Mutant Prank Wars

Chapter 2 – Remy Jr.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Scott asked. "What if he doesn't care?"

Pietro smiled. "Trust me, Gambit'll care." He replied as they sat at a table in the mall. "How about that one?" He said as he pointed to a young woman pushing a stroller.

Scott's eyes glittered when he spotted something far more useful. He simply slapped Pietro and pointed to a woman pushing triplets. "She's the one."

The guys made their way through the food court and approached the woman. "Hi." Pietro said. "You sure do look nice for a woman with three babies."

The girl smiled. "Oh, they're not mine. Thankfully. I'm just babysitting them."

Pietro put an arm around her. "We have a business proposition for you."

………………………………………………

Later that day…

Knock knock knock!

Gambit looked over at his clock. 2 PM. "Maybe it's time to get up, eh?" He put a shirt on and walked to the door of the Acolytes base, then grinned when he opened it. "Bonjour, chere. You are lookin' beautiful today!" He stretched a hand out to her. "Remy, at y'service."

She giggled and threw herself into Remy's arms. "Remy, don't you remember me? Cassie?" Remy frowned. This was the question he hated most of all. His eyebrows arched high enough to hit the ceiling when she laid a ridiculously lusty kiss on him. "You gave me this." She said, holding out the Queen of Hearts to him. He smiled and pulled her close; only the best got those from him, even if he didn't remember her later. It was his way of telling his post-inebriated self that a second round with the holder of the card was highly desirable.

"It's startin' t'come back to me." He said, grinning.

She grinned. "There's something…" She kissed him. "…really, really important that I need to show you." Cassie said, giving him what was undeniably 'the look.' "Meet me at my apartment. Here's the address." Remy felt her hand in his back pocket and smiled. He was going to have a good night.

Several hours later, Pyro banged on the door to the bathroom. "Hey, Mate, Some of us gotta use the crapper."

Remy opened the door and poked his head out. "Remy's gettin' lucky tonight. Go away. There's another bathroom anyway."

"Sabes is in there!" Pyro said. "You know how that is."

Remy snickered and sauntered out of the bathroom. "Someday, Remy hopes y'learn to be the man that I, Remy Lebeau, am!" He grinned in self-satisfaction and walked out.

When he got to the apartment, he rang the doorbell and held out a bunch of roses to Cassie, who had a baby balanced on one hip. "Hello, chere. Y'lookin' amazing." His gaze drifted to the baby, "Look at dis cute lil' guy!" He laughed when the baby smiled at him.

"Hi Remy!" Cassie said, handing the baby over to him and inviting him in. "Would you mind watching him while I check on dinner?"

Remy nodded. "Sure, Remy loves kids!" That line always got him points with the women. Always. He sat down on the couch and bounced the baby on one knee. "Dat's right, Remy loves you cause it'll get laid, yes it will!"

Back at the Brotherhood, various X-Men, Acolytes, and Brotherhood members had gathered to watch what Pietro and Scott called 'Gambit TV,' which was actually just a series of hidden surveillance equipment in the apartment. There was a unison "Awwwwww…" from the girls as Remy bounced the baby; it was cut off promptly by his bastardized, arrogant baby talk.

"Wow, that guy's a jerk. I can't believe any woman even looks at him." Rogue said.

Wanda shrugged. "Maybe he wouldn't be so bad if we put him on mute."

John laughed. "Mags has been trying that for…"

Unable to finish his sentence due to excessive laughter, John turned his attention back to the television, where Remy was unknowingly enjoying a dinner with Cassie, still completely unaware of the train that was about to hit him.

"So, chere." Remy said as Cassie rubbed one of his legs with hers. "You are a very amazin' young woman. Any man would be lucky t'have you, dis Cajun included."

Their conversation was interrupted by a baby's cry, to which Remy responded by standing up. "No worries, Remy can handle this." Remy walked to the source of the noise, marveling at how women put out to men who liked their kids. "One…two…three." He counted the babies out loud and then noticed the first baby's cry had awakened one of the others, who was also screaming.

Five minutes later, all three were screaming and Remy was trying desperately to sing them to sleep, singing horribly in French. This, of course, had all of his friends and several of his enemies in stitches.

Cassie finally came in and quickly managed to get them all quiet, and was holding the last one when she apologetically smiled. "Having triplets can be so hard. Remy Jr. here is almost impossible sometimes."

Remy nodded, his eyes bulging from his head as Cassie babbled about something he hadn't quite processed yet.

"Wait…" He said. "What is dis guys name?" Remy asked, pointing to the baby in her arms.

"Remy Jr."

"EXCUSE MOI?"

Roars of laughter erupted at the Brotherhood.

"I named him after his father!" She said, gazing happily into his eyes. She put the baby down in the crib and put her arms around him. "You're going to be such a good daddy!"

Remy willed his shaking arm to mechanically lift and go around the woman. Cassie had a card, and, that meant he'd had sex with her. Good sex. "Y'sure they're mine?" Remy finally managed to squeak.

Cassie smiled widely and stared into his eyes. "You were my first. My only! I carried your babies, isn't that just the most romantic thing you've ever heard?"

"Huh? Oh, uh…" Remy stepped back and was about to escape through the window when he heard sobbing behind him. "Merde." He whispered under his breath. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't let himself walk away from the woman who he had undeniably ruined, forever. He agonizingly turned to face Cassie.

"I THOUGHT YOU LIKED BABIES!" She sobbed, covering her face. "If you didn't like babies, why didn't you use protection?" She said, her voice muffled by her hands. Stunned by the sudden guilt he felt, he went over to the crib, and peered at the three babies. Cassie sniffled. "The brownies!" She yelled, running back to the kitchen, leaving Remy alone with the triplets.

Remy very cautiously reached out with one finger and lightly touched on of them. "I am goin' t'kill myself."

After emptying his wallet, handing over two of his credit cards, and nearly blowing his own head off, Remy went home and showered. He felt bad about the way he responded to Cassie, and decided that he needed to apologize. And, he sort of wanted to see the babies again. Just to make sure they were his. And still cute, of course.

When he got to the apartment complex, he was shocked to find Pietro and Scott standing in the hallway.

"Alright, Remy had $450 in cash and two credit cards. We'll let Cassie keep the credit cards, and we split the cash two ways." Pietro said. Remy ducked behind a corner. "Oh man, Remy's response…priceless. And extortion on top of that!"

Remy let out a long sigh of relief, when he realized it was a gag, then his relief melted into pure wrath. "Dis not over." Remy said as he knocked on the door.

………………………………………………………

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

Next Chapter: Someone will break a limb, Nair will be spilt on Sabretooth, and Magneto will prank his favorite baldie.