"Yes?"

"Well, much to my dismay...You're leaving." I say somber.

"You mean--"

"Yes.You're ingenius plan to abandon your loved ones, on a quest for a better life."

"My loved ones?" He questions with a dry laugh.

"I thought that was already implied."I reply.

"What loved ones? Oh, you mean Dougie!"He says escaping whisper.

"Shh." I say looking over at Jen.

"Or perhaps my loving father." He says with an exaggerated joyful shrug."Yeah, I'll miss those family picnics. Doug giving me the evil eye, as Deputy dad tells me to hand him another leg, while my happy mother happily watches the happy interaction between loving father and son under the beauitfully perfect shade tree? That's a lovely picture to paint Potter, but it's hardly the truth."

"Look, I never said that. You do have other family members you know."

"I realize that." He replies frustrated. "They escaped." He whispers to himself.

"You can't just run away Pacey. It's not going to solve anything."

"So what do I do?" He asks.

"I don't--" I say. "I mean if you're depressed, you should get help."

"Well, I sure as hell don't want theirs."

"I know." I say quietly.

"Thanks." He says.

"For?"

"For having this little talk with me. It did wonders for my nerves."

"Gee, you're welcome." I say sarcastically.

"I was being serious. I know a shock." He says nudging me. "I haven't exactly been able to sleep."

"I can relate."

"Yeah? What's bothering you."

"Besides the ulcer I'm probably developing thanks to my work load, nothing."

"It's nothing you can't handle. Afterall, you're a strong broad."

"I appreciate that." I say wryly.

"Anytime."

"So, are you still leaving?" I prod.

"I don't know. I guess I'll decide when we get there."

I just nod.

"Guess I'll be getting back to--Big Earl." I say rising a little.

"So, you're just going to rule out snuggling."

"Yep."

"Spooning?"

"Especially spooning."

"I see your panties are still twisted."

"What? Let's make a deal." I say closing in.

"Yes?" He asks seemingly startled.

"You say nothing of my panties, and I don't distort your face."

"Fair enough." He says with a shy smile, leaning back. "I mean--Deal."

"Thank you." I say, his eyes putting my attention span in a choke hold.

"Anything else?" He asks quietly.

"There may be...something." I say barely able to speak, as my entire body grows warm. My mind ends it's lengthy battle with my now pounding heart as I make a descision. I lean closer to his face, as his deep blues seem to be more than inviting. Maybe it's just my imagination. Whatever it may be, I freeze, and decide not to take any chances. Sheepishly, I avoid his heavy glare, and start to turn away.

"Jo." He gradually whispers pulling me into him, as I fearfully exhale. His gaze travels to my lips, as he mouths something. I'm almost certain he asks for permission, but my focus is lost. I nod, as his lips finally meet mine. Slowly, and patiently, his kiss becomes deeper. I pull back.

"Wait.." I say shutting my eyes. He lets out a sigh.

"I'm um--" He begins, then laughs nervously.

"I should--I should--I mean, you were right. I should be getting some sleep." I say rising, my eyes still fixated on his.

"Right." He says his eyes dropping. "You should definitely...do that."He says not hiding his dissapointment, and confusion.

"Goodnight." I say trying to mentally detach myself. Alas, I freaked out...Just like I thought I would.

He didn't say another word.

I silently climb back into the over-sized bed. I cover my face with the sheet, as I surpress any tears that may overtake. As if magically transported back to girlhood, I feel like crying. I look over at Pacey, as he uncomforably twists and turns. There's no going back now. Well, tomorrow should be interesting.

TBC, a.s.a.p

I haven't updated in a while, but couldn't wait to put this chap up since I've already started on the next. It's pretty short, (I think) and a pre-party for the next chapter. So I'll be back with an upate soon. Thanks for the reviews and compliments on my questionable writin skillz lol. I've been writing for officially a year now so thanks:D Motivates me muchly.;)