Mutant Prank Wars

Well, my story 'Rehabilitation' is coming to a close, and I want to have a well-established vent for depravity, so…think of this as Iggy's next sick little story.

Chapter 1 – What's Up Scott's Ass?

Remy whistled 'Like a Virgin' as he steered the wheelbarrow through the woods at 3 AM. Scott's inebriated body was slung across it along with supplies necessary for the best prank ever. On some level, Remy WANTED to be caught, because this was really so damn good. "Remind Remy t'thank his pere f'teachin' him to forge handwritin'."

It started with a (near) harmless prank on Scott Summers. Everyone wanted to get even for the fact that he was becoming more of an ass as time went by. And Pietro? There really wasn't an excuse for that, he was just a good target. Plus, he had the right initials.

Meanwhile, his old buddy Pyro had paid a visit to the Brotherhood, bringing with him a lot of booze. He and Remy had planned this so well. Rogue invited Remy over for the party, Pyro went to the Brotherhood…it all worked. The surprising thing was that nearly everyone wanted to take part in the ruse. It was beautiful. Pietro was a fast drinker, literally, and was soon passed out on the couch. Pyro took all Pietro's clothes off, wrote 'SS (plus) PM 4EVER' on his pelvis, then put his clothes on, minus his lacy panties (Yes, he does wear ladies' underwear, unsurprisingly), which he took to Remy.

As John and Remy stood over Scott, they laughed, then Pyro kicked him in the ass, hard. "That's going to be sore in the morning." He said, laughing.

The Next Morning…

Scott's eyes slowly opened and he clutched his head. "How much did I drink last night?" Scott asked himself as he sat up. "My ass hurts." Then, he realized the true horror of his situation. He was naked, in the woods, with a hangover, a pair of panties, and a used bumpy condom laid out across his chest. On his right arm, there was a number written in his handwriting next to the label, 'PM.' There was a girl at school that Scott had a crush on, her name was Penelope Morgan. He smiled as he realized he probably had sex with her the night before, then frowned because he couldn't remember it.

He snuck into the mansion through the tunnels and showered, quite pleased with himself. When he got out of the shower, he picked up his phone and entered the number with the label 'My Hotness,' then was about to dial it when his phone began to ring. That number flashed on his screen and he answered it eagerly. "Hey there, Hottie!" He held the panties up to his nose and inhaled them, smiling.

"SCOTT?"

Scott and Pietro both screamed and hung up.

"That did not happen." Scott said.

Hearing Scott's panicked scream, Rogue smiled and knocked on his door. "Hey Scott!"

"Hello, Rogue." Scott said, trying desperately to seem calm. "What's up?" He smiled, then suddenly felt the need to prove his heterosexuality. "DOYOUWANNAHAVESEXWITHME?" He sputtered out loudly. Jean, who he had also been trying to impress, walked past the door right then. "Wait, Jean, I didn't mean it like that! I would never sleep with her!"

Jean winked. "I know, Scott. And Pietro knows, that's the important thing." Scott looked distraught as Jean spoke sweetly to him.

Rogue soon joined in. "You know, Scott, we all support your decisions. We all want you to be happy, and if that means bein' with Pietro, you gotta do that."

"You…saw us…together?" Scott asked. They nodded. "Like… 'together,' together?"

"Yeah!" Jean said. "Pietro came and borrowed a condom from me. Ridged. Surely you remember the ridges!" She said, winking at Scott, who realized his ass was sore.

Hank came in and decided to add the final blow. "I am proud of you two for practicing safe sex." He grinned as he watched ALL the blood drain from Scott's face.

"I had sex with Pietro." He muttered. "I had sex with PIETRO?" He yelled.

Jean suddenly looked at him with a look of sadness and disappointment. "Don't pretend you don't remember, Scott." She telepathically summoned Logan, who came upstairs for his part in the prank.

"No! I don't!" Scott yelled. "I hate Pietro and I'm NOT LIKE THAT." He screamed. It was no secret that Scott was the biggest homophobe on the planet, which was one of the things that had made this particular prank so damn funny in the first place.

Logan crossed his arms and gruffly began lecturing Scott. "Ya slept with him, Cyke, whether you like it or not. If ya didn't love him, ya shoudda kept your pants on!"

"Bu-But!" Scott said.

"But what?" Logan said. "Are you the type of man that just uses others for sex and then moves on? How do y'think that makes Pietro feel?" He put an arm around Remy and attached a tiny sound transmitter to his back. "I expected more from a so-called 'leader'."

Scott stormed out and began walking the grounds, trying to understand WHY he would do something like that.

Back at the Brotherhood, Lance was sitting on the couch while Pietro stared at the ceiling in disbelief. "Did I actually have sex with Scott Summers?"

Lance pretended to ignore him. "You had sex with somebody, you even bragged about how tight they were. When you were bragging, you mentioned leaving your undies with whoever it was."

"That's it!" Pietro exclaimed as he sprinted to the X-Mansion. He found Scott and tried to imagine how they would end up together.

Scott sighed and summoned every ounce of bravery his budding inner superhero could manage. "Look," Scott said. "I think there's been some sort of a mistake." Still in denial, Scott clung to the women's panties in his pocket and then took them out. He sniffed them again in front of Pietro. "I like WOMEN."

"Scott?" Pietro said nervously. "Those are mine." He held his stomach. "Tell me we didn't."

"Oh god…we did." Scott said, feeling nauseated.

"I can't believe I stuck my dick in…YOU." Pietro screamed.

"I can't believe you did either!" Scott yelled. "You…up…my…ugh!"

The two guys stood a few feet apart, awkwardly staring at one another. "We have to talk about this." Scott said. "And take responsibility, so our respective teams know that one night stands with members of other teams in unacceptable."

Pietro nodded, still feeling disgusting. "Scott…we wrote this." He said, pulling his pants down and showing him the SS (plus) PM on his pelvis.

"AHH!" Scott screamed. "Don't do that!"

"What?" Pietro said. "It's not like you haven't seen it before. It's been in you, Scott. And you probably enjoyed it. Get over yourself." He smugly pulled his pants back up.

Scott was pale, to say the least. And shaky, as if his whole world had just ended. "Okay." He said, nervously. "Assume we did have something for each other last night, why don't we feel it now?"

Pietro shrugged. "Maybe we had to be drunk?"

"I am not gay." Scott stated, as if it was an order. "Not. Gay."

"Prove it." Pietro said, suddenly amused by Scott's behavior.

Without warning, Scott grabbed Pietro and desperately laid a kiss on him, so he could prove his straightness.

BAMF! Snap! BAMF!

Scott and Pietro were so busy trying to prove their manliness that Kurt took the picture, unnoticed.

The kiss ended, and Scott and Pietro both frowned. "Definitely not gay." Pietro said.

"Yeah." Scott replied. "That was gross."

"How 'bout we never, ever tell anyone about this, ever?" Pietro asked.

"About what?" Scott said, innocently as the two men separated.

Three days later…

The mutants arrived at Bayville High to find Remy standing out front handing out flyers.

"Remy gonna have a party! Free booze!" Kids flocked to him like he was handing out crack and took the flyers. Annoyed, Scott approached him and snatched one of the flyers. Not only did it advertise a party at the Brotherhood's house, which the Brotherhood was unaware of, but…

Scott screamed as he realized why everyone was looking at him.

The flyers had a picture of Scott and Pietro kissing on it. Remy had passed them around through the WHOLE school.

At lunch, Pietro sat next to Scott and whispered in his ear. "Remy needs to pay!"

Scott jumped up. "Don't sit by me and don't whisper…you're not helping at all!"

"Are you gonna help me get even with that son of a bitch redneck?" Pietro asked.

"No!" Scott yelled, hoping that he could just move on and forget the whole thing. Pietro was getting fed up with his non-vengeful attitude and knew what he had to do. He blew Scott a kiss right in front of EVERYONE.

Needless to say, Scott was desperate to put an end to Pietro public advances, and agreed to help him get even with Remy. He sat back down and looked at Pietro. "You're gay aren't you?"

Pietro looked up at him. "Uhh…no shit. That doesn't change the fact that the thought of sticking my dick in your ass is still the grossest thing ever. It's YOU, for crying out loud."

Scott glared at him. "Are you saying my ass isn't good enough?"

Pietro shrugged. "Get away from me, Summers."

…………………………………………………………..

Next Chapter: Pietro and Scott get even!

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