Disclaimer: If I owned Final Fantasy VII, it would be very disturbing. In other words, I don't own it. That's a good thing.

Now time for the land where everyone is stereotypical and stereotypical is everyone! And cheese rules all!

Final Fantasy VII: Chronicles of Cheese

Insanely loud marching music which is identified as Barret's theme song is played, waking our spiky-headed hero.

"Guh, CHEESE!" he shouted, shaking his head. He headed upstairs on the magic arcade game, greeting his childhood friend.

"Hi, Cloud! Did you have good dreams?" she gushed.

"Uh-huh, except for when the flying green monkeys attacked my fort of pink lemonade and killed my dog," he lazily replied.

"Yup! That's never good!" Tifa said uneasily. "Well, uh, today I'm coming with you guys!"

"HEY, FOO'!" Barret yelled gruffly. "Show me how to use the freaking Cheeseria!"

Cloud gives a loud sigh of obvious disdain, saying, "Whatever. I'll try to teach you."

"What's that supposed to mean!" asked Barret in an angered manner, raising his gun arm.

"Chill, man," Cloud sighed.

Cloud explained all the sub-menu thingies, Barret looking at him as if he was speaking Swahili.

"Okay. And that's all there is to it. Simple, huh?" Cloud asked, not really expecting a reply.

"Damn, foo'!" Barret exclaimed. "I'm fuggin' clueless! Well, you handle the Cheeseria then!"

Cloud nodded in a monotonic manner.

The team then headed to the train, ladi dadi da.

"YO! Dis looks like it ain't no private car! Split up, fools!" Barret ordered.

A CheesRa manager spat some snarky remark, Barret retorting with, "You say somethin'? I said, you say somethin', foo'? It's empty alluva sudden. What's goin' on, foo'?"

"Damn!" cried the CheeseRa manager in a wimpy way. "It's be- because of g-guys like you!"

Barret, obviously short-tempered, smacked him. Really hard. No, really, there was an echo.

Blah blah blah, whatever, now they're jumping off the train! Wheeeee!

They all go a-hikin' in the Cheese reactor, and Cloudy boy has a little breakdown.

"You okay, Cloud?" Tifa asked worriedly.

"Cheeseroth..." he muttered. "I'm fine."

He sets the bomb majigger, actually being a super genius, and they FLY out of the reactor! Sadly, that's not how it happened. Cloud chitchats with the CheeseRa president, and then fights a giant Butt Bot!

Swiftly, the Butt Bot is destroyed, making a really big BOOM! I like booms!

But then Cloud falls down, down, down. Shame.

Some crack conversation appears on the screen, and Cloud awoke to a cheese girl!

"Hi! I'm Aeris! I'm twenty-two, female, and live with my mother!" she greeted.

"Uh... hi. I'm Cloud. I like potatoes," he replied. "Hey, what is this?" He mushed some cheese beneath his hands, Aeris giving a giggle.

"You landed in my cheese garden! It must have broken your fall," she said matter-of-factly.

"Uh, okay. Can I go now?" Cloud inquired.

And then, that Turk dude Reno appears! Dun dun DUN!

"Catch 'er!" he orders his CheeseRa troops.

Cloud and the cheese girl manage to escape, and end up having a tea party on the roof of the church.

"Why were they after you?" Cloud asked bluntly, a grouchy expression on his face.

"I don't know!" cried Aeris in an air-headed manner. "Maybe they want me in SOLDIER! Teehee!"

"Whatev," said Cloud. "Hey, let's mosey!"

Cloud hops like a bunny, Aeris gasping and wheezing for him to wait. She probably has asthma.

"Hurry up! Yanno, SOLDIER doesn't let asthmatics join!" Cloud said.

"How rude!" Aeris gasped.

She caught up, and asked, "Hey, Cloud! We're you ever in SOLDIER?"

Cloud gives her a weird look and replied, "...Yeah. How'd you know?"

"You're eyes. They're all glowy!" laughed Aeris.

"Are you calling me different?" Cloud sobbed.

"N, no!" Aeris apologizes.

"Psych," Cloud said, giving her a dork stamp no returns. "You're so gullible."

Aeris giggled.

They finally made it to Aeris' house, Aeris introducing Cloud as her bodyguard.

Elmyra gave an audible sigh, saying, "Not this again. The shrink said it was just a phase. Wasted five thousand gil, that's what I think..."

"Teehee! Mother's so silly. Where're you headin' next?" Aeris questioned.

"Uh... Sector 7, to Tifa's bar..." he answered.

"Oh. Is Tifa... a girl?" Aeris asked.

"Well, that's what she told me," he replied.

"A girl... friend?" Aeris inquired tentatively.

"Aren't you getting a little personal?" Cloud asked with a raised eyebrow. "We're mutual friends. We go way back."

"Okey dokey!" giggled Aeris gleefully. "I can take you to Sector 7, if you like!"

"Oh no you don't, Missy!" Elmyra cried from the bathroom. "It's almost nighttime. Your play buddy can spend the night, if it's okay with his parents."

"Yeah, listen to your mom," he said. "Besides, I don't need help from a girl..."

"That's it, pal! You, me, tomorrow morning!" said Aeris.

"Whatev," sighed Cloud.

Aeris bounded up the stairs, leaving Cloud with Elmyra who recently got out of the bathroom. Without washing her hands.

"Can you do me a favor?" Elmyra pleaded worriedly. "Can you leave tomorrow without Aeris?"

Cloud gave a slight shrug in response, also heading up the stairs. Elmyra sighed, saying, "Kids these days."

Cloud makes himself comfortable in his bed, falling asleep and having flashbacks.

"You've grown so much," a woman told a younger Cloud. "All that cheese must've really helped."

She gives a small smile, and continued. "I bet the girls never leave you alone."

"Not really," muttered Cloud uncomfortably.

"I'm worried about you. There are a lot of temptations in the city. I'd feel better if you settled down and had a nice girlfriend." Playing the mother's feelings trump card.

"I'm not interested," Cloud grumbled.

"Whoa! Cheese!" Cloud quietly shouted. "Ah... must've fallen asleep. Guess I'll leave now."

End chapter two. And remember, it's nice to review!