Invisible Scars
Once again, thank you for your encouragement. I know that you don't have to take the time out of your days to write anything in response to this, and that knowledge makes it all the more special that you do.
Chapter 3 – Small Steps
After tossing and turning half the night, Ron figured he finally fell asleep somewhere around 3 a.m. Which is why, at noon, when his mother woke him with a not-so-gentle banging on his door, he immediately felt disoriented and far from rested.
"Ronald Weasley, get out of that bed this instant!" his mother yelled through the heavy door. "The girls have been up for hours now, and it's rude to have Hermione sitting around waiting for you to get up!"
Ron grumbled moodily and rolled over to cover his ears with his pillow. Hermione was the reason he'd gotten to sleep so late in the first place. All he could think about, from the second his head hit the pillow, was how he'd almost kissed her in the twins' shop and how she'd said yes to his invitation to the wedding.
Just thinking about it now had his mind whirling. Sitting up, he realized that whatever they had started was going to cost him a good amount of sleep for a while. It was impossible to stay still and not think about her. The second he was quiet he began thinking about all of the things he wanted to say to her. The second he stopped moving, he realized he was thinking of how much he wanted to kiss her, how much he wanted to feel her up against him…
Groaning, he pushed himself out of bed and forced himself to get moving. He showered quickly and met his mother down in the kitchen.
"Where's Hermione and Ginny?" he asked, helping himself to a tall glass of juice. It was going to be another scalding hot day; he could feel it already.
"Ginny went to the Ministry with your father, and Hermione's in the backyard," his mother said disapprovingly. "You really should treat her better while she's a guest at our home."
"Mum, Hermione's been coming here since we were eleven. She knows her way around," he said, shoving an apple in his mouth.
"I still think it's incredibly rude," she snapped, looking out the window to where he assumed Hermione was sitting. "Don't take her for granted, Ron. She's such a wonderful young lady, and if she doesn't feel appreciated…"
Ron almost choked on the bit of apple he had swallowed. If his mother knew how much he was 'appreciating' Hermione, she wouldn't be so quick to try and push the two of them together.
"Why did Ginny go in with dad?" he asked, picking up an extra apple.
"Well, she said she was interested in some Ministry positions, and I guess she figured that she could check things out a bit from the inside," his mother said, busying herself with a long list of wedding preparations. "I'm glad at least someone in this house is thinking of the future."
Ron sighed inwardly. He wanted to tell his mother about his upcoming plans so badly that it almost caused an ache in his chest, but he had promised himself he'd wait until after Bill's wedding. He didn't want anything ruining this for his brother, or his parents.
"When's she getting back?" he asked, glancing at the clock which showed the entire family in mortal peril. "Harry's going to be here for dinner."
"She'll be back by then," his mother smiled, obviously not kept up to speed about the breakup. "She wouldn't miss a second of Harry's visit if she could help it."
Ron smiled at his mother and made his way out into the backyard. A wall of heat hit him the moment he opened the back door, and in about ten seconds, felt as if his shirt was suffocating him. He spotted Hermione sitting under a large tree, taking advantage of the shade it produced to read an exceptionally large book that was propped against her knees.
He took a minute to simply take in the sight of her. She looked so relaxed sitting against the tree. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but even from where he stood, Ron could see that some of the curls had managed to escape. He smiled when she absently reached up and tucked a loose strand behind her ear. His eyes traveled down to take in the rest of her, and if he hadn't been sweating already, he would have been after his quick perusal. She was wearing a light tank top and shorts due to the unbearable heat, and more skin was showing than he thought healthy for his sanity.
Suddenly, he very much wanted to be next to her, and found his feet moving of their own will toward her.
"Morning," he called out as he approached.
She looked up at the sound of his voice with a smile already pulling at her lips. "Afternoon, is more like it," she teased, squinting up at him.
"What are you reading?" he asked, sinking onto the grass next to her. "We're not even going to be in school this year, so don't tell me it's a textbook."
"Actually, it is," she said, closing the book so he could see the cover. "I figured we needed a place to start looking for these horcruxes, and with no one around to give us any information, I thought the best place to start would be books about major historical events in the wizarding world."
"You're amazing, you know that?" he commented as he glanced at the cover illustration. "Leave it to you to already be five steps ahead of us."
Hermione glowed with pride at his words before opening the book to the page she'd left off with and devoted her attention to it once again. "This is going to be so much harder than we thought," she said, her mood suddenly shifting into one of thoughtful seriousness. "I mean, with Dumbledore gone, we are literally on our own with this. We won't be able to go to anyone for advice on where to look, how to do this, what we do once we've got them, how to destroy them…"
"Hermione," he interrupted, putting his hand over hers on the open page. She looked down at their hands and then at his face, which was beginning to flush from the small contact. Still, he didn't want to remove his hand just yet.
"Everything is going to be okay," he said, with much more confidence than he felt. "The three of us will just have to sit down and figure this out. We'll be fine, just like we always are. Let's face it…we've made it this far, what's one more adventure?" he said casually, patting the back of her hand in reassurance.
She sat back, carefully studying him as he spoke. Her hand twisted until it was resting, palm against palm, under his. "How do you do that?" she asked.
"Do what?" he fairly croaked. His throat was now dry and constricted, and he was surprised he could speak at all.
"How do you make everything seem so simple and so…I don't know…possible all the time?" she asked, tucking another curl behind her ear with her free hand.
His eyes followed the movement, allowing himself a bit of time to digest her words. Did he really do that for her? His chest swelled slightly, but he shrugged as if it was no big deal. "I guess because I see things as simple all the time. You look for the difficult stuff, and figure out ways around it. That's what you do. I try and figure out the easiest way around it."
Hermione laughed, sending a jolt through him as if he'd touched another one of those blasted brains. "Night and day," she said, squeezing his hand lightly.
A silence fell over them then, not necessarily uncomfortable, but in it, Ron tried desperately to figure out what the next move was. Here they were, still holding hands, more than friends but not quite anything else yet.
He cleared his throat and gestured at the book. "So, did you find anything useful yet?" The second he said it, he wanted to dash his head against the tree behind him. He should have told her how nice she looked, or said something about their…moment…yesterday in the storage room.
She released his hand and brought the book to rest more solidly up against her knees. He immediately missed the feeling of her hand in his, but she inched a bit closer to him so he could see the book as well. He caught the scent of her hair as she moved, and smiled despite himself.
"There wasn't much in the first portion of the book, but I've found some interesting stuff in these two chapters," she said, flipping the pages expertly. "They contain information about legendary places throughout western Europe and a few in the south as well. There was even an entire chapter on enchanted objects that seemed to defy all charm-breaking spells and counter-jinxes."
Ron peered at the book and all he could see was an astounding mass of words all jumbled together onto a page. He would never understand Hermione's fascination with the written word, but he was thankful for it. He knew that without her, none of the things he'd seen up until now would have had a ended well in the slightest.
He shifted closer so he could see better when she pointed out a particular area on the page, and his arm brushed hers. They were now sitting so close that their bodies were touching in several places, and his pulse immediately kicked into high gear. His thoughts began swimming out of his control again, and this time, he knew he wouldn't be able to shove them away. This time, he didn't want to.
He was further encouraged when she didn't move away from him. She remained right up against his side, and although she had gotten very quiet, she appeared to be completely aware of what she was doing.
They remained where they were, reading the same page together, although Ron was pretty sure that he hadn't processed a single word of it. He didn't mind, though. If it was important, Hermione would be sure to tell him all about it in her own words anyway. He was much more concerned with what to do next. They couldn't just sit here like this all afternoon, could they?
He realized she'd finished when he felt her shift against his side. He looked up at her and his own body twitched when he saw how close her face was to his.
"So, what do you think?" she asked, her voice sounding very quiet in the still air surrounding them.
His mind tumbled over itself as he watched her mouth move to form the words he hadn't quite heard. He knew he was supposed to say something from the expectant look on her face, but he didn't know what. He reached for the first thing that came to him. "This is going to be more difficult than I thought," he said.
"I know," she answered, lowering her eyes to the cover of the now closed book in her lap.
Ron couldn't keep his eyes off her as her hand began to trace the patterns under her palm. His fingers itched to move onto hers, to feel the warmth spread through him once again. He hadn't realized they had in fact moved to rest alongside hers until he felt her stiffen against him.
"Actually," he said, finding his courage rise to the surface in a single, steady flow of movement, "to be honest, that wasn't what I was thinking at all."
There was a beat where she didn't move at all, but then he saw her fingers move slightly so that one overlapped his. Her eyes came up to meet his gaze levelly. "I know," she said, a small smile tugging at her lips.
His eyes flickered down to them briefly, the urge to kiss her overwhelming him to the point of pure distraction. He couldn't focus on anything real any longer, and let his head drop down to hers. His lips touched the corner of her mouth, and he pulled back immediately, his cheeks flushing with a searing heat as he realized that he'd missed.
Leave it to him to mess up the first time he ever attempted to kiss her.
Every instinct within him screamed at him to bolt back to the safety of the house as fast as he could. In the next instant, however, he felt her hand resting reassuringly on his arm, keeping him seated next to her.
"Try again," she said, so quietly that he had to strain to hear her.
He didn't need telling twice. It was exactly that…the understanding she had of him that made him so absolutely mental over her.
His head bent again, and this time his lips found hers tentatively. They remained like that, lips barely grazing, getting used to the new sensations that were sweeping over them like a whirlwind.
He felt her sigh against his mouth and before he knew it, he was pressing his lips more firmly against hers. She tilted her head instinctively and their kiss became one of introduction. He moved his mouth gently against hers, trying to shut off the part of his brain that was still telling him she was his friend and nothing more.
As if she had read his mind, her hand moved up to rest lightly on his shoulder, her fingers splayed out and brushing his neck. His whole body reacted to her touch and he allowed himself to fully give himself over to the other part of his brain that wanted to show her how much he had always wanted this.
His lips opened slightly, taking hers with them, and a feeling unlike any he'd ever known gripped his insides and shook his world apart right from under him as their mouths moved together slowly.
His thoughts began spinning out of control, tumbling over themselves until he couldn't seem to function properly. He eased his lips off hers for his own self-preservation, and was amazed at how wrong the world felt now that he wasn't kissing her any longer. His breathing was labored, and he tried to regain some semblance of control as she pulled away from him, her hand sliding back down to his elbow. Her eyes were very bright as they stared back at him, and her lips were so damned inviting that he had to look away.
"We just…" she trailed off slowly, looking almost shocked at what had just passed between them.
"Yeah," he said, not able to put the distance between them that he probably should to regain some clarity. Somehow, the contact was all that was keeping him from coming apart right now. When she didn't continue, all of his worst fears came to the surface. He looked at her to see if she thought they'd made a mistake, and found her staring pensively at the collar of his shirt.
Gradually, a smile worked its way onto her face, and she looked so peaceful, so at ease that his breath literally caught in his chest.
"So…it was…uh…okay to do that?" he asked, searching her face for the slightest hint of regret.
She laughed quietly, the sound cutting through all the insecurity he could possibly have. "It was more than okay," she said. She was looking at him expectantly, her eyes completely unwavering.
The urge to kiss her again swept over him so quickly that it winded him, and his head inclined toward hers.
"Ron…Hermione…I have lunch all ready for you!" Mrs. Weasley's voice reached them across the expanse of the lawn, and only the knowledge that they were hidden from her view by the massive tree stopped Ron's heart from leaping clear out of his chest.
They froze, inches apart, and opened their eyes to each other. There was a moment of silence following the echo of the shout, then they burst out laughing. Ron didn't know how to explain it, but it felt like the right thing to do. It made him feel closer to her than he'd ever had to know that she felt the exact same way at this exact moment.
He hoisted himself to his feet, dusting himself off quickly before reaching down for her hands. He pulled her up and allowed himself a brief moment to hold her hands as they grinned at each other.
"Doesn't it just figure," Hermione said lightly, reaching up with one hand and removing a small leaf from his hair.
"Yeah, I guess it does," he said, shaking his head.
Her eyes grew soft then as she stared back at him. "Well, I guess we better get inside." She began to step past him, but he held onto her hand, tugging her back to him gently.
"We're good, right?" he said, knowing that the second they entered the house that everything in his world would change. It was an unbelievably frightening thought, but one he was more than ready to deal with if it meant that he could finally be with her.
"We're good," she said, stepping toward him quickly and kissing him on the cheek for a long, lingering moment. Then, she gave him a bright smile and turned away to walk back to the house.
He watched her for a while as she got further and further away from him, and found it was too much distance for his liking. He hurried to catch up to her, and although they didn't reach for each other's hands, their arms continuously brushed as they made their way to the back door. The contact was now almost vital to him, and he couldn't help grinning privately when he thought of how much fun it was going to be discovering this new area they'd gotten themselves into.
It didn't escape his attention though, as they crossed the lawn together, that just when they were facing their own new beginning, they could possibly be facing the end of everything they'd ever known.
Ginny got back shortly after they'd finished lunch, and from that point on, Ron was caught up in a whirlwind of activities his mother had set aside for them in preparation of the wedding. Hermione, of course, was told she didn't have to help in the slightest, but she quickly agreed to help Ginny and went off with her upstairs to prepare the rooms. Ron assumed they'd be gossiping about him and what had just happened, and he felt slightly uncomfortable knowing that his baby sister would be privy to that kind of personal information. Still, he knew Hermione needed a girl to talk to sometimes, so he tried to let it go. Boys just didn't need to do that kind of thing.
At least that's what he thought until Harry came barreling out of the fireplace right before supper. Ron looked up from the table he'd been mending with his wand and grinned at his best friend.
"How've you been, mate?" he asked, swatting away the cloud of cinders that had kicked up in front of him.
Harry readjusted his glasses and shook the soot from his hair. "Actually, not bad, all things considered," he said, glancing down at the table. "What are you doing?"
"Getting stuff ready for this bloody wedding," he grumbled, kicking the loose leg with his trainer. "I swear, this thing has taken on a life of its own."
Harry grinned and tossed his overnight bag on the floor next to the sofa. Ron noticed it and raised his eyebrow. "Packing light, I see?"
"All my stuff is boxed up at Privet Drive, ready to go when I get back from the wedding," Harry replied, checking his pocket to make sure his wand survived the trip intact.
Ron nodded, glancing at the doorway to the kitchen to make sure his mother wasn't anywhere in sight. "You'll have to help me, then, because I don't have the foggiest idea what to take."
From above them came a loud thump, then laughter. Harry looked up at the ceiling, an unreadable expression on his face. "Are the girls up there?" he asked.
Suddenly, the inclination to tell Harry everything swept over him and he was almost powerless against it. "I have to tell you something," he said, perching on the arm of the couch. He cleared his throat nervously, opened his mouth, closed it, cleared his throat again, and then shoved his hands into his pockets.
Harry studied all of this with a level gaze, then grinned. "You kissed Hermione, didn't you?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest triumphantly.
Ron stared back at him in shock. Was it written on his face or something? "How did you know that?" he asked, feeling his ears burning slightly.
"I don't know, I just did," Harry said, continuing to grin at him. "Well done, I say. It's about ruddy time."
Ron couldn't help it; he felt himself grinning back. Harry then raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Well, how was it? Better than with Lavendar?"
Ron shook his head emphatically. "It was bloody brilliant, mate. No contest whatsoever."
Harry laughed then, chucking him on the arm. "Well, just as long as the two of you don't go off on your own all the time, snogging your way across Europe…"
He knew Harry was only joking, but it was something he had already started thinking about. How were they going to continue whatever it was they were starting when they were going to be so busy saving the world from total annihilation? It wasn't exactly the easiest romance to get off the ground in the first place.
Harry settled himself on the chair across from him and looked up at the ceiling again. Ron could tell that he wanted to go up and have a moment with Ginny, but was struggling with himself to remain seated.
Ron had never felt sorrier for Harry than he did right now. It was one thing to have a destiny and know that only you could fulfill it, but it was quite another when you couldn't be with the person that made everything worthwhile. Harry's self-imposed distance from Ginny would end up destroying him in the end, and Ron couldn't bear to watch it.
"Why don't you go up and talk to her?" he asked, breaking into Harry's thoughts. "She told me you two aren't together anymore but that doesn't mean that you have to ignore her."
"I won't ignore her," Harry snapped quickly, then looked chagrined. "Sorry," he said, running a hand through his already messy hair. "I just don't feel like going up there just yet. I don't know what to say to her…and I feel really weird talking about this with you," he added, looking uncomfortable.
"Look, it's not my favorite topic of choice either, but don't feel weird," Ron insisted. "I have to let you talk about her a little bit, don't I? I mean, she's who you care about, and you can't help that it's my sister. You're my best mate. If you want to talk, then talk."
Harry shot him a curious glance. "So that's what one snogging session with Hermione gets you, huh," he said, barely containing his amusement. Ron performed a gesture that would have made his mother shout herself hoarse, then became serious again.
"Why did you break up with her?" he asked.
Harry didn't seem to know what to say at first. He simply sighed and settled back against the overstuffed cushion.
"It seemed like the right thing to do," he began, his voice sounding completely unconvincing. "We're not going to be around for a while, and I wouldn't want her just sitting around wondering if she'll get a letter or something from me…missing out on a year of her life while we are off who knows where…"
Ron realized then that he was in a terrible position. He knew how Ginny felt about the situation, and her words were beginning to infiltrate his common sense. "I think she wants to come with us," he said.
Harry's relaxed posture was gone in an instant, his whole body seeming to seize up. "And you told her no, right?" he said, his eyes locked with Ron's intently. "You told her she couldn't."
"I didn't tell her anything," Ron said. "I think it's more understood than anything. She just knew that she wasn't going to be a part of what we are going to do, and she's not all that thrilled about it."
"I don't care," Harry insisted. "She can hate me every day for the rest of her life, but she isn't coming."
Ron waited a breath before speaking again. Harry looked to be almost wild with righteous indignation, and he knew from experience that he needed a bit of a lull before being able to listen to reason.
"What would be the worst thing about her coming?" Ron asked, breaking the silence between them. "She would be just as in danger as the rest of us…no more, no less."
Harry looked at him as if he'd gone completely mental. "She's your baby sister, Ron. Why are you pushing this? Don't you want her here, where it's safe?" he practically growled in hostility.
Ron tried not to take offense, realizing that if the situation was reversed, and someone was trying to talk him into letting Ginny go, he'd probably be just as angry. "Hey, if I could, I would lock her up for the next ten years and throw away the key, but it isn't about us. It's about her. She's really hurt and angry right now, and I hate seeing her like this."
Harry's face slid from hostility to concern so quickly that Ron wasn't sure he even saw it. "I didn't mean to hurt her, you know that," Harry said in a low voice, imploring Ron to believe him. Ron nodded silently, but shrugged.
"Of course I do, but that doesn't mean she's alright. She's scared for us and there's nothing she can do. I would hate to be in her position," Ron explained, watching as realization dawned on Harry's face.
They were quiet for another moment, until Harry raised his eyes to Ron's and pinned him with his gaze. "Tell me the truth. If it was Hermione in this situation, would you want her going if you knew that your enemies would exploit your feelings for her? Would you want her there, with you, if you knew that at any moment you could watch her die?"
Ron's blood turned cold at the mere thought of losing Hermione. His hands clenched into fists at his sides involuntarily, but he fought to keep the images at bay. "But she is going, and I have to accept it because it's what she wants to do. Besides, I know you don't want to watch one of us die either," he reasoned.
Harry's whole body seemed to deflate before his very eyes. Suddenly, his best friend looked small.
"No, I don't," he said sullenly. "But you two wouldn't let me go without you. If I left in the middle of the night, I know you wouldn't stop until you found me. So I figure it's much safer if we all stick together."
"But that wouldn't be safe for Ginny," Ron said, looking for clarification.
"It's different, and you know it," Harry said, placing linked fingers on top of his head as if he was trying to hold his brain down from spinning out of control. There was such a doomed look on his face that it cast a shadow over his features. "I can't let anything happen to her."
Ron realized something then, and it took him so by surprise that he almost slid off the arm of the sofa.
"You love her," he said, his voice filled with a mixture of awe and sympathy. Harry's hands dropped to his sides and eyes clouded so instantaneously that it left no doubt in Ron's mind. His best mate was in love with his sister.
"When the hell did this happen?" he asked, not so much angry as he was curious. He had been witness to the beginning of their relationship and the months that had followed. Sure, they seemed to like each other a great deal, and were always smiling in each other's presence, but…love?
"What kind of question is that?" Harry retorted. "How am I supposed to know?"
They stopped immediately when they heard a commotion on the second floor landing and realized that someone was coming down the stairs.
"We're not finished here," Ron said quickly, as his mother began descending into the living room.
Harry looked a bit disgruntled but plastered a smile on his face when Mrs. Weasley caught sight of him and ran to embrace him. Ron watched the scene with a small smile on his face. His best mate was in love with his sister. The next few days were going to be awfully interesting.
"Harry! Oh, it's so wonderful to see you, dear," his mother fussed, brushing aside his unruly hair to peck his cheek. "Have you been up to see Ginny yet?" she asked.
"Uh, no," Harry said, looking slightly uncomfortable.
Ron decided to take pity on him. "No, mum, he just got here ten minutes ago, and I had him helping me with the table," he explained. His mother cast the still-broken table a disapproving look, then aimed it at him. "Well, we just got to talking, though, and didn't quite finish up."
"Why don't you go get settled," his mother prodded, picking up Harry's bag and placing it on his shoulder. "On your way you can poke your head into Ginny's room and say hello to her and Hermione."
Harry looked to Ron for support, but Ron didn't really have any more to give. In fact, he heartily believed that Harry needed to talk to Ginny about all of this – which would send Hermione downstairs to him. In his mind, everyone won.
"Yeah, mate, why don't you go do that," he said, gesturing toward the table again. "I have to finish this or people will have to stand around with plates in their hands all night."
Harry glared at him, but shouldered his bag more firmly nonetheless. He appeared to take a moment to fortify himself before heading for the stairs.
Ron chuckled to himself as his mother made herself scarce. Harry had looked as if he was marching off to his death, not simply gearing up for a tough conversation with his girlfriend. Even so, Ron knew that any minute Hermione would be coming down the stairs, giving Ginny and Harry all the privacy they needed to talk, and he could suggest a walk for themselves…to discuss what was going on.
Or, he thought with a smile, maybe they wouldn't discuss anything much at all.
Keep reading and reviewing! You all have such wonderful feedback for me that helps me continue to create this story in the way I feel it should be done.
I got a great idea for a plotline from Jenulus, which may or may not be included later. LJ Fan, thanks for the comment about them being 'in character'. I work very hard to keep them there. (I think you may have reviewed my other story, "Anywhere but in Between" as well, I'm sure I remember your awesome reviews!)Memorieslost – thanks for adding me to your favorite authors! How wonderful…Sugarquill, thanks for your sympathies regarding my friend and your amazing review.