Harvest Moon: Ho' Farmer
Disclaimer: I neither own, nor like Harvest Moon
It was a beautiful spring Noon when Bob the farmer awoke to the sweet sound of his rooster. Yawning, he stiffly reached for his .357 handgun and shot the rooster's head off.
"Damn rooster," he muttered.
Bob sat up and smacked his lips twice, letting his room slowly come into focus. The Noon sun shined through his dirty windows, illuminating the dust floating through his house.
It was to be a routine day. Bob creaked out of bed, walking like Frankenstein towards his bathroom, where his toothbrush with worn-down bristles resided. Stepping over an uncapped razor, he picked up his toothpaste and flicked the crust on the uncapped opening of his toothpaste.
As he squinted out the brown window in his bathroom, Bob surveyed the familiar green pastures and fields.
"Nature is so gay," he thought.
Bob was an angry man. His job, of course, was the cause of his stress. Being busy all day, Bob had no time to shave. Bob was one hairy dude.
Dressed up in purple fur and a feathered hat, Bob walked out into his field and sighed. "Back to the old grind," he thought.
Bob Bobson, ho' farmer, began his day's work. Sprinkling the field with booze and crack, he toiled the day away. The quivering sun shone down on him, causing his thick dark hair to dribble sweat out the back of his purple hat.
Night came, and Bob reclined in his creaking rocking chair.
"Time for the most exciting part of the job!"
One by one, his ho's came out of the ground. All dressed in black stocking and booty shorts, with tube tops that were practically not even there.
And then the great march took place. Bob's ho's marched into the cities, positioning themselves under street lamps, where they would wait until a customer arrived. By daybreak, all the ho's returned, dumping their "crops" into Bob's hat, each receiving a pimp slap for not making enough money.
And then, Bob finally went to sleep. To once again, wake up at noon. And to start another day of ho' farming.
Author's Note
If you don't like this story, you're clearly insane. This story is about how ho's are made.