If you feel blue,
If you feel sad,
Depressed, upset,
Or even slightly mad,
You'll get a big lift,
'cause you're talking with,
The Depressed Ninja Tow Truck Man Who's Ignoring The Fact That These Are Kids And There's No Cars In Konoha Anyway
Rock Lee and the DNTTM are sitting in a tow truck driving along. Lee is covered in bandages and has a crutch with him, looking very down.
"Ees you all right."
Lee turns to his companion. "I'm okay, I guess." DNTTM says nothing. "Who am I kidding? Even Gai-sensei would see that I no longer have my youthful spirit.
"Heh, at leest you still have your youth. I don't even look like I have my youth. How old do I look?
"I don't know. 50?"
"I am 28."
"You are as young as your youthful spirit-"
"Let me tell you somet'ing. My youthful spirit left once I met my wife, 'olways. When I had kids my youthful spirit sent me a postcard. Eet said 'Having fun wit'out you. Glad you not here. Do not try to find me,' 'olways.
"But I can't do ninjutsu, or genjutsu, and the Hokage says that I might die if I have surgery. And I may not be able to use taijutsu like I used to. She says I may not be able to be a ninja anymore.
"At leest you had a chance to be a ninja. When I was three I said 'Papa, I want to be a ninja.' My papa said 'No. You too stupid to be a ninja, olways.'"
"Your dreams were crushed at such young age. That is sad, but it does not compare to the pain of being so close to your dream only to have it torn away."
"I weesh to Kami that someone would tear away my dreem. In my dreem I am sleeping in bed next to a hairy whale, and when I wake up I am still there. Olways."
"But at least you can still perform your dutiful services as a tow truck man in our beloved Konoha."
"Oh, please. Even if I were as bandaged as you I would still have to do my job."
"You would?"
"Yes. Because if I didn't my children would come in and kill me in my sleep. They say 'Papa if you do not bring us your money we will come into your room when you sleep, we tie you up, put bugs in your hair, and cut off your hel-la-hel-la-hel-laaa.'"
Lee cringed, but thought finally coming up with. "The girl of my dreams calls me 'Fuzzy Eyebrows.'"
"Heeeesh, at least that ees the only part of you dat ees hairy. When I take off my shirt peeple throw paint on me and say don't wear fir, olways."
"You can let me off here." The truck slows to a stop. "When I got in I was down that I may have to get surgery and never be a ninja again, but after talking to you I can say that at least I'm not a hairy truck driver with a bad wife, violent kids, and no youthful spirit. Good luck." Lee gives the good guy pose.
"Glad I could help, 'olways.
You don't feel blue
You don't feel sad
You don't feel depressed,
Or even slightly mad.
'Cause you had a chat
With an even sadder chap
The Depressed Ninja Tow Truck Man Who Ignored The Fact That These Were Kids And There Were No Cars In Konoha Anyway