"Sono" Part Ten

Disclaimers in part one.

She was all right. She was fine. She didn't need another person asking her if she was. All good rationalizations. They didn't soothe Malcolm, not when he'd seen the way she looked when she entered the bridge.

The crew had heard Phlox's call to the bridge. T'Pol showed no discernable reaction, from what Malcolm could tell, but Travis had let a relieved smile show and Archer's shoulders had lost a little of their tension. Malcolm didn't even want to think of what his own expression showed.

He kept his gaze sticking fast to his console's readouts, and so missed the quick glance Archer took at him. Malcolm did look up when the turbolift doors hissed open, and Hoshi stepped off.

Archer stood.

"Hoshi," he said, "We didn't expect you to come up here."

She looked up, an uncertain look on her face. "Captain, I--"

Archer waved his hand, in a sharp, low, cutting motion, silencing her.

"We understand what happened, Ensign. It's all right, though you caused us all some worry."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize. While I appreciate you coming up here, I would rather see you get some rest. I'm sure Phlox would say to not push yourself and I would agree. Come back next shift."

Her lips tightened in a small stubborn gesture. Malcolm, watching with careful attention, felt a warning twinge. Hoshi said, "But, Captain--"

Archer shook his head and Hoshi shut her mouth. She looked down, defeated. She said, her voice subdued, "Yes, sir. Thank you."

Archer nodded and sat back down. Hoshi turned to leave, and her gaze slid across Malcolm's. There was a muted rebellion in her eyes that disappeared as their gaze connected. She looked away and headed onto the turbolift, leaving Malcolm with a stronger sense that he had missed something--something beyond her obvious guilt.

She had seemed fine, but Hoshi, he had learned, had the capability to dissimulate about her personal well-being. He wasn't about to let this go, not when he had such a strong sense that there was still something wrong with her.

He had a break coming up. He'd find her and get behind that facade of hers.

He didn't find her in her quarters. There weren't many places she could be and he found her in the third place he looked--the hydroponics bay.

She was the only one in there. She stood in front of the small section reserved for decorative plants, fingering the blossoms of the kuri'ay.

She didn't turn around, even though she had no doubt heard his footsteps on the deck plating.

She said, "I think I dreamed of these while I was asleep, and of the garden on the Epa-in planet."

"Did you?"

She turned around to face him and crossed her arms in front of her.

She said, "Yes, and of you, except..." She stopped, an unsure smile on her face. "It was just dreams."

He said, "Hoshi, are you--"

Her mouth twisted into a brief cheerless smile.

"Don't, please," she said, stopping him. Abashed, he closed his mouth, his forehead drawing down into a frown. Hoshi continued, her voice filled with a bitter amusement, "I've heard that question from too many people, today."

She turned her back to him again, her hands coming up to clench the side of the plant container.

"I'm sorry, Malcolm. I'm sorry I caused so many people so much worry, but the last thing I need is to be cooped up, getting rest."

She bent her head down, and her voice dropped so low he made a step closer to her to hear her say, "I don't need this. I need to get back to work, forget that I even fainted and leave it at that."

She looked up at him, seeing his face had grown dark at her words.

"But you didn't just faint, Hoshi. You didn't. And that's what had us concerned."

Her expression grew still, shamed. "I know."

"How did we not notice, Hoshi?"

She shook her head. She said, "This is no one's fault but my own, Malcolm. I know that. I made the mistake of thinking I could continue, on my own. That's what I told T'Pol when she asked me. She didn't press me. It's my fault, but I'm okay, Malcolm. I am."

She walked closer to him, stopping in front of him. She looked up at him and he returned her gaze. She opened her mouth, as if to say something. He waited.

She said, slowly, "Why haven't you ever..."

"Ever what, Hoshi?"

She continued to look at him, her eyes searching his face, in an almost scrutiny of him. She said, "I've seen you. Watching. You watch me with eyes full of words you never say. How long before you do what you've always wanted?"

He felt an urge to back away, her examination of him too close for him to feel comfortable as her words sunk in, confusing him.

He said, "What are you--"

She leaned forward, tipped her head up and kissed him, her mouth soft against his. He stood still, stunned at first, but when she parted her lips and he felt the warm breath of her mouth, he bent down his head, succumbing to the feel of her. His hands came up to grasp her by the arms, to draw her closer, but as soon as his fingers tightened around her arms, she jerked away from him.

"Hoshi?"

She looked up at him, her eyes wide, her expression fearful, and he reached out, but she stared first at his hand, then at his face. He watched, perplexed, as her expression changed, her eyes growing narrowed and her nostrils flared.

She spat out, with vitriol that stopped him dead in his tracks, "Okan nua sen, u-ardan?"

He stood there, his mouth open, until her eyes closed and she started to slump forward. He snapped back to action, catching her before she fell.

He held her close, preventing her from slipping to the floor. Her weight dragged on his arm, but that was negligible next to the fact that she was unconscious.

"Hoshi?" he whispered.

She didn't respond. He leaned in closer, bringing up a hand to shake her head, hoping he could bring her out of it. His hand danced across her hair down to her cheek, and he bent down more, closer to her face, enough to where he could feel her warm breath.

She had kissed him. She had been fine. She had been...he felt a clench of panic close around his chest.

God. This was wrong. This was all wrong.

He lowered her to the floor, making sure her head didn't hit the deck.

He found the nearest comm, keeping his eyes on her. He slapped the panel.

"Reed to Phlox."