Slumped almost lifelessly against a crumbling stone pillar atop the temple, Bastila Shan waited. Sunlight blazed down around her mercilessly, its heat punishing her body despite her shaded retreat. She lightly gripped her deactivated lightsabers, comforted by their weight and intimidating presence. She would use them, soon, and she would be victorious. But until her enemies arrived, she had only her thoughts to contend with.
And they were strangling her with each passing moment.
She pressed her cheek against the cool, smooth stone and stared blankly across the rooftop. She realized suddenly, a brief, fleeting thought intended only to take her mind onto other things, that if anyone should stumble upon her as she was now they'd think she was either dead or gravely ill. Her shoulders were drawn inwards, slumped, arms together, knuckles pressed into the weather-worn stone between her knees. One leg was extended, the other drawn up tightly, close enough to rest her forehead upon her knee. Awkward as her position was, she was content to remain completely still as she was.
Her entire body ached from the tortures she had endured not too long ago, but it was her torn heart and twisted mind that caused her the most pain. Revan was coming. She knew it, she felt it, and the mere idea of that man entering her vision caused her undue angst. How would he react when he saw her? More importantly, how would she react when she saw him again, face to face? She wasn't even sure what she was capable of doing right now.
When she closed her eyes, she saw him. She felt him. She remembered what it was like to be with him, that one night aboard the Ebon Hawk, the night she had immediately denounced as a mistake. But she knew, deep down inside, how much she wanted and needed him. She knew, deep down inside, how desperately she had run from him. But she was tired of running.
As much as she had struggled to rationalize, to put him out of her mind and to focus on what needed to be done, she couldn't stop herself from kissing him. She gave in, ceding this one little victory to her emotions, and when their lips touched, she knew her rationality was lost. It was as if she had been running in the dark her entire life and had grown overly confident that the ground she could not see beneath would continue to remain solid with every step she took. When she took her next step, however, the solidity she had taken for granted for so long was suddenly gone and, finding herself unable to stop in time, she fell.
And she fell hard.
Something came loose within her and she found herself kissing Revan hungrily, almost violently. He responded to this equally in turn, and the last remaining fragments of her rational mind screamed in dismay. If only he had rejected her. If only he had pushed her away, forced her to stop, forced her to collect herself, none of it would have happened. But she knew from the instant she touched him that he wanted it as badly as she did. Some part of her was nervous, worried that the others would see them and judge her cruelly, but that thought was torn asunder by the impact of their bodies as her hands, seemingly of their own accord, caught him by the front of his robes and pulled him forcefully to her.
In a gush of emotional heat, all her previous concepts of her duty, her responsibilities and her pride of independence were washed away. She suddenly felt very weak, very feminine, and when Revan took control she submitted herself willingly to his every whim. Everything that had happened to her on this journey, the loss of her father, her angry confrontation with her mother, the taunting of the other crew members, every battle fought and every blow she took, all of these escaped from the crushing grip of her mind and bore down upon her, stripping her of her armour and sapping her of her strength. She needed him now, physically, emotionally, psychologically; she needed to feel his strength, and felt a selfish desire to use him for it.
It was so… wonderful.
Her body convulsed at the mere thought of her ecstacy. She remembered every touch from his hands. She revelled in the warmth of him, the strength and power he exuded. She wanted him to dominate her but he was gentle, and in doing so left her more satisfied than she had ever been. In the span of that one night he had given her everything she thought she needed.
She had spent a long time afterwards just looking at him. Taking in his kind smile, and his eyes, glittering in the darkness. She was sitting on his waist, her hands planted on the bed at either side of his neck, the blankets hooked haphazardly over one of her shoulders. The longer she looked at him, the more her desire grew.
She knew she had to get away. He didn't stop her when she crawled off of him and put her clothes back on. He seemed to understand when she left the room without glancing back at him. Without a word. But if he knew all that, he didn't seem to realize how badly walking away from him had torn her.
She felt something unsettling stir within her and opened her eyes. They were coming, she knew. Juhani, Jolee, and Revan. Despite their imminent arrival, she didn't want to move, didn't want to get up. She wished with all her heart that they would just walk right by her, continuing on in their journey and leaving her in her deathly stillness. But it couldn't happen that way.
Soundlessly, she pushed herself upright, climbed to her feet, and positioned herself between the two pillars. Whether she wanted it or not, she had to be ready. This confrontation was inevitable.
She could hear Malak's commands screaming in her head.
There he was. Striding forth into the light, robes billowing out around him, double-bladed lightsaber activated. Jolee and Juhani flanked him to either side, but she scarcely afforded them even a glance. As she watched Revan approach, something within her twisted violently and she faltered for a moment.
She silently begged him to stop, to turn around and go back. Unknowing or uncaring of her plight, he continued to approach, though his lightsaber now remained at his side.
Her whole world crumbled around her. All she could see was Revan, his power, his fury, and whatever remained of his love for her hidden deeply beneath an impassive and unreadable mask.
This was it. It was time.
With graceful skill, she activated her dual lightsabers.
And her heart shattered.