Author: Qaddafi the Ripper
Summary: Join Shark-chan and Weasel-chan in their random, humorous, bloody, and occasionally sexy adventures as they try to cope on the measly salaries provided by Akatsuki.
Disclaimer: Yup, "sexy" is still in the summary, so I ain't Kishimoto.
Extra Notes: This is a flashback chapter. The previous two didn't take place in any specific time frame, but this one is when Orochimaru is still part of Akatsuki, around the time Akatsuki is just forming. Also included are spoilers for manga chapters 265 and up.
Part 3: Adventures in Orochimaru! So many wrong things with that title...
Kisame let his eyes travel over the assembly of ninjas. It was, he thought, a rather motley group. Some he recognized as dangerous criminals from the Bingo Book, like Orochimaru. Others were still kids, and barely looked dangerous at all.
Their little organization had just been fully formed, with nine members total. Their mysterious leader had decided it was better to break them into pairs in order to go about their goals. He was also aware, fortunately, that reaching said goals was something that would take many years, so there was no rush. That was the kind of mission Kisame preferred, although such missions rarely took place, and even more rarely were given to him. It was enough to secure his loyalty to the organization.
What worried him was the partner he'd been assigned. Of all the people in the room, that Itachi kid looked the least dangerous. He must have some skill, of course, and might be infamous in some areas. But Kisame couldn't get over the fact that he didn't look a day over fifteen.
He decided to keep to himself for a while and see if anything interesting happened. With this bunch, it was almost inevitable.
Sure enough, in very little time Orochimaru approached Kisame's new partner. Kisame remembered that Itachi's forehead protector had the Leaf sigil on it, which meant they hailed from the same village. He grinned and moved a little closer so he could hear better.
"Itachi-kun," Orochimaru greeted with a broad smile. For some reason, that expression gave Kisame a brief shiver. He was glad it wasn't directed at him. But what, exactly, was so frightening about that smile?
"Orochimaru-san," came the cool, emotionless response.
"Ah, I see you know who I am. I left Konoha some years back, and I wasn't sure you would."
"Your face is quite well-known, especially in the anbu. I saw pictures."
Anbu, huh? Well, the kid must have some talent then. Of course, to make it into Akatsuki, he must have talent. Kisame wondered what could have turned so young a kid into a missing-nin. "I'm pleased you know me," Orochimaru was saying. "I heard that, just recently, almost the entire Uchiha clan was murdered. One might wonder how you escaped, Itachi-kun."
Kisame decided he definitely didn't like the way Orochimaru kept saying "Itachi-kun." It was... creepy. And coming from him, that was bad.
"Yes, one might," Itachi replied evenly, not giving off any indication that Orochimaru's attention bothered him, nor any sign of how he'd escaped. His gaze on Orochimaru would have been challenging, except for the lack of emotion.
Orochimaru stepped even closer, getting in Itachi's personal space. His smile grew broader. "I've been interested in the Uchiha family for some time," he continued. "Such a fascinating family, and with such amazing techniques! I was deeply trouble when I heard the family was entirely killed off. I'm sure you can imagine how relieved I was when I discovered that two members of the family, you and your brother, were still alive." He took another step, now almost chest to chest with Itachi. Itachi's face still didn't register any expression, but he did take a half step back.
"I'm especially interested in the Sharingan. Judging from your impressive career, and that fact that you're here, I assume you can use it." Orochimaru reached out to place a hand on Itachi's arm, which the boy just barely managed to side-step.
"I can use the Sharingan," he confirmed warily, watching Orochimaru closely for any more moves.
Orochimaru's smile, impossibly, got wider still. It was lecherous, Kisame finally realized from his post. It was a smile that said, "You're a fine piece of meat. Let me take a bite of you," No wonder he found it creepy, and Itachi wanted to keep away from it. He wondered if, as Itachi's new partner, he should step in. It probably wouldn't help Itachi's reputation in the group, if he was seen as needing to be saved from unwanted advances by another member. On the other hand, creepy was creepy, and Kisame certainly wouldn't have wanted to deal with a pervert like Orochimaru when he was Itachi's age. Most of all, though, he had to wonder if helping out would be good for their partnership.
"Itachi-kun," Orochimaru breathed in a way that implied a certain intimacy between the two of them. "May I have the chance to inspect your Sharingan at some point?"
On the one hand, Itachi might not want help, and would resent Kisame for giving it and for making him look weak in front of the others.
"It would greatly help my own jutsu studies," Orochimaru continued.
On the other hand, it would be clear that Kisame found Orochimaru creepy too, so perhaps they could bond through shared innuendo horror.
"I would be very... appreciative... of any help." Orochimaru succeeded in getting a hand on Itachi's arm this time. "It would be worth your while, I promise," he whispered, sidling closer so that his body touched Itachi's.
Part of Kisame's mind categorized that movement as a blatant move towards seduction, and not a terribly subtle one at that. He'd used similar moves himself, once or twice. The rest of him moved forward, no longer debating whether he should step in or not. He was a decent sort, and there was no way he was watching his new partner get molested while doing nothing himself!
"Itachi-kun! Orochimaru-san!" he greeted cheerfully, and more loudly than he necessary. Orochimaru took a step back from Itachi, but didn't move his hand. "One of the pairs has already left to get to know each better, Zetsu and that other fellow, I forget his name." It was true, that pair had already left. Kisame had noticed them head off to a more private location a few minutes ago. He merely assumed it was to get to know each other better. "I thought perhaps you and I could take this opportunity to chat too, Itachi-kun." He smiled widely at both of them, doing his best to appear harmless and stupid. The first, he rarely managed, but the second he was good at. For some reason, people looked at him and simply presumed that he must be dumb, because he didn't look entirely human. And while Kisame was no genius, he was no moron either, but was appreciative towards his foes when they thus underestimated him.
Orochimaru smiled at him too, though not the "I'm sexy and I want you" smile he'd given Itachi, to Kisame's relief. "Hoshigaki Kisame, right?" he asked. "I've heard of some of your exploits in Hidden Mist. You're supposed to be quite the swordsman."
"Yup," Kisame agreed. "I was part of the Seven Swords back then. It was fun." He didn't add that his true strength was in his chakra reserves. If Orochimaru didn't know that already, no point in cluing him in now. He turned to his partner. "Itachi-kun, are you any good with a sword? We could spar together. It'd be fun."
"I have some skill," Itachi answered shortly. Whether because he wasn't very good and didn't want to admit it, because he didn't want to say much in front of Orochimaru, or because he just wasn't the sort who ever said much, Kisame wasn't sure. He wondered if his partner was the quite type; he rather hoped he wasn't otherwise he feared they wouldn't get along. Kisame liked to chat with his companions, and his enemies.
To his further dismay, at least one other person had noticed their little conversation and was headed over. It was Sasori, Orochimaru's partner, and Kisame was sure he'd seen him come to Itachi's aid. He good clearly envision Itachi getting mocked and hating Kisame for it. Worse, Sasori was followed by Deidara, whom Kisame had already labeled as a trouble-maker. He heaved a mental sigh; Akatsuki had started out as such a good prospect but it was going downhill already.
"Yo, Orochimaru!" Sasori greeted. He threw an arm companionably around Orochimaru's shoulders. Kisame wondered if the Sand ninja hadn't seen Orochimaru's creepiness earlier, or if he wasn't bothered by it. "I lucked out, getting one of the three legendary ninja as my partner. I look forward to working with you."
Orochimaru smiled back at him, not quite as seductively as he had at Itachi, but there was still interest there. Orochimaru must like pretty young men and boys, Kisame decided. Although how that discluded him from attention he wasn't sure. Not that he was complaining, of course.
"I look forward to working with you too, Sasori-kun," Orochimaru purred in response.
Deidara, who had been watching all this, frowned. "Master, I'd hoped that we would be partners," he said.
Sasori shrugged. "It happens," he said philosophically. He added, "And don't call me master."
"But your work with puppets is so beautiful, and refined, un!" Deidara protested. "I want to learn from you and compare techniques with you, un!"
"Maybe we can compare notes sometime in between missions," Sasori suggested, placating. "My own art is still in progress and I hope to further refine it soon." He gave Orochimaru a look that clearly showed he hadn't missed Orochimaru's earlier creepiness and, in fact, wanted a part in it. Kisame shuddered; he was surrounded by perverts!
"Very well," Deidara agreed, if somewhat reluctantly. "But I'll be looking forward to talking with you, master! Bye for now, un!" He gave a friendly and hopeful waved before heading off.
"I think he's younger than he looks," Sasori muttered. Then he turned back to the other three with a cruel glint in his eyes when he came to Itachi. "You don't like my new partner?" he asked him with a sneer. "It's too bad you can't take care of yourself without help from your partner."
"It wasn't like that--" Kisame began.
"I can take care of myself," Itachi spoke over him. "I don't need anyone's help." His tone was colder than before, but his face was still devoid of any feeling.
Orochimaru gave him a smoldering look. "Of course you don't need help, Itachi-kun," he agreed smoothly. "You're very independent and powerful." His hand snaked out and started rubbing up and down Itachi's arm.
For the first time, Itachi scowled. "Get your hand off me."
Orochimaru stepped even closer and let his hand brush Itachi's cheek. "Make me," he hissed.
"Hey, we shouldn't fight," Kisame said into their midst. "We're all in the same organization and all..." He trailed off, since none of the other three were listening to him. He glanced at Itachi's face and decided, just to be on the safe side, to take a few steps back.
"Very well," Itachi breathed, cold as ice. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them, they were spinning red. He whispered a technique name that Kisame couldn't quite make out. He met Orochimaru's eyes with his own. For one brief second, Orochimaru stared back, entrapped. Then Itachi blinked and Orochimaru drew in a sharp gasp before collapsing on the ground.
Sasori, whose arm had still been around Orochimaru's shoulder, got pulled down with him. He stared at his partner. "Hey! What's wrong with you?" Orochimaru slumped further. His eyes were glazed, dull. He bent down and examined him more closely. To both Kisame and Sasori's surprise, Orochimaru was unconscious. Kisame whistled softly, impressed. Most techniques that did that sort of damage that quickly were loud and obvious. This had been something fast, silent, and subtle. It was also something, he knew without any doubt, that he didn't ever want to be on the receiving end of.
"I went easy on him," Itachi stated flatly. "He should regain consciousness within a month." He turned and walked away, the remaining Akatsuki members getting out of his way. Kisame hesitated only the briefest of moments before following him.
When he got outside, he stopped beneath a tree, leaning back against it. Kisame joined him, waiting a bit before he said anything. "What was that you did to him?" he asked after a while.
"Tsukuyomi," Itachi replied. "It allows me to control time and space within a person's mind, and torture them mentally."
Kisame shivered, at both the technique and Itachi's calm about it. "Are you angry that I tried to help you?" he asked.
Itachi considered for a moment. "No. I don't like having to do that if I don't have to. It would have been nice if you had driven him away."
Kisame found himself smiling. Maybe being partnered with Itachi wouldn't be so bad after all. He thought they might get along. "Well, you just leave all the annoying pervert to me from now on. I'll chase them all away. After all, we wouldn't want you exhausting yourself with your Tsukuyomi, Itachi-san." If nothing else, the technique had been enough to convince Kisame to treat Itachi like an adult and not the kid he still was.
Itachi's lips turned up ever so slightly, in what must be his version of a smile. "That'd be nice," he murmured. "Thanks." He didn't seem to mind that Kisame had guessed his technique's weakness.
"No problem," Kisame shrugged cheerfully. "I think we're going to make a good pair, Itachi-san. I'm looking forward to it."
Itachi looked at him for the first time. "Me too, partner."
No random deaths in this chapter. Oh well, I think I made up for it with Mind Fuck no Jutsu. Be assured that future chapters will up the death count.